a resume

[RuneT]

I hope this isn't old news everybody has seen already.
For fark sake, please don't vote Bush!



Resume: George Walker Bush

Past work experience:

I ran for congress and lost.

I produced a Hollywood slasher B movie.

I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas; company went
bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock. I bought the Texas Rangers baseball
team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money. Biggest move:
Traded Sammy Sosa. With my father's help and nearly the same name, was
elected Governor of Texas.

Accomplishments:

I changed pollution laws for oil and power companies and made Texas the
most polluted state in the nation. I replaced Los Angeles with Houston as the
most smog ridden city in America. I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas
government in billions in borrowed money. I Set record for most executions by
any governor in American history.

I became president after losing the popular vote by over 500,000 votes, with
the help of my brother Jeb and aid of Republican appointments to the
Supreme Court.

Accomplishments as president:

I attacked and took over two countries.

I spent the country's surplus and bankrupted the treasury. I shattered the
record for biggest annual deficit in history. I set economic record for most
private bankruptcies filed in any 12 month period.

I set all-time record for biggest stock market drop in its history. I am the first
president in decades to execute a federal prisoner. I am the first president in
US history to enter office with a criminal record. In my first year in office set
the all-time record for most vacation days taken by any president.

After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, I presided over the
worst security failure in US history. I set the record for most campaign fund-
raising trips of any other president in US history. In my first two years in office
over 2 million Americans lost their jobs. I cut unemployment benefits for more
out of work Americans than any president in US history. I set the all-time
record for the most mortgage foreclosures in a 12-month period. I appointed
more convicted criminals to administration positions than any president in US
history.

I set the record for the lowest number of press conferences than any
president since the invention of television. I signed more laws and executive
orders amending the Constitution than any president in US history. I presided
over the biggest energy crises in US history and refused to intervene when
corruption was revealed.

I presided over the highest gasoline prices in US history and refused to use
the national reserves as past presidents have.

I cut healthcare benefits for war veterans.

I set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously take to
the streets to protest me (15 million people), shattering the record for protest
against any person in the history of mankind.

I dissolved more international treaties than any president in US history. My
presidency is the most secretive and unaccountable of any in US history.

Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in US history.
The 'poorest' multimillionaire, Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker
named after her.

I am the first president in US history to have all 50 states bankrupted at the
same time. I presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud of any
market in any country in the history of the world. I am the first president in US
history to order a US attack and military occupation of a sovereign nation. I
created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history of the
United States. I set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending
increases, more than any president in US history, while at the same time
proposing tax cuts.


I gave giant tax breaks to the rich while cutting social services to the aged and
poor. I am the first president in US history to have the United Nations remove
the US from the human rights commission. I am the first president in US
history to have the United Nations remove the US from the elections
monitoring board. My administration has the least amount of congressional
oversight than any in US history. I withdrew from the World Court of Law. I
refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners of war, as prescribed by
the Geneva Convention. I hold the record for most corporate campaign
donations. My biggest lifetime campaign contributor, who is also one of my
best friends, presided over one of the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in
world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation).

I spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in US
history. I am the first president in US history to unilaterally attack a sovereign
nation against the will of the United Nations and the world community.

I am the first US president in history to have a majority of the people of Europe
(71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and stability.

I changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government
contracts. I set all-time records for the number of administration appointees
who violated US law by not selling huge investments in corporations bidding
for government contracts.

I failed to get Osama Bin Laden 'dead or alive'.

I failed to capture the anthrax killer who tried to murder the leaders of our
country at the United States Capitol building. After 18 months I have no leads
and zero suspects.

I removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any other
president in US history. In a little over two years I created the most divided
country in decades, possibly the most divided the US has ever been since the
Civil War.

I entered office with the strongest economy in US history and in less than two
years every economic category plunged. Records and References: I have at
least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas driving record has been
erased and is not available). I was AWOL from National Guard for 13 months.
Records from my tenure as governor of Texas are in my father's library,
unavailable for public view. All records of any SEC investigations into my
insider trading or bankrupt companies are sealed and unavailable for public
view.

All minutes of meetings for any public corporation I served on the board are
sealed and unavailable for public view. Any records or minutes from meetings
I (or my VP) attended regarding public energy policy are sealed and
unavailable for public review.

For personal references please speak to my daddy or uncle James Baker
(They can be reached at their offices of the Carlyle Group for war-
profiteering).