Lodown Dirty UN-PC Easter Thread

[Audreyvgs]

Wait, I'll go figure out something horrible to post....JT where are you when i need you?

Beale, I hope to make you proud/horrified.

[Audreyvgs]

The bartender was washing his glasses, and an elderly Irishman came in and with great difficulty, hoisted his bad leg over the barstool, pulled himself up painfully, asked for a sip of Irish whiskey.


The Irishman looked down the bar and said, "Is that Jesus down there?" The bartender nodded and the Irishman told him to give Jesus an Irish whiskey also.

The next patron was an ailing Italian with a hunched back and slowness of movement. He shuffled up to the barstool and asked for a glass of Chianti. He also looked down the bar and asked if that was Jesus sitting down there. The bartender nodded and the Italian said to give Him a glass of Chianti, also.

The third patron, a redneck, swaggered in dragging his knuckles on the floor and hollered. "Barkeep, set me up a cold one. Hey, is that God's Boy down there?" The barkeep nodded, and the redneck told him to give Jesus a cold one too.

As Jesus got up to leave, he walked over to the Irishman and touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed!" The Irishman felt the strength come back to his leg, and he got up and danced a jig to the door.

Jesus touched the Italian and said, "For your kindness you are healed!" The Italian felt his back straighten and he raised his hands above his head and did a flip out the door.

Jesus walked toward the redneck, and the redneck jumped back and exclaimed, "Don't touch me, I'm drawing disability!"

[Audreyvgs]

and, of course, the Jewish Easter Bunny

[Spicy Jack]

Enjoy your pagan holiday suckers.

Ain't nothing like a little pagan celebration to honor Jesus dieing so our sins could be forgiven.

Oh wait, he forgives you, so go ahead! Do whatever you want. And while you are at it eat some ham too.

[zenbabe]

Ham is nasty

blech....I would rather eat a cute lil furry bunny for dinner....

[Magpie]

My kids and I will be participating in our traditional Easter pilgrimage to Sonic Drive-In for our yearly "Jesus Slushies".

On another note....

What would Jesus do if Wal-Mart ran out of Chocolate bunnies? Some interesting conversations overheard last night:

HER: "I told you we should have come earlier, there's not a jellybean to be found in this store!"
HIM: "How about Starlite Mints? Everyone likes Starlite Mints."
HER: "You get those with your check when you leave a restaurant, they aren't Easter candy!"
HIM: "Maybe Jesus likes Starlite Mints, ever think of that?"
HER: "Jesus doesn't have to eat this for the next 2 months...Let's go check the Garden Center, maybe someone stashed a chocolate bunny in there."
HIM: "Oh good, chocolate Easter bunnies and weed insecticide...good combo."
HER: "How about a Dictionary...Taylor needs a dictionary doesn't she?"
HIM: unintelligible

I bought swedish fish and sugarless gum

mmmm.....I like Swedish fish.

[Magpie]

(gasp) Is that a regrettable food I see before me?(stares in silent wonderment)

[Avalon]

[Avalon]

The Easter Bunny gets some bad eggs!

[zenbabe]

[sparticle]

Another Irish Joke

As Father Mulligan surveyed his flock streaming into St. Brigid's on Easter morning, he noticed Mrs. O'Riordan driving her tribe along with slaps, blows and curses.

"G'wan with yez, Michael Sean -- *slap* -- Eamonn, ye witless wee bastard, wait fer yer sister -- *slap* -- Maura Kathleen, so help me Christ, I'll crack yer wee arse in another direction, so I will -- Oh, g'mairnin', Father."

"Mrs. O' Riordan," thundered the outraged priest, "have ye no heart nor conscience, abusin' these poor wee 'uns in yer care? Do you be rememberin', Missus, the patience of the Blessed Virgin Mary in the home at Nazareth!"

"Yah, shite to that!" says Mrs. O'Riordan. "Her and her one kid!"

[Avalon]

Sorry, this is one of the two Easter jokes I know.

3 blondes die and go to heaven and are met at the gate by St. Peter. He tells them, as much as he regrets it, there is only room for one of them. He decides in the interest of fairness, to give them a test.
He asks each one: What is the meaning of Easter.

Blonde #1: The Easter Bunny!
St. Peter: NO!..sorry, you do not pass.

Blonde #2: It's all about the tree and the gifts!
St. Peter: NO!..you also lose!

Blonde # 3: Jesus crucified and died for our sins.

Now St. Peter is happy! He tells her: Yes, Yes, Please go on!
Blonde#3: He was wrapped ina shroud and put in a cave. The closed the cave with a rock and waited 3 days for him to arise.

by now, St.Peter is estatic! He says to her: And then what happens my dear?

The blonde sighs and says: You are sooo silly St. Peter!! Every one knows this. They roll away the rock and if Jesus sees his shadow, there is 6 more weeks of winter!!

[Audreyvgs]

I like that one!

I went to a presbyterian school and the head guy loved to tell Jesus Jokes.

One of my favorites was that Jesus was being nailed to the cross, and he says,"John, come unto me" so John gets a ladder, puts it up and starts up to go see what Jesus wants, and the soldiers come and whack off John's legs, so he's laying there and Jesus again says, "John, come unto me" and John hauls himself up the ladder by his hands,, getting almost to the top, and again the soldiers come and whack off his arms. Again he hears, "John, come unto me..." and so by his teeth, he finally gets to the top, and he says "yes, Lord???" and Jesus says, "John! Did you know I can see your house from here?"