California's Letter of Secession

[Smartypants]

Dear President Bush:

Congratulations on your victory over all us non-evangelicals.
Actually, we're a bit ticked off here in California, so we're leaving
you. California will now be its own country. And we're taking all the
Blue States with us. In case you are not aware, that includes Hawaii,
Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, all of
the North East States, and the urban half of Ohio.

We spoke to God, and she agrees that this split will be beneficial to
almost everybody, and especially to us in the new country of
California. In fact, God is so excited about it, she's going to shift
the whole country at 4:30 pm EST this Friday. Therefore, please let
everyone know they need to be back in their states by then. God is
going to give us the Pacific Ocean and Hollywood. In addition, we're
getting San Diego. (Sorry, that's just how it goes.) But God is
letting you have the KKK and country music (except the Dixie Chicks).

Just so we're clear, the country of California will be pro-choice,
pro-gay marriage, and anti-war. Speaking of war, we're going to need
all Blue States citizens back from Iraq. If you need people to fight
in Falujah, just ask your evangelical voters. They have tons of kids
they're willing to send to their deaths for absolutely no purpose. And
they don't care if you don't show pictures of their kids' caskets
coming home.

So, you get Texas and all the former slave states, and we get the
Governator and stem cell research. (We would love you to take Britney
Spears off our hands, though. She IS from the south, right?)

Since we get New York, you'll have to come up with your own late
night TV shows because we get MTV, Letterman, the Daily Show, and
Conan O'Brien. You get... well, why don't you ask your people at Fox
News to come up with something entertaining? (Maybe you should just
watch Crossfire. That's a really funny show.)

We wish you all the best in the next four years and we hope, really
hope, you find those missing weapons of mass destruction. Seriously.
Soon.

Sincerely,
California

[Willow Sylph]

Originally posted by Smartypants
Dear President Bush:

Congratulations on your victory over all us non-evangelicals.
Actually, we're a bit ticked off here in California, so we're leaving
you. California will now be its own country. And we're taking all the
Blue States with us. In case you are not aware, that includes Hawaii,
Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, all of
the North East States, and the urban half of Ohio.

We spoke to God, and she agrees that this split will be beneficial to
almost everybody, and especially to us in the new country of
California. In fact, God is so excited about it, she's going to shift
the whole country at 4:30 pm EST this Friday. Therefore, please let
everyone know they need to be back in their states by then. God is
going to give us the Pacific Ocean and Hollywood. In addition, we're
getting San Diego. (Sorry, that's just how it goes.) But God is
letting you have the KKK and country music (except the Dixie Chicks.)

Just so we're clear, the country of California will be pro-choice,
pro-gay marriage, and anti-war. Speaking of war, we're going to need
all Blue States citizens back from Iraq. If you need people to fight
in Falujah, just ask your evangelical voters. They have tons of kids
they're willing to send to their deaths for absolutely no purpose. And
they don't care if you don't show pictures of their kids' caskets
coming home.

So, you get Texas and all the former slave states, and we get the
Governator and stem cell research. (We would love you to take Britney
Spears off our hands, though. She IS from the south, right?)

Since we get New York, you'll have to come up with your own late
night TV shows because we get MTV, Letterman, the Daily Show, and
Conan O'Brien. You get... well, why don't you ask your people at Fox
News to come up with something entertaining? (Maybe you should just
watch Crossfire. That's a really funny show.)

We wish you all the best in the next four years and we hope, really
hope, you find those missing weapons of mass destruction. Seriously.
Soon.

Sincerely,
California

Phew!

[red]

correction, he gets 61.7% of Texas. The intelligent 38.3% of Texans are goiing to Canada.

[katester]

when's this exodus of intelligent texans to canada? i'm in.