History.

[beckstra]

A screenshot of one of my friend's prompted me to look for something I'd let go of in my past. I'd say I lost it, but I didn't, I threw it away.

My History

If you look under the "Comicography" link on the left side, you'll see a listing of several comics.

The penciler of these comics was who inspired me to learn to draw. His name is Joe Madureira. Well, actually, the Holy Spirit inspired me, Madureira was the man God used to accomplish His will and develop the talents in me.

I used to own about every single one of those comics listed there (not the cards, I wasn't much of a card collector).

I remember living in Japan and every Saturday, taking the base bus system to the hobby center where they sold comics and arts and crafts crap. I'd carry my five dollar bill in my pocket, walk in the place, and drool over the covers.

On the bus ride home, I'd carefully take the comic book out of the brown paper sack and examine every picture before I'd get into the story. I'd look at the lines, the shadowing, the color. I'd try to notice who had pupils on one page and not another. I'd try to figure out which penciler was going more detail crazy, looking for who drew the better hands, who drew the women characters' breasts more proportional.

Then, when I got home, I'd lock myself in my bedroom, open my blinds, put Alanis Morisette's Jagged Little Pill on repeat, and proceed to put my sketchbook and pencils and erasers all out on my waterbed.

Then would begin the painstaking process of weeding out all the potential pictures that I *could* draw and selecting the picture I most *wanted* to draw. I'd sit for hours marking and erasing, smearing and sharpening, looking and making a picture that was 3 cm by 3 cm into 10 1/2 in by 8 in. All freehand.

I look back on those times and I see it. I see the beginning of God's faithfulness to me..."being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. (Philippians1:6)" I mean, even to this day, He's developing in me these talents...

But that's not the point.

When I got back to the US, I went on the "purge all the sin in my life" phase, and actually convinced myself that I had made these comic books an idol in my life...and to an extent I still do. However, I am a changed person and can't help but be sick at the mere thought that I threw away God's most precious gift to me. My history.

When I have children someday, all I can do is show them my notebooks and tell them a few stories. Not that all that won't be enough, but those comic books were part of my legacy.

I found this site tonight and couldn't breathe when I clicked on the links. It was almost like ressurecting the dead. I can't explain right now what looking at those pictures does to me, but I'm about to go downstairs to my bedroom and find my notebooks, because I can open them up to find some of those EXACT same pictures in my wobbly thirteen-year-old hand.

I just had to share.

Respond how you want.