Have you ever

[Hermione]

Have you ever felt so miserable that you think you'll never be happy ever again?

Imagine this.. you have been given an opportunity to do something that most people can only dream about doing.. instead of enjoying this experience, you come home everyday and weep. You start to regret things that you could have done in order to be somewhere else. You know you shouldn't be so upset over something like this but you can't help it. Everyone is telling you that things will get better but how do they know? They don't know what it is like to go to a place where you feel so alone and hate every second of it.

"It is just the beginning.. you just have to get used to it"

"It's a big change.. don't worry so much"

I know it is just the beginning and it's a big change, but I don't like feeling like this.

sorry guys.. I just had to put this somewhere..

[priceyfatprude]

Don't be sorry. You are always welcome to post anything you want here.

I wish I had some sage advice for you, but I don't. All it takes is time.

What is it about college that you hate? The classes? The professors? The atmosphere? Your fellow students? The whole experience?

[nycwriters]

Surhbi, I recognize that you have some expectations piled up on your shoulders and you're compromising (for established right reasons) so that other dreams can come true. I consider those moments "limbo" --- so that when the really great day arrives, it's liberating and it's more than you expect.

Do your best here, but focus on your goal.... and what you need to accomplish this year to get to it.

There is nothing so horrible in this life that going to sleep won't provide some panacea the next day. That next day is always key.

Most of all, you have these wondrous and laudable goals. Recognize you're not going to get them in a year. It will take YEARS ... and that's what I don't think you're giving yourself right now -- is time.

This first year is your year to discover what you like and dislike in education, and to relax. To meet people from all walks, who will not only open your mind, but your heart as well. Go check out an early exhibit. Do things on your own that you would never dream of doing solo.

Be brave. These are your testing grounds -- because life will throw much more at you ... and if you hurdle over these things, the rest will be all cake.

And if you're struggling, you know you can always PM.

I expect great things from you.

edited to add;

I believe in you. And that belief is that you can make anything possible you set your mind to. Now go do it.

[sparticle]

You are going through something that is very common for a lot of people just starting something new. Not that this is any great comfort, of course!

When there are lots of expectations being placed on you, it brings lots of pressure. Add to that the fact that you are probably constantly being told that you "should" be happy, and it can make for a lot of difficulties.

This may be hard for you to believe right now, but this is temporary and will pass. For right now, it is only natural to feel somewhat unhappy, even though everyone is telling you you should be ecstatic.

It's easy for those of us with a few years behind us to say, "It's nothing! You should be happy! Don't worry so much! Get over it!" After all, we have a frame of reference. We've been through big changes, seen life's phases come and go, witnessed change and dealt with it and gone on to bigger and better things. We know from experience that nothing lasts forever and that if you just hang in there, things generally get better and even become wonderful.

Of course we know that. Key word there is experience!

This is probably the first time for you that you have been through such a drastic adjustment. It's going to be difficult at first. You may not like everything at first (or anything!). It's going to take some getting used to, and it's not going to happen overnight. Resistance to change is just a part of being human.

I would advise, if I may, that you take a little pressure off yourself by not telling yourself you "should" feel a certain way. There is no "correct" or "wrong" way to feel. You are bound to have misgivings at first. Be patient with yourself, be gentle with yourself, and realize that you are exactly where you are meant to be at this moment, feeling exactly what you need to feel to go on to the next step of your journey.

And trust us. It will get better.

Believe me, of all the problems people bring to this board, yours is one of the more positive ones. It means that growth is happening, change is occurring, and that you are headed, believe it or not right now, in a good direction.

Change is scary, and sometimes unpleasant, but the things you are going through are temporary. If you are patient and kind with yourself (as you would be with any other friend in a temporary rough spot), you will see.

Good luck, and thanks for telling us. Now, don't forget to keep us posted when it starts getting great (it will!).

XO

[Aphrodite]

Hey Surbhi.

As difficult as it is to get used to such new surroundings, you will become comfortable with it in time. Like they said before me: It will take time to get used to the pressures of University, the newness of your surroundings and the variety of people.

You have so much going for you, and your expectations are so high. Just remember to have some fun as well.

Have you been doing the Frosh week fun things? Have you had the chance to explore? Made any new friends?

I wish I could say the right thing and make it all seem great to you, but that isn't likely. I hope you find your stride there soon and begin to feel part of this chapter of your life. Eventually it will feel like YOUR school and YOUR world. In the mean time, come and vent to us when you need to. We're all rooting for you no matter what you do.

[chuckie egg]

Where are you studying Surb?

[Clytie]

Sub. *hugs*

my friend is goin through the same things right now. she called me last week and we talkd for 3 hours. She wanted to come home. I encouraged her to remember why she was there to look to her goals; how sure she was that she needed to go away to school; to give herself time to settle in; to make new friends.
im not saying my advice to her will work for you but test it out. see what happens

Everyone else has given such great advice i hope that things look different for you soon.

sometimes all it takes is a change in your perspective!

[trisherina]

It's not uncommon for students coming from a very high achieving high school background to hate their first year of university. There are few things people choose to avoid in life more than going from "being a big fish in a small pond, to being a little fish in a big pond." This is why. It is excruciatingly uncomfortable, and it blows dead goats.

While the sensation of little fishdom may not be the entire source of your discomfort, I suspect it is some of the problem.

My father so feared this type of transition that as an adult, he counseled us all to become "middle fish:" fish neither so big that we must battle with the big fish for supremacy, or so little that we are sure to get eaten. While you can pass life in this fashion, it can hardly be called living.

Living takes push, discomfort, fatigue, pain and risk. There is no other road, unless you want to just pass time.

In the meantime, feel free to kvetch about it all you want, and stop feeling guilty about not liking how difficult it all is. Kvetching to people who are willing to listen makes it all more tolerable.

[Frieda]

don´t be scared, surbs, don´t feel silly for crying, don´t feel guilty for not liking what others crave!

try joining a club or something, a sport maybe? physical exercise takes your mind off things, and it´s a perfect place to make new friends!

[madasacutsnake]

Mate, you worked so hard to be there. Now, here's some advice from my great grandmother:

Get on with it!

[dinzdale]

Yes.

I have been there, and a little of it stays with you, but once you learn about that feeling and you will, then you will have started to grow.

But right now it hurts. Dont worry.

[trisherina]

Dinz, she's not talking about her first athletic supporter.

[dinzdale]

That'll teach me to be nice for once.

[trisherina]

[Klynne]

Change is scary. It can also trigger depression, and this is a big change for you. Maybe you need to talk to a counselor for a few sessions.

Are you eating and sleeping? Take care and pm me if you want to talk.