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Old 02-08-2006, 04:30 AM   #1801
JesusTitties
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ebay complaint i just read:

Complaint : BOUGTH IT FOR MY COUSIN WHO HAD CANCER, ITEM NEVER ARRIVED AND MY COUSIN DIED


thats the greatest ebay feedback i have ever seen
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Old 02-08-2006, 06:55 AM   #1802
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cancer is definitely almost as entertaining as fat people.
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Old 02-08-2006, 07:13 AM   #1803
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there was the most entertaining documentary on a couple of days ago about morbidly obese people. this dude was from nebraska (i think) and weighed nearly 80 stone. his excuse?

'it's my metabolism', as his wife feeds him a breakfast of 10 fried eggs....
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Old 02-08-2006, 04:56 PM   #1804
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During a morning breifing President Bush was informed that three Brazillian soldiers had just died. To which President Bush loudly replied "That's horrible!" His aides were shocked at his characteristically shocked response. After a brief pause to compose him self, President Bush asked, "How many is a brazillian anyway?"
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Old 02-08-2006, 05:27 PM   #1805
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Old 02-09-2006, 12:49 AM   #1806
priceyfatprude
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Quote:
Originally Posted by karma_queen
there was the most entertaining documentary on a couple of days ago about morbidly obese people. this dude was from nebraska (i think) and weighed nearly 80 stone. his excuse?

'it's my metabolism', as his wife feeds him a breakfast of 10 fried eggs....
I remember him!!! The reporter was asking his wife why she didn't lay down he law about his overeating & he butted in rather nastily about genetics.

His parents were both of normal size.
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Old 02-09-2006, 04:31 AM   #1807
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Old 02-09-2006, 10:45 PM   #1808
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Rosa Parks didn't know how good she had it:

"Someday we will be judged by the contents of our character, and not the color of our lungs."
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Old 02-10-2006, 07:35 PM   #1809
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Overheard at work.

"Liz is pissed off about something"

"How do you know?"

"She did that single raised eyebrow thing"
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He really shatters the myth of white supremacy once and for all.
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Old 02-10-2006, 10:55 PM   #1810
priceyfatprude
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Quote:
Originally Posted by madasacutsnake
Overheard at work.

"Liz is pissed off about something"

"How do you know?"

"She did that single raised eyebrow thing"
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

OMG

I KNOW THAT LOOK!
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Old 02-10-2006, 11:08 PM   #1811
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Quote:
ATTY GENERAL ALBERTO GONZALES [Testifying before the senate Judiciary Committee this week]: I gave in my opening statement, Senator, examples where President Washington, President Lincoln, President Wilson, President Roosevelt have all authorized electronic surveillance of the enemy on a far broader scale -- far broader -- without any kind of probable cause standard, all communications in and out of the country.
Quote:
Gonzales explains "electronic surveillance" remarks
Special to Pajamaline Media

Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, widely ridiculed for yesterday’s statement that “President Washington, President Lincoln, President Wilson, President Roosevelt have all authorized electronic surveillance on a far broader scale” than that undertaken by President Bush, explained to the Senate Judiciary Committee today that George Washington’s “time” “machine” allowed him to travel backwards from 1790 to 1777 and reverse the colonists’ almost certain defeat at the hands of the British during the bleakest winter of the Revolutionary War.

Jabbing the air with “quotation” marks each time he uttered the words “time” and “machine,” Gonzales insisted that there was no other explanation for the outcome of the Revolutionary War.

“The Americans were outmanned, underfed, and barely clothed,” Gonzales noted, “and they were fighting one of the most powerful nations in the world. If not for Washington’s bold decision to bypass FISA and develop his ‘time’ ‘machine,’ we might all be speaking British to this very day.”

Senator Jeff Sessions (R - Alabama) underscored Gonzales’s statement, saying, “I am extremely disturbed by those Democrats and those members of the media who suggest that the father of our country was some kind of criminal, just because he wanted to defeat the enemy.”

Sessions proceeded to ask Gonzales about Abraham Lincoln’s use of electronics, and whether Lincoln might have used illegal methods in the conduct of “the war of Northern aggression.”

Gonzales replied that Lincoln had, indeed, ignored FISA during the Civil War. “Thanks to the development of his ‘laser’ in late 1863,” Gonzales said, once again making broad, exaggerated “quotation” gestures with his hands, “Lincoln was able to overcome the South’s early military victories and win the war. You don’t think William T. Sherman caused all that destruction by himself, do you?” Gonzales proceeded to explain that Lincoln’s laser was the result of a special project undertaken by Secretary of War Alan Parsons, and that its secret code name during the war was, accordingly, “the Alan Parsons Project.”

Injecting a moment of drama into the proceedings, Lindsey Graham (R - South Carolina) suddenly ran from the chamber in tears, vowing “revenge” against General Sherman and “laser-toting Yankees everywhere.”

When the committee returned to business, Russ Feingold (D - Wisconsin) interrogated Gonzales repeatedly about Lincoln’s laser, suggesting that “light amplification by stimulated emission of radiation” was not invented until 1958, when Arthur Schawlow and Charles Townes published the paper “Infrared and Optical Masers” in the journal Physical Review.

“That much is true,” said Gonzales. “But thanks to President Eisenhower’s wise decision to use Washington’s ‘time’ ‘machine’ in 1959, he was able to skirt messy, bureaucratic Congressional oversight in order to deliver the ‘laser’ to Abraham Lincoln just in the nick of time. And that’s the kind of crisp, time-travelling decision-making power the President needs today.”
.
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Last edited by Smartypants : 02-10-2006 at 11:12 PM.
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Old 02-11-2006, 02:56 AM   #1812
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I've lived in Trenton NJ for the last 22 years and know for a fact that in the 1770's that George Washington (and he slept here ya know as did Lincoln but not together) wasn't even using tin cans and a string nor a drinking glass on the wall to listen to the British or the Hessians who were caught drinking quite heavily around Christmas many years ago - three miles from where I live. Cool, huh? Not funny? Well, the stoopid Hessians were so hung over that they f*cked up and pretty much lost the war for the the Brits. Old news, I know. Never mind.

Last edited by Jack Flanders : 02-11-2006 at 03:36 AM.
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Old 02-11-2006, 11:28 PM   #1813
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I liked it, Jack.
Attached Images
File Type: jpg bush04.jpg (44.6 KB, 125 views)
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Old 02-12-2006, 03:55 AM   #1814
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I had to think hard about whether or not to post this, as I feared that if Frieda saw it, she would dump the Hoff and he would lose her forever into the arms of Stephen Colbert...

It's a risk that I've decided is worth it.

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Old 02-13-2006, 03:44 AM   #1815
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Crank up the volume!!! (Unless you're situated in a stodgy work environment.)



(The source.)
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Last edited by Smartypants : 02-13-2006 at 06:37 AM.
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