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Old 12-05-2002, 01:21 AM   #1
masterofNone
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Goin' Back to Kill Hitler - a screenplay

Okay, first the basic story...
I was reminded of this by one of nycwriters' chit chat quizzes. I wanted to write a Mel Brooks-like comedy about this Physicist who figures out how to travel through time. Once he does he decides he simply has to go back to Nazi Germany and kill Adolph Hitler before he rises to power. Well, unfortunately he learns the hard way that you just can't change history. History is set. So the Physicist goes back with a complete schedule of when Hitler's going to be where and tries to off him. But all sorts of little things go wrong to keep him from being able to change things. Funny slapstick things. So you have this Mel Brooksian character trying desperately to get to the place he knows Hitler's going to be... failing miserably... and watching the oblivious Adolph sail by unaware that history has saved him.

Got that? Okay, here're the rules..
1) While there's no strict entry length, like 3 words or a sentence, keep your contribution as short as you can while being descriptive, or funny, or whatever you're trying to be.

2) It's a screenplay so you'll need to add descriptions of scenes, camera movement, character direction and dialogue as necesary

3) As long as we keep the story outline in mind, its off to the races... ALTHOUGH... If the thing gets way off track and begins to languish for too long I reserve the right to go back in and do surgery.

So if that makes sense... Let us begin

FADE FROM BLACK
In the foreground electronic equipment crackles, snaps, and pops with the dancing arcs of electricity as we dolly past it to a man furiously writing arcane formulae on a chalkboard that stretches the entire circumference of a cavernous laboratory. He writes and writes. And writes and writes. He pauses for a moment, then he writes and writes some more. He writes a bit more, looks ready to stop, then writes a bit more. He approaches the end of the board and starts to write smaller. Finally he is writing in very small figures indeed. With a flourish he makes a final stroke, stands back and looks at the grand theory he has written. He claps his hand to his forhead and announces...

PROFESSOR KRAVITZ
MY GOD! MY GOD... I HAVE... SUCH WRITER'S CRAMP!!

The door flies open and...
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Old 12-05-2002, 09:47 AM   #2
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slams back shut against the wall, hitting professor Kravitz full in the face. The door opens again, showing professor Kravitz holding his nose, blood runs between his fingers and onto his white "professor"- outfit.
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Old 12-05-2002, 11:21 AM   #3
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Oblivious to the accident an old man rolls in seated in a motorized wheel chair. He stops in the middle of the room. Kravitz stands stunned by the impact of the door, eyes crossed. The old man turns slowly to take in the entire chalk board and the epic equation there written

THE OLD MAN
You've done it! The Grand Unified Theory!
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Old 12-05-2002, 11:41 AM   #4
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d

Last edited by Arif-ul Haq : 02-06-2007 at 06:35 PM.
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Old 12-05-2002, 11:59 AM   #5
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Kravitz proceeds to a lab table, grabs two large handfuls of cotton wadding from a tray and shove them up both nostrils to stop the bleeding. He whirls about to face the old man

KRAVITZ
Doctor Polynopolis, only you could grasp the breadth and depth of my work so quickly. The deftness of your mind is as... deft... as it was when we first met when I was your student. You, with your fantastic mind, only you could see the obvious ramifications of this theory...
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Old 12-06-2002, 10:56 AM   #6
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camera zooms in on dr Polynopolis' head, then zooms out again. we see all the important inventions of the world passing by really fast, in chronological order. last shot is we see is playboy magazine, from the perspective of dr Poly reading it.

dr Poly: ehm? oh.. yes. Sorry, i was distracted.. yes, this offers a great deal of possibilities!
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Old 12-06-2002, 11:45 PM   #7
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Kravitz, his nostrils overflowing with cotton wadding, motions dramatically to the room encompassing chalkboard. As he speaks he sweeps full circle about the Doctor's wheelchair.

KRAVITZ
Since Einstein, physicists and mathematicians have struggled to find a single equation that could unify the very forces of nature. The strong force that holds the atoms together, the weak force that joins atoms into molecules, electromagnetism that man has employed in everything from television to toaster ovens, and gravity that describes the dance of the planets. Oh, there were those who thought that equation would one day fit on a T-shirt. There were those who believed in the string theory. There were those who sought to divide the universe into a polydimensional jigsaw puzzle! And all along I knew their ideas were crap!

Last edited by masterofNone : 12-07-2002 at 12:14 AM.
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Old 12-15-2002, 11:01 PM   #8
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POLYNOPOLIS
This can't be!

He rolls his wheel chair to the central board and points to a segment of the equation.

POLYNOPOLIS
According to this... time exists as a stream that flows both forward and backward!

KRAVITZ gets a gleam in his eye and nods. He walks up behind the doctor's chair

KRAVITZ
I knew you would see the subtle underpinnings! Precisiely! In order for the cosmological constant to be maintained, time must be manifested as ... as you say... a time stream. One that can be navigated.

Polynopolis, in disbelief, brings his hand down on the controls of his wheel chair and backs violently over Kravitz' foot.
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Old 12-22-2002, 01:49 AM   #9
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Kravitz, who only wears flip-flops when contemplating time travel realizes his foot is now bleeding. He reaches for more cotton balls and puts them between each toe, then begins applying bright pink nail polish.

KRAVITZ
I will have to share this with the world's science community!

POLYNOPOLIS
perhaps it would be to our advantage to keep this between us...uh...for further testing. <muttering>yessss....that'll do.
<cue suspicious music>
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Old 12-22-2002, 11:39 PM   #10
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KRAVITZ
But, But, But

POLYNOPOLIS
There can be no buts about it my friend. You have discovered the theoretical basis for a working time machine. This is a discovery many times more freightening than the discovery of nuclear fission. An atom bomb may reduce a city to radioactive rubble, snuff out the lives of thousands perhaps millions of innocent men, women, and children... but this, this could cause real problems.
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Old 12-31-2002, 05:15 PM   #11
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Polynopolis-I'm sorry, Proffessor, but I have no choice but to take over this whole project. You are a hapless asshole and I feel that you will bungle this whole thing...and I cant let that happen.

Kravitz-how could you even suggest taking it over! I've been researching this since I was in diapers! I am the only one for this project!

{Camera pans across their sweaty faces a couple times, then focuses on Polyopolis's angry eyes}

[Polynopolis gets up from his chair and faces Kravitz]
Polynopolis-I'm so sorry, Kravitz. You were always a good friend.
[He backs away untill his back is to the desk. He picks up a marble statue behind his back and advances on Kravitz, speaking rapidly] You never really grasped the secret of this project. I did! I knew the key to this all before you did! You'll try and claim the credit!I know it![sighs and stops in front of Kravitz] In the end, all your work will be mine...and you will have vanished into the dusts of time.[laughs maniacally and slams the marble figure into Kravitz's temple]

vanished into the dusts of time.
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