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Old 05-05-2004, 06:29 AM   #16
weissenflatz
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Lt. Steven Hauk: Sir, the man has got an irreverent tendency. He did a very off-color parody of former VP Nixon.
General: I thought it was hilarious.
Lt. Steven Hauk: Respectfully, sir, the former VP is a good man and a decent man.
General: Bullshit! I know Nixon personally. He lugs a trainload of shit behind him that could fertilize the Sinai. Why, I wouldn't buy an apple from the son of a bitch and I consider him a good, close, personal friend.

Good morning Vietnam
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Old 05-05-2004, 06:59 AM   #17
priceyfatprude
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Celsius: Chewing gum helps me think.
Albert: Sweetie, you're wasting your gum!


Albert Goldman: Whatever I am, he made me! I was adorable once, young and full of hope. And now look at me! I'm this short, fat, insecure, middle-aged THING!
Armand: I made you short?


Albert: Maybe it is too much to introduce me as his mother on the first visit. Could you tell him I was a relative who dropped in? Val's uncle, Uncle Al!
Armand: Oh, what's the point? You'd be Val's gay Uncle Al.
Albert: You're obviously not a cultural whatever-it-is. You've never been to a museum, and you eat like a pig.
Armand: Albert, these people are right-wing conservatives. They don't care if you're a pig, they just care if you're a fag!


Armand: Is Albert here?
Agador: No.
Armand: Great. Then he's driving back from Miami at 20 miles an hour with the parking brake on. I had to take the ****ing bus.


Armand: [to Agador] Pull yourself together! Because you have to cook dinner. I have to go find Albert.
[Exits]
Val: You... can *cook*, right?
Agador: Your father seems to think so...


--The Birdcage
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Old 05-05-2004, 07:13 AM   #18
priceyfatprude
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If yu're right wing or hate the gays, look away from this post

Brian: What are you doing?
Justin: Giving my friend Daphne a tour of your house.
Brian: This isn't the White House. George Washington hasn't slept here.
Justin: He's the only guy who hasn't.


Emmett: It's pathetic. My screen name has more fun than I do.


Ted: I think God appreciates it even more. Because he created you in his image. At least that's what I was always taught. And since God is love and God doesn't make mistakes, then you must be exactly the way he wants you to be. And that goes for every person, every planet, every mountain, every grain of sand, every song, every tear... and every faggot. We're all his, Emmett. He loves us all.



Michael: Have you ever been on a date?
Brian: One. I ended up ****ing the waiter.


Justin: [to his father] If you wanna hit me go right ahead. Because I'm not gonna cry like some little faggot. And if you wanna send me off to boarding school that's fine too. Because I bet more butt ****ing goes on in boarding schools than in the back room of Babylon. But whatever you do, it doesn't matter. Because I'll still be your queer son.


Ted: I took viagra last night. It's been 18 hours and it won't go down. What am I going to do?
Emmett: Have you tried soaking it?
Lindsay: How about a cold shower?
Brian: How about scaring it?
Justin: That's hiccups.
Brian: Boo.
Ted: Thank you all for caring.
Melanie: What about something that would completely turn you off?
Brian: That's a great idea, why don't you two show him your tits


--Queer As Folk
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Old 05-05-2004, 07:25 AM   #19
laughingbuddha
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Dole Office Clerk: Occupation?
Comicus: Stand up philosopher.
Dole Office Clerk: What?
Comicus: Stand up philosopher. I coalesce the vapors of human existence into a viable and meaningful comprehension.
Dole Office Clerk: Oh, a BULLSHIT artist!


Marcus Vindictus: What bait must I use to catch your love? I am your servant.
Empress Nympho: Ah, but the servant waits, while the master baits.


-- History of the World: Part I (1981)
aka "Mel Brooks' History of the World: Part 1"

A must watch!
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Old 05-05-2004, 07:47 AM   #20
laughingbuddha
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Reality continues to ruin my life.

- Calvin
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Old 05-05-2004, 09:19 AM   #21
AllegroNg
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Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken.

-Fight Club

Concerned Parent: Is this some kind of fun house?!
Wonka: Why, are you having fun??
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Old 05-07-2004, 04:27 AM   #22
laughingbuddha
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Joey LaMotta: You win, you win. You lose, you still win.

-- Raging Bull
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Old 05-07-2004, 04:37 AM   #23
priceyfatprude
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Joey DOES NOT share FOOD!


You know what? I'm not even sorry!
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Old 05-07-2004, 04:50 AM   #24
Clytie
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"152 pock marks on his face!"
"152 ppl who think he looks like clark gable"
"152 ppl who think he looks like a clark bar!"
---
"why havent you met him...its because hes fat...hes a fattie"
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your star shaped heart
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bound by the rich red that runs coarsing
united we stand
stronger than before
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Old 05-07-2004, 11:02 AM   #25
lvlycwgirl
I have nothing to declare
 
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Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

--Will Rogers
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Old 05-19-2004, 12:07 AM   #26
Smartypants
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Especially wonderful now, given our current dilemma...

"My country is the world, and my religion is to do good."

Thomas Paine
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"I don't think God wants us to believe in him. If he wanted us to believe in him he'd do something about it -- like exist perhaps!" --Linda Smith
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Old 05-19-2004, 12:28 AM   #27
Will to Power
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OOOOGALLY BOOOOGALLY GOOOGALLY

-Me after 1890
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Old 05-19-2004, 11:12 AM   #28
laughingbuddha
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LUCIFER: Still. "Better to reign in hell, than serve in heaven." Eh, little brother-killer?

CAIN: Suh-certainly, Lord Lucifer. Whatever you say, Lord Lucifer.

LUCIFER: We didn't say it. Milton said it. And he was blind.
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Old 05-19-2004, 11:56 AM   #29
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What's the first rule of Fight Club?
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I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.
Groucho Marx
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Old 05-19-2004, 12:21 PM   #30
LadyCrow
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"I'm not miserable. I've just been in a very bad mood for forty years!" Shirley McClaine, "Steel Magnolias"

"I can envision the day when the brains of really intelligent men can be kept alive in the bodies of dumb people." Steve Martin

"We've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses."
"Hit it." John Belushi & Dan Akyroyd, "The Blues Brothers"
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Source: Texas vs. Johnson, 1989

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Whatever doesn't kill you simply makes you... stranger. - Heath Ledger
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