Crackpot Theories

[Coffee]

Become an official member of a nationally recognised astronomy society. This will avoid confusion when confronted by several burly officers of the Thames Valley Police Peeping Tom Squad.

^^^So True.

Once you have identified a message board member's phobia, throw images of said phobia in their face when opportunities present themself. The phobic person will eventually thank you for helping them to confront and conquer their irrational fears.

[dinzdale]

"You never close your eyes, when we kiss anyomore" or so sang the Righteous Brothers. Well it seems to me that to know this, he would have had to peek too, which means they both are not as fantasticlly in love as they thought. It's probably best that they split up now as it will only deteriorate into squabbling and anger.

[zero]

the greengrocer in our village - charlie smithers and his wife are both brain-matter eating zombie vampire sex aliens

[dinzdale]

During a recent journey on a packed commuter train, I felt the urge to do a big, rip-snorting stinky fart, but I was too embarrassed to let rip, so I fell asleep. When I awoke ten minutes later, the urge to fart had gone!
I have since tried this 'falling asleep' method of flatulence cure in the library and the theatre, and it works every time. Don't ask me how, but it does.
Amazing or what?

[craig johnston]

^^^^
have you tried it while driving? maybe the permanent cure.

[Frieda]

the bus/tram/train will arrive exactly 50 seconds after you light your cigarette

[madasacutsnake]

Originally Posted by Hyakujo's Fox

That's only those cheap asian airlines.

I'm on your ignore list, remember.

[smellyrayzin]

the '5 second rule' actually exists.

[Smartypants]

Originally Posted by Frieda

the bus/tram/train will arrive exactly 50 seconds after you light your cigarette

Now wait a second. That's no crackpot theory! Have you noticed how much longer it takes for trains to arrive since they banned smoking on subway platforms?

[Max Headroom]

Any problem in a car can be fixed with a louder stereo.

[Coffee]

Taking your auto out of gear at a stop light will make the light change faster.

Its true...often it changes right after you let up on the clutch.

[Gatsby]

Eating nothing but meat is a healthy, logical way to lose weight.

Outlawing abortion so that they become unregulated and illegal will contribute positively to women's healthcare and general well-being.

Providing free health care to Iraqis is good international policy, but providing free health care to Americans is socialism.

Opening your mouth while applying mascara makes the process easier.

Birth control is a mere nicety that a woman has the option of using, but Viagra is essential to curing a problematic medical condition and thus should be covered by all insurance.

The best way to convince a group of people, who think you are soul-less infidels, to stop attacking you, is to attack them with bigger, better weapons.

If we allow gay parents to adopt, they will turn their adopted children gay, too.

[lvlycwgirl]

Originally Posted by Gatsby

Opening your mouth while applying mascara makes the process easier.
.

That doesn't work?

[joppa.gal]

If you wonder about some-one on an internet message board they will magically appear.

eta has the wedding happened yet?

Nope, two months to go, July 30th.

http://weddings.theknot.com/pwp/view...43829246703125

I don't know if I posted that yet.

*Crackpot Theory* If you let your parents pay for the wedding, they will still let you make your own decisions on elements for the wedding.

[craig johnston]

having a formal, bridesmaids, 300 guests, suits and buttonholes type
wedding is fun for the bride and groom.