Potentially Fatal Showdown in Tempe - ZEFRANK.COM

Magpie · 10-13-2004, 11:04 PM

BUSH, KERRY ALLOWED TO CARRY WEAPONS IN FINAL DEBATE
Potentially Fatal Showdown in Tempe
by Andy Borowitz

As President George W. Bush and Sen. John Kerry prepare for their final debate tonight in Tempe, Arizona, the Debate Steering Committee has rewritten the ground rules for the televised showdown, allowing both men to carry concealed weapons with them onstage.

“We’ve heard the criticism that the debates have been too choreographed and controlled,” said Jean Stovall, a spokesperson for the committee. “Hopefully, the promise that gunfire could break out at any moment will go a long way toward changing that perception.”

Although the national television ratings for the second debate slid precipitously from the first one, Ms. Stovall denied that the introduction of concealed weapons is designed to “goose” the ratings of the third installment.

“This is all about giving two men who despise each other very, very much the means by which they can slay each other,” Ms. Stovall said. “If that results in higher ratings, well, that’s just gravy.”

Both candidates took time out of their busy campaign schedules today to select weapons to carry onstage with them in the third debate, Mr. Bush choosing a Smith and Wesson six-shooter and Mr. Kerry opting for a combat knife from his tour of duty in Vietnam.

“I expect a lively discussion of the issues tomorrow night,” said Mr. Kerry, brandishing the gleaming six-inch blade for reporters. “But if that bastard gets up in my grille, I’m going to cut him.”

In other campaign news, President Bush toured areas devastated by Hurricane Ivan, and Sen. Kerry toured areas devastated by President Bush.

sparticle · 10-13-2004, 11:56 PM

OMG! That's hilarious. Is that from the Onion?

Klynne · 10-14-2004, 01:11 AM

Check out this site...

This woman is very funny.

http://www.cnn.com/2004/ALLPOLITICS/...13/klein.blog/

AllegroNg · 10-14-2004, 01:18 AM

Haha! Thank you Klynne! The first line alone makes me want her!!

"What is Bush widely grinning about while Kerry is talking? That's completely inappropriate. You shouldn't look like a Cleveland Indians logo when you're in the middle of a presidential debate and people are dying in a war."

She single?

Klynne · 10-14-2004, 01:22 AM

I went to her home page and read her bio. It did not really talk about her personal life. Go for it! I hope you two are very happy together.

10-13-2004, 11:04 PM	#1
Magpie Wishing on a pickle. Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: One mile up Posts: 3,082	Potentially Fatal Showdown in Tempe BUSH, KERRY ALLOWED TO CARRY WEAPONS IN FINAL DEBATE Potentially Fatal Showdown in Tempe by Andy Borowitz As President George W. Bush and Sen. John Kerry prepare for their final debate tonight in Tempe, Arizona, the Debate Steering Committee has rewritten the ground rules for the televised showdown, allowing both men to carry concealed weapons with them onstage. “We’ve heard the criticism that the debates have been too choreographed and controlled,” said Jean Stovall, a spokesperson for the committee. “Hopefully, the promise that gunfire could break out at any moment will go a long way toward changing that perception.” Although the national television ratings for the second debate slid precipitously from the first one, Ms. Stovall denied that the introduction of concealed weapons is designed to “goose” the ratings of the third installment. “This is all about giving two men who despise each other very, very much the means by which they can slay each other,” Ms. Stovall said. “If that results in higher ratings, well, that’s just gravy.” Both candidates took time out of their busy campaign schedules today to select weapons to carry onstage with them in the third debate, Mr. Bush choosing a Smith and Wesson six-shooter and Mr. Kerry opting for a combat knife from his tour of duty in Vietnam. “I expect a lively discussion of the issues tomorrow night,” said Mr. Kerry, brandishing the gleaming six-inch blade for reporters. “But if that bastard gets up in my grille, I’m going to cut him.” In other campaign news, President Bush toured areas devastated by Hurricane Ivan, and Sen. Kerry toured areas devastated by President Bush. __________________ Sometimes evil drives a mini van.

10-13-2004, 11:56 PM	#2
sparticle Conspiracy Theorist Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: cleveland, oh Posts: 4,702	OMG! That's hilarious. Is that from the Onion? __________________ There are few situations in life which wind up with you saying to yourself: "Gee, I wish I'd had worse manners there." -- trisherina

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10-14-2004, 01:11 AM	#3
Klynne monkey Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Grand Rapids, MI Posts: 4,543	Check out this site... This woman is very funny. http://www.cnn.com/2004/ALLPOLITICS/...13/klein.blog/

10-14-2004, 01:18 AM	#4
AllegroNg What I Am Wearing. Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Near DC Posts: 2,573	Haha! Thank you Klynne! The first line alone makes me want her!! "What is Bush widely grinning about while Kerry is talking? That's completely inappropriate. You shouldn't look like a Cleveland Indians logo when you're in the middle of a presidential debate and people are dying in a war." She single?

10-14-2004, 01:22 AM	#5
Klynne monkey Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Grand Rapids, MI Posts: 4,543	I went to her home page and read her bio. It did not really talk about her personal life. Go for it! I hope you two are very happy together.