governmentese

[lukkucairi]

while studying for the Life & Health insurance licensure exam, I came across this gem of a sentence that purports to explain eligibility for social security disability benefits:

"a person is fully insured if: (1) he has at least six quarters of coverage, and (2) he has acquired at least as many quarters of coverage as there are years elapsing after 1950 (or, if later, after the year in which he reaches age 21) and before the year in which he dies, becomes disabled, or reaches, or will reach age 62, whichever comes first"

1) please interpret this how you see fit, and

2) post your own examples of dense bureaucratic nonsense for us to marvel at and attempt to deconstruct.

[brightpearl]

I enjoy how dying can qualify you for being fully insured. It's so logical.

[brightpearl]

This is the FDA's definition of a food additive:

The term "food additive" means any substance the intended use of which results or may reasonably be expected to result, directly or indirectly, in its becoming a component or otherwise affecting the characteristics of any food (including any substance intended for use in producing, manufacturing, packing, processing, preparing, treating, packaging, transporting, or holding food; and including any source of radiation intended for any such use), if such substance is not generally recognized, among experts qualified by scientific training and experience to evaluate its safety, as having been adequately shown through scientific procedures (or, in the case of a substance used in food prior to January 1, 1958, through either scientific procedures or experience based on common use in food) to be safe under the conditions of its intended use; except that such term does not include—

(1) a pesticide chemical residue in or on a raw agricultural commodity or processed food; or

(2) a pesticide chemical; or

(3) a color additive; or

(4) any substance used in accordance with a sanction or approval granted prior to the enactment of this paragraph 4 pursuant to this Act, the Poultry Products Inspection Act (21 U.S.C. 451 and the following) or the Meat Inspection Act of March 4, 1907 (34 Stat. 1260), as amended and extended (21 U.S.C. 71 and the following);

(5) a new animal drug; or

(6) an ingredient described in paragraph (ff) in, or intended for use in, a dietary supplement.

....so if it's an artificial coloring, a pesticide, a dietary supplement, or a new veterinary drug, it can still be labeled "no additives!"

[Anna]

2.1 In order to use the Services, you must first agree to the Terms. You may not use the Services if you do not accept the Terms.

2.2 You can accept the Terms by:

(A) clicking to accept or agree to the Terms, where this option is made available to you by Google in the user interface for any Service; or

(B) by actually using the Services. In this case, you understand and agree that Google will treat your use of the Services as acceptance of the Terms from that point onwards.

2.3 You may not use the Services and may not accept the Terms if (a) you are not of legal age to form a binding contract with Google, or (b) you are a person barred from receiving the Services under the laws of the United States or other countries including the country in which you are resident or from which you use the Services.

2.4 Before you continue, you should print off or save a local copy of the Universal Terms for your records.

[funkytuba]

Had a delightful time getting a SSN for our daughter, who had the temerity to be born at home with a midwife. This set of somewhat contradictory yet vague in an explicit sort of way instructions, notwithstanding the bold/underlining, gave me fits. Apparently the midwife's treatment record didn't count as "medical records" for purposes of establishing her IDENTITY but her baptism certificate was good enough... I'm guessing there must be some kind of cottage industry in providing baptism certificates for less-conventional religions just for purposes of complying with governmental demands

EVIDENCE DOCUMENTS WE NEED TO SEE
The following lists are not all inclusive. However, they provide examples of the types of
documents we need to see. All documents must meet the criteria shown under "ABOUT
YOUR EVIDENCE DOCUMENTS" on Page 1 in order to be considered. If you have questions
or need to discuss additional documents, see "If you have any questions" also on Page 1. Some
documents we may accept are as follows:

AGE : In general, we must see your birth certificate. In some situations, we may accept another
document that shows your age. Some of the other documents we may accept are:

• U.S. Hospital record of your birth (created at the time of your birth)
• Religious record established before age five showing your age or date of birth
• Passport
• Final Adoption Decree (the adoption decree must indicate that the birth data was taken from
the original birth certificate)

Call us for advice if you cannot obtain one of these documents.

IDENTITY: We must see evidence of identity in your legal name. Your legal name will be shown
on the SSN card. Generally, we prefer to see documents issued in the U.S. Documents submitted to
establish identity must show your legal name AND provide biographical information (your date of
birth, age, or parents' names) and/or physical information (photograph, or physical description--
height, eye and hair color, etc.). Additionally, if you send a photo identity document but do not appear
in person, the document must show your biographical information (e.g., your date of birth, age, or
parents' names). To protect your Social Security card and number, identity documents must be of
recent issuance.

WE MUST SEE YOUR:

• U.S. driver's license; or
• U.S. State-issued non-driver identity card; or
• U.S. passport

If you do not have one of these documents, or cannot get a replacement within 10 days, we may
accept other documents such as a U.S. military identity card, Certificate of Naturalization, or
employee identity card. For young children, we may accept medical records (clinic, doctor, or
hospital) maintained by the medical provider. We may also accept a final adoption decree, or a
school identity card or a school record maintained by the school.
If you are not a U.S. citizen, we must see your current U.S. immigration document and your foreign
passport with biographical information or photograph.

WE CANNOT ACCEPT A BIRTH CERTIFICATE, HOSPITAL SOUVENIR BIRTH CERTIFICATE,
SOCIAL SECURITY CARD OR CARD STUB, OR A SOCIAL SECURITY RECORD as evidence
of identity.
IMPORTANT: If you are applying for a card on behalf of someone else, you must provide
evidence that establishes your authority to sign the application on behalf of the person to
whom the card will be issued (e.g., a minor child's birth certificate establishes the authority of a
parent to sign on behalf of the child). In addition, we must see different documents as proof of
identity for both you and the person to whom the card will be issued.

U.S. CITIZENSHIP: In general, we can accept your U.S. birth certificate or U.S. Passport. Other
documents we may accept are a Consular Report of Birth, Certificate of Citizenship, or Certificate
of Naturalization

[Angry Kid Hoyt]

Do you have a form Twenty-Seven Bee Stroke Six?

Gah, I love that movie!

[Anna]

government cheese