Are you? Have you? Do you know?

[Zaftig]

Are you a foster parent?
Have you ever been a foster parent?
Do you know anyone closely that is a foster parent?

If so I have some questions.

[Spicy Jack]

no.

are you thinking about it?

[Zaftig]

Yes.


For a little bit more than that It's a lOOOOOOONG story, and anyone here that knows me well knows I can be LOOOOOONG winded so I'll try and be brief.

Was told I could never concieve years ago so it's always been in my mind. Did concieve. . we won't go there. . . then, a couple months ago the whole adoption/foster parenting thing came back in my mind. The past few days I have been feeling strong promptings about becoming a foster parent. Then yesterday out of the blue my sister calls and says, "Have you ever thought about becoming a foster parent?"

So I've done a bunch of research but there's nothing like asking questions from people that have been or personally know about the situations.

*edited to add: And asking those questions from people who you kinda know*

[daverbee]

No.
No.
Yes!

My friend Kathryn in our Pulmonology Clinic finally adopted a girl she had become a foster parent to about eight years ago.
She had a terrible time in the courts trying to pry the mother's hands off this child, even after the mother had almost starved the girl close to death.
Keisha is a vibrant, intelligent, happy girl of 12 now and the two of them are like two peas in a pod.
Go for it!

[Zaftig]

Aww! Thanks Dav! It definately makes me want to more and more!

I have to talk more about it to Sim though. It's been in my mind, seriously been in my mind for a while but I didn't vocalize it until about 4:30 in the morning when I still couldn't sleep. He seemed all up for it then. . but we have much more talking to do and preparing.

*edited to add: For some reason we have talked extensively about adoption in the past as of course when you're told you can't concieve you have to tell your partner before you marry. . . so he's always known this might have to be an option and has always been 100% supportive.

[daverbee]

Good luck and if you need any more info I'll see if Kathryn would be willing to communicate!

[Zaftig]

Thanks! I have a bunch of questions so when Sim and I talk more about this and I get them all listed I may take you up on that offer!

[Malmal11787]

i know a girl that has adopted five children from russia. she just got her last two recently and they dont know any english. i guess it just depends on what you need to know, but i know some stuff about adoption.

[Zaftig]

Thanks! Right now I'm leaning toward fostering but ya never know what that could lead to! Should things go a different way I know I'll have a whole new set of questions!

[melissa]

Good luck with that, Zaftig. Keep us posted on this!

[zenbabe]

My aunt was a foster parent, and my brothers and I were in a foster home at one point when we were kids......

[trisherina]

I was preceptor this year to a student whose parents have ten children of their own, and adopted two more (a brother and sister) from Haiti. Private adoption here was out of the question because of the size of their own brood, so they had to go with either out-of-country or special needs children (say, kids with cystic fibrosis). They chose the former because they were more worried about the impact of sick children on the family. It was costly for them -- between 10 and 20 K to get each of those children here. They're thriving beautifully, very much a part of the family, and the parents think it was helpful to bring them in as brother and sister -- less intimidating.

I have had some personal exploration into the topic as well (I take Methotrexate, a teratogen), but we continue to hope for now that the condition will return to remission soon enough to allow for stopping the drug while I am still capable of conceiving. I think if I were to abandon that route, I'd consider taking on one of those children with special health needs. RatMan thinks I must be out of my bleeming mind.

[melissa]

Someday I'll adopt two girls. Probably from China. I never want to make a baby inside of me.

[Avalon]

Hey Zaf,
I only have one small bit of advice. I think fostering is a wonderful thing; many people have their foster parents to thank for the only stable environment they have ever known and/or the only love they have ever received.

My advice is this: proceed, but proceed with caution. Some kids are given back to their parents when they are better able to cope and some others are taken into adoptive situations, leaving the foster parents heart broken. Yet others remain for the duration.
Just be ready for all possible senarios and all will be fine.

I commend you and Sim both on your selflessness.

[Zaftig]

It's really nice to see the insight that all of you have on things. I appreciate it more than you know. I've said this in a PM to Spicy verbatim but it just feels right to add the same thoughts here.

It does seem like it would be very challenging at times. I think everyone, whether they ever recognize it or not, has certain opportunities they were sort of designated to fulfill in their life time. A specific task designed for their personality that gives them the chance to change someone elses life if that makes sense. I think if you look inside yourself those promptings have always been there or will arise inside of you at a point when you have to face them if you haven't seen it before. This is just something I've alway known I wanted. There are so many little ones in the world that need to be loved by someone else other than their biological parents just as much as if they came from their own flesh in blood. I'd like to think I have that sort of love to offer. I hope this all made sense. The idea of fostering/adoption is a long way off as I have a lot to do to pull myself together but it's something I know I need to do even if Sim and I do decide to have our own children in the future.

Though my thoughts on things may not mesh with yours the outcome is still the same. With all of that said, I appreciate all of your thoughts on this and any other thoughts that may arise. It's a long way off but a serious possibility. I'll keep you all posted.