This is the thread where we post things you see on Craigslist.com

[zenbabe]

Moxy

[Smartypants]

Straight male seeks Bush supporter for fair, physical fight - m4m

[zenbabe]

what IS grimus?!?!?!

[zenbabe]

should I apply?

[melissa]

Your advertisement said: "If your too old or too ill to take your dream vacation, I will take your dream vacation for you...I will keep a journal of all the exciting things I did on your vacation and bring back photos and souvenirs for you to treasure" I thought what a nice person you are to offer that to an old shut-in like myself.... So, in July 2003 I gave you a generous check and sent you on your way to my dream destination - Brazil... it's been 16 months now and I still have not received MY journal, MY photos, or MY souvenirs from MY vacation. I'm beginning to wonder if I will ever hear from you again!

[zenbabe]

MONEY HUNGRY WOMEN? INQUIRE WITHIN!!!

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Reply to: job-50880266@craigslist.org
Date: 2004-12-02, 9:52AM PST


Part-time positions available for charming, attractive, sophisticated and articulate young women for exclusive companionship service. To qualify for an interview, you must meet the following requirements:

You MUST be between the age of 18 and 35 (photo ID is required).
You MUST meet appearance standards required by professional modeling agencies: weight, height, measurements, etc.
You MUST be reliable
If you are over 18 years of age and meet the requirements listed above, please e-mail us your most recent photos and relevant personal information, such as age, height, weight, and previous experience, for immediate consideration. Please be honest and provide the most accurate information to avoid wasting each other's time.
Thank You!!!

[sparticle]

"Dear ex-boyfriend,

the time we spent together was magical, but now that you've dumped me to insert your penis elsewhere, won't you change your email password so the temptation to read pathetic missives from my vagina-replacements is mitigated?

I wish you all the luck in the world that the speed-, e-, and live-dating works out for you, but my insatiable curiosity and sado-masochistic streak, combined with my complete lack of discipline, make it all too desirable to pseudo-stalk you while at the same time congratulating myself that I'm not as lame as you. Talk about a binary universe!

I think of your shiny pate and your dubious political affiliations, and wonder why I ever thought we were right for each other. That being said, nothing spices up a dull work day like the hair-shirt I don every time I check your messages to see if 'that blonde bitch' has emailed you back. I see she hasn't; guess the weekend didn't go so well. Or maybe you've discovered the gift that keeps on giving; genital herpes.

Logging in as you this Holiday Season,

Your pissed-off ex who knows your password."


-- this is in or around West Hell

-- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

[Gatsby]

Want Vegan Penpal(& may be marriage)Female

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Reply to: anon-49262755@craigslist.org
Date: 2004-11-17, 12:34AM CST


Want vegan(or vegetarian who can to be vegan)non-smoker drinker(drugs free),
serious,reliable penpal(& possibly marriage if the chemistry is right)female no pets,dependable,chaste,virgin,dressed(decent way)not gossip,reserved,not
interested about money,clubbing,boyfriends,interested about philosophy,
spirituality,religions(not sects),willing to relocate,without make up,dyed
hair,tattoo,piercing,cosmetic surgery,housewife by choice,good family,morality.
About 5'2-5'7,fair haired/red,green,blue.

*************************************************
GOOD FARKING LUCK you narcissistic, masochistic, mysogynist arsehole

[trisherina]

Well, one thing you gotta say, the guy was clear about what he wanted. If I ever find her sitting neckst to me at the company golf classic, well, I can't be responsible for what happens.

[zenbabe]

ahhahahha! Good luck guy!

[priceyfatprude]

Originally posted by sparticle
"Dear ex-boyfriend,

the time we spent together was magical, but now that you've dumped me to insert your penis elsewhere, won't you change your email password so the temptation to read pathetic missives from my vagina-replacements is mitigated?

I wish you all the luck in the world that the speed-, e-, and live-dating works out for you, but my insatiable curiosity and sado-masochistic streak, combined with my complete lack of discipline, make it all too desirable to pseudo-stalk you while at the same time congratulating myself that I'm not as lame as you. Talk about a binary universe!

I think of your shiny pate and your dubious political affiliations, and wonder why I ever thought we were right for each other. That being said, nothing spices up a dull work day like the hair-shirt I don every time I check your messages to see if 'that blonde bitch' has emailed you back. I see she hasn't; guess the weekend didn't go so well. Or maybe you've discovered the gift that keeps on giving; genital herpes.

Logging in as you this Holiday Season,

Your pissed-off ex who knows your password."


-- this is in or around West Hell

-- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

heh heh heh

[priceyfatprude]

This was posted in the "Rants and Raves" section of Craig's List in San Francisco.

*************************************************

Yes, you. You sick ****er. On Wednesday morning I emerged from my girlfriend's building by U.N. Plaza to find that you had sawed the tops off both the sparkplugs on my motorcycle. At the time, I had no idea why anyone would do that. Other than the sparkplugs, the bike was untouched. Some kind of bizarre vandalism? A fraternity prank gone awry? I had no idea. All I knew is that I looked like a huge douchebag riding the Muni to work in a padded motorcycle jacket and helmet.

Because the bike was immobilized I got a $35 street sweeping ticket that night. Thursday I had it towed to the shop ($45) where they replaced the sparkplugs and the boots ($50 including labor). They explained to me that "people" - I use the term loosely here - like you break off the tops of spark plugs and use the porcelain tubes to smoke crack. As an engineer and former MacGyver fan, in a way I think this is kind of cool. But then I remember that I just paid $100 for YOUR crackpipes, and I get angry again.

Crackhead, it was really good to have my bike back though. I rode home from the shop with a couple of spare sparkplugs and a smile on my face. I figured the next time I parked at my girlfriend's place overnight I would have to buy some crackpipes and tape them to my bike as a peace offering. Overall, I wasn't that upset. Despite having to ride the bus for three days and dropping a hundred bones at the shop, I had gained some fascinating knowledge, a new set of sparkplugs, and a pretty funny anecdote about how ****ed up you are, and how our paths once crossed briefly in the night.

But you couldn't just let sleeping dogs lie, could you Crackhead. You couldn't just stay in on Friday, watch Letterman through the window of a home electronics store and then call it a night. You couldn't rest on your laurels. Two porcelain sparkplug crackpipes just wasn't enough for you, was it Crackhead? You just had to come back for more.

This morning, a scant fifteen hours after I rode it out of the shop, I found my motorcycle violated once again. This time you only took the right one - maybe you were having an off night. At least this time I had a spare sparkplug and the tools to fix it - or so I thought - having ordered a 73-piece toolset from SEARS.com last week. But no, the sparkplug socket in my new toolset was for American sparkplugs. So I had to go down to the neighborhood Ace hardware. They had an 18mm socket that would fit over my sparkplug, but it was for a 1/2" drive ratchet. My toolkit only has 1/4" and 3/8" ratchets. So I had to buy a 1/2" ratchet along with the socket. Even though the clerk took pity on me and gave me the senior citizen discount (I'm 25) it still cost me $22 all told. Now, you might say that I should have just gotten a 3/8"-to-1/2" drive adaptor instead of springing for the whole ratchet. And to that I say "Shut the hell up, Crackhead, I'm not finished. And besides, I was eventually going to buy a 1/2" ratchet anyway so it's probably not worth it to take it back now."

OK, now I'm rambling. But the point is, Crackhead, that you have done me wrong. Now, I get that you love crack. That is totally understandable. I've heard it is really fun, at first, and quite addictive. What I don't understand is,

YOU ARE A CRACKHEAD. WHY DON'T YOU OWN A CRACKPIPE?

I am an engineer. Do you ever see me shaking down bums in the Loin for a calculator and sliderule? No, you don't. Because engineering is the main thing I do, I went and bought myself a calculator. The main thing you do is crack. How do you get by without a crackpipe? The other crackheads must clown on you non-stop. I mean, the ****ing saw you used to saw off my sparkplugs is probably worth five or ten bucks. Why not sell or trade it for a crackpipe? You really haven't put much thought into this, have you?

Please, Crackhead, please don't tell me you sold your crackpipe to buy crack. Even a stupid crackhead such as yourself couldn't possibly be that stupid.

I've decided that taping crackpipes to my motorcycle would be tantamount to appeasement. You have crossed a line, Crackhead - specifically California Street. You have come onto my own street and you have desecrated that which I hold dear. You have stolen from me, and you have caused me to spend the last half hour writing this post instead of engineering shit, and it is concievable, if not likely, that my boss could find out about this and fire me. I am hella pissed at you dude.

Here are my options as I see them:

1. Write a note saying that I have coated both of my sparkplugs in rat poison and tape it to my bike at night. You can thank Tim for that one, it was his idea.

2. Don't write a note, but just coat both sparkplugs in rat poison. This is probably closer to a punishment that would fit your despicable crime. I'm sure this is super illegal and shit, but it's not like anyone is going to miss you, Crackhead. Don't fool yourself.

3. Wait in an alley near my bike armed with my new stainless steel mirror-finish Ace Professional brand 1/2" drive socket wrench, my 18mm sparkplug socket, and my searing rage. It's pretty heavy and well balanced. I am not a large man, but I am angry.

In conclusion, Crackhead, why don't you just do both of us a favor and buy yourself a crackpipe? It will both enhance your crack smoking experience and save me a lot of time and felony assault charges. Think about it.

Sincerely,
Matt

*** If you are not the Crackhead that took my sparkplugs, please disregard this posting ***

[zenbabe]

I think that one is in the 'best of' section, I remember reading that one a while ago. I still cant believe that it is easier to saw a spark plug than just to go buy a crack pipe.