welcome back jesustitties

[JesusTitties]

Last night i found a cellphone at the bar, and stuck it in my pocket. As the hours passed, i proceeded to get drunker and drunker until the point of no turning back.

While in the washroom, the cellphone rang. I answered it, and on the other line was a guy who sounded really pissed off and was looking for carrie - while questioning why a guy was even answering her phone to begin with.

I then told him that i was carries lover, and that we had been seeing each other for a long time and was surprised that he was unaware. By this time i had finished taking a piss, and hung up in his mid rant and went back to my beer.

The phone rings again, its him - and he is livid. "who the hell do you think you are... " and so on.

I told him, i am jesustitties and i love carrie. Then hung up again. Who is carrie, i pondered.

About an hour passed and as i was sitting a girl walked up to me and saw her cellphone beside my beer. Yes, it was carrie. She yelled at me for using it, picked it up and then hit me in the back of the head not once, not twice but thrice with her closed fist, and then stormed off, not before the whole bar saw me get my ass kicked by a girl.

What is the moral of the story?
Never use the word lover, when explaining to a hot strangers boyfriend, when describing your fake relationship. It is much too aggressive.