parents of adhd children talk here

[moel]

the real deal not that 'oh my kids acting weird right now he must have adhd' crap

[trisherina]

I am married to someone with ADHD. He's all grown up, I need to point out. Does that help?

[masterofNone]

i've dated two women with ADD. They kept forgetting to call back.

[madasacutsnake]

My friend's daughter has Rett's and one of the symptoms of that can be ADHD. Becky does not sleep before midnight then she calls out intermittently throughout the night. She throws things. She loves to bang on things, kick and shake things. She likes to tear paper, empty drawers and cupboards and anything on a table MUST be thrown onto the floor. She has a food obssession which means she will eat (poisonous stuff too) until she is dry retching and then some. Usually most of the food ends up smeared on the carpet and furniture. She is what we like to politely term "verbally disruptive" - this means she screams, makes loud and odd noises and laughs inappropriately. Continually. She can be physically aggressive and she is big enough to push her mother over and harm her four year old brother.

Did I mention that this behaviour is continual? If it were me, one of us would be dead by now.

[moel]

at what stage/time would you resort to medication?

[trisherina]

I have no big fears of medication, believing in Better Living Through Chemistry, aka the medical model. That said, yes, one should tread lightly before altering the brain chemistry of a wee brain (big old brains can go screw).

Certain ADD problems can be "life managed." Good life management with ADD means getting plenty of exercise, having plenty of intellectual preoccupations available, and providing as much stability and structure in the background as possible (avoiding a chaotic, frequently disrupted lifestyle).

Other problems are just brought about by brain chemistry, and will not respond to life management. Sleeping is often one of those problems. So is concentration. RatMan makes up for his sleep deficits by suffering all week and sleeping in on weekends owing to the beneficence of his beloved. He can manage this by long custom, but I don't know if a child could be expected to.

Concentration -- RatMan shows huge differences in attention and concentration, I'm talking SEVERAL STANDARD DEVIATIONS, when under the influence of Dexedrine and when not. He needs only take it on an "as needed" basis, say when there's a big push for a software release, and attention/concentration is not an option by any means.

SO, the bottom line is, if I felt there was enough clinical and personal data indicating quality of life could be significantly improved through the use of medication for sleep or concentration -- I'd use em, on a child or on an adult. I'd make sure the meds were being dispensed by someone who'd done a TON of clinical testing and who was very familiar with use of the meds, their desired effects, and possible side effects.

[moel]

thank you

[Avalon]

I have friends who have a daughter with ADDH; she has many of the destructive tendencies that Snake's friend's child has. She has been through all of the testing and been to dozens of specialists. They all recommended medication and behavior modification.

Right.

7 weeks into the regimen, her parents ceased all meds. Their reasoning? "She just wasn't Rachel anymore".
Hell no, she wasn't. She was sleeping at night, she wasn't throwing tantrums and assulting everyone in sight. The last time I saw her, all I could picture was that nasty little man from Trilogy of Terror. Needless to say, we have gone our seperate ways. At last count, 4 schools had also invited her to leave.

Some parents just do not get it.

[madasacutsnake]

Becky's mother also has medication angst. Becky was on Respiradone for six weeks. She slept well. She wasn't aggressive. Even her teacher commented on her compliant behaviour and improved ability to concentrate on her schoolwork. Prior to her commencing on Respiradone, she had been in grave threat of losing her precious place at after-school-care. The after-school-care staff were happy as they no longer had to worry about Becky kicking or throwing things at five year olds and began to enjoy having her there.


Mother took her off medication because she "didn't think it was doing any good" (!). Result was that Becky was expelled from the after school program, this time with no negotiation entered into. Mother has begun to be called to pick her up from the oh-so-precious respite as her behaviour is out of control - and in that situation, you can imagine that respite will be offered less frequently. Life is once again hell for the family (there are two other children and her partner who are not being considered in this choice).

Some people can't be helped.

[masterofNone]

to what extent do you think these parenting behaviors are involved in the kid's symptoms? i mean how certain are we that adhd has a biological cause. i say this because, quite literally, my parents used to drive me batshit.

[Willow Sylph]

My son has ADD. It's been quite a challenge throughout the school years. I shouldn't have been surprised when I discovered that he had it. His Dad quite obviously still has it. But unfortunately for him, his parents apparently never accepted it and dealt with it accordingly. A mistake I AM NOT making with my son.

I notice that the stricter the rules are for him and the more regimented his schooling and after-school activities are, the better he performs. He doesn't cope well with a lot of changes
and chaos. It seems to make it impossible for him to FOCUS. Another thing that has helped is to discuss ADD with him, so that he's aware of his weaknesses and can curb some of the ADD behaviors that tend to manifest themselves when he's at school (although he's not ALWAYS successful at it). I also really try to communicate often with his teachers so I know what he's up to, how he's doing, and what problems or difficulties I need to help him with and what might help his teachers help him better.

And, yes, he does take medication. It's not something I love doing, although I don't feel like I've compromised him. Trust me, this is something I've fretted over often, and you always get some person who doesn't have kids or doesn't have kids with ADD who can tell you every bad thing there is to know about ADD medication. So I don't feel horrible about it, like I'm screwing up his chemistry. ADD is a brain chemical imbalance of sorts. And the medication has helped. Remarkably, in fact. The medication he is taking (I don't know if all of them are like this or not) acts fast and goes out of the system fast (He doesn't even have to take it on the weekends or the summer - only during schooltime). It's not like some medications that take a month to take effect. When I started him on it (and didn't tell his teachers), the next day some of his teachers called me to tell me that he had done considerably better at focusing and being calm in class. BUT, this isn't full-proof.

He has a problem. It's something he will probably always have. So he will always struggle. I will always struggle with him. Throughout his entire school life, he will never have it as easy as some other students. But that's just the way it is. We do what we can, the best we can.

[Aphrodite]

The difficulty I see most represented with ADHD, is the parents. Let me adjust your concept of that statement.

There are people who have ADHD. Some are severe, like those mentioned, and some are mild, where the child is thought to be slacking, or attention seeking. The problem that occurs is the parents who somehow believe that they understand the disorder and the medications better than their physician.

Take the child off the drugs because
1. Little Billy seems sedated.
2. Mom or Dad feel like they have started drugging their child.
3. Can't afford the medication.


Meanwhile another parent
1. Diagnoses their very active but normal child as ADHD.
2. Finds enough information on the disorder and unintentionally attributes them to the child.
3. Convinces the teacher or physician by presenting enough similarities and symptoms.
4. Pushes for a trial period on the drugs, or more intervention at the school.

It is the parents who do these things.
There are people who need the medication, and/or intervention. There are people who don't. It is most often the parent who blurs the lines and alter the outcome.

It is a shame that ADHD has become a catch all phrase and over used diagnosis. It brings scepticism to a truly disruptive disorder.

[madasacutsnake]

There's a big difference between a kid who is badly parented and a kid with ADHD. (Over to Trish for the scientific stuff because I am too lazy to look it up right now). For example, a lot of children with ADHD are quite well behaved, within their parameters anyway. The disorder presents almost solely as inability to concentrate. Trish's husband is a grown up and he still has ADHD.

BTW Becky is a bit outside of the ordinary cases - she has Rett's syndrome and is profoundly disabled. Which is not to say that behavioural therapy would not work. (It just takes a modicum of intelligence and some effort. Becky's mum is kind of short on both those things).

[Willow Sylph]

I was reading Avalon's post and was reminded that sometimes medication just doesn't work for a kid. But it's had no adverse effects on him. He's not lethargic, unemotional, violent, doesn't have trouble sleeping, isn't depressed, etc. The only thing I have noticed is that his appetite decreases a little (but not enough to alarm me) when he takes it.

As a side: I saw a really interesting thing on Dateline or some type of show like that about a year ago where a mother was fighting the law over allowing her son to smoke pot because it seemed to work remarkably well for his ADHD. They showed a day in his life with and without and it was amazing how much better he did after he had consumed pot. He didn't have a lot of it, not enough that he was lounging around going "yeah, duuuuude." He was just calmer, not upset at all, and could FOCUS on doing his homework and schoolwork successfully. I don't draw any particular conclusion from it. I'm not condoning allowing your ADD/ADHD kids to smoke pot. I'm just saying it looked like it worked for him.

[Klynne]

Originally posted by Willow Sylph
I was reading Avalon's post and was reminded that sometimes medication just doesn't work for a kid. But it's had no adverse effects on him. He's not lethargic, unemotional, violent, doesn't have trouble sleeping, isn't depressed, etc. The only thing I have noticed is that his appetite decreases a little (but not enough to alarm me) when he takes it.

As a side: I saw a really interesting thing on Dateline or some type of show like that about a year ago where a mother was fighting the law over allowing her son to smoke pot because it seemed to work remarkably well for his ADHD. They showed a day in his life with and without and it was amazing how much better he did after he had consumed pot. He didn't have a lot of it, not enough that he was lounging around going "yeah, duuuuude." He was just calmer, not upset at all, and could FOCUS on doing his homework and schoolwork successfully. I don't draw any particular conclusion from it. I'm not condoning allowing your ADD/ADHD kids to smoke pot. I'm just saying it looked like it worked for him.

My bf has ADHD. He smokes pot daily, and I tell you what ,it balances him out. Same way as you described, not so high that he is veggie like, but he can seem to relate to me a little better when he is stoned. Maybe I am easier to get along with when one is stoned.

He does flooring for a living, and absolutely goes nuts if he is not working on three jobs or more a day. He is not wired to sit behind a desk and answer phones or work on a computer.