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Old 05-16-2007, 11:11 PM   #1
Tunesmith
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Teenage Angst Inside!

Yep. It's that time again!

That time when I, Tunesmith, ask you, les merveilleux Zemonkeys, for advice, suggestions, and all that good stuff.

In general, I've been having a lot of trouble lately, and have been feeling depression on and off again...

Yeah, yeah. Blame it on the hormones and their damn fluctuations. But it still feels like shit. Everything feels...disjointed.

I've talked with a lot of people (parents, therapist, guidance counselor) about the situation I'm in, and have mainly solved my problem, but I was hoping that I could get your opinions by PM and see if any of you have been in a similar situation.

Thank you very much, you guys. This is the first board I've actually posted on and I've loved every minute of it! (though my first, second, and third period teacher's may have not )

As a warning, I may be out of communication for a while during the day, as things have been so insane, but I'd be completely and utterly grateful for anything you all can share.

Appropriate compensation of your choice will be given...Nothing sexual, please!


That means YOU, craig johnston!

Thank you all for even taking the time to read this.
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Old 05-16-2007, 11:47 PM   #2
DiggerDude
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Oh Lawdy Ist An Angst Off

Is it okay if I get some angst out too

Lately I've been getting feelings of inadequacy. It feels like every one has something they are good at; math, art, social skills etc. and a lot of people have more than one thing. I feel like I can't find my own niche, my own thing that I'm good at.

For now I have been in the school of thought of Don't-make-your-problems-other-peoples-problems but this philosophy is hard to deal with. The advantage of asking internet people is that there isn't much of an emotional bound and therefore no obligation to help me. This way I can still ask for help without feeling like I'm forcing my problems on others.

So please if you have any ideas on how I can find a niche please send a PM.
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Old 05-17-2007, 07:40 AM   #3
craig johnston
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me? never!

i don't wanna sound glib, but i got a mountain of troubles myself and thus not a huge amount left over for virtual people.
however, first response, off the cuff as it were:

ts - sorry, but that's how it is. life ain't a bowl of cherries. some days you feel like sh*t, some days you feel like a god. the only answer is to roll with it.
i know the word 'zen' gets bandied about as a cure all, but in this case it is the best approach in my rather long and varied experience.

dd - do stuff that makes you happy. that will, by default, become your niche.

hope that helps in some way.

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Old 05-17-2007, 09:28 AM   #4
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^^^
What he said.

Don't be in too much of a hurry to grow up and don't be in too much of a hurry to find your niche in life. I'm closer to 60 than comfortable now and still don't feel like I've found what I want to do.
Biggest advice I can give is don't think you know everything about anything. A little knowledge and a lot of ego is a really dangerous combination.
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Old 05-17-2007, 10:18 AM   #5
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Well this thread is just tailor-made for my den mother karma. There's no way I'll be able to restrain myself.

T'smith and Dude, I'll pm you with some words so inpsired and brilliant that all your problems will be solved later today.

Oh, wait...Crap! What a time to lose my magic wand! Okay, I'll pm you with some sympathy and a little advice that might help a little bit.

edit: Done. Check your mail. Hope some little thing I said was helpful.

Last edited by brightpearl : 05-17-2007 at 11:06 AM.
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Old 05-17-2007, 06:57 PM   #6
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step 1:

look yourself into the eyes in the mirror - tell that person that you love him/her

mean it?

yes: go to step 2
no: repeat step 1
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Old 05-17-2007, 07:32 PM   #7
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^ what she said.

I'll add something of my own, however.
Start with loving yourself - know your boundaries and don't let people make you feel badly. Let today be the last day you ever ever kick yourself. It's a terrible habit to try to break later (ask me how I know )
Then....
You may find that a lot of your happiness is going to come from actively loving other people, and focusing on their happiness and comfort over your own - and to do it for your own pleasure, not for any restitution.
This takes a long long time to learn how to do and I still haven't got it figured out completely yet myself. But an anonymous act of extending myself in love for another is what makes me happiest.
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Old 05-17-2007, 11:24 PM   #8
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TS & DD I would love to say that life gets easier with age, that you learn to take it (life) by the horns and tell it who's boss. That isn't really what has happened in my life & I'm way past any teenage anything. I still get the crazy ups and downs. The I'm the queen/king of the world days and the I think this life stuff is over rated days. But just those emotions make it (life) worth having. I'd rather see a sad story and cry my eyes out...shaming myself in a public place. Or even hear a really stupid off color joke from the seventy year old man I work with and laugh until my stomach hurts...not so much cause it was funny but because I thought, in my infinite wisdom (or lack there of) that he was too tight laced to know dirty jokes.

Life is hard.
But it's really fun too
As Freida said learn to love yourself...including the weird stuff.
And never forget to laugh, especially at yourself.

Well anyway it works for me
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Old 05-18-2007, 06:44 AM   #9
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Seems to be somewhat a problem of your age-group
(My youngest sis, a 91er model, lately told me how she already had worked out what she's gonna study after school - in 4 years time that is!!! - and now she just needs to fix some more details with help of job office infos. I was sitting, gaping at her like: Wow! When I was 15/16 my chief concern was how to meet my mates whom my mom thought extremely bad influence... actually she was right )
this "finding your niche"/specialising at such an early age, getting angst/depression if that doesn't work out. Guess you get a lot of pressure at school, maybe from parents too, coz of globalisation, youth unemployment and all that. But, please!!, take yourself time, or you might burn out before you're 18!

OK, my two cents:

1) You cannot be good at something already - unless you're the exception that proves the rule. Your brain's a major construction site just now, wiring gets done anew.

2) You always perceive your own doings/abilities more critical/negatively than others do. It's only not so with people who have huge egos - but they gonna stumble over them sooner or later.

3) Don't visualise (at 3 am when unable to sleep for example) how others (teachers, parents, classmates) might see you, what they think or expect from you. Either try to get more of a KMA attitude or just ask them directly.

4) Don't compare yourself with the wrong people! Best don't compare yourself at all, but if, don't do it with those who are a) pretenders (usually those who show off) or b) doing what they are good at since early childhood or simply have discovered their special gift already.

5) Don't let nobody talk you into psycho-pills, better try St. John's wort for black moods and either hops or valerian if you can't sleep.

6) Just be open, look/try out different things, then serendipity works best. Yes, and don't count on getting a straight path, usually it's not so.

7) Never think "I could never do this!" If you like something really, you CAN. If you don't like it you should better leave it anyways.

8) Have fun!

Edit: 'Being good at something' - particularly in 1) but also in 4) - is likely a too weak and misleading expression. Thank you Auntie for directing my attention to that!
When I wrote of 'the exceptions that prove the rule' by already 'being good at something' in their early/mid-teens I was thinking of the only such exception known to me personally: My colleague and former supervisor, who started programming at the age of 7 and thus in T.S.'s / D.D.'s age was, well... 'good at it', or better: had 'aquired (almost) expert knownledge and abilities' and whom I'd call a grand master of computer voodoo today (plus he can cook very well, is a walking encyclopedia on most things and is a super-social fellow!).
The above tips stem mostly from the burn-out-->insomnia-->depression thing I had more than 2 years ago after finishing diploma thesis & just starting with PhD. Among other mistakes I made, I started comparing my abilities, back then that of a sorcerer's apprentice to stay in the picture, with that of the 2, 3 voodoo masters of our group.

Last edited by Stephi_B : 05-21-2007 at 07:34 AM.
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Old 05-19-2007, 11:44 PM   #10
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Thank you, everyone! I'm feeling a lot better, after things have cooled off. Events have been discussed and things are heading back to normality, or something like it.

I guess I can chalk it down to either hormones or my unwillingness to realize my situation, but whatever the root of the original problem is, I think the whole concept of "zen" will definitely help.

Why I abandoned it in the first place, I have no effing clue

Oh, and Frieda: Even though that person told me to go fvck myself at first, I threatened to smash his face in, so it's all good

Honestly, I really appreciated everyone's advice, and I'm in the process of taking it to heart. I know it's hard to "keep constant integrity" and all that motivational crap, but I've got this feeling that everything's going to turn out for the better.
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Old 05-20-2007, 01:01 AM   #11
auntie aubrey
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stephi_B View Post
1) You cannot be good at something already
now that's just silly.
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Old 05-20-2007, 02:47 AM   #12
DiggerDude
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Thanks guys, I kind of expected a lot of "shut up"'s and "go back to livejournal"'s but you guys have been really helpful, I've been thinking and I have a idea of what I'm going to try out, it's good now that summers coming and I'll have plently of free time.

BTW brightpearl, your an awesome advice giver.
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Old 05-20-2007, 05:27 AM   #13
brightpearl
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^^
That is my deepest intention.
Thank you for offering me the chance to fulfill it.
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Old 05-20-2007, 06:06 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tunesmith View Post
Oh, and Frieda: Even though that person told me to go fvck myself at first, I threatened to smash his face in, so it's all good
shame. well, good luck on your journey that's called life
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Old 05-20-2007, 03:29 PM   #15
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Don't experiment with drugs until you are at least 19!
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