08-07-2006, 09:32 PM
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#2191 |
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feline, naturally
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: California
Posts: 4,407
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iCat
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Non-violence leads to the highest ethics, which is the goal of all evolution. Until we have not stopped to include violence as an option in our conflict management, we are still savages. --Thomas A. Edison |
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08-07-2006, 11:43 PM
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#2192 |
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feline, naturally
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: California
Posts: 4,407
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Bubba and the Pope
Bubba, an airline mechanic, was bragging to his boss one day, "you know I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."
Tired of his boasting, his boss calls his bluff, "OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?" "Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!" Although impressed, Bubba's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Bubba that he thinks Bubba's knowing Cruise was just lucky. "No, no, just name anyone else," Bubba says. "President Bush", his boss quickly retorts. "Yep", Bubba says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington" and off they go. At the White House, Bush spots Bubba on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Bubba, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up. " Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who again implores him to name anyone else. "The new Pope", his boss replies. "Sure!" says Bubba. "I've known the Pope a long time." So off they fly to Rome. Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Bubba says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." And he disappears into the crowd headed toward St. Peter's. Sure enough, half an hour later Bubba emerges with the Pope on the balcony. But by the time Bubba returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Working his way to his boss's side, Bubba asks him, "What happened?" His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the Japanese tourist next to me asked, "Who's that on the balcony with Bubba?"
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Non-violence leads to the highest ethics, which is the goal of all evolution. Until we have not stopped to include violence as an option in our conflict management, we are still savages. --Thomas A. Edison |
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08-08-2006, 02:57 AM
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#2193 | |
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half baked
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: just ducky
Posts: 12,078
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Quote:
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“As long as the world is turning and spinning, we're gonna be dizzy and we're gonna make mistakes.” ~ Mel Brooks |
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08-10-2006, 05:59 PM
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#2194 |
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feline, naturally
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: California
Posts: 4,407
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A beautiful, well endowed, young lady goes to her local pet store in search of an exotic pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of frogs. The sign says: ''SEX FROGS! Only $20 each! Money Back Guarantee! (Comes with complete instructions).''
The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her and whispers softly to the man behind the counter, ''I'll take one.'' The man packages the frog and says,, ''just follow the instructions carefully.'' The girl nods,, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home. As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she takes out the instructions and reads them carefully. She does exactly what is specified: 1.- Take a shower. 2.- Splash on some nice perfume. 3.- Slip into a very sexy nightie. 4.- Crawl into bed and place the frog down beside you. 5.- Allow the frog to follow its training. She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and to her surprise nothing happens! The girl is totally frustrated and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says: ''If you have problems or questions, call the pet store.'' The lady calls the pet store. The man says, ''I had some complaints earlier today. I'll be right over.'' Within minutes, the man rings her doorbell. The lady welcomes him in and says, "I've done everything according to the instructions and the damn thing just sits there.'' The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly into its eyes and sternly says, ''LISTEN TO ME! I'm only going to show you how to do this one more time!''
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Non-violence leads to the highest ethics, which is the goal of all evolution. Until we have not stopped to include violence as an option in our conflict management, we are still savages. --Thomas A. Edison |
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08-11-2006, 01:30 AM
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#2195 |
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constantly amazed
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: in the labyrinth of shared happiness
Posts: 6,206
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thrillseeker
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1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles. 2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand. 3. Your foot will change direction. |
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08-12-2006, 04:17 AM
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#2196 |
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mrs. self destruct
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: arizizooona
Posts: 643
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^^^ lololol
so simple, yet it made me crack up.. *easily amused* |
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08-12-2006, 12:08 PM
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#2197 |
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meretricious dilettante
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 11,068
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Aw... (added to a certain rat's favourites)
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08-14-2006, 01:47 PM
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#2198 |
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dalai clique
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: tea leaf towers - home of fine musical entertainment
Posts: 5,609
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remembering our friend angela on saturday night.
to a total stranger: 'it's raining, you have a hat, i don't' 
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the tea leaf family |
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08-15-2006, 05:49 PM
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#2199 |
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in limbo
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 19,504
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i have the power
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08-16-2006, 12:57 AM
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#2200 |
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monkey
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: NJ
Posts: 89
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LMAO that made me laugh because i was cleaning my hardrive the other day and found the he-man theme song in my mp3 file LMAO
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I hate people who stalk you and think they are funny to hack your accounts |
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08-18-2006, 10:23 PM
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#2201 |
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thundering is my favorite
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: motivated to be all i can be
Posts: 3,827
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your star shaped heart has reached out to me and together our hearts beat as one bound by the rich red that runs coarsing united we stand stronger than before able to face the dark with hands entwined |
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08-20-2006, 01:25 PM
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#2202 |
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 8
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check some real art out. I almost made a disaster in my pants laughing so hard at this. go to the gallery.
www.sprinklebrigade.com |
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08-20-2006, 03:51 PM
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#2203 |
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Most Photogenic-Moonbeam
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: GA
Posts: 14
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This was kinda last night but I tricked my friend into thinking she was talking to a guy that liked herehey gurl!!! says:
MMMM Candi says: mmm what? hey gurl!!! says: lookin fine gurl!! hey gurl!!! says: Whats ur name Candi says: who is this? hey gurl!!! says: Tell me who this is first Candi says: No hey gurl!!! says: This LJ Pimpin hey gurl!!! says: wus yo name Candi says: is this a girl or a boy? hey gurl!!! says: Boy, who you think dis is? Sheryl Crow? Candi says: Lol hey gurl!!! says: So I guesho name is Candi... well you look sweet like candy gurl and I want some of ur candy hey gurl!!! says: no wut i mean baby Candi says: yeah that is my name whats urs? hey gurl!!! says: Some people call me LJ pimpin, Mista cool... but you candi gurl, can call me, Lee- Jackwon....Lee for short Candi says: how old r u? hey gurl!!! says: 15, turnin 16 on da last daya aug aug... u baby gurl? Candi says: im 13 hey gurl!!! says: Ohh, das iight gurl, jus as long a u fine and u is VERR FINE hey gurl!!! says: YEAH I SAID VERR V E R R Candi says: how would u know? hey gurl!!! says: myspace..chica Candi says: do u have it? Candi says: yes Candi says: do u? hey gurl!!! says: main, i used to gurl, got rida it... i aint had no friendz, i dont no y gurl, all it wuz wuz girlz all over me...(which was fine and all)(lol) but uh, i needed some real friendz, then I saw u, and I was like DANG GIRL! hey gurl!!! says: LOL Candi says: Lol hey gurl!!! says: want a pic of me? Candi says: sure Waiting for Candi to accept the file "ljpimpin.jpg" (18 Kb, less than 1 minute with a 28.8 modem). Please wait for a response or Cancel (Alt+Q) the file transfer. Transfer of file "ljpimpin.jpg" has been declined by Candi. hey gurl!!! says: main, i got email it hey gurl!!! says: ilov3him1300@hotmail.com rite Candi says: Yep Candi says: i g2g to church 2morrow and im|-) so can i ttu 2morrow sometime? Candi says: Tired hey gurl!!! says: Yeah gurl lemme send this to ya stay for a few baby Candi says: Ok Candi says: Brb Candi says: im back Candi says: g2g so bye ttu 2morrow hey gurl!!! says: ok baby bye
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 °o.O--§ÎÐ (ƒØ $HÎZZLË)O.o°
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08-21-2006, 01:45 PM
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#2204 |
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excursions
Join Date: May 2006
Location: beyond the call of duty
Posts: 2,443
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i just read the previous post and died a little inside. now i can't remember the thing that made me laugh today.
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that dog won't hunt, monsignor |
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08-21-2006, 02:46 PM
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#2205 |
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Gone Daydreaming
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Vancouver, B.C.
Posts: 428
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