Pun-ishment - ZEFRANK.COM

LadyCrow · 06-22-2004, 07:51 PM

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

3. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

4. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

5. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

6. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

7. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

8. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
Well, "It's Not Unusual."

9. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly,
"I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says
Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

10. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

11. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

12. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

13. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

14. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

15. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

16. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

17. Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

priceyfatprude · 06-22-2004, 07:56 PM

AllegroNg · 06-22-2004, 10:32 PM

You're so punny!!

moel · 06-22-2004, 10:39 PM

a neutron walks into a bar, has a few drinks and asks the bartender what he owes. the bartender looks at him and says "for you, no charge.".

agentsmith · 06-22-2004, 10:48 PM

*shudder*

masterofNone · 06-22-2004, 10:59 PM

more.

nycwriters · 06-23-2004, 12:36 AM

yeah I love these things.

trisherina · 06-23-2004, 02:31 AM

Is the bar tender here? AUUGH!! Time to get out the Callahan's books...

masterofNone · 06-23-2004, 11:57 AM

eh! i can't find the jokes thread so i'm throwin this in here.

A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew came in and began building a house on the empty lot.The family's 5-year-old daughter became interested in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.

Eventually, the construction crew, all of them gems-in-the-rough, more or less adopted her as a project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they took coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.

At the end of the first week, the men presented her with a pay envelope which contained $2.00. The little girl took this home to her mother, who said all the appropriate words of admiration, and suggested that they take the money she received to the bank to start a savings account.

When they talked to the bank teller, she was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had earned her very own pay check at such a young age. The child proudly replied, "I worked last week with the crew building the house next door to us.

" My goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?

" The little girl replied, "I will if those assholes at Home Depot ever deliver the fvckin' sheet rock...

Hyakujo's Fox · 06-23-2004, 10:17 PM

Then there was the insomniac dyslexic agnostic who lay awake at nights wondering whether there really was a dog.

*tish-boom*

Aphrodite · 06-24-2004, 12:51 AM

Ghandi had such an odd diet. He had terrible breath and was very frail. He wore no shoes and walked long distances which built thick calluses on his feet. The man himself though was such a pious man he seemed almost other-worldly.

In essence he was a

Super Callused Fragile Mystic Hexed with Hallitosis.

Deviate · 06-24-2004, 01:22 AM

oh dear lord.

that is the pun-joke to end all pun-joke.

funkytuba · 06-24-2004, 05:39 AM

Sam Clam and Ollie Oyster

Sam Clam and Ollie Oyster lived in the ocean.

When they died, Ollie went to heaven. But sinful Sam went to hell.

Ollie missed his friend. He asked St. Peter for a weekend pass to visit Sam.

"OK," St. Peter said, "but to be safe, you have to take your wings, robe and harp. Do not
forget to bring them back."

Ollie agreed, and away he went. He spent the weekend partying in a nightclub that Sam had opened.

On Sunday night, he returned to the pearly gates.
St. Peter was there. "I see you have your wings and robe, but where's the harp?" St. Peter asked.

Mortified, Sam sang, "I left my harp in Sam Clam's disco!"

vaguely remembered from grade school, then shamelessly googled and copied from http://www.joe-ks.com/archives_apr2004/Sam_Clam.htm

06-24-2004, 12:33 PM

My group of friends had an argument about puns once.

brightpearl · 09-20-2014, 08:28 PM

I do love a good one.

The Colbert Report
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06-22-2004, 07:51 PM	#1
LadyCrow WhY sO SiRiUs? Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Ta uoy erehw Posts: 1,120	Pun-ishment 1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent. 2. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..." 3. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything." 4. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted. 5. A dyslexic man walks into a bra. 6. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road." 7. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?" 8. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual." 9. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy. 10. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either. 11. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before. 12. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any. 13. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!" 14. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel. 15. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving that you can't have your kayak and heat it too. 16. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh. 17. Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?" __________________ "If there is a bedrock principle of the First Amendment, it is that the government may not prohibit the expression of an idea simply because society finds the idea itself offensive or disagreeable." -- Justice William J. Brennan (1906-1997) U. S. Supreme Court Justice Source: Texas vs. Johnson, 1989 ************ Illegitimi non carborundum... ************ Whatever doesn't kill you simply makes you... stranger. - Heath Ledger

06-22-2004, 07:56 PM	#2
priceyfatprude girthy pickles Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: under your desk Posts: 9,313	LOL __________________ "We like your board's features...but don't care about it's people"

06-22-2004, 10:48 PM	#5
agentsmith rap geisha Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: . Posts: 5,588	shudder __________________ ----------- "Genesis: First, I'd like to say reality is invisible to the naked eye. You and me both know that life is a real bitch. Doing your best, you say? That's not good enough."

06-23-2004, 02:31 AM	#8
trisherina meretricious dilettante Join Date: Jan 2003 Posts: 11,068	Is the bar tender here? AUUGH!! Time to get out the Callahan's books... __________________ Because how we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives. -- Annie Dillard

06-24-2004, 12:51 AM	#11
Aphrodite Myth Demeanour Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: My tent Posts: 3,041	Ghandi had such an odd diet. He had terrible breath and was very frail. He wore no shoes and walked long distances which built thick calluses on his feet. The man himself though was such a pious man he seemed almost other-worldly. In essence he was a Super Callused Fragile Mystic Hexed with Hallitosis. __________________ Monkey on the Halfshell

06-22-2004, 10:32 PM	#3
AllegroNg What I Am Wearing. Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Near DC Posts: 2,573	You're so punny!!

06-22-2004, 10:39 PM	#4
moel Registered User Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: dithyramb Posts: 3,102	a neutron walks into a bar, has a few drinks and asks the bartender what he owes. the bartender looks at him and says "for you, no charge.".

06-22-2004, 10:59 PM	#6
masterofNone ________ Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 5,131	more.

06-23-2004, 12:36 AM	#7
nycwriters Stuck in T.O. Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Floundering Posts: 4,134	yeah I love these things.

06-23-2004, 11:57 AM	#9
masterofNone ________ Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 5,131	eh! i can't find the jokes thread so i'm throwin this in here. A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew came in and began building a house on the empty lot.The family's 5-year-old daughter became interested in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers. Eventually, the construction crew, all of them gems-in-the-rough, more or less adopted her as a project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they took coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week, the men presented her with a pay envelope which contained $2.00. The little girl took this home to her mother, who said all the appropriate words of admiration, and suggested that they take the money she received to the bank to start a savings account. When they talked to the bank teller, she was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had earned her very own pay check at such a young age. The child proudly replied, "I worked last week with the crew building the house next door to us. " My goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too? " The little girl replied, "I will if those assholes at Home Depot ever deliver the fvckin' sheet rock...

06-23-2004, 10:17 PM	#10
Hyakujo's Fox left hanging Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: between the click of the light and the start of the dream Posts: 10,071	Then there was the insomniac dyslexic agnostic who lay awake at nights wondering whether there really was a dog. tish-boom

06-24-2004, 01:22 AM	#12
Deviate Butt-F***ing the World Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: the other side of normal Posts: 5,863	oh dear lord. that is the pun-joke to end all pun-joke.

06-24-2004, 05:39 AM	#13
funkytuba Spone to Proonerisms Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: The Left Coast Posts: 4,530	Sam Clam and Ollie Oyster Sam Clam and Ollie Oyster lived in the ocean. When they died, Ollie went to heaven. But sinful Sam went to hell. Ollie missed his friend. He asked St. Peter for a weekend pass to visit Sam. "OK," St. Peter said, "but to be safe, you have to take your wings, robe and harp. Do not forget to bring them back." Ollie agreed, and away he went. He spent the weekend partying in a nightclub that Sam had opened. On Sunday night, he returned to the pearly gates. St. Peter was there. "I see you have your wings and robe, but where's the harp?" St. Peter asked. Mortified, Sam sang, "I left my harp in Sam Clam's disco!" vaguely remembered from grade school, then shamelessly googled and copied from http://www.joe-ks.com/archives_apr2004/Sam_Clam.htm __________________ ...and another handful of almonds

06-24-2004, 12:33 PM	#14
imdrsmooth Posts: n/a	My group of friends had an argument about puns once.

09-20-2014, 08:28 PM	#15
brightpearl Rhinoceros fan Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 8,749	I do love a good one. The Colbert Report Get More: Daily Show Full Episodes,Indecision Political Humor,The Colbert Report on Facebook

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