boston public thread

this show isnt very good but i'm listening

[moel]

its too dramatic and i heard it makes people eat babies

i don't know about that but i do know that this show sucks and

sunday night is the best night for television. we've got malcolm, arrested development, bernie mac. that's all

[moel]

i agree, and simpsons

[moel]

why don't you put on music rather then B.P.?

yeah
do you want to write a press release for me?

[moel]

music is for synesthesia

im too lazy to type boston public so i put B.P. instead


maybe

when i hear BP i think bullous pemphigoid

moel, look at what some zoer said:

"Lauren, I think this is a fine piece of work. It's expressive and moving and horribly real. Please remember my comments are simply opinions. And remember the old saying about opinions - Opinions are like assholes. Everybody's got at least one and they all stink - So that said, one of my major problems happens to be with changes in verb tense. You seem to get caught up in what you're saying and sometimes shift tense."

"The story didn't bore me and it really kept my interest throughout. You really used great details, and a lot of descriptive words which allowed the story to be given more life. I can relate to the characters too. The only problem with it I had was the repetitive use of sentence fragments and runons. That isn't to say you shouldn't use them at all. I think they really work well for some parts of the story telling, but may be used a bit excessivley. I understand this is probably an exerpt from a larger work so there isn't a clear plot laid out, but I think a book revolving around these characters would be very interesting to read."



betch

[moel]

whoa did you feel used?

look at this one
Noel:
"This piece is very anecdotal. Nothing yet moves it into greater resonance where it would feel like a complete story.

There are some pov questions. The way the description is offered is of the "he" of the piece rather than through him. The narrator is at a distance located somewhere in front of the main character. So the reading is distanced. We're not really experiencing whatever this character is experiencing.

The dialogue is a bit Q&A. We don't who is on the other side of the conversation though there's a slight sense that this is not the first time a similar conversation has occurred and that the two have known each other for some time as a result.

There's some kind of crisis, apparently, from the blood at the end. The cause of the blood is not apparent. "He holds it in his hand." [emphasis added] I don't know what that it is but it seems pivotal in what follows.

I think the piece is finally a bit too opaque. "

rahhhhhhh

[moel]

"Noel,

well, I don't think that you want the reader to "get it" but I kind of do, but rather dig it, and more importantly think that it's a noble effort. needed to be written, and was executed well. kind of a classic theme. voice terrific. liked the silence between the heart and the mind. food for thought. I suppose that's what a broken heart is all about.

broken like not functioning at the moment.. dialogue was terrific. not too much and not too little. cool that it was merely 200 words.

have been in the shoes of the protagonist before. am tempted to print this one out for future reference.

Thanks, "

bwah?

[moel]

some reviews just dont help

haha. look at this guy who apparently reviews while drunk:

"Frist, I must compliment the writer for taking on an extremely difficult and importnat subject. The best qualtiy of this story is found in the constant and devolping emotions of the heroine as time progresses. The writing style is at times magnificent, as the author seems to falsh through one scene inot the next, through one moment into the next, and most proufoundly through one emotional responce in the next. The beggining of the story is clearly meant to shock the reader, and grasp attention. It does, and yet at the same time, it pushes away the reader as well. Though the heroine is obviousely in a traumatic sense of rage at all the world around her, the first three paragraphs of the story do little justice to the highly skilled writing that follows later in the text. There is a real generation of emotional feelings, and the reader is able to connect with the girl, as the story progresses. It would have been more breathtaking for the reader to have encountered such well developed emotions, that are masterfully displayed through the heart of this piece, in the beggining. The opening of this story is truly the only aspect that one can find fault. At times the writing may seem a bit awkward, but it challenges the reader with creativity, and ultimately succeeds."

[moel]

heh. .. rage?

i liked this one:

"Noel, I’m tempted to opt out of this story...however I mean that as a compliment. No, seriously. I do not understand it as much as I’d like to, even after repeated reading, yet enjoy it. This is of course an experiment, but seems to have a single interpretation in mind. And though I cannot quite wrap my finger around it, I almost want to suggest a retitle: Eat Your Heart Out. The story is successfully disturbing, and if I am correct in its message, it is conveyed rather startlingly. The idea of a man who pulls out his dull heart and ‘represses it, as it was,’ is something that echoes absurdities in Kafka and Marquez, and since it’s not just done for show, it has some value.

For criticisms, it runs on a fine line between being oblique and being obtuse. ‘While not a word is spoken, there aren’t any’ is a good example of this. As strong as the idea is, and the way it’s conveyed, some of your language is deflated. This sentence comes dangerously close to appearing melodramatic and making me think, ‘Come on, give me a break!’ I like it, but be careful. Examples where you do cross the line are: ‘in the throes of his own self,’ and ‘empty now of passion’ (although this was the line that first caught my attention). I’ve written shorts like this before, and the biggest problem I’ve had is that I end up sounding like I’m trying to out-Kafka Kafka. It ends up sounding morose. The dialogue is static, though I imagine that is the point. Overall, a good story that perhaps overshoots the mark? "

[moel]

apperantly i tryed to out kafka kafka

FODDER MY REVIEW WILL BE IN THE MAIL TOMORROW I SWEAR