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Old 10-19-2005, 03:57 PM   #226
lapietra
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little dubya had a watch

he swallowed it one day

and so he took some Ex-lax

to pass the time away

the Ex-lax refused to work

the time refused to pass

so if you want to know the time...


























just ask dubya.
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Old 10-26-2005, 06:06 PM   #227
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My alltime favorite has always been:

"Time flies like an arrow........ fruit flies like a banana"
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Old 10-28-2005, 05:51 PM   #228
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Did you hear about the psychic midget who escaped from prison?






































They're looking for a small medium at large!

I ilke this game! This is fun
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Old 10-28-2005, 09:42 PM   #229
priceyfatprude
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dinzdale
Okay more....


Did you hear about the architect who had his house made backwards so he could watch television?
I dont get it.
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Old 10-28-2005, 10:23 PM   #230
ambo
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A horse walked into a bar.
The bartender said "Why the long face ?"
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Old 10-29-2005, 08:30 AM   #231
Marcus Bales
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A termite walked into a saloon and asked "Where is the bar tender?"
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Old 10-30-2005, 02:41 PM   #232
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whats white and can't climb trees?


a fridge
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Spreading joy like peanut butter on the toast slice of life...
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Old 10-31-2005, 12:07 PM   #233
dinzdale
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dinzdale
Did you hear about the architect who had his house made backwards so he could watch television?
Ok, just for Pricey (and the slow), try saying it out loud with the emphasis on "house maid"....
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Old 11-02-2005, 04:00 PM   #234
dddrum
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Talking Stop me after you've heard this!

This guy is trying to obtain or achieve something, but is unable to do so. He asks a close friend for advice. The friend refers him to an expert practitioner in the field of whatever the guy is attempting. This expert tells him to do something very crude, embarrassing, sexual or scatological, and seemingly unrelated to the thing the guy is trying to do or get. The guy is incredulous. The maven says well, do you or don't you want the desired result? Of course I do, says the guy, so he goes and does the embarrassing thing, but without success. Angrily, the guy returns to the pro and excoriates him vigorously for wasting his time, and humiliating him in the bargain. Puzzled, the expert quizzes him on his technique. Did he include one particularly appalling aspect or variation of the crude and embarrassing act? Well, of course not, snaps the guy. Well there you go, shrugs the wise man. You gotta do that. Steeling himself, the guy performs the humiliating behavior to the letter. To his chagrin, frustration, and mounting outrage, he fails yet again to attain his goal. He returns to the expert, blood in his eye. "I STILL COULD NOT DO/GET IT!" he shouts, delineating one final time the stated object of his intent. Apparently confused, the practitioner repeats the man's words, as though unsure he has heard them correctly. "Yes!" the guy yells. Sheepishly, the professional confesses that he misheard the guy, and thought that he had said something that sounds a bit like what he actually said, but is in fact:
a.) quite different
b.) completely congruent with his bizarre instructions, and
c.) on the grand scale of sexual or scatalogical behavior, almost unbearably crude and embarrassing.



It gets 'em every time!
DDD
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...or words to that effect.

Last edited by dddrum : 11-02-2005 at 04:04 PM. Reason: Tryin' to punch it up a bit...
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Old 11-02-2005, 04:25 PM   #235
Hyakujo's Fox
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Q: How many people belonging to a certain group does it take to perform a particular menial activity?

A: One to perform the activity, and the rest to behave in a manner stereotypical of their group!
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Old 11-02-2005, 11:48 PM   #236
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The Boss was in quandary. He had to lay somebody off. He had it narrowed down to one of two people, Linda or Jack.

It was an impossible decision, they were both super workers. Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would lay off the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.

Linda came in the next morning with a horrible hang-over after partying all night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin.

The Boss approached her and said: "Linda, I've never done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack off."

"Could you jack off?" she says. "I feel like crap."
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Old 11-10-2005, 02:00 PM   #237
dinzdale
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A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
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Old 11-10-2005, 02:01 PM   #238
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Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round."
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Old 11-10-2005, 02:03 PM   #239
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A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in several places" The doctor said, "Well don't go there anymore"
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Old 11-10-2005, 02:03 PM   #240
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So I was getting into my car, and this woman says to me "Can you give me a lift?"
I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'
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