not-goodish news

[sparticle]

We got a phone call late last night -- my 19-year-old son is back at our house. The circumstances are not good, but I couldn't turn away a child of mine, not one in the shape in which he arrived with nowhere else to turn. It is going to require a lot of patience -- a lot more than I think I may have right now. It will also require firmness, but as they say in the Staples commercials, we have that.

All will be well -- somehow.

[priceyfatprude]

*hugs*

You know where I am if you need to talk. I was an impossible teenager once.

[Avalon]

Oh Spart..I am close enough that if you need me, I can be there. Anything I can do, I will.

xoxxo
d

[sparticle]

you guys are the best -- thanks for the PM, Avvy; I will prolly call you this weekend.

I could never turn him out on the street in the shape he was in. Fvck "enabling" -- he's one of my own.

He may, however, voluntarily go back to the street after dealing with Major Ma for awhile. I am on the all out tough love offensive. When I am on a real crusade, I think there are probably lots of people who would rather die in rags in an alley than have to deal with me. LOL

The Mister made the big mistake last night of saying that I shouldn't be "harsh" on Son and that it was "time for amends". I'll leave the rest of that exchange up to your imagination, Gentle Reader.

Son has his marching orders. He is either going to find work immediately and attend nightly 12-step meetings or he is minus a place to live. I am not kidding him about a halfway house/shelter if he screws up, and I am not going to run interference with the police for him if he is in trouble he's not telling me about. This is a home, not an outlaw hideout. I really went up one side him and down the other. It was tough love. It was NOT "you no good stupid piece of....nothing but a pain in everybody's ass..." stuff. It was "see how far your own great thinking got you and now it's time for you to get off your ass and start living a responsible life, and you're not going to keep doing what you were doing under my roof -- you are going to do this and this AND this or I'll kick your ass to the curb.... I'm through screwing around with....." stuff. The mister, who was SO not raised by wolves and does not understand the difference, assumed I was being "mean" and tried to step in. He nearly got a notch in his own ear for his pains. "Listen, you, if I wanted to be mean he wouldn't be standing here....."

JFTR, never -- NEVER -- get between Mama Lion and the disciplining of the cubs....

[nycwriters]

Aw honey, I'm sorry to read this. You have my digits if you need to talk. Please use them.

And if you want to ship him here and I can make him board at a Harlem or Bed Stuy crackhouse for a week to wake him up, you let me know.

I know this has been a struggle. I know it's been really hard on you having to be so strong. I know it wasn't easy for you to take him back in that condition and I know you have high hopes. I hope, as well, that that faith is not unfounded.

But keep strong. OK? Only you understand what needs to be done. You've seen those demons and beat them. Hopefully he will too.

[sparticle]

Thanks, babe. I appreciate it. I'm just sittin' here watching the wheels go round and round at this point.

All will be well.

[nycwriters]

I know, but for now that's all you can do.

I'm holding my breath with ya.

[agentsmith]

Originally posted by sparticle
you guys are the best -- thanks for the PM, Avvy; I will prolly call you this weekend.

I could never turn him out on the street in the shape he was in. Fvck "enabling" -- he's one of my own.

what shape was he in?

[sparticle]

Hungry, crying, dirty, craving alcohol, broke, shaky -- you name it.

If it had been anyone else, I might have hesitated. But he's my kid. He brought me a signed attendance slip from a twelve-step meeting tonight, and he has a job interview Monday, so we shall see. He's home, he's straight and he's not giving me any trouble TODAY. It has to stay in today -- one day at a time. Today was okay. But if one of these "todays" he decides to screw up, he's back on the street. His sister doesn't deserve to have to deal with this and neither do we.

[melissa]

Good luck Sparty. You're in my thoughts. Wish I could do more.

[sparticle]

Originally posted by melissa
Good luck Sparty. You're in my thoughts. Wish I could do more.

You've done so much just by being there. I just come in here to vent a bit and get a little support from my Zefriends. Thanks, HoneyBee; you're a sweetie!

[Audreyvgs]

Me too, but i am listning real hard as to what you do...I was watchin Dr Phil and he said you dassnt say anything if you don't make it a reality. You can't threaten without actually doing it if a line gets crossed.

tell me what you know in hindsight about not letting this happen to bink?? I live in that kind of town, where it happens alot. I hear it all the time.

this seems like a really rude question, sorry

[sparticle]

Well, I am definitely prepared to give him the boot if he doesn't live up to the rules we have laid out. I think living in the street and seeing that not everyone cares (in fact, nobody has to!) opened his eyes to a lot. He knows now what it's like out there, and I think he actually developed gratitude for having a family who cares and a real, warm, clean, loving home instead of eight guys in a filthy house that was nothing but a crash pad. It was fun for about two weeks. After five months of that, he became a lot more willing to listen to reason. He has a long, long way to go and a lot of amends to make, but I think the important thing at this point is that he is willing to make them. Before he had to live like that, he didn't even see anything wrong with what he was doing. Certainly he didn't appreciate having a family who cares.

Just from my own experience, I can say that when it hurts bad enough, we get willing to do something about it. He has to bring that to the table now. He's expressed appreciation, something he never did in nineteen years.

Now it's up to him. It will give me no pleasure to have to follow through and throw him out for good if he screws up. But I will do it. I am fully prepared to. Let's hope I don't have to.

[trisherina]

You don't let it happen or not happen, Aud. He'll either take a drink or a snort and you'll lose him til someone makes what sparticle's doing right now stick... or he'll take that same drink or snort and just suffer the heartache and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to. You won't know til then.

[zenbabe]

ah spart, my heart goes out to you. I hope that things look up for him. sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before things look up and get better, then you have a greater appretiation for those things.....the momma bear in you will help him find his way, I just know it, he is lucky to have you there, so many on the streets don't have anywhere else to turn.

Good luck!