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Old 03-26-2003, 03:10 PM   #16
lapietra
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Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: just ducky
Posts: 12,078
August 19th, 1988. "Yesterday seemed to slip by without notice. today I barely remember getting up. I am getting this swelling notion that someday I will need to change. Had the process dream again last night.

August 22, 1988. "Ran into M. She said I looked like shit. I looked into the mirror in the cafe and hardly recognized myself. Waves of nauseau washed over me."

August 23, 1988. "walked to the corner today to get some coffee, an older man was digging in the dumpster for food. His wife was standing next to him staring at me. I remembered how much I miss being missed."

August 27, 1988. "I didn't sleep at all last night. She came over around 1 o'clock, drunk, to remind me how I ****ed it all up. Then she left.

August 31, 1988: "Seemed to have lost the last couple of days. I remember seeing her that night. I remember the fight. Then it all went black. So black. A bottomless pit. My answering machine light is flashing. Afraid to listen to it."

September 2, 1988: "September. A new month, a new bottle, a new perspective. ***k her. ***k this, I'm out here. I'll show her my "inabilty to identify emotion" I mean what a stupid message. Dumb whore."

September 3, 1988: Who would have guessed that moving out of the city would be such a bitch! Now I'm stuck here with all this crap, and I can't even afford to go to the bar anymore. Maybe I'll call her.

September 4, 1988: "Again the dream. But clearer. The process is the same but this time I'm able to see. The light was different. My hand is put into a vice and squeezed. A man, a doctor I think takes my arm, his back is to my face and he is blocking my vision but I crane my neck. He's using an exacto knife. the nice ones with the rubberized grips"

Sept. 6, 1988: "This new town sucks. The radio station keeps playing that freakin' Bobby McFerrin tune "Don't worry, be happy." I don't give a SHIT if it is the number one song on the charts, I swear to God I'm going to go down to the station and throttle the DJ. ... There is sadly abso-fvcking-lutely nothing to be happy about right now. I did buy some acid wash jeans though. They're cool. Good investment."

Sept. 7, 1988: "My life has hit a new low without her. Spent the day watching horrible daytime T.V.. I swear one of the contestants on "The Price is Right" looked just like her. She was in my dreams last night. Not the usual, this time it was in black and white, and scratchy, like an old movie. I actually watched an entire episode of Santa Barbara today....life is sad. At least Mason and Julia kissed."

Sept. 10, 1988: "Went to the only bar in this godforsaken shithole of a suburb last night. Called her, drunk, from the payphone in the bar. She wasn't home, I got the drone of her answering machine. Not sure what I said, but at least she couldn't yell at me. I drank more and took the waitress home. She called me back this morning. She knew I wasn't alone."

Sept. 11, 1988: "I wish I could remember the name of that waitress. I need to pay more attention some times. I'll just go get her tonight, if she hasn't given herself to some other slob by the time I get there. I haven't heard from her today. I wonder if I should worry so much about that. Why should she get so much of my time, when I get so little of her's?"

Sept. 16, 1988: "Finally, a job. Never taken a picture professional and I'm in the new photography position at the Weekly. I get paid to get people's names and take pictures of town hall meetings. Doesn't that beat all? At least I'm not home. She's stopped calling."

Sept. 17, 1988: "Man there are some ugly people in this town! I walked around all day and didn't see any bangs over 4 inches tall. And like whats with these town meetings? I haven't seen so many donuts dissappear so quickly since the shop back home burned down. Good thing I screwed up the developing on those shots of the mayors wife. Well onward and upward."

Sept. 18, 1988: "Was solicited by a Hari Krishna today. It struck me how odd it is that I believe in nothing strongly enough to stand in public draped in a sheet preaching to all that happen my way."

Sept. 19, 1988: "The army is coming. I see them behind corners. They disappear as quickly as they appear. People just don't see."

Sept. 22, 1988: "I've gotta stop with the medicine. I think it's making me crazier than before. WHY WHY WHY won't she call me back or open the door?"

April. 3, 1989: "Thought I'd start this up again. Almost threw this away. Man, that was some fvcked up sh*t. Need to remind myself. The doctors say it's good to keep a journal.
Woke up here about a week after that last entry - somebody found me - good thing, I guess. Didn't think so at first. Heh... nobody told me they took all the toxins out of gas... should have taken the pills. No - I'm glad I'm here. They say I'll be out soon. I don't know if I want to go."
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Old 03-26-2003, 07:53 PM   #17
sybil
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: boston
Posts: 78
August 19th, 1988. "Yesterday seemed to slip by without notice. today I barely remember getting up. I am getting this swelling notion that someday I will need to change. Had the process dream again last night.

August 22, 1988. "Ran into M. She said I looked like shit. I looked into the mirror in the cafe and hardly recognized myself. Waves of nauseau washed over me."

August 23, 1988. "walked to the corner today to get some coffee, an older man was digging in the dumpster for food. His wife was standing next to him staring at me. I remembered how much I miss being missed."

August 27, 1988. "I didn't sleep at all last night. She came over around 1 o'clock, drunk, to remind me how I ****ed it all up. Then she left.

August 31, 1988: "Seemed to have lost the last couple of days. I remember seeing her that night. I remember the fight. Then it all went black. So black. A bottomless pit. My answering machine light is flashing. Afraid to listen to it."

September 2, 1988: "September. A new month, a new bottle, a new perspective. ***k her. ***k this, I'm out here. I'll show her my "inabilty to identify emotion" I mean what a stupid message. Dumb whore."

September 3, 1988: Who would have guessed that moving out of the city would be such a bitch! Now I'm stuck here with all this crap, and I can't even afford to go to the bar anymore. Maybe I'll call her.

September 4, 1988: "Again the dream. But clearer. The process is the same but this time I'm able to see. The light was different. My hand is put into a vice and squeezed. A man, a doctor I think takes my arm, his back is to my face and he is blocking my vision but I crane my neck. He's using an exacto knife. the nice ones with the rubberized grips"

Sept. 6, 1988: "This new town sucks. The radio station keeps playing that freakin' Bobby McFerrin tune "Don't worry, be happy." I don't give a SHIT if it is the number one song on the charts, I swear to God I'm going to go down to the station and throttle the DJ. ... There is sadly abso-fvcking-lutely nothing to be happy about right now. I did buy some acid wash jeans though. They're cool. Good investment."

Sept. 7, 1988: "My life has hit a new low without her. Spent the day watching horrible daytime T.V.. I swear one of the contestants on "The Price is Right" looked just like her. She was in my dreams last night. Not the usual, this time it was in black and white, and scratchy, like an old movie. I actually watched an entire episode of Santa Barbara today....life is sad. At least Mason and Julia kissed."

Sept. 10, 1988: "Went to the only bar in this godforsaken shithole of a suburb last night. Called her, drunk, from the payphone in the bar. She wasn't home, I got the drone of her answering machine. Not sure what I said, but at least she couldn't yell at me. I drank more and took the waitress home. She called me back this morning. She knew I wasn't alone."

Sept. 11, 1988: "I wish I could remember the name of that waitress. I need to pay more attention some times. I'll just go get her tonight, if she hasn't given herself to some other slob by the time I get there. I haven't heard from her today. I wonder if I should worry so much about that. Why should she get so much of my time, when I get so little of her's?"

Sept. 16, 1988: "Finally, a job. Never taken a picture professional and I'm in the new photography position at the Weekly. I get paid to get people's names and take pictures of town hall meetings. Doesn't that beat all? At least I'm not home. She's stopped calling."

Sept. 17, 1988: "Man there are some ugly people in this town! I walked around all day and didn't see any bangs over 4 inches tall. And like whats with these town meetings? I haven't seen so many donuts dissappear so quickly since the shop back home burned down. Good thing I screwed up the developing on those shots of the mayors wife. Well onward and upward."

Sept. 18, 1988: "Was solicited by a Hari Krishna today. It struck me how odd it is that I believe in nothing strongly enough to stand in public draped in a sheet preaching to all that happen my way."

Sept. 19, 1988: "The army is coming. I see them behind corners. They disappear as quickly as they appear. People just don't see."

Sept. 22, 1988: "I've gotta stop with the medicine. I think it's making me crazier than before. WHY WHY WHY won't she call me back or open the door?"

April. 3, 1989: "Thought I'd start this up again. Almost threw this away. Man, that was some fvcked up sh*t. Need to remind myself. The doctors say it's good to keep a journal.
Woke up here about a week after that last entry - somebody found me - good thing, I guess. Didn't think so at first. Heh... nobody told me they took all the toxins out of gas... should have taken the pills. No - I'm glad I'm here. They say I'll be out soon. I don't know if I want to go."

April 12, 1989: "Today I met the most magnificent woman ever. She's new. So, she's escorted in. in restraints! she apparently put up quite a fight, the orderly had a huge scratch on his left cheek and his nose was bleeding. her eyes glowed. her lipstick was half off her lips and half on her cheek. she smiled. she had some on her teeth too. "
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Old 03-28-2003, 04:03 PM   #18
lapietra
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Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: just ducky
Posts: 12,078
August 19th, 1988. "Yesterday seemed to slip by without notice. today I barely remember getting up. I am getting this swelling notion that someday I will need to change. Had the process dream again last night.

August 22, 1988. "Ran into M. She said I looked like shit. I looked into the mirror in the cafe and hardly recognized myself. Waves of nauseau washed over me."

August 23, 1988. "walked to the corner today to get some coffee, an older man was digging in the dumpster for food. His wife was standing next to him staring at me. I remembered how much I miss being missed."

August 27, 1988. "I didn't sleep at all last night. She came over around 1 o'clock, drunk, to remind me how I ****ed it all up. Then she left.

August 31, 1988: "Seemed to have lost the last couple of days. I remember seeing her that night. I remember the fight. Then it all went black. So black. A bottomless pit. My answering machine light is flashing. Afraid to listen to it."

September 2, 1988: "September. A new month, a new bottle, a new perspective. ***k her. ***k this, I'm out here. I'll show her my "inabilty to identify emotion" I mean what a stupid message. Dumb whore."

September 3, 1988: Who would have guessed that moving out of the city would be such a bitch! Now I'm stuck here with all this crap, and I can't even afford to go to the bar anymore. Maybe I'll call her.

September 4, 1988: "Again the dream. But clearer. The process is the same but this time I'm able to see. The light was different. My hand is put into a vice and squeezed. A man, a doctor I think takes my arm, his back is to my face and he is blocking my vision but I crane my neck. He's using an exacto knife. the nice ones with the rubberized grips"

Sept. 6, 1988: "This new town sucks. The radio station keeps playing that freakin' Bobby McFerrin tune "Don't worry, be happy." I don't give a SHIT if it is the number one song on the charts, I swear to God I'm going to go down to the station and throttle the DJ. ... There is sadly abso-fvcking-lutely nothing to be happy about right now. I did buy some acid wash jeans though. They're cool. Good investment."

Sept. 7, 1988: "My life has hit a new low without her. Spent the day watching horrible daytime T.V.. I swear one of the contestants on "The Price is Right" looked just like her. She was in my dreams last night. Not the usual, this time it was in black and white, and scratchy, like an old movie. I actually watched an entire episode of Santa Barbara today....life is sad. At least Mason and Julia kissed."

Sept. 10, 1988: "Went to the only bar in this godforsaken shithole of a suburb last night. Called her, drunk, from the payphone in the bar. She wasn't home, I got the drone of her answering machine. Not sure what I said, but at least she couldn't yell at me. I drank more and took the waitress home. She called me back this morning. She knew I wasn't alone."

Sept. 11, 1988: "I wish I could remember the name of that waitress. I need to pay more attention some times. I'll just go get her tonight, if she hasn't given herself to some other slob by the time I get there. I haven't heard from her today. I wonder if I should worry so much about that. Why should she get so much of my time, when I get so little of her's?"

Sept. 16, 1988: "Finally, a job. Never taken a picture professional and I'm in the new photography position at the Weekly. I get paid to get people's names and take pictures of town hall meetings. Doesn't that beat all? At least I'm not home. She's stopped calling."

Sept. 17, 1988: "Man there are some ugly people in this town! I walked around all day and didn't see any bangs over 4 inches tall. And like whats with these town meetings? I haven't seen so many donuts dissappear so quickly since the shop back home burned down. Good thing I screwed up the developing on those shots of the mayors wife. Well onward and upward."

Sept. 18, 1988: "Was solicited by a Hari Krishna today. It struck me how odd it is that I believe in nothing strongly enough to stand in public draped in a sheet preaching to all that happen my way."

Sept. 19, 1988: "The army is coming. I see them behind corners. They disappear as quickly as they appear. People just don't see."

Sept. 22, 1988: "I've gotta stop with the medicine. I think it's making me crazier than before. WHY WHY WHY won't she call me back or open the door?"

April. 3, 1989: "Thought I'd start this up again. Almost threw this away. Man, that was some fvcked up sh*t. Need to remind myself. The doctors say it's good to keep a journal.
Woke up here about a week after that last entry - somebody found me - good thing, I guess. Didn't think so at first. Heh... nobody told me they took all the toxins out of gas... should have taken the pills. No - I'm glad I'm here. They say I'll be out soon. I don't know if I want to go."

April 12, 1989: "Today I met the most magnificent woman ever. She's new. So, she's escorted in. in restraints! she apparently put up quite a fight, the orderly had a huge scratch on his left cheek and his nose was bleeding. her eyes glowed. her lipstick was half off her lips and half on her cheek. she smiled. she had some on her teeth too. "

April 15, 1989: "Sat by her at lunch. She growled at me.
God, I want her."
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Old 03-28-2003, 04:41 PM   #19
sybil
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: boston
Posts: 78
August 19th, 1988. "Yesterday seemed to slip by without notice. today I barely remember getting up. I am getting this swelling notion that someday I will need to change. Had the process dream again last night.

August 22, 1988. "Ran into M. She said I looked like shit. I looked into the mirror in the cafe and hardly recognized myself. Waves of nauseau washed over me."

August 23, 1988. "walked to the corner today to get some coffee, an older man was digging in the dumpster for food. His wife was standing next to him staring at me. I remembered how much I miss being missed."

August 27, 1988. "I didn't sleep at all last night. She came over around 1 o'clock, drunk, to remind me how I ****ed it all up. Then she left.

August 31, 1988: "Seemed to have lost the last couple of days. I remember seeing her that night. I remember the fight. Then it all went black. So black. A bottomless pit. My answering machine light is flashing. Afraid to listen to it."

September 2, 1988: "September. A new month, a new bottle, a new perspective. ***k her. ***k this, I'm out here. I'll show her my "inabilty to identify emotion" I mean what a stupid message. Dumb whore."

September 3, 1988: Who would have guessed that moving out of the city would be such a bitch! Now I'm stuck here with all this crap, and I can't even afford to go to the bar anymore. Maybe I'll call her.

September 4, 1988: "Again the dream. But clearer. The process is the same but this time I'm able to see. The light was different. My hand is put into a vice and squeezed. A man, a doctor I think takes my arm, his back is to my face and he is blocking my vision but I crane my neck. He's using an exacto knife. the nice ones with the rubberized grips"

Sept. 6, 1988: "This new town sucks. The radio station keeps playing that freakin' Bobby McFerrin tune "Don't worry, be happy." I don't give a SHIT if it is the number one song on the charts, I swear to God I'm going to go down to the station and throttle the DJ. ... There is sadly abso-fvcking-lutely nothing to be happy about right now. I did buy some acid wash jeans though. They're cool. Good investment."

Sept. 7, 1988: "My life has hit a new low without her. Spent the day watching horrible daytime T.V.. I swear one of the contestants on "The Price is Right" looked just like her. She was in my dreams last night. Not the usual, this time it was in black and white, and scratchy, like an old movie. I actually watched an entire episode of Santa Barbara today....life is sad. At least Mason and Julia kissed."

Sept. 10, 1988: "Went to the only bar in this godforsaken shithole of a suburb last night. Called her, drunk, from the payphone in the bar. She wasn't home, I got the drone of her answering machine. Not sure what I said, but at least she couldn't yell at me. I drank more and took the waitress home. She called me back this morning. She knew I wasn't alone."

Sept. 11, 1988: "I wish I could remember the name of that waitress. I need to pay more attention some times. I'll just go get her tonight, if she hasn't given herself to some other slob by the time I get there. I haven't heard from her today. I wonder if I should worry so much about that. Why should she get so much of my time, when I get so little of her's?"

Sept. 16, 1988: "Finally, a job. Never taken a picture professional and I'm in the new photography position at the Weekly. I get paid to get people's names and take pictures of town hall meetings. Doesn't that beat all? At least I'm not home. She's stopped calling."

Sept. 17, 1988: "Man there are some ugly people in this town! I walked around all day and didn't see any bangs over 4 inches tall. And like whats with these town meetings? I haven't seen so many donuts dissappear so quickly since the shop back home burned down. Good thing I screwed up the developing on those shots of the mayors wife. Well onward and upward."

Sept. 18, 1988: "Was solicited by a Hari Krishna today. It struck me how odd it is that I believe in nothing strongly enough to stand in public draped in a sheet preaching to all that happen my way."

Sept. 19, 1988: "The army is coming. I see them behind corners. They disappear as quickly as they appear. People just don't see."

Sept. 22, 1988: "I've gotta stop with the medicine. I think it's making me crazier than before. WHY WHY WHY won't she call me back or open the door?"

April. 3, 1989: "Thought I'd start this up again. Almost threw this away. Man, that was some fvcked up sh*t. Need to remind myself. The doctors say it's good to keep a journal.
Woke up here about a week after that last entry - somebody found me - good thing, I guess. Didn't think so at first. Heh... nobody told me they took all the toxins out of gas... should have taken the pills. No - I'm glad I'm here. They say I'll be out soon. I don't know if I want to go."

April 12, 1989: "Today I met the most magnificent woman ever. She's new. So, she's escorted in. in restraints! she apparently put up quite a fight, the orderly had a huge scratch on his left cheek and his nose was bleeding. her eyes glowed. her lipstick was half off her lips and half on her cheek. she smiled. she had some on her teeth too. "

April 15, 1989: "Sat by her at lunch. She growled at me.
God, I want her."

April 22, 1989: "It's almost Good Friday, she told me. I'm not sure what that means, but I think it might mean she wants me to."
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Old 03-29-2003, 08:37 PM   #20
lapietra
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Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: just ducky
Posts: 12,078
August 19th, 1988. "Yesterday seemed to slip by without notice. today I barely remember getting up. I am getting this swelling notion that someday I will need to change. Had the process dream again last night.

August 22, 1988. "Ran into M. She said I looked like shit. I looked into the mirror in the cafe and hardly recognized myself. Waves of nauseau washed over me."

August 23, 1988. "walked to the corner today to get some coffee, an older man was digging in the dumpster for food. His wife was standing next to him staring at me. I remembered how much I miss being missed."

August 27, 1988. "I didn't sleep at all last night. She came over around 1 o'clock, drunk, to remind me how I ****ed it all up. Then she left.

August 31, 1988: "Seemed to have lost the last couple of days. I remember seeing her that night. I remember the fight. Then it all went black. So black. A bottomless pit. My answering machine light is flashing. Afraid to listen to it."

September 2, 1988: "September. A new month, a new bottle, a new perspective. ***k her. ***k this, I'm out here. I'll show her my "inabilty to identify emotion" I mean what a stupid message. Dumb whore."

September 3, 1988: Who would have guessed that moving out of the city would be such a bitch! Now I'm stuck here with all this crap, and I can't even afford to go to the bar anymore. Maybe I'll call her.

September 4, 1988: "Again the dream. But clearer. The process is the same but this time I'm able to see. The light was different. My hand is put into a vice and squeezed. A man, a doctor I think takes my arm, his back is to my face and he is blocking my vision but I crane my neck. He's using an exacto knife. the nice ones with the rubberized grips"

Sept. 6, 1988: "This new town sucks. The radio station keeps playing that freakin' Bobby McFerrin tune "Don't worry, be happy." I don't give a SHIT if it is the number one song on the charts, I swear to God I'm going to go down to the station and throttle the DJ. ... There is sadly abso-fvcking-lutely nothing to be happy about right now. I did buy some acid wash jeans though. They're cool. Good investment."

Sept. 7, 1988: "My life has hit a new low without her. Spent the day watching horrible daytime T.V.. I swear one of the contestants on "The Price is Right" looked just like her. She was in my dreams last night. Not the usual, this time it was in black and white, and scratchy, like an old movie. I actually watched an entire episode of Santa Barbara today....life is sad. At least Mason and Julia kissed."

Sept. 10, 1988: "Went to the only bar in this godforsaken shithole of a suburb last night. Called her, drunk, from the payphone in the bar. She wasn't home, I got the drone of her answering machine. Not sure what I said, but at least she couldn't yell at me. I drank more and took the waitress home. She called me back this morning. She knew I wasn't alone."

Sept. 11, 1988: "I wish I could remember the name of that waitress. I need to pay more attention some times. I'll just go get her tonight, if she hasn't given herself to some other slob by the time I get there. I haven't heard from her today. I wonder if I should worry so much about that. Why should she get so much of my time, when I get so little of her's?"

Sept. 16, 1988: "Finally, a job. Never taken a picture professional and I'm in the new photography position at the Weekly. I get paid to get people's names and take pictures of town hall meetings. Doesn't that beat all? At least I'm not home. She's stopped calling."

Sept. 17, 1988: "Man there are some ugly people in this town! I walked around all day and didn't see any bangs over 4 inches tall. And like whats with these town meetings? I haven't seen so many donuts dissappear so quickly since the shop back home burned down. Good thing I screwed up the developing on those shots of the mayors wife. Well onward and upward."

Sept. 18, 1988: "Was solicited by a Hari Krishna today. It struck me how odd it is that I believe in nothing strongly enough to stand in public draped in a sheet preaching to all that happen my way."

Sept. 19, 1988: "The army is coming. I see them behind corners. They disappear as quickly as they appear. People just don't see."

Sept. 22, 1988: "I've gotta stop with the medicine. I think it's making me crazier than before. WHY WHY WHY won't she call me back or open the door?"

April. 3, 1989: "Thought I'd start this up again. Almost threw this away. Man, that was some fvcked up sh*t. Need to remind myself. The doctors say it's good to keep a journal.
Woke up here about a week after that last entry - somebody found me - good thing, I guess. Didn't think so at first. Heh... nobody told me they took all the toxins out of gas... should have taken the pills. No - I'm glad I'm here. They say I'll be out soon. I don't know if I want to go."

April 12, 1989: "Today I met the most magnificent woman ever. She's new. So, she's escorted in. in restraints! she apparently put up quite a fight, the orderly had a huge scratch on his left cheek and his nose was bleeding. her eyes glowed. her lipstick was half off her lips and half on her cheek. she smiled. she had some on her teeth too. "

April 15, 1989: "Sat by her at lunch. She growled at me.
God, I want her."

April 22, 1989: "It's almost Good Friday, she told me. I'm not sure what that means, but I think it might mean she wants me to."

April 25, 1989: "Two more days. My God. I've dreamt about her every night. Still don't know. Some days she doesn't look at me. Today she sat with playing cards set up for solitaire and stared at them for a long time... When she saw me watching she picked one up and threw it at me with a look of confusion.
Her throat is so smooth and white. "
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Old 04-04-2003, 08:45 PM   #21
sybil
yeah.
 
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: boston
Posts: 78
August 19th, 1988. "Yesterday seemed to slip by without notice. today I barely remember getting up. I am getting this swelling notion that someday I will need to change. Had the process dream again last night.

August 22, 1988. "Ran into M. She said I looked like shit. I looked into the mirror in the cafe and hardly recognized myself. Waves of nauseau washed over me."

August 23, 1988. "walked to the corner today to get some coffee, an older man was digging in the dumpster for food. His wife was standing next to him staring at me. I remembered how much I miss being missed."

August 27, 1988. "I didn't sleep at all last night. She came over around 1 o'clock, drunk, to remind me how I ****ed it all up. Then she left.

August 31, 1988: "Seemed to have lost the last couple of days. I remember seeing her that night. I remember the fight. Then it all went black. So black. A bottomless pit. My answering machine light is flashing. Afraid to listen to it."

September 2, 1988: "September. A new month, a new bottle, a new perspective. ***k her. ***k this, I'm out here. I'll show her my "inabilty to identify emotion" I mean what a stupid message. Dumb whore."

September 3, 1988: Who would have guessed that moving out of the city would be such a bitch! Now I'm stuck here with all this crap, and I can't even afford to go to the bar anymore. Maybe I'll call her.

September 4, 1988: "Again the dream. But clearer. The process is the same but this time I'm able to see. The light was different. My hand is put into a vice and squeezed. A man, a doctor I think takes my arm, his back is to my face and he is blocking my vision but I crane my neck. He's using an exacto knife. the nice ones with the rubberized grips"

Sept. 6, 1988: "This new town sucks. The radio station keeps playing that freakin' Bobby McFerrin tune "Don't worry, be happy." I don't give a SHIT if it is the number one song on the charts, I swear to God I'm going to go down to the station and throttle the DJ. ... There is sadly abso-fvcking-lutely nothing to be happy about right now. I did buy some acid wash jeans though. They're cool. Good investment."

Sept. 7, 1988: "My life has hit a new low without her. Spent the day watching horrible daytime T.V.. I swear one of the contestants on "The Price is Right" looked just like her. She was in my dreams last night. Not the usual, this time it was in black and white, and scratchy, like an old movie. I actually watched an entire episode of Santa Barbara today....life is sad. At least Mason and Julia kissed."

Sept. 10, 1988: "Went to the only bar in this godforsaken shithole of a suburb last night. Called her, drunk, from the payphone in the bar. She wasn't home, I got the drone of her answering machine. Not sure what I said, but at least she couldn't yell at me. I drank more and took the waitress home. She called me back this morning. She knew I wasn't alone."

Sept. 11, 1988: "I wish I could remember the name of that waitress. I need to pay more attention some times. I'll just go get her tonight, if she hasn't given herself to some other slob by the time I get there. I haven't heard from her today. I wonder if I should worry so much about that. Why should she get so much of my time, when I get so little of her's?"

Sept. 16, 1988: "Finally, a job. Never taken a picture professional and I'm in the new photography position at the Weekly. I get paid to get people's names and take pictures of town hall meetings. Doesn't that beat all? At least I'm not home. She's stopped calling."

Sept. 17, 1988: "Man there are some ugly people in this town! I walked around all day and didn't see any bangs over 4 inches tall. And like whats with these town meetings? I haven't seen so many donuts dissappear so quickly since the shop back home burned down. Good thing I screwed up the developing on those shots of the mayors wife. Well onward and upward."

Sept. 18, 1988: "Was solicited by a Hari Krishna today. It struck me how odd it is that I believe in nothing strongly enough to stand in public draped in a sheet preaching to all that happen my way."

Sept. 19, 1988: "The army is coming. I see them behind corners. They disappear as quickly as they appear. People just don't see."

Sept. 22, 1988: "I've gotta stop with the medicine. I think it's making me crazier than before. WHY WHY WHY won't she call me back or open the door?"

April. 3, 1989: "Thought I'd start this up again. Almost threw this away. Man, that was some fvcked up sh*t. Need to remind myself. The doctors say it's good to keep a journal.
Woke up here about a week after that last entry - somebody found me - good thing, I guess. Didn't think so at first. Heh... nobody told me they took all the toxins out of gas... should have taken the pills. No - I'm glad I'm here. They say I'll be out soon. I don't know if I want to go."

April 12, 1989: "Today I met the most magnificent woman ever. She's new. So, she's escorted in. in restraints! she apparently put up quite a fight, the orderly had a huge scratch on his left cheek and his nose was bleeding. her eyes glowed. her lipstick was half off her lips and half on her cheek. she smiled. she had some on her teeth too. "

April 15, 1989: "Sat by her at lunch. She growled at me.
God, I want her."

April 22, 1989: "It's almost Good Friday, she told me. I'm not sure what that means, but I think it might mean she wants me to."

April 25, 1989: "Two more days. My God. I've dreamt about her every night. Still don't know. Some days she doesn't look at me. Today she sat with playing cards set up for solitaire and stared at them for a long time... When she saw me watching she picked one up and threw it at me with a look of confusion.
Her throat is so smooth and white. "

May 15, 1989: "I've just been released from the infirmary. It's strange having no thumb, I can't write very well at all. This sucks. We, Marla and I, fvcked in the service closet outside of the tv room 3 times. We were caught before the fourth time could even begin. I haven't seen Marla since. Oh. yeah, the thumb. Marla has a boyfriend.
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Old 04-04-2003, 10:40 PM   #22
lapietra
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Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: just ducky
Posts: 12,078
August 19th, 1988. "Yesterday seemed to slip by without notice. today I barely remember getting up. I am getting this swelling notion that someday I will need to change. Had the process dream again last night.

August 22, 1988. "Ran into M. She said I looked like shit. I looked into the mirror in the cafe and hardly recognized myself. Waves of nauseau washed over me."

August 23, 1988. "walked to the corner today to get some coffee, an older man was digging in the dumpster for food. His wife was standing next to him staring at me. I remembered how much I miss being missed."

August 27, 1988. "I didn't sleep at all last night. She came over around 1 o'clock, drunk, to remind me how I ****ed it all up. Then she left.

August 31, 1988: "Seemed to have lost the last couple of days. I remember seeing her that night. I remember the fight. Then it all went black. So black. A bottomless pit. My answering machine light is flashing. Afraid to listen to it."

September 2, 1988: "September. A new month, a new bottle, a new perspective. ***k her. ***k this, I'm out here. I'll show her my "inabilty to identify emotion" I mean what a stupid message. Dumb whore."

September 3, 1988: Who would have guessed that moving out of the city would be such a bitch! Now I'm stuck here with all this crap, and I can't even afford to go to the bar anymore. Maybe I'll call her.

September 4, 1988: "Again the dream. But clearer. The process is the same but this time I'm able to see. The light was different. My hand is put into a vice and squeezed. A man, a doctor I think takes my arm, his back is to my face and he is blocking my vision but I crane my neck. He's using an exacto knife. the nice ones with the rubberized grips"

Sept. 6, 1988: "This new town sucks. The radio station keeps playing that freakin' Bobby McFerrin tune "Don't worry, be happy." I don't give a SHIT if it is the number one song on the charts, I swear to God I'm going to go down to the station and throttle the DJ. ... There is sadly abso-fvcking-lutely nothing to be happy about right now. I did buy some acid wash jeans though. They're cool. Good investment."

Sept. 7, 1988: "My life has hit a new low without her. Spent the day watching horrible daytime T.V.. I swear one of the contestants on "The Price is Right" looked just like her. She was in my dreams last night. Not the usual, this time it was in black and white, and scratchy, like an old movie. I actually watched an entire episode of Santa Barbara today....life is sad. At least Mason and Julia kissed."

Sept. 10, 1988: "Went to the only bar in this godforsaken shithole of a suburb last night. Called her, drunk, from the payphone in the bar. She wasn't home, I got the drone of her answering machine. Not sure what I said, but at least she couldn't yell at me. I drank more and took the waitress home. She called me back this morning. She knew I wasn't alone."

Sept. 11, 1988: "I wish I could remember the name of that waitress. I need to pay more attention some times. I'll just go get her tonight, if she hasn't given herself to some other slob by the time I get there. I haven't heard from her today. I wonder if I should worry so much about that. Why should she get so much of my time, when I get so little of her's?"

Sept. 16, 1988: "Finally, a job. Never taken a picture professional and I'm in the new photography position at the Weekly. I get paid to get people's names and take pictures of town hall meetings. Doesn't that beat all? At least I'm not home. She's stopped calling."

Sept. 17, 1988: "Man there are some ugly people in this town! I walked around all day and didn't see any bangs over 4 inches tall. And like whats with these town meetings? I haven't seen so many donuts dissappear so quickly since the shop back home burned down. Good thing I screwed up the developing on those shots of the mayors wife. Well onward and upward."

Sept. 18, 1988: "Was solicited by a Hari Krishna today. It struck me how odd it is that I believe in nothing strongly enough to stand in public draped in a sheet preaching to all that happen my way."

Sept. 19, 1988: "The army is coming. I see them behind corners. They disappear as quickly as they appear. People just don't see."

Sept. 22, 1988: "I've gotta stop with the medicine. I think it's making me crazier than before. WHY WHY WHY won't she call me back or open the door?"

April. 3, 1989: "Thought I'd start this up again. Almost threw this away. Man, that was some fvcked up sh*t. Need to remind myself. The doctors say it's good to keep a journal.
Woke up here about a week after that last entry - somebody found me - good thing, I guess. Didn't think so at first. Heh... nobody told me they took all the toxins out of gas... should have taken the pills. No - I'm glad I'm here. They say I'll be out soon. I don't know if I want to go."

April 12, 1989: "Today I met the most magnificent woman ever. She's new. So, she's escorted in. in restraints! she apparently put up quite a fight, the orderly had a huge scratch on his left cheek and his nose was bleeding. her eyes glowed. her lipstick was half off her lips and half on her cheek. she smiled. she had some on her teeth too. "

April 15, 1989: "Sat by her at lunch. She growled at me.
God, I want her."

April 22, 1989: "It's almost Good Friday, she told me. I'm not sure what that means, but I think it might mean she wants me to."

April 25, 1989: "Two more days. My God. I've dreamt about her every night. Still don't know. Some days she doesn't look at me. Today she sat with playing cards set up for solitaire and stared at them for a long time... When she saw me watching she picked one up and threw it at me with a look of confusion.
Her throat is so smooth and white. "

May 15, 1989: "I've just been released from the infirmary. It's strange having no thumb, I can't write very well at all. This sucks. We, Marla and I, fvcked in the service closet outside of the tv room 3 times. We were caught before the fourth time could even begin. I haven't seen Marla since. Oh. yeah, the thumb. Marla has a boyfriend.

May 19, 1989: "Just got new prosthetic thumb. Really weird - I don't know how it works but it just does. I'm up for review next week. Wonder what they'll say. No Marla. I think they took her upstairs to the violent ward. I imagine I can still smell her on my clothes."
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Old 04-05-2003, 01:27 PM   #23
sybil
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: boston
Posts: 78
August 19th, 1988. "Yesterday seemed to slip by without notice. today I barely remember getting up. I am getting this swelling notion that someday I will need to change. Had the process dream again last night.

August 22, 1988. "Ran into M. She said I looked like shit. I looked into the mirror in the cafe and hardly recognized myself. Waves of nauseau washed over me."

August 23, 1988. "walked to the corner today to get some coffee, an older man was digging in the dumpster for food. His wife was standing next to him staring at me. I remembered how much I miss being missed."

August 27, 1988. "I didn't sleep at all last night. She came over around 1 o'clock, drunk, to remind me how I ****ed it all up. Then she left.

August 31, 1988: "Seemed to have lost the last couple of days. I remember seeing her that night. I remember the fight. Then it all went black. So black. A bottomless pit. My answering machine light is flashing. Afraid to listen to it."

September 2, 1988: "September. A new month, a new bottle, a new perspective. ***k her. ***k this, I'm out here. I'll show her my "inabilty to identify emotion" I mean what a stupid message. Dumb whore."

September 3, 1988: Who would have guessed that moving out of the city would be such a bitch! Now I'm stuck here with all this crap, and I can't even afford to go to the bar anymore. Maybe I'll call her.

September 4, 1988: "Again the dream. But clearer. The process is the same but this time I'm able to see. The light was different. My hand is put into a vice and squeezed. A man, a doctor I think takes my arm, his back is to my face and he is blocking my vision but I crane my neck. He's using an exacto knife. the nice ones with the rubberized grips"

Sept. 6, 1988: "This new town sucks. The radio station keeps playing that freakin' Bobby McFerrin tune "Don't worry, be happy." I don't give a SHIT if it is the number one song on the charts, I swear to God I'm going to go down to the station and throttle the DJ. ... There is sadly abso-fvcking-lutely nothing to be happy about right now. I did buy some acid wash jeans though. They're cool. Good investment."

Sept. 7, 1988: "My life has hit a new low without her. Spent the day watching horrible daytime T.V.. I swear one of the contestants on "The Price is Right" looked just like her. She was in my dreams last night. Not the usual, this time it was in black and white, and scratchy, like an old movie. I actually watched an entire episode of Santa Barbara today....life is sad. At least Mason and Julia kissed."

Sept. 10, 1988: "Went to the only bar in this godforsaken shithole of a suburb last night. Called her, drunk, from the payphone in the bar. She wasn't home, I got the drone of her answering machine. Not sure what I said, but at least she couldn't yell at me. I drank more and took the waitress home. She called me back this morning. She knew I wasn't alone."

Sept. 11, 1988: "I wish I could remember the name of that waitress. I need to pay more attention some times. I'll just go get her tonight, if she hasn't given herself to some other slob by the time I get there. I haven't heard from her today. I wonder if I should worry so much about that. Why should she get so much of my time, when I get so little of her's?"

Sept. 16, 1988: "Finally, a job. Never taken a picture professional and I'm in the new photography position at the Weekly. I get paid to get people's names and take pictures of town hall meetings. Doesn't that beat all? At least I'm not home. She's stopped calling."

Sept. 17, 1988: "Man there are some ugly people in this town! I walked around all day and didn't see any bangs over 4 inches tall. And like whats with these town meetings? I haven't seen so many donuts dissappear so quickly since the shop back home burned down. Good thing I screwed up the developing on those shots of the mayors wife. Well onward and upward."

Sept. 18, 1988: "Was solicited by a Hari Krishna today. It struck me how odd it is that I believe in nothing strongly enough to stand in public draped in a sheet preaching to all that happen my way."

Sept. 19, 1988: "The army is coming. I see them behind corners. They disappear as quickly as they appear. People just don't see."

Sept. 22, 1988: "I've gotta stop with the medicine. I think it's making me crazier than before. WHY WHY WHY won't she call me back or open the door?"

April. 3, 1989: "Thought I'd start this up again. Almost threw this away. Man, that was some fvcked up sh*t. Need to remind myself. The doctors say it's good to keep a journal.
Woke up here about a week after that last entry - somebody found me - good thing, I guess. Didn't think so at first. Heh... nobody told me they took all the toxins out of gas... should have taken the pills. No - I'm glad I'm here. They say I'll be out soon. I don't know if I want to go."

April 12, 1989: "Today I met the most magnificent woman ever. She's new. So, she's escorted in. in restraints! she apparently put up quite a fight, the orderly had a huge scratch on his left cheek and his nose was bleeding. her eyes glowed. her lipstick was half off her lips and half on her cheek. she smiled. she had some on her teeth too. "

April 15, 1989: "Sat by her at lunch. She growled at me.
God, I want her."

April 22, 1989: "It's almost Good Friday, she told me. I'm not sure what that means, but I think it might mean she wants me to."

April 25, 1989: "Two more days. My God. I've dreamt about her every night. Still don't know. Some days she doesn't look at me. Today she sat with playing cards set up for solitaire and stared at them for a long time... When she saw me watching she picked one up and threw it at me with a look of confusion.
Her throat is so smooth and white. "

May 15, 1989: "I've just been released from the infirmary. It's strange having no thumb, I can't write very well at all. This sucks. We, Marla and I, fvcked in the service closet outside of the tv room 3 times. We were caught before the fourth time could even begin. I haven't seen Marla since. Oh. yeah, the thumb. Marla has a boyfriend.

May 19, 1989: "Just got new prosthetic thumb. Really weird - I don't know how it works but it just does. I'm up for review next week. Wonder what they'll say. No Marla. I think they took her upstairs to the violent ward. I imagine I can still smell her on my clothes."

May 23, 1989: "I don't want to leave. My doctor told me I'd probably be approved to leave, that she was excited for me. I don't want to leave."
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Old 04-06-2003, 02:13 AM   #24
lapietra
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Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: just ducky
Posts: 12,078
August 19th, 1988. "Yesterday seemed to slip by without notice. today I barely remember getting up. I am getting this swelling notion that someday I will need to change. Had the process dream again last night.

August 22, 1988. "Ran into M. She said I looked like shit. I looked into the mirror in the cafe and hardly recognized myself. Waves of nauseau washed over me."

August 23, 1988. "walked to the corner today to get some coffee, an older man was digging in the dumpster for food. His wife was standing next to him staring at me. I remembered how much I miss being missed."

August 27, 1988. "I didn't sleep at all last night. She came over around 1 o'clock, drunk, to remind me how I ****ed it all up. Then she left.

August 31, 1988: "Seemed to have lost the last couple of days. I remember seeing her that night. I remember the fight. Then it all went black. So black. A bottomless pit. My answering machine light is flashing. Afraid to listen to it."

September 2, 1988: "September. A new month, a new bottle, a new perspective. ***k her. ***k this, I'm out here. I'll show her my "inabilty to identify emotion" I mean what a stupid message. Dumb whore."

September 3, 1988: Who would have guessed that moving out of the city would be such a bitch! Now I'm stuck here with all this crap, and I can't even afford to go to the bar anymore. Maybe I'll call her.

September 4, 1988: "Again the dream. But clearer. The process is the same but this time I'm able to see. The light was different. My hand is put into a vice and squeezed. A man, a doctor I think takes my arm, his back is to my face and he is blocking my vision but I crane my neck. He's using an exacto knife. the nice ones with the rubberized grips"

Sept. 6, 1988: "This new town sucks. The radio station keeps playing that freakin' Bobby McFerrin tune "Don't worry, be happy." I don't give a SHIT if it is the number one song on the charts, I swear to God I'm going to go down to the station and throttle the DJ. ... There is sadly abso-fvcking-lutely nothing to be happy about right now. I did buy some acid wash jeans though. They're cool. Good investment."

Sept. 7, 1988: "My life has hit a new low without her. Spent the day watching horrible daytime T.V.. I swear one of the contestants on "The Price is Right" looked just like her. She was in my dreams last night. Not the usual, this time it was in black and white, and scratchy, like an old movie. I actually watched an entire episode of Santa Barbara today....life is sad. At least Mason and Julia kissed."

Sept. 10, 1988: "Went to the only bar in this godforsaken shithole of a suburb last night. Called her, drunk, from the payphone in the bar. She wasn't home, I got the drone of her answering machine. Not sure what I said, but at least she couldn't yell at me. I drank more and took the waitress home. She called me back this morning. She knew I wasn't alone."

Sept. 11, 1988: "I wish I could remember the name of that waitress. I need to pay more attention some times. I'll just go get her tonight, if she hasn't given herself to some other slob by the time I get there. I haven't heard from her today. I wonder if I should worry so much about that. Why should she get so much of my time, when I get so little of her's?"

Sept. 16, 1988: "Finally, a job. Never taken a picture professional and I'm in the new photography position at the Weekly. I get paid to get people's names and take pictures of town hall meetings. Doesn't that beat all? At least I'm not home. She's stopped calling."

Sept. 17, 1988: "Man there are some ugly people in this town! I walked around all day and didn't see any bangs over 4 inches tall. And like whats with these town meetings? I haven't seen so many donuts dissappear so quickly since the shop back home burned down. Good thing I screwed up the developing on those shots of the mayors wife. Well onward and upward."

Sept. 18, 1988: "Was solicited by a Hari Krishna today. It struck me how odd it is that I believe in nothing strongly enough to stand in public draped in a sheet preaching to all that happen my way."

Sept. 19, 1988: "The army is coming. I see them behind corners. They disappear as quickly as they appear. People just don't see."

Sept. 22, 1988: "I've gotta stop with the medicine. I think it's making me crazier than before. WHY WHY WHY won't she call me back or open the door?"

April. 3, 1989: "Thought I'd start this up again. Almost threw this away. Man, that was some fvcked up sh*t. Need to remind myself. The doctors say it's good to keep a journal.
Woke up here about a week after that last entry - somebody found me - good thing, I guess. Didn't think so at first. Heh... nobody told me they took all the toxins out of gas... should have taken the pills. No - I'm glad I'm here. They say I'll be out soon. I don't know if I want to go."

April 12, 1989: "Today I met the most magnificent woman ever. She's new. So, she's escorted in. in restraints! she apparently put up quite a fight, the orderly had a huge scratch on his left cheek and his nose was bleeding. her eyes glowed. her lipstick was half off her lips and half on her cheek. she smiled. she had some on her teeth too. "

April 15, 1989: "Sat by her at lunch. She growled at me.
God, I want her."

April 22, 1989: "It's almost Good Friday, she told me. I'm not sure what that means, but I think it might mean she wants me to."

April 25, 1989: "Two more days. My God. I've dreamt about her every night. Still don't know. Some days she doesn't look at me. Today she sat with playing cards set up for solitaire and stared at them for a long time... When she saw me watching she picked one up and threw it at me with a look of confusion.
Her throat is so smooth and white. "

May 15, 1989: "I've just been released from the infirmary. It's strange having no thumb, I can't write very well at all. This sucks. We, Marla and I, fvcked in the service closet outside of the tv room 3 times. We were caught before the fourth time could even begin. I haven't seen Marla since. Oh. yeah, the thumb. Marla has a boyfriend.

May 19, 1989: "Just got new prosthetic thumb. Really weird - I don't know how it works but it just does. I'm up for review next week. Wonder what they'll say. No Marla. I think they took her upstairs to the violent ward. I imagine I can still smell her on my clothes."

May 23, 1989: "I don't want to leave. My doctor told me I'd probably be approved to leave, that she was excited for me. I don't want to leave."

May 27, 1989: "I had the dream again. It's been so long I thought it was gone. But this time, after my hand was placed in the vise, I shrunk. I flew out the window. The sky was very blue. The earth was very small, very far below me. I flew over buildings, over phone wires. Then I fell but I kept jumping up again, like gravity didn't apply to me. When I woke up I was happy. Then I remembered I'm leaving tomorrow. I have to see her."
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Old 04-11-2003, 01:03 AM   #25
danh
broken mind
 
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 554
August 19th, 1988. "Yesterday seemed to slip by without notice. today I barely remember getting up. I am getting this swelling notion that someday I will need to change. Had the process dream again last night.

August 22, 1988. "Ran into M. She said I looked like shit. I looked into the mirror in the cafe and hardly recognized myself. Waves of nauseau washed over me."

August 23, 1988. "walked to the corner today to get some coffee, an older man was digging in the dumpster for food. His wife was standing next to him staring at me. I remembered how much I miss being missed."

August 27, 1988. "I didn't sleep at all last night. She came over around 1 o'clock, drunk, to remind me how I ****ed it all up. Then she left.

August 31, 1988: "Seemed to have lost the last couple of days. I remember seeing her that night. I remember the fight. Then it all went black. So black. A bottomless pit. My answering machine light is flashing. Afraid to listen to it."

September 2, 1988: "September. A new month, a new bottle, a new perspective. ***k her. ***k this, I'm out here. I'll show her my "inabilty to identify emotion" I mean what a stupid message. Dumb whore."

September 3, 1988: Who would have guessed that moving out of the city would be such a bitch! Now I'm stuck here with all this crap, and I can't even afford to go to the bar anymore. Maybe I'll call her.

September 4, 1988: "Again the dream. But clearer. The process is the same but this time I'm able to see. The light was different. My hand is put into a vice and squeezed. A man, a doctor I think takes my arm, his back is to my face and he is blocking my vision but I crane my neck. He's using an exacto knife. the nice ones with the rubberized grips"

Sept. 6, 1988: "This new town sucks. The radio station keeps playing that freakin' Bobby McFerrin tune "Don't worry, be happy." I don't give a SHIT if it is the number one song on the charts, I swear to God I'm going to go down to the station and throttle the DJ. ... There is sadly abso-fvcking-lutely nothing to be happy about right now. I did buy some acid wash jeans though. They're cool. Good investment."

Sept. 7, 1988: "My life has hit a new low without her. Spent the day watching horrible daytime T.V.. I swear one of the contestants on "The Price is Right" looked just like her. She was in my dreams last night. Not the usual, this time it was in black and white, and scratchy, like an old movie. I actually watched an entire episode of Santa Barbara today....life is sad. At least Mason and Julia kissed."

Sept. 10, 1988: "Went to the only bar in this godforsaken shithole of a suburb last night. Called her, drunk, from the payphone in the bar. She wasn't home, I got the drone of her answering machine. Not sure what I said, but at least she couldn't yell at me. I drank more and took the waitress home. She called me back this morning. She knew I wasn't alone."

Sept. 11, 1988: "I wish I could remember the name of that waitress. I need to pay more attention some times. I'll just go get her tonight, if she hasn't given herself to some other slob by the time I get there. I haven't heard from her today. I wonder if I should worry so much about that. Why should she get so much of my time, when I get so little of her's?"

Sept. 16, 1988: "Finally, a job. Never taken a picture professional and I'm in the new photography position at the Weekly. I get paid to get people's names and take pictures of town hall meetings. Doesn't that beat all? At least I'm not home. She's stopped calling."

Sept. 17, 1988: "Man there are some ugly people in this town! I walked around all day and didn't see any bangs over 4 inches tall. And like whats with these town meetings? I haven't seen so many donuts dissappear so quickly since the shop back home burned down. Good thing I screwed up the developing on those shots of the mayors wife. Well onward and upward."

Sept. 18, 1988: "Was solicited by a Hari Krishna today. It struck me how odd it is that I believe in nothing strongly enough to stand in public draped in a sheet preaching to all that happen my way."

Sept. 19, 1988: "The army is coming. I see them behind corners. They disappear as quickly as they appear. People just don't see."

Sept. 22, 1988: "I've gotta stop with the medicine. I think it's making me crazier than before. WHY WHY WHY won't she call me back or open the door?"

April. 3, 1989: "Thought I'd start this up again. Almost threw this away. Man, that was some fvcked up sh*t. Need to remind myself. The doctors say it's good to keep a journal.
Woke up here about a week after that last entry - somebody found me - good thing, I guess. Didn't think so at first. Heh... nobody told me they took all the toxins out of gas... should have taken the pills. No - I'm glad I'm here. They say I'll be out soon. I don't know if I want to go."

April 12, 1989: "Today I met the most magnificent woman ever. She's new. So, she's escorted in. in restraints! she apparently put up quite a fight, the orderly had a huge scratch on his left cheek and his nose was bleeding. her eyes glowed. her lipstick was half off her lips and half on her cheek. she smiled. she had some on her teeth too. "

April 15, 1989: "Sat by her at lunch. She growled at me.
God, I want her."

April 22, 1989: "It's almost Good Friday, she told me. I'm not sure what that means, but I think it might mean she wants me to."

April 25, 1989: "Two more days. My God. I've dreamt about her every night. Still don't know. Some days she doesn't look at me. Today she sat with playing cards set up for solitaire and stared at them for a long time... When she saw me watching she picked one up and threw it at me with a look of confusion.
Her throat is so smooth and white. "

May 15, 1989: "I've just been released from the infirmary. It's strange having no thumb, I can't write very well at all. This sucks. We, Marla and I, fvcked in the service closet outside of the tv room 3 times. We were caught before the fourth time could even begin. I haven't seen Marla since. Oh. yeah, the thumb. Marla has a boyfriend.

May 19, 1989: "Just got new prosthetic thumb. Really weird - I don't know how it works but it just does. I'm up for review next week. Wonder what they'll say. No Marla. I think they took her upstairs to the violent ward. I imagine I can still smell her on my clothes."

May 23, 1989: "I don't want to leave. My doctor told me I'd probably be approved to leave, that she was excited for me. I don't want to leave."

May 27, 1989: "I had the dream again. It's been so long I thought it was gone. But this time, after my hand was placed in the vise, I shrunk. I flew out the window. The sky was very blue. The earth was very small, very far below me. I flew over buildings, over phone wires. Then I fell but I kept jumping up again, like gravity didn't apply to me. When I woke up I was happy. Then I remembered I'm leaving tomorrow. I have to see her."

May 29th, 1989: "The oddest thing happened. I tried to go visit Marla one last time (in the violent ward) and was almost there when I was ambushed by her boyfriend (also in the violent ward). He pulled me into a dark room and squeezed my hand in a vice. As I writhed in agony, I saw him pick up an exacto knife (nice one, with the rubberized grips) but before he could do anything the doctors rushed in. Unfortunatly, they say I may need a new thumb because of the damage caused by the vise... Enough excitement, need to rest now."
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Old 04-18-2003, 07:06 PM   #26
Cicatrice
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August 19th, 1988. "Yesterday seemed to slip by without notice. today I barely remember getting up. I am getting this swelling notion that someday I will need to change. Had the process dream again last night.

August 22, 1988. "Ran into M. She said I looked like shit. I looked into the mirror in the cafe and hardly recognized myself. Waves of nauseau washed over me."

August 23, 1988. "walked to the corner today to get some coffee, an older man was digging in the dumpster for food. His wife was standing next to him staring at me. I remembered how much I miss being missed."

August 27, 1988. "I didn't sleep at all last night. She came over around 1 o'clock, drunk, to remind me how I ****ed it all up. Then she left.

August 31, 1988: "Seemed to have lost the last couple of days. I remember seeing her that night. I remember the fight. Then it all went black. So black. A bottomless pit. My answering machine light is flashing. Afraid to listen to it."

September 2, 1988: "September. A new month, a new bottle, a new perspective. ***k her. ***k this, I'm out here. I'll show her my "inabilty to identify emotion" I mean what a stupid message. Dumb whore."

September 3, 1988: Who would have guessed that moving out of the city would be such a bitch! Now I'm stuck here with all this crap, and I can't even afford to go to the bar anymore. Maybe I'll call her.

September 4, 1988: "Again the dream. But clearer. The process is the same but this time I'm able to see. The light was different. My hand is put into a vice and squeezed. A man, a doctor I think takes my arm, his back is to my face and he is blocking my vision but I crane my neck. He's using an exacto knife. the nice ones with the rubberized grips"

Sept. 6, 1988: "This new town sucks. The radio station keeps playing that freakin' Bobby McFerrin tune "Don't worry, be happy." I don't give a SHIT if it is the number one song on the charts, I swear to God I'm going to go down to the station and throttle the DJ. ... There is sadly abso-fvcking-lutely nothing to be happy about right now. I did buy some acid wash jeans though. They're cool. Good investment."

Sept. 7, 1988: "My life has hit a new low without her. Spent the day watching horrible daytime T.V.. I swear one of the contestants on "The Price is Right" looked just like her. She was in my dreams last night. Not the usual, this time it was in black and white, and scratchy, like an old movie. I actually watched an entire episode of Santa Barbara today....life is sad. At least Mason and Julia kissed."

Sept. 10, 1988: "Went to the only bar in this godforsaken shithole of a suburb last night. Called her, drunk, from the payphone in the bar. She wasn't home, I got the drone of her answering machine. Not sure what I said, but at least she couldn't yell at me. I drank more and took the waitress home. She called me back this morning. She knew I wasn't alone."

Sept. 11, 1988: "I wish I could remember the name of that waitress. I need to pay more attention some times. I'll just go get her tonight, if she hasn't given herself to some other slob by the time I get there. I haven't heard from her today. I wonder if I should worry so much about that. Why should she get so much of my time, when I get so little of her's?"

Sept. 16, 1988: "Finally, a job. Never taken a picture professional and I'm in the new photography position at the Weekly. I get paid to get people's names and take pictures of town hall meetings. Doesn't that beat all? At least I'm not home. She's stopped calling."

Sept. 17, 1988: "Man there are some ugly people in this town! I walked around all day and didn't see any bangs over 4 inches tall. And like whats with these town meetings? I haven't seen so many donuts dissappear so quickly since the shop back home burned down. Good thing I screwed up the developing on those shots of the mayors wife. Well onward and upward."

Sept. 18, 1988: "Was solicited by a Hari Krishna today. It struck me how odd it is that I believe in nothing strongly enough to stand in public draped in a sheet preaching to all that happen my way."

Sept. 19, 1988: "The army is coming. I see them behind corners. They disappear as quickly as they appear. People just don't see."

Sept. 22, 1988: "I've gotta stop with the medicine. I think it's making me crazier than before. WHY WHY WHY won't she call me back or open the door?"

April. 3, 1989: "Thought I'd start this up again. Almost threw this away. Man, that was some fvcked up sh*t. Need to remind myself. The doctors say it's good to keep a journal.
Woke up here about a week after that last entry - somebody found me - good thing, I guess. Didn't think so at first. Heh... nobody told me they took all the toxins out of gas... should have taken the pills. No - I'm glad I'm here. They say I'll be out soon. I don't know if I want to go."

April 12, 1989: "Today I met the most magnificent woman ever. She's new. So, she's escorted in. in restraints! she apparently put up quite a fight, the orderly had a huge scratch on his left cheek and his nose was bleeding. her eyes glowed. her lipstick was half off her lips and half on her cheek. she smiled. she had some on her teeth too. "

April 15, 1989: "Sat by her at lunch. She growled at me.
God, I want her."

April 22, 1989: "It's almost Good Friday, she told me. I'm not sure what that means, but I think it might mean she wants me to."

April 25, 1989: "Two more days. My God. I've dreamt about her every night. Still don't know. Some days she doesn't look at me. Today she sat with playing cards set up for solitaire and stared at them for a long time... When she saw me watching she picked one up and threw it at me with a look of confusion.
Her throat is so smooth and white. "

May 15, 1989: "I've just been released from the infirmary. It's strange having no thumb, I can't write very well at all. This sucks. We, Marla and I, fvcked in the service closet outside of the tv room 3 times. We were caught before the fourth time could even begin. I haven't seen Marla since. Oh. yeah, the thumb. Marla has a boyfriend.

May 19, 1989: "Just got new prosthetic thumb. Really weird - I don't know how it works but it just does. I'm up for review next week. Wonder what they'll say. No Marla. I think they took her upstairs to the violent ward. I imagine I can still smell her on my clothes."

May 23, 1989: "I don't want to leave. My doctor told me I'd probably be approved to leave, that she was excited for me. I don't want to leave."

May 27, 1989: "I had the dream again. It's been so long I thought it was gone. But this time, after my hand was placed in the vise, I shrunk. I flew out the window. The sky was very blue. The earth was very small, very far below me. I flew over buildings, over phone wires. Then I fell but I kept jumping up again, like gravity didn't apply to me. When I woke up I was happy. Then I remembered I'm leaving tomorrow. I have to see her."

May 29th, 1989: "The oddest thing happened. I tried to go visit Marla one last time (in the violent ward) and was almost there when I was ambushed by her boyfriend (also in the violent ward). He pulled me into a dark room and squeezed my hand in a vice. As I writhed in agony, I saw him pick up an exacto knife (nice one, with the rubberized grips) but before he could do anything the doctors rushed in. Unfortunatly, they say I may need a new thumb because of the damage caused by the vise... Enough excitement, need to rest now."

June 9th, 1989: "couldn't write for a while after they operated, glad to get back to it now. Marla's been writting frantic letters to me, asking me to forgive him but I can't. I don't care enough to "forgive", it's all too sappy and emotional. She'll forget soon, it's been three weeks already so maybe they'll start medicating her for it soon."
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The advantage of emotions is they lead us astray - Wilde
Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves - Parker
I'm a good kisser and you're a fast learner and that kinda thing could float us for a pretty long time - DiFranco
Why wouldst thou be a breeder... - Shakespeare
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