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Old 11-27-2006, 06:25 PM   #301
rapscalious rob
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Considering the contents of the last inspection report of the U.S.S. Ennui, it was really not surprising when, on a cold and stormy day, the U.S.S. Ennui cracked in half and fell into the sea, and it was less surprising that Raggert, being as he was, trained in survival in harsh climates, survived; at least, I would imagine it wouldn't be surprising.
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You go skipping and prancing through life, skipping through a field of dandelions. But what you dont see is that on each dandelion is a bee, and on each bee is an ant, and the ant is biting the bee and the bee is biting the flower, and if that shocks you then Im sorry.
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Old 11-27-2006, 07:36 PM   #302
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He woke up on the beach, shaking the sand from his hair, blinking against the sun, suffocating in the tropical heat, praying it was a dream, but no matter which way he looked he realized his name was not Robinson, he did not have a Swiss family, he did not appear to have been flung from a plane crash, nor was he a Muppet seeking treasure.
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Old 11-29-2006, 06:11 AM   #303
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there was lots of wind and waves and stuff and the boat had broke.
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Old 11-30-2006, 03:52 AM   #304
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Tired of doing their one crossword puzzle over and over, they relegated the last sheet of newsprint to a "shelf" in the "outhouse," tossed the "pencil" nub into the dying fire and scanned the cloudy, horizonless "horizon" beyond the debris of the crippled ship as their inner "eyes" (cloudy with nostalgia) turned ever more inward to ponder the crippled debris that had once been their "lives" before crumpling in on themselves in the "rain" of despair.
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1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand.
3. Your foot will change direction.
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Old 12-02-2006, 12:17 AM   #305
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Judging later today. In the meantime something to keep you occupied Bad Sex award: the shortlisted extracts

Just have to add Now he moved up and down, Man-from Atlantisly. Funniest sex ever.

Last edited by Hyakujo's Fox : 12-02-2006 at 12:20 AM.
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Old 12-02-2006, 07:21 AM   #306
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Wow, we're mere mortals compared to that. My sides hurt from the rogering that prose gave me.
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1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand.
3. Your foot will change direction.
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Old 12-02-2006, 11:22 AM   #307
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It was a tough one to judge and I don't think I'll be able to eat shrimp again for a while, but I have selected a winner, and that winner is... rapscalious rob, just for that final moment of self doubt on behalf of the narrator. Take it away...
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Old 12-02-2006, 05:26 PM   #308
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Thanks, Hyakujo's Fox

Okay, so the next category will be

a dungeons & dragons - style fantasy novel.
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You go skipping and prancing through life, skipping through a field of dandelions. But what you dont see is that on each dandelion is a bee, and on each bee is an ant, and the ant is biting the bee and the bee is biting the flower, and if that shocks you then Im sorry.
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Old 12-02-2006, 09:52 PM   #309
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Homework time. Where's my son's copy of Eragon?
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1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand.
3. Your foot will change direction.
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Old 12-03-2006, 01:41 AM   #310
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The laterns flickered ominously, hundreds of them hung along the stone wall, leading the way to what would surely be his death. Beyond, a door creaked, and a monster's roar shattered the once-silent night.
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Old 12-03-2006, 12:47 PM   #311
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The Greatoakenforest had long begreent all the land twixt and forth from all high white and stony peaks down the dappled dells and the lost dark careening places to the whitecliffs of the Westsea which no man had crossed, and long longforestwise through it had ran the traveller's path from Grimstringal's Stoppingplace to the Brewer's Town where knights both grey and old did oftgather to tell and hear told the tales long and tangential of the old Earthwizard Crumbeard, possessor and wielder of the frostforged Awful Frugal Bodkin and the dread battle he had long waged against the evil Lord Dunheart and his legendary leathery dragonservant Komodo.

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Old 12-09-2006, 05:35 AM   #312
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^Okay, I have to say that this is so well done in a terribly written sort of way that the rest of us are utterly cowed. It's awful. I have tried three times to write something to top this and cannot.
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1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand.
3. Your foot will change direction.
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Old 12-09-2006, 11:48 AM   #313
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It's pretty carotid, man.
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Old 12-09-2006, 02:29 PM   #314
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Harrod the Dwarven Hunter shouldered his Gurabashi Hand Cannon and mounted the gryphon in the city of Ironforge for the long flight to the Western Plaguelands where the undead scourge ran rampant upon the once verdant fields surrounding the island home of the University of Magics, now a rank pit of insensate evil, which Harrod hoped to rid of the festering horde reclaiming the school for the Alliance, but knowing full well that his task was a bleak one with no hope of success unless he could muster together a band of powerful stalwarts; priests, warriors, mages and warlocks to bring together a complimentary blend of tallents that might stand a chance against the ravenous zombie forces now occupying the molding but once mighty stone walls of Scholomance.
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Old 12-09-2006, 03:11 PM   #315
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The Time Traveler

"Whence the Wand of When?" Wenwen went, wending her way through the wen.
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