Songs from your Childhood

[Smartypants]

The Masochism Tango

by Tom Lehrer

I ache for the touch of your lips, dear,
But much more for the touch of your whips, dear.
You can raise welts
Like nobody elts,
As we dance to the masochism tango.

Let our love be a flame, not an ember,
Say it’s me that you want to dismember.
Blacken my eye,
Set fire to my tie,
As we dance to the masochism tango.

At your command
Before you here I stand,
My heart is in my hand. ecch!
It’s here that I must be.
My heart entreats,
Just hear those savage beats,
And go put on your cleats
And come and trample me.
Your heart is hard as stone or mahogany,
That’s why I’m in such exquisite ogany.

My soul is on fire,
It’s aflame with desire,
Which is why I perspire
When we tango.

You caught my nose
In your left castanet, love,
I can feel the pain yet, love,
Ev’ry time I hear drums.
And I envy the rose
That you held in your teeth, love,
With the thorns underneath, love,
Sticking into your gums.

Your eyes cast a spell that bewitches.
The last time I needed twenty stitches
To sew up the gash
That you made with your lash,
As we danced to the masochism tango.

Bash in my brain,
And make me scream with pain,
Then kick me once again,
And say we’ll never part.
I know too well
I’m underneath your spell,
So, darling, if you smell
Something burning, it’s my heart. [burp]
Excuse me!

Take your cigarette from its holder,
And burn your initials in my shoulder.
Fracture my spine,
And swear that you’re mine,
As we dance to the masochism tango.

[Smartypants]

Anatole of Paris

By Danny Kaye

It all began when I was born a month too soon
My ma was frightened by a runaway saloon
Pa was forced to be a hobo
Because he played the oboe
And the oboe it is clearly understood
Is an ill wind that no one blows good

I'll never forget the morning that Grandpa ate the awning
To impress a pretty lady who went for men that were shady
Then my Uncle Josia lit the great Frisco fire
Ran off to Hawai-a with the O'Leary cow
Which his loving wife resented and thereupon invented
A rolling pin that strikes and then says pow

And I'm the result of the twisted eugenics
Of this family of inbred schizophrenics
The end of a long long line of bats
I design... hehehe... women's hats

I'm Anatole of Paris
I shriek with chic
My hat of the week
Caused 6 divorces, 3 runaway horses

I'm Anatole of Paris
The hats I sell
Make husbands yell
Is that a hat or a two room flat?

Let me get my paw
On a little piece of straw
And viola!
A chapeau, at 60 bucks a throw

It's how I pull and chew on it
The little things I do on it
Like placing yards of lacing or a bicycle built for two on it

The little ones, the big ones
The sat on by a pig ones
The foolish ones that perch
And the ghoulish ones that lurch

The one called whisky sour
Designed for the cocktail hour
A little snip, a potato chip
And a trifle off the eiffle tower

I'm Anatole of Paris I must design
I'm just like wine
I go to your head
Give me thread and a needle
I itch, I twitch to stitch
I'm a glutton for cuttin'
For puttin' with a button
To snip and pluck, nip and tuck
Fix and trim, plan the brim
Tote that barge, lift that veil...

And why do I sew each new chapeau
With a style they most look positively grim in
Strictly between us
Entre-nous

I... hate ... women!

[Smartypants]

The peanut sat on the railroad track
Its heart was all a'flutter
Along came the 8:15
Woo-woo!
Peanut butter!

[trisherina]

I'm Looking Over My Dead Dog Rover
(sung to the tune of: I'm Looking Over a Four-Leaf Clover)

I'm looking over my dead dog, Rover,
Who I hit with the power mower.
One leg is missing, the other is gone,
A third leg is scattered all over the lawn.
No need explaining the one remaining
Is spinning on the car port floor...
I'm looking over my dead dog, Rover,
Who I over-looked before!

I'm looking over my dead dog, Rover,
Who I hit with the power mower.
My dog's not eating, he no longer barks;
He hit the propeller and turned into sparks.
No need explaining, there's no dog remaining;
He's a part of the lawn you see...
I'm looking over my dead dog, Rover,
Who I sent to Eternity!

[Smartypants]

(I can't remember the tune's name. It's Sousa or someone like that. Perhaps someone will remind me.)

(This was learned somewhat AFTER "childhood".)

Must be sung LOUDLY:

Last niiiiiiiiiiiight, I went to bed and masturbated
It sure felt good
I knew it would

Last niiiiiiiiiiiight, I went to bed and masturbated
It sure felt good
I knew it would

Bend it, stretch it, bang it against the wall
Wrap it around the bedpost
Now that's the best of all

Some say that fornication's really neat,
But masturbation can't be beat!

[Smartypants]

Now this one *is* Sousa:

Hitler had only one big ball
Goering had two but they were small
Himmler had something sim'lar
But Goebels had no balls at all.

[Smartypants]

Bring Me a Lass
Ed McCurdy
From "When Dalliance was in Flower," an album of baudy Elizabethan songs. (I had a slightly offbeat childhood.)

Oh boy, hey boy, come come away boy
And bring me my longing desire
A lass that is neat and can well do the feat
When lusty young blood is on fire

Let her body be tall
Her waist be small
And her age not above eighteen
Let her care for no bed
But here let her spread
Her mantle upon the green

Let her have cherry lips
Where I nectar may sip
Let her eyes be as black as a sloe
Dangling locks I do love
So that those hang above
Are the same with what grows below

Let her face be fair
Her breasts be bare
And a voice let her have that can warble
Let her belly be soft
But to mount me aloft
Let her bounding buttocks be marble!



(If I remember correctly, my brother got into BIG trouble for singing this in kindergarten.)

[priceyfatprude]

Disco Duck--Rick Dees & his cast of idiots

[drivinmissdaisy]

Aretha Franklin

Sade

both remind me of my mom, her singing is still in my head.

[daverbee]

Jooooohn Jacob Jingleheimer Smith!
His naaaame is my name tooooooo!
Whenever we go out,
The people always shout,
"John Jacob Jingleheimer Smith!"
Da-da-da-dadadada!

[Willow Sylph]

The music from "Free to be You and Me" by Marlo Thomas et al. About five years ago a new edition of the book was published and I went to a book signing for it and talked to Marlo Thomas and got my book signed. I felt like I was in kindergarten again.

[tsunamimom]

Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree
Merry, merry king of the bush is he
Laugh, Kookaburra! Laugh, Kookaburra!
Gay your life must be

Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree
Eating all the gum drops he can see
Stop, Kookaburra! Stop, Kookaburra!
Leave some there for me!

Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree
Counting all the monkeys he can see
Stop, Kookaburra! Stop, Kookaburra!
That's not a monkey that's me

Takes me right back to Sr Eustace's 1st year juniors class - 1968. Do they still torment children with this song?

[surflugen]

I get my thing in action }} Verb!
To be, to sing, to feel, to live... }} Verb! That's what's happenin'!
I put my heart in action }} Verb!
To run, to go, to get, to give... }} Verb! You're what's happenin'!
That's where I find satisfaction, yeah! }} Yeah!
To search, to find, to have, to hold... }} Verb! To be bold!
When I use my imagination }} Verb!
I think, I plot, I plan, I dream...
Turning in towards creation }} Verb!
I make, I write, I dance, I sing...
When I'm feelin' really active }} Verb!
I run, I ride, I swim, I fly!
Other times when life is easy }} Ohhh!
I rest, I sleep, I sit, I lie... }} Verb! That's what's happening!

I can take a noun and bend it...
Give me a noun! }} Bat, ball, rake, and plow
Make it a verb and really send it! }} Show me how!
Ohh, I don't know my own power! }} Verb!
I get my thing in action... }} Verb!
In being... }} Verb!
In doing... }} Verb!
In saying...

{A verb expresses action, being or state of being.}
}} {A verb makes a statement.}
{Yeah, a verb tells it like it is!} }} Verb! That's what's
}} happenin'!

I can tell you when it's happenin'! }} Past, present, future
}} tense!
Tell you more about what's happenin'. }} Say it so it makes
}} some sense!
Oh! I can tell you *who* is happenin'. }} Verb you're so intense!
Hey, every sentence has a subject. }} Noun: person, place or
}} thing!
Find that subject, where's the action? }} Verb can make the subject
}} zing!
Take the subject, what is it? }} What?
What's done to it? }} What?
What does it say? }} Verb! You're what's
}} happenin'!
I can question like, "What is it?" }} Verb! You're so
}} demanding!
I can order like, "Go get it!" }} Verb! You're so
}} commanding!
When I hit, I need an object! }} Verb, hit! Hit the ball!
When I see, I see the object! }} Do you see that %"Berlin
}} Wall"?%

{If you can see it, man, put the ball over the fence, man! Go 'head,
on! Yeah, alright! What?! He hit it! It's goin'... it's goin'...
it's gone! What?!}

I get my thing in action! }} Verb! That's what's
}} happening!
To work... }} Verb!
To play... }} Verb!
To live... }} Verb!
To love!

[sugiebopper95]

elmo's got a gun
elmo's got a gun
big bird's on the run
ernie's dialin' 911
what made elmo snap?
was he tired of big bird's crap?
they say when elmo was arrested they found oscar's head was in the trash
i hear that gordon's really runnin' 'cause now that elmo's got a gun the street is never gonna be the same
elmo's got a gun
elmo's got a gun
grover's head has come undone
sesame street's not real fun

[Kerin]

Originally Posted by tsunamimom

Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree......

Takes me right back to Sr Eustace's 1st year juniors class - 1968. Do they still torment children with this song?

I always thought that was only sung in Australia. They never tortured us with it. It was always us that insisted on singing it.
I do remember 'Mrs Murphy's Chowder' from music class. Does anyone know that song?