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Old 05-23-2003, 07:29 PM   #1
sybil
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the opposite of this

The lampshade had a brown mark where it rested against the lightbulb. He told me last time he was here that it was a fire hazard. I laughed and kissed him and told him he was such a worry wart.

I saw the way he looked at her tonight. I felt the way his hand loosened it's grip on mine when he saw her. I saw her eyes see me and see the hand and look at the way my dress fit a bit too snug around the hips. I saw her thinking about how he settled after she left.

"We should go, huh?" I asked him. I held his hand a bit tighter. It wasn't quite a squeeze, just a firmer grip. I needed him to say yes.

"Oh. Hey, leave? Why? Aren't you having a good time?" he replied.

"Well. Yeah, but I'm just a little tired is all. Aren't you?" I said, pleading with him in my head to say let's go.

"Do you want me to get you a cab? I can get you a cab." he said too quickly.

"No. No. I'm fine. I was just thinking that maybe you were tired or something. You've been so quiet."
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Old 05-23-2003, 09:30 PM   #2
beckstra
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My eyes darted to the bulge in his jacket pocket. I could almost see the envelope through the heavy suede, mocking me.

When I had first met Lloyd, he rolled his sleeves, left his first button undone on his collared shirts. He wore that damn medallion that made me want to vomit. At least I had got him to become a tee-shirt man...and got him to frame the medallion.

I remember when he first met her, how she with her bouncity-bounce blond hair and ocean blue eyes, how she walked into the gym and she drew him. Drew him away from my guidence, from my protection, from my heart...and all that time I thought I hated him.

When he had married her, I lost myself.

"Judy, you realize that in order for us to be together, I have to have her sign these."

His sudden regained sense of obligation disheartened me to the point where I'd lost all words. I knew if he walked over to her, he'd be gone.
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Old 05-27-2003, 05:23 PM   #3
sybil
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At 4 AM, I stare at the television trying to sell me something to make me thin, happy, fat and have really white teeth. His back is cold from the open window. He stirs at my touch, moving away. He's supposed to move closer in.

Before, he was with her and with me. She would stay up late at night staring at the television, he told me. She would ask him where he had been and so he lied. He knew she knew it was someone else. He'd tell me about how she was getting fat and her hair wasn't very shiny anymore. He'd tell me I was beautiful.
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Old 05-28-2003, 06:20 PM   #4
sybil
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Knowing how I look, weak and disheveled, caught staring again as he read the paper.

"Are you okay, babe?" he asks. Concerned. Maybe. God! How did I get like this; panicked and afraid and anxious and fvcked, just totally fvcked. This isn't me or wasn't me and I know he's going to leave.

"Oh. yeah. Fine, I'm just spaced out a little. It must of been the wine from last night."

"You didn't seem drunk or even tipsy. Are you sure that nothing's wrong?" Of course there's something wrong, I wanted to scream. I wanted to slap and punch and scratch his eyes out and kiss him and suck every little and big part of him for being so stupid.
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Old 05-29-2003, 12:15 AM   #5
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I stood up and went to the sink, washed my hands and dryed them. There were no words in my head to describe to him what I needed to hear...needed to hear. I wasn't ready to approach it yet. I wasn't ready to give up what had become so comfortable.

Seeing the antique FM beside the stove, I tuned to the oldies station to hear Marvin Gaye, crooning. In irony I giggled as he shuffled his newspaper in annoyance, "Let's stay together..."

There was something in that music that took me over. I leaned over the stove and nabbed a hand towel to dry my hands with. Feeling fiesty and ornery as hell, I wrapped the towel over his eyes.

I could hear him groaning as he dropped the paper in his lap, "Baby," he whispered, "I have to go to work, not now."

"Lloyd," I whispered back, my lips against his adams apple, "Now is the only time we've got."
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