sleep

[Frieda]

i can't seem to sleep the past few weeks. i go to bed at 1.30 or later, but lay awake till 5 am or something, tossing and turning, but not able to sleep. the average sleeping time during the week is 3 hours now.

today i didn't sleep at all. at first i couldn't sleep and then my mother got up at 4.30 but she walks like an elephant in her office in the attic, which is right above my bed, so i became pretty annoyed and i got up anyway.

right now i'm yawning and i really want to sleep, but i have to go to work in an hour. i can't stay home, because my mother will be in her attic office all day walking around and annoying me with the noise.

she will ask me continuously about why i don't want to move out (no money) and how i'm doing at work (work has never sucked harder, and no i don't know when i'll be working for the new outsourcer). she will ask me what i will do about my car (nothing, it's a total loss but i continue to drive it), about health insurance (i can only send bills in when i receive them), about who all these people are that keep calling me (freak exes and wannabes).

i so desperately want to move out, but i don't have enough money to live on my own, housing simply is too expensive right now. i just want to get away from this without drinking and without smoking whatever i can smoke, without spending whole nights awake.

there's just no way out. life has slammed the door in my face and i'm bleeding. i really don't know how much longer i can take it.




sorry for putting all this crap in your faces. i just had to vent.