Name Your Poison

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

Originally Posted by Marcus Bales

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How about an after-dinner drink? I found this "Name Your Poison" thread online ...

Although I refrain from excessive use of alcoholic beverages I think The Flying Monkey is a drink everybody knows all too well.

The Flying Monkey

1 monkey (optional)

6 different kinds of alcohol/ 2 oz
ice (optional)

Attach the monkey to the ceiling fan.
Switch on the fan.
Mix and stir your poison.
Drink it up in one go.
Start swooning.
Start singing 'I believe I can fly'.
Someone call 911.

I heard there was something like The Grand Headache....

[hypnoplasm]

Oh yes, the Grand Headache. What a pleasant appertif.

Simply mix:
1/2 bottle red wine
1 tall can malt liquor
1/2 oz. each tequila, dark rum, brandy, vodka, gin, whiskey, peppermint schnapps, campari, chartreuse and moonshine

Garnish with bleu cheese, kim chee, shrimp paste and aged meat

Separate mixture into two parts. Freeze first portion and heat other portion. Drink heated portion slowly, then have a waiter from tijuana tilt your head back, rapidly pour the frozen portion into your mouth, then jerk your head around violently as he blows a whistle in your ear. Afterwards go and stand in the wind for several hours. Cheers!

Who's making the next round. I could go for a My Litle Pony.

[Marcus Bales]

A My Little Pony consists of

2 oz. vodka
2 oz. tequila
2 oz. rum
2 oz. triple sec
Splash of Grenadine
1 oz. Coca Cola

Garnish with long blonde hair on your shoulder from the woman who's taking you to her apartment, and try to remember that your excuse to your wife will be that the bartender had brought his daughter's Shetland pony to the bar to look after it in the absence of a pony-sitter.

And good luck with that.

Anyone remember how to make a Galligaskin?

[brightpearl]

Oh sure, that old chestnut.

Galligaskin
2 oz. Everclear
1 oz. turpentine from the can in the corner of the nearest minor airstrip's workshop
1 6.5 cm tempered silicone fan gasket, clear
6 oz. Fresca

stir and serve over ice, garnish with a twist of lemon dipped in a mixture of sal de mer and the the rust sanded off of a F6F Tigercat rivet.

I was at a party last week where they served Manhole Covers, but I neglected to get the recipe...?

[YsaPur EsChomuw]

?!? I didn't know you attended that kind of parties... Last time I heard about Manhole Cover was in connection with something French, I can't remember exactly.

a Manhole Cover is verrry simple

1 oz. sirop de cassis (or asses?)
3 oz. of champagne

it is served by a French servant in kneeling position, the glass held between 'is buttcheeks, covering 'is 'ole.

Anybody ever tasted Rope?

[brightpearl]

^
Er...must've gotten the name wrong then,
I'm sure I would've remembered that.

Besides, these were rose-scented jobbies, served in hollowed-out lemons with tiny, demurely pink umbrellas...
served by very old nuns...
wearing burqas...
handsewn by eunuchs..
in the desert.

All right, somebody else tackle the Rope recipe, as I've already strung out enough to hang myself with.

[Marcus Bales]

Rope - this is a tricky one. With only two shots left in a whiskey bottle, the bartender corks the bottle with a 4" length of rope, and leaves about two inces of rope up above the mouth of the bottle, then turns it upside down until the whiskey has all been absorbed. The rope is removed, placed in a tumbler, add ice, soda, and a splash of brandy. Suck.

Nice.

But who remembers how to make a First Million?

[trisherina]

It's a doozy: Blend pieces of heart from parent, child, and spouse with a chunk of enlarged raw liver. Freeze puree in ice-cube trays until solid. Garnish subsequent shots of alcohol until death.

I could use a Boot to the Head. Ever made one?

[brightpearl]

Boot to the Head

6 oz. Sprite
1 oz. grenadine
1 bottle 20% alcohol imitation cherry extract
3 maraschino cherries

Shake and serve over ice. Have a mop, bucket, and shovel ready.

Anyone remember the recipe for a Lemon Bookend?

[dddrum]

Wal now, as I recomalect, ta concoct a Lemon Bookend, ya need two shot glasses fulla purely natch'l concentrated lemon juice, squoze outen one nem purely natch'l plaskit lemons, an' also plus onna other hand, ya gotsta have a couple hunnerd an' fifty milliliters of Absolut Citron, yunnastan.

Whatchawanna do is:

1.) Knock back a shot of lemon juice.

2.) Pick up that big bad bottle o' vodka and chug that sumbitch.

3.) Hit the other shot of lemon juice.

4.) Bob jes' mought possumbly be yer uncle.


Oop. Thet reminders me: jus' what is that time tested ol' fambly receipt (handed down over countless generalizations) fer a Bob's Your Uncle??

[Marcus Bales]

Now that takes me back. A Bob's Your Uncle is an oldie, but a very popular favorite.

Robert Peel, later Sir, invented the modern police force, including all the nepotism and corruption that goes with it. If you were related to Sir Robert, known to his family as "Uncle Bob", you could get things done, or not done, very quickly. Soon enough, if you had enough money, or something else, to trade, then Bob would be your Uncle, too. So to get something done or covered up could be pretty pricey, but it could be done quickly if Bob's your uncle.

Oh, the drink? Well that's merely another name for standing the saloon a round of drinks to get out of having to fight the tough guy. A Bob's Your Uncle is any kind of drink that anyone in the bar wants.

But what's a Power Strip?

[brightpearl]

Oooooh, a Power Strip is a bit of a knocker:

2 ounces good-quality black pepper vodka
1/4 ounce creme de violette (no artificial flavors, please)
1 ounce freshly-squeezed lemon juice
1/4 ounce orange simple syrup

1 package grape Pop Rocks

Lick the back of your hand, pour pop rocks on it, down the drink, lick the Pop Rocks.

Anyone remember what's in a Hairball?

[Marcus Bales]

A Hairball is a great picker-upper in the morning:

in a Manhattan glass, two mellon-ball-sized scoops of Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream, mashed with the back of the melon-baller into ovoids;

pour 4 oz of cabernet sauvignon over the ice cream;

sprinkle with a single minced maraschino cherry;

serve!

That's a memory! But what about the legendary but seldom-seen Stephen King? Who knows how to make one of THOSE?

[Marcus Bales]

Pitocin Punch is easy to make and easier to drink, but you have to have the right implements for the results.

2 oz of 180 proof moonshine
2 oz of creme de menthe
1 catcher's mitt

After your pregnant partner is properly positioned in the stirrups, administer the drink, then hurry to the midwife spot with the catcher's mitt ready!

That's all fun and games, but what about the famous Connecting Tone? Anybody got a favorite recipe for that?

[Coffee]

Ah, the Connecting Tone, I haven't tried to make one of those in years, 'cuz I ran out of booze last time.

Because, you see, the Connecting Tone is not so much a recipe as a process.
One takes every bottle from a well stocked liquor cabinet and two crystal highball glasses, one must then randomly select (blindfolded) and then pour (blindfold off) one tbsp. from different bottles into each glass, then tap each of the glasses with a metal mixing spoon and compare the tones using an electronic tuner gauging whether the tones are exactly the same...they most probably won't be due to the varying density of different spirits unless one really knows their spirits like back of their hand. If the tones do not match (or harmonize), then a different spirit (no spirit may be used a second time until every spirit has been used once) is selected by the same process and again one Tbsp is poured into each glass and the tone check done again, and again, and again...until the tones match.
Once the notes match the two drinks are poured together into a 20 oz. cognac snifter. The tone of the snifter is checked (for curiosity sake basically) and the drink is traditionally consumed in one gulp, if possible. This drink can be problematic for a new mix-ologist to prepare as it takes some inkling of the specific gravities of the contents of the entire bar in order to avoid eventually pouring the entire contents of the bar onto the bar 1 tbsp at a time. Naturally this can be a very long and expensive process if one has no clue which spirits are denser or lighter, or can take 1 Tbsp each if the bartender is experienced and or/a cheep cheating bastard with a dodgy blindfold. However most bartenders refuse to serve this due to time and expense involved, as well as the difficulty in gauging an accurate tone in a noisy bar not to mention the risk of trying to run a business while intermittently blindfolded.

The Connecting Tone is best made as a collaborative party drink in which each participant in turn adds a tbsp. to each glass and checks the tone, whoever connects the tone then DRINK DRINK DRINKs! In a party situation it is traditional for all participants other than the DRINKER to hum the resultant Cognac snifter tone while the completed Connecting Tone is consumed.


Yep, Connecting Tone is indeed fun and games when done properly...but I'm in the mood for something more peaceful and exotic, would someone please tell me how to make me an Island Sunrise?