A response to all my email in 2003 and 2004

[Audreyvgs]

Thank God you included me in your quest to inform!
Thanks to all of you:

* I stopped drinking Coca-Cola after I found out that it's
good for removing toilet stains.

* I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on
a needle infected with AIDS.

* I smell like shit, but thank God I stopped using deodorant
because they cause cancer.

* I don't leave my car in any parking lot even though I
sometimes have to walk about seven blocks, for fear that
someone might drug me with a perfume sample and then
and try to rob me.

* I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they
will ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a phone
bill from hell with calls to Uganda, Singapore and Tokyo.

* I stopped consuming several foods for fear that the
estrogen they contain may turn me gay.

* I also stopped eating chicken and hamburgers because
they are nothing more than horrible mutant freaks with
no eyes or feathers that are bred in a lab so that places
like McDonalds can sell their Big Macs.

* I also stopped drinking anything out of a can for fear
that I will get sick from the rat feces and urine.

* When I go to parties, I now don't look at any guy
no matter how hot he is, for fear that he will take my
kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

* I donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account.
That poor sick girl that was about to die in the hospital.
Funny thing, she never seems to get any older ..

* I went bankrupt from bounced checks that I made,
expecting the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL were supposed
to send me when I participated in their special e-mail program.

It's weird, though that my new free cell phone never arrived,
and neither did the passes for my paid vacation to Disneyland.

But I am positive that all this is because of the chain
I broke or forgot to follow and I got a curse from hell.

IMPORTANT NOTE: if you don't copy and paste this into your own
email within 10 seconds, and send it to at least 1200 of your friends,
a bird is going to shiit on your head at 2pm tomarrow.

[zenbabe]

I have lost complete faith in any of these creams that promise to make my penis HUGE!!

[sparticle]

//a bird is going to shiit on your head at 2pm tomarrow.//

Eastern or Central Time?

[Audreyvgs]

crap, it never said. Use an umbrella both times.

[sparticle]

heh heh heh heh....

[madasacutsnake]

I once got one which asked if I would like a bigger breast? Well, yuh, if I wanted to walk around in circles........

[zenbabe]

You Irresistible Kumquat!

Egads!
Lordy!!
Honey, here's a real
flabbergaster about
the male beast:

The latest cutting edge research
shows that a bloke's brain lights up
like a juke box when he's shown
pictures of attractive women. Yes.
(Yawn) We all sorta know that. But
here's the fascinating part---- not only
does the sexual arousal area of the chap's
brain light up, but ALSO the areas for
memory, decision making, and
emotional processing.

I.E. almost his whole damn pumpkin ignites
like a jack-o'-lantern when he sees
a picture of a bewitching female. Hence:
PUT UP MORE PICTURES OF YOURSELF
ON GREATBOYFRIENDS.COM AND
GREATGIRLFRIENDS.COM. It's free
and for gawdsakes make them as charming
as possible! The male beast is hard-wired
to make mating decisions VISUALLY.
(Actually, it's turning out that
ALL male primate brains may be
programmed this way, Orangutans,
Chimps, Ryan Seacrest, etc., etc.)

Of course women love looking at pictures
of attractive men too (but we also need
a little conversation---our brains don't
light up completely till we're enthralled
emotionally.)

So put up some new shots of the
chap you recommended. (And remember,
Doll, if you've recommended
a handsome rogue and never
put up his picture before,
putting up a delicious photo
now will give you a FREE month!)

So get on it, honey! Aw, Hells bells,
I'll take your picture MYSELF---- If you
live in Toronto or New York. I'll be at
Indigo Books (corner Yonge & Eglinton in
Toronto) tonight! (March 24) 7:00 p.m. (Flapping
my gums about how to LAND
A MAN IN SIX WEEKS!)

Or if you live in New York, I'll take
your picture at the very fabulous Bendel's,
Wednesday Night, March 31 at 6:00 p.m.
Fifth Avenue. I'm on my lovely
MR. RIGHT, RIGHT NOW! book
tour and would adore seeing
you!

Love E. Jean
(And love from Cande, too. It is she who has been
plaguing me to get this letter out!)
P.S.
Speaking of MR. RIGHT, RIGHT NOW! Lirone and Tracy,
the two feisty New York women who went on
the CBS EARLY SHOW and tested the 6 Week Plan
in the book, MR. RIGHT, RIGHT NOW!----- Well,
Doll, they BOTH landed fantastic men.
(Check out Tracy's hilarious diary on
Greatboyfriends.com. She describes
what it's like falling in love in front of
TV cameras)