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Old 01-14-2006, 04:00 PM   #1726
Smartypants
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You're part of a community, pissing away your lives...together!
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Old 01-14-2006, 06:54 PM   #1727
zenbabe
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hahhahaha, Surf drunk dialed me last night..hahahahhahha!
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Old 01-15-2006, 02:35 AM   #1728
trisherina
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nostalgia
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Old 01-15-2006, 09:32 PM   #1729
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You wanna be a terrist?
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Old 01-16-2006, 09:39 PM   #1730
ambo
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Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's Not Unusual."

Two cows standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy."

Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mom or my dad or maybe my older brother Calvin or my younger brother Ho-Chin. But I'm pretty sure it's Calvin.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

I went to the butcher's the other day to bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."

A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
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Old 01-16-2006, 10:01 PM   #1731
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A man wakes one morning to find his pet duck lying lifeless in the yard. He's very fond of the duck and can't believe it's really dead, so he takes it to the vet and asks to have it examined.

He places the duck on the examination table and asks the vet's opinion.

"I don't know what you want me to tell you, mister," says the vet. "It's pretty obvious that the duck's dead."

The man is too upset to accept the truth. "Are you absolutely sure?" he asks. "How can you know, positively?"

"Well, if it will make you feel better, I could get a couple of other opinions."

"Yes! Anything!" cries the man hopefully.

So the vet leaves the room for a moment and comes back with a large dog who runs up to the table, sniffs at the duck, and seeing that the duck is dead loses all interest and trots out of the room.

The vet goes out again and comes back with a cat. He places it on the table next to the duck, but the cat sniffs around the dead bird for a moment disinterested and then and jumps off the table and out of the room.

"Well, I'm afraid it's confirmed," the vet tells the man. "Your duck is definitely dead."

Sighing sadly, the man thanks the doctor and asks what he owes.

"That'll be $479.00," the vet replies.

"WHAT?!" cries the man. "$479!!?? Just to tell me my duck is dead?!"

"Well," says the vet, "it would have been much cheaper without the lab report and the cat scan."
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Old 01-16-2006, 10:30 PM   #1732
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buh dum ching!
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Old 01-17-2006, 12:59 AM   #1733
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My soon-to-be mother in law ambushed me at the dinner I had last night with my fiance, her, and my soon-to-be father in law. Since my fiance and I are getting married on Halloween of 2007, with a Halloween theme party where everyone comes in costume, she thought it would be fun to have the tablecloths at the reception be orange, and have small dead trees as center pieces.
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Old 01-17-2006, 01:09 AM   #1734
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^^ Halloween 2007?? What's your big hurry?
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Old 01-17-2006, 08:26 PM   #1735
Brynn
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1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand.
3. Your foot will change direction.
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Old 01-17-2006, 08:31 PM   #1736
Jack Flanders
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^^^ Hahaha! That'll teach 'em!!!!
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Old 01-18-2006, 02:25 AM   #1737
ambo
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Oh, I like that !
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Non-violence leads to the highest ethics, which is the goal of all evolution. Until we have not stopped to include violence as an option in our conflict management, we are still savages.
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Old 01-18-2006, 05:53 PM   #1738
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dinzdale
Wed 18th

Would you believe it! Me, Sir Adrian Bollocks, marooned aboard this 75 ft yacht just off the Bahamas. I should never have let Buzz Aldrin steer.
ROFLMAO!!
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Old 01-19-2006, 10:10 PM   #1739
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Q. What has 9 arms and sucks?

A. Def Leppard
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Old 01-21-2006, 05:44 AM   #1740
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This Week In God
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