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Old 06-17-2005, 12:58 PM   #376
daverbee
Key Lime Pie rocks!!!
 
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So, like, there was this one time, OK??? Me and my friend were like, "Dude, whatta you wanna do?" And I was like, "I dunno, Dude, whatta you wanna do?"
And he was like, "I dunno, whatta you wanna do?"
And I said, "Hey, like, lets build a Time Machine and, like, go forward in time and I'll be, like, 55 years old and stuff, OK???"
And he was like, "Cool! Lets go for it, Dude!"
So we did and, like, here I am, OK?????
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Old 06-17-2005, 01:30 PM   #377
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International pop mega-star Madonna is indeed a Material Girl, since she is made entirely out of lycra.
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Old 06-17-2005, 08:46 PM   #378
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Katie Holmes has not been brainwashed by Tom Cruise; she truly lurvs him.
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Old 06-18-2005, 02:27 AM   #379
Brynn
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I once flushed a pound of bacon down a lecherous employer's toilet during a mandatory employee Christmas party at his house.
I also took an egg, pricked out a little hole, and hid it under his porch so in a couple of weeks he could start searching for "that really funky smell."
Then I was ashamed of myself and felt badly, and started confessing that I really did that to someone on a message board, where thousands eventually saw it and thought to themselves, "Hmmm. Not a bad idea."
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Old 06-18-2005, 10:09 PM   #380
daverbee
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Once again, Brynn, this is the Telling Lies thread. Keep that in mind in the future...
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Old 06-19-2005, 05:40 AM   #381
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hyakujo's Fox
I once had a job as a strongman at the circus. One day before the show I was chatting with Mr Bernado, the lion tamer, and I asked him how he was able to stick his head into the lions' mouths without being bitten. He seemed puzzled for a while and mumbled that he couldn't say. That very night, Gopaja, the old lioness, took his life.

I had an affair with Mr. Bernado and recieved everything in his will.
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Old 06-30-2005, 08:46 AM   #382
craig johnston
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so anyway, the barracuda did this big burp and we were all expelled out into the sea again and then we floated to the top and i was picked up by a seabird, i think it was a sea eagle or something, i didn't really have a chance to ask, and i'm not sure of the correct etiquette in such situations. then we were over the land and the bird accidentally let me drop and i landed on the earth and turned back into a human and then i caught a bus home and here i am.
that's all true!
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Old 06-30-2005, 08:53 AM   #383
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^exemplary lie-telling there craigieboy
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Old 07-06-2005, 11:02 PM   #384
craig johnston
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you didn't like it?



well, it wasn't true anyway.
actually, some aliens came and swooshed down in their flying teacup
and picked up that barracuda and took it to saturn for testing and
when they cut it open we all jumped out and said 'boo!' and the aliens
were really impressed so they made me, like, king of the aliens and now
i get to fly around the universe in my own spaceship while being pleasured
by alien mermaids.
it's really cool.
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Old 07-07-2005, 03:13 PM   #385
daverbee
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^^^
You are our King Liar, Craig!
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Old 07-24-2005, 05:03 AM   #386
craig johnston
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sorry for the lack of updates.
this 'king of the aliens' job isn't always as glamourous as it may seem.
you should see the paperwork!


anyway, i've just discovered this huge lake of intergalactic space juice
on alpha centuraii. great stuff, i can only recommend its healing powers
(and no hangover!). i'm doing a deal with nimbo where she gets rights to
market it on planet earth. she will become very rich and influential and
people will treat her with mucho respect, added to which she will be able to
take the occasional nip herself.
here's to business success for nimble marmoset!
any ideas for ad slogans would be most gratefully recieved.
uh oh, my mermaids call, what? another night of intersellar sex?!
oh well, duty calls.......
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Old 06-30-2006, 11:28 AM   #387
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I sat next to KT Tunstall at a wedding on Saturday, in Jevington.

She was lovely.
She was wearing a sparkly blue dress.
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Old 06-30-2006, 12:22 PM   #388
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BULL

“I thought you said that bull was shy,”
My uncle said as he and I
Stopped walking out in mid-July
And leaned on his neighbor’s fence.
“He was,” the neighbor said. “Ain’t now;
Not so’s you’d notice, anyhow.”
And its appetite for a brindle cow
Seemed, like the bull, immense.

My uncle asked him,“What’d you do?”
The neighbor paused a decade or two,
Then, “Wrote to Agricultural U,”
We watched the bull perform.
At last, my uncle: “What’d they say?”
“Asked for a sample.” I thought the way
These two were going it’d take all day
To agree July was warm.

“They sent some serum. I gave him a shot.”
He finally said. “You see what I got.”
We watched the scene the serum wrought
Like bovine sex were new.
The bull seemed willing to give his all,
To young or old, to short or tall,
Their udders big, mid-size, or small,
An indiscriminate view.

I fidgeted, thought I'd be dead
Of boredom before my uncle said
“What was in it?” and shook his head
And gave my arm a shake
Because while hot and under-awed
I’d found an anthill to maraud
And restlessly had kicked a clod
Just to see it break.

He answered before the thought of sweat
And how it splashed on dust could get
Its grip on me, to my regret.
“Well, I don’t rightly know.”
We watched the scene the serum caused
Through air the heat had lightly gauzed,
And waited. And waited. He spat, and paused,
Then, "Tasted like licorice, though.”
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Old 06-30-2006, 07:22 PM   #389
trisherina
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jasmina
I sat next to KT Tunstall at a wedding on Saturday, in Jevington.

She was lovely.
She was wearing a sparkly blue dress.
Did you have an irrepressible urge to turn to her and say, "Whoo hooo..."??
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Old 07-01-2006, 11:11 AM   #390
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^^She was at some wedding where a big black horse was getting married to some lady. Very exclusive wedding.
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