Creative Spam

[nycwriters]

Here's a thread dedicated to the strangest spam you receive ... I've had a few, but this one is a little bizarro:

Subject: Your 7500 Dollar Credit Line

and inside the email:

Don't do that, the cat pointed out. I'd seen many of the same things I've seen before. Love what you do and do what you love We're going to regret this, my friend said.

That could well be the answer. The continuation of our species matters more than you can imagine. It is the single most important thing we can do. Don't do that, the cat pointed out. There's something I should tell you.

But this was a long road, and should I walk down it, I might never come back. Suddenly, he disappeared. He extended his hand by way of introduction. There's something I should tell you.

Can you tell me the answer? she asked. I'd walk down to the stream, look around, and take a deep breath. (I'd seen something really weird. Thick walls are important. He wanted to know more.

[Smartypants]

Dead you hear Andre Codrescu a while back on NPR discussing the "word salad" that is Spam Poetry ?

[masterofNone]

i don't get spam.

[Clytie]

My name is Billy Evans. I am a very sick little boy.

My mother is typing this for me, because I can't. She is crying. The
reason she is so sad is because I'm so sick. I was born without a body. It doesn't hurt, except when I try to breathe.

The doctors gave me an artificial body. It is a burlap Bag filled with
leaves. The doctors said that was the Best they could do ON account of us having No money OR Insurance.

I would like to have a body transplant, but we need more money. Mommy doesn't work because she said nobody Hires crying people. I said, " Don't cry, Mommy" She hugged my burlap bag. Mommy always gives me hugs, Even though she's allergic to burlap and it makes her sneeze and chafes her real bad.

I hope you will help me. You can help me if you Forward this email to everyone you know. Forward it to People you don't know, the too. Dr. Johansen said that for every person you forward this email to, Bill Gates Will team up with AOL and send a nickel to NASA. With that funding, NASA will collect prayers from school Children all over America and have the astronauts take them up into space so that the angels can hear them Better.

Then they will come back to earth and go to the Pope, and he will take up a collection IN church and send all the money to the doctors. The doctors could help me get better then. Maybe one day I will be able to Play baseball. Right now I can only be third base.

Every time you forward this letter, the astronauts can take more prayers to the angels and my dream will be Closer to coming true. Please help me. Mommy is so Sad and and I want A body. I don't want my leaves to rot before I turn 10.

If you don't forward this email, that's okay. Mommy says you're a mean and heartless person who doesn't care about a poor little boy with only a head. She Says that if you don't stew IN the raw pit of your own Guilt-ridden stomach, she hopes you die A long slow, Horrible death and then burn forever IN hell.

What kind of cruel person are you that you can't take Five freakin'
minutes to forward this to all your Friends so that they can feel guilt and shame about ignoring a poor, bodiless nine-year-old boy? Please help me.

I try to be happy, but it's hard. I wish I had A Kitty. I wish I could
hold a kitty. I wish I could hold a kitty that wouldn't chew ON me and tryto bury its turds IN the leaves of my burlap body. I wish that Very much.

Thank You,
Billy "Smiles" Evans




----
i love the odd capitolization
----

[Aphrodite]

OMG I am going to forward that to some people!
I figure it had something to do with his mothers anit-bodies during pregnancy.
Poor little body-less boy!

[Avalon]

I am going to send that to everyone I know (who isn't on this board, that is) That is too funny!

[Clytie]

i send that out to anyone who sends me SPAM


my brother was a new user to email (at his work) and he sent me SPAM not knowing it...so i forwarded that to him...he caught on rather quickly

[Willow Sylph]

Clytie - that's the best one I've heard yet!
I really hate the spam emails where a "girl" writes to you and it looks like she's from some online dating service and she says "Hi, my name's Bambi and I'm new to the area. My friend said you might be able to show me around. I'm really petite and athletic and I love having pillow fights with all my cute girlfriends, blah blah blah." And then there's a link to her soft porn website. IRRITATING!

Clytie: thanks for sharing that one. Love it! JOJ!

[Smartypants]

My mom just forwarded me this one. The "Click Here" link doesn't work in the copy she sent me, but I asked her to send it again. I'll let you know what the sample letters look like.

---------
RAPTURE LETTERS

The rapture: When all the believers in Jesus Christ, who have been born again, are taken up to heaven.

After the rapture, there will be a lot of speculation as to why millions of people have
just disappeared. Unfortunately, after the rapture, only non believers will be left to come up with answers. You probably have family and friends that you have witnessed to and they just won't listen. After the rapture they probably will, but who will tell them?

We have written a computer program to do just that. It will send an Electronic Message (e-mail) to whomever you want after the rapture has taken place, and you and I have been taken to heaven.

If you wish to do something now that will help your unbelieving friends and family after the rapture, you need to add those persons email address to our database. Their names will be stored indefinitely and a letter will be sent out to each of them on the first Friday after the rapture. Then they will receive another letter every friday after that.

This rapture letter service is FREE and will hopefully gain the person you send it to an eternity in heaven.

If you would like to see one of the letters which will be sent after the rapture, click here.

This is a personal ministry, if you have any questions or comments please address them to: info@raptureletters.com

Thank you and God Bless You!

[Clytie]

it was the best forward i ever got!

[zenbabe]

Still find subtle faults with her from for mirror, operate a small fruit stand with her mirror over pine cone with abstraction living with.

Now and then, ribbon over toothache reach an understanding with inside ski lodge. Any cyprus mulch can bounce buzzard around, but it takes a real short order cook to near boy.

Augustine and I took dilettante behind cowboy (with about dust bunny, inside chain saw.Augustine, although somewhat soothed by marzipan inside and inside cheese wheel.

Augustine, the friend of Augustine and gets stinking drunk with of sheriff.

contend shadowy fletch leathery congress alizarin

[zenbabe]

I have no idea who this person is........

Hey everyone!

Hope you all are doing fine! The exams are coming to an end, got the last one on monday, then 4 months summer holidays!!! Going back to Sweden in 2,5 weeks and I've got zero and thousands of plans for the summer. Will probably end up doing nothing...

I wonder if any of you or any of your friends are planning to stay in London during the summer???

In that case, I've got a really nice flat to let between june and mid-september. It has four big double rooms (let separately), kitchen, living room, 3 balconys. And the best: the flat is really CENTRAL. 3 mins walk from euston station and only 10-15 mins down to oxford street (also close to UCL, SOAS, Birckbeck, ULU). The rent it really cheap for such a location and the size of the rooms: 110 per room per week.

If you are interested or know anyone who would be, email or call me asap. Please, spread this to everyone you know who's planning to go to london.

Take care!

//Emma

mobile: 0790 020 29 79

[Smartypants]

From a spam selling Vicodin and Viagra on the Internet:

I'd like you to come right over," a man phoned an undertaker, " and supervise the burial of my poor, departed wife.""Your wife!" gasped the undertaker, "Didn't I bury her two years ago?""You don't understand," said the man, " You see I married again.""Oh," said the undertaker, "Congratulations!"
A Hollywood producer ws determined to give his mother a birthday present that would be better than any his brothers were giving her. He heard about an amazing bird which could talk in twelve languages and sing ten famous operas. he immediately bought the bird and sent it to his mother. It cost him $50,000.The day after her birthday, he phoned his mother. "What did you think of the bird, Mother?" he asked eagerly. his mother replied, "Delicious!"
It was time for an elderly gentleman to be put into a nursing home, as his grown children could no longer care for him.After a week, the children went to visit their father at the nursing home. During the visit, the father leaned to the right, and a nurse quickly came over and propped him up with a pillow. A little while later, he leaned to the left, and again a nurse came and propped him up with another pillow. The man's children were amazed at how attentivethe home seemed to be, and questioned their father on how he liked it there. He responded, "I've been treated well, but I've got to tell you....they sure don't want you to fart here.