it's a donkey

[priceyfatprude]

When it turned winter, the donkey decided he'd like to go ice skating. Well, that didn't work out very well, his legs kept going out from under him just like in Bambi. So the priest decided to take the donkey to the vet to see if everything was ok. The donkey turned out to have a sprained front leg, so the headline the next day was:

PRIEST'S ASS IN A SLING.

[Smartypants]

As the donkey got older, it got more ornery, and the priest started laughingly calling it "The Hell." Sadly, otther problems came with age, and the donkey lost such an alarming amount of weight that the priest rushed him to the vet in his minivan. A reporter standing in front of the vet's office saw the priest lead the donkey out of the van, and he rushed to file his report.

Headline:

PRIEST GETS HIS BONY ASS THE HELL OUT OF DODGE.

[madasacutsnake]

^^ *groan*

Unfortunately, the priest broke both his arms trying to pull the donkey out of the van and had to spend several weeks in plaster. The donkey had made a miraculous recovery and the priest received a bill for the vet's services. Unable to use his hands, the priest put a pen in his mouth to write out the cheque, then he sent the donkey into town with it. Of course, the banks refused service to the donkey.

The headline read:

PRIEST'S MOUTH WRITES CHEQUES HIS ASS CAN'T CASH

[Smartypants]

^^ and you're groaning at MY posts?! ROFL!! ^^

The priest hired a company to come on a daily basis to feed his donkey. After a few weeks he noticed that the donkey had gained a lot of weight -- perhaps too much weight. He called the organization he'd hired to asked if perhaps they were feeding the donkey too much.

Headline:

PRIEST WONDERS IF OUTFIT MAKES HIS ASS LOOK FAT

[Smartypants]

After a big snowstorm that made the roads impassable by donkeycart, the priest hitched the donkey to a sleigh to take a load if garbage to the county dump.

After he dumped all the garbage he commanded the donkey to pull the sleigh from the edge of the huge pit. As the donkey pulled away, the priest noticed that an old terry-cloth rag had caught on the sleigh and he snatched it from where it was snagged and tossed it into the landfill with all the other garbage.

The headline:

PRIEST, ASS DRAGGING, THROWS IN TOWEL.

[madasacutsnake]

make it stop

[Smartypants]

Originally posted by madasacutsnake
make it stop

Hey! Who started this!!?

[funkytuba]

Originally posted by madasacutsnake
make it stop

The headline read:
MADASACUTSNAKE QUESTIONS VIABILITY OF PRIEST'S ASS

[Smartypants]

CUT SNAKE NO LONGER INTERESTED IN PRIEST'S ASS.

REACTS STIFFLY TO OTHERS WHO STILL ENJOY PLAYING WITH IT.

[madasacutsnake]

SMARTY SHOULD STOP PLAYING WITH HIS SNAKE, PUT THE PRIEST'S ASS DOWN AND BACK AWAY SLOWLY.

[madasacutsnake]

way too much fun so back to our regular programming

The donkey was so disgusted with the service in the banks that he decided to set up his own bank and serve behind the counter himself.

Headline read:

PRIEST'S ASS NOW ACCEPTING DEPOSITS

[Smartypants]

One morning the priest wakes to find that somehow the now-obese donkey has found its way into the priest's quarters and (probably exhausted from the effort) plopped itself into the bed next to him.

A reporter passingby overhears angry scolding and looks in through the priest's open window to see the red-faced priest straining without success to get the donkey to move.

headline:

PRIEST HAS TROUBLE DRAGGING HIS FAT ASS OUT OF BED IN THE MORNING

[madasacutsnake]

One day the priest is out deer hunting when he shoots a buck. Being proud of his hunting skills, he decides to have the dearhead mounted in order that he may present it as a prize at the next big race day. The big day comes and the priest unfortunately misses out on seeing his donkey run as he is attending the prize giving ceremony.

Headline:

PRIEST GIVES HEAD WHILE HIS ASS IS RIDDEN

[Smartypants]

The priest records himself singing Graham Parker's "The Mona Lisa's Sister" on the rectory's karaoke machine. He wants to send it to the nun, but so as not to draw attention to their sinful relationship, he puts the tape in a saddle bag, and sends the donkey on to the convent alone to deliver his musical gift.

The rock critic for the local paper figures out the priest's scheme and the next day the headline on page on of the Entertainment section reads:

SINGING PRIEST REALLY DELIVERS USING ONLY HIS ASS TO CARRY A TUNE.

[Smartypants]

A man who works with hides at the local tannery and whose wife just had a baby daughter visits the priest on his way home from having some dental work done. He tells the priest that he saw the proprietor of the local stable mistreating the priest's donkey, and that the donkey was letting out a plaintive cry that sounded just like his newborn infant's.

Headline in the local tabloid:

NEWLY CROWNED LEATHER DADDY TELLS PRIEST: ASS CAN'T TAKE PUNISHMENT; CRIES LIKE A GIRL