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Old 02-19-2007, 02:50 AM   #1
FJeff
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Vehicle for Advanced Procrastination

I thought it might be fun to start a thread in which we present one-another with our own laughably unimportant or bizarre dilemmas; and then analyze. It's simple. Defend, Assert, or Comment upon something confoundingly stupid.

Elaborateness is key- This is a Vehicle for Advanced Procrastination.

Objective: maximize total time spent not doing what you're supposed to by sustaining an artificial passion for an issue that no one in their right mind should care about.

(Well-written, serious, commentary on why Descartes would be morally opposed to Hershey bars would be excellent, for example. Relevant pictures or citation laudable, but not necessary.)

...Because I already dusted the fish tank and I am hella not doing that pile of work over there.
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Old 02-19-2007, 03:32 AM   #2
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*Gets the ball rolling*


Or


Let's have an entendre contest. Highest multiple wins.

Quintuple entendres are possible but usually require several cross-linguistic homonyms of some sort. The use of dead language to accomplish this really has to tie in with your entendre though. And artificial languages you gotta really justify.

Non-Sequitur are for lazies. Entendre are about cramming more meaning than yer supposed to into things, not being a lazy absurdist. Anyone can be absurd. Boo to that.

You can set it up or get anecdotal if you wish. leave a hint if it's extra-lingual and it isnt a romance lang:

"Honey, once I took that Naginata self-defense course I never felt threatened again. You just Knee, hon, and Go! It's totally 'die G.I. Joe', Boo!"
(Japanese: 2 English: 1 Score: 3)

Like that. Sorta. I'm sorry to anyone who speaks Japanese. That was awful, but bad puns are where it all starts.
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Old 02-19-2007, 11:34 AM   #3
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Itchi Knee-san, she go loco.
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Old 02-19-2007, 12:16 PM   #4
trisherina
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I submit that the same part of the brain that creates intense compassion for the less typically appealing members of the animal kingdom is also responsible for excessive pun and entendre appreciation, because now there are two of you (the other being a vet in Minneapolis), and as everyone knows all you need are two people who meet the inclusion criteria, and before you know it, the generalizations are right there looking you in the face, along with some sketchy-looking attempts at regression analysis.

At this rate, in a couple of decades you should find yourself happily married to a full partner in a construction law firm who slightly resembles James Taylor, the mother of two children, and still taking on "foster" and "adoptive" animals at an alarming rate. Your penchant for puns will lead you to do slightly embarrassing things -- like calling a pet rabbit "Dust" -- (dust bunny... ouch), but you'll continue to be socially acceptable at most charity events. I'm sorry if any of this didn't really fit with your plans, but it's in the stars.
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Old 02-19-2007, 08:54 PM   #5
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thanks fjeff for this nice fresh bread you've made for us. i made a note to contribute to it in my notebook on the back page with "future reference" inscribed by me at the top in jaggy handwriting that my teacher miss "squeezy" watson taught me a long time ago when i'd said i was going to get all my stuff down in words but wanted to be sure that once i did they'd look nice on the page.
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Old 02-20-2007, 03:54 AM   #6
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I keep thinking I'll respond then things get in the way like work and like fires in antique markets and then there was a bit of ironing to do. And some-one gave me some curry leaves which are best used fresh and she gave me half a tree which meant I had to make a lot of curry so yet again when I opened up the zefrank message board homepage I thought to myself "great thread but I will have to do that later because I'm out of time now".

And recently I have found myself procrastinating about buying some new clothes. I have to have tops with sleeves which apparently is too farking much to ask but I insist even though now my nickname is Sleevewoman. You say it with flair and it sounds like a superheroine. But the sleeve thing puts me off even bothering to shop until the possibility of autumn clothing is on the horizon.
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Old 02-20-2007, 07:07 AM   #7
LeahDear
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[quote=FJeff]
"Honey, once I took that Naginata self-defense course I never felt threatened again. You just Knee, hon, and Go! It's totally 'die G.I. Joe', Boo!"
(Japanese: 2 English: 1 Score: 3)
QUOTE]

LOL...made me chuckle.
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Old 02-20-2007, 06:45 PM   #8
FJeff
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Quote:
Originally Posted by trisherina
...Your penchant for puns will lead you to do slightly embarrassing things -- like calling a pet rabbit "Dust"...

ALL of my animals have entendrfull names.

The most obscure of which, would be Bilverdine.
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Old 02-21-2007, 01:23 AM   #9
trisherina
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I have to ask.

(I also have to ask... a wolverine?)
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Old 02-21-2007, 10:20 AM   #10
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..a small demon sits upon our shoulder, whispers bad ideas in our ear
Quote:
Originally Posted by edgar allan poe
we have a task before us which must be speedily performed. we know that it will be ruinous to make delay. the most important crisis of our life calls, trumpet-tongued, for immediate energy and action. we glow, we are consumed with eagerness to commence the work, with the anticipation of whose glorious result our whole souls are on fire. it must, it shall be undertaken to-day, and yet we put it off until to-morrow, and why? there is no answer, except that we feel perverse, using the word with no comprehension of the principle. tomorrow arrives, and with it a more impatient anxiety to do our duty, but with this very increase of anxiety arrives, also, a nameless, a positively fearful, because unfathomable, craving for delay. this craving gathers strength as the moments fly. the last hour for action is at hand. we tremble with the violence of the conflict within us, - of the definite with the indefinite - of the substance with the shadow. but, if the contest have proceeded thus far, it is the shadow which prevails, - we struggle in vain. the clock strikes, and is the knell of our welfare. at the same time, it is the chanticleer - note to the ghost that has so long overawed us. it flies - it disappears - we are free. the old energy returns. we will labor now. alas, it is too late!
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Old 03-14-2007, 12:59 AM   #11
FJeff
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Quote:
Originally Posted by trisherina
I have to ask.

(I also have to ask... a wolverine?)
bilverdine is a variant of a blood disorder, its the protien chain that causes gangrene... sorta.

thats the most simple answer.

bilverdine is a white's tree frog. light green.
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Old 03-14-2007, 01:19 AM   #12
Jack Flanders
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That's nice!
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