Abbot & Costello enter the computer age…

A friend of a friend forwarded this to someone who forwarded it to me.
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Abbot & Costello take on Personal Computing in the Digital Age.
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ABBOT: Hello? Computer Support Group. Can I help you?
_ COSTELLO: Thanks. I’m setting up a home office in the den,_and I’m thinking of buying a computer.
_ ABBOT: Mac?
_ COSTELLO: No, the name is Bud.
_ ABBOT: Your computer?
_ COSTELLO: I don’t own a computer. I want to buy one.
_ ABBOT: Mac?
_ COSTELLO: I told you, my name is Bud.
_ ABBOT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Does it get stuffy?
_ ABBOT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don’t know. What do I see when I look out the windows?
_ ABBOT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer_and software.
_ ABBOT: Software that runs on Windows?
COSTELLO: No, on the computer! I need something I can_use to write proposals, track expenses. You know, run a business. What have you got?
_ ABBOT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
_ ABBOT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOT: Recommended something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
_ ABBOT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
_ ABBOT: Yes.
COSTELLO: Okay, what did you recommend for my office?
_ ABBOT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office.
_ ABBOT: Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office and it already has windows! Let’s say i’m_sitting at my computer, and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
_ ABBOT: Word.
COSTELLO: If I’m writing a proposal, I’m going to need lots of words. But_what program do I LOAD?
_ ABBOT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
_ ABBOT: The Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
_ ABBOT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in “office for windows”
_ ABBOT: The Word you get when you click the blue W.
COSTELLO: I’m going to click your big W if you don’t give_me a straight answer. Let’s forget about words for a minute. What do I need_if I want to watch a movie over the Internet?
_ ABBOT: RealOne.
COSTELLO: Maybe a real movie, maybe a cartoon. What I_watch is none of your business. But what do I need to watch it?
_ ABBOT: RealOne.
COSTELLO: If it’s a long movie I’ll also want to watch reels two, three and_four. Can I watch reel four?
_ ABBOT: Of course.
COSTELLO: Great! With what?
_ ABBOT: RealOne.
COSTELLO: Okay, so I’m sitting at my computer and I want to watch a movie._What do I do?
_ ABBOT: You click the blue 1.
COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?
_ ABBOT: The blue 1.
COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue W?
_ ABBOT: Of course it is. The blue 1 is RealOne. The blue W is Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
_ ABBOT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: But there’s three words in “office for windows”
_ ABBOT: No, just one. But it’s the most popular Word in the world.
COSTELLO: It is?
_ ABBOT: Yes, although to be fair there aren’t many other Words left. It_pretty much wiped out all the other Words.
COSTELLO: And that word is the real one?
_ ABBOT: No. RealOne has nothing to do with Word. RealOne_isn’t even part of Office.
COSTELLO: Never mind; I don’t want to get started with that again. But I_also need something for bank accounts, loans,_and so on. What do you have to help me track my money?
_ ABBOT: Money.
COSTELLO: That’s right. What do you have?
_ ABBOT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
_ ABBOT: No, not really. It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What comes bundled with my computer?
_ ABBOT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes bundled with my computer?
_ ABBOT: Exactly. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer at no extra charge? How_much money do I get?
_ ABBOT: Just one copy.
COSTELLO: I get a copy of money. Isn’t that illegal?
_ ABBOT: No. We have a license from Microsoft to make copies_of Money.
COSTELLO: Microsoft can license you to make money?
_ ABBOT: Why not? They own it.
COSTELLO: Well, it’s great that I’m going to get free money,_but I’ll still need to track it. Do you have anything for managing your_money?
_ ABBOT: Managing Your Money? That program disappeared years ago.
COSTELLO: Well, what do you sell in its place?
_ ABBOT: Money.
COSTELLO: You sell money?
_ ABBOT: Of course. But if you buy a computer from us,_you get it for free.
COSTELLO: That’s all very wonderful, but I’ll be running_a business. Do you have any software for, you know, accounting?
_ ABBOT: Simply Accounting.
COSTELLO: Probably, but it might get a little complicated.
_ ABBOT: If you don’t want Simply Accounting, you might try M.Y.O.B.
COSTELLO: M.Y.O.B.? What does that stand for?
_ ABBOT: Mind Your Own Business.
COSTELLO: I beg your pardon?
_ ABBOT: No, that would be I.B.Y.P. I said M.Y.O.B.
COSTELLO: Look, I just need to do some accounting for my home business, you_know--accounting? You do it with money.
_ ABBOT: Of course you can do accounting with Money._But you may need more.
COSTELLO: More money?
_ ABBOT: More than Money. Money can’t do everything.
COSTELLO: I don’t need a sermon! Okay, let’s forget about money for the moment. I’m worried that my computer might...what’s the word?_Crash! And if my computer crashes, what can I use to restore my data?
_ ABBOT: GoBack.
COSTELLO: Okay. I’m worried about my computer smashing and I need something_to restore my data. What do you recommend?
_ ABBOT: GoBack.
COSTELLO: How many times do I have to repeat myself?
_ ABBOT: I’ve never asked you to repeat yourself. All I said was GoBack.
COSTELLO: How can I go back if I haven’t even been anywhere? Okay, I’ll go_back. What do I need to write a proposal?
_ ABBOT: Word.
COSTELLO: But I’ll need lots of words to write a proposal.
_ ABBOT: No, you only need one Word-the Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: But there’s three words in...Oh, never mind.
_ ABBOT: Hello? Hello? Customers! Why do they always hang_up on me? Oh, well. Hello? Computer Support Group. Can I help you?

[lapietra]

That was very clever... wish I could hear them actually do it

I loved this line:

COSTELLO: Microsoft can license you to make money?
_ ABBOT: Why not? They own it.