friday jokes - ZEFRANK.COM

RuneT · 03-24-2006, 09:23 AM

Lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't prepared for the answer...
In a trial, a Southern, small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was
youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state, not to mention that he cheated on his wife with three different women, one of whom was your wife. Yes, I know him."

The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench, and, in a very quiet voice, said, "Neither of you sons-of-b*tches better not ask her if she knows me!*

zero · 03-24-2006, 09:31 AM

good to
see

you runet

nice formatting!

12"razormix · 03-24-2006, 10:15 AM

Zeismyhero · 03-24-2006, 02:16 PM

Timmy was a little five year old boy that his Mom loved very much and, being a worrier, she was concerned about him walking to school when he started Kindergarten. She walked him to school the couple of days but when he came home one day, he told his mother that he did not want her walking him to school everyday. He wanted to be like the "big boys."

He protested loudly, so she had an idea of how to handle it. She asked a neighbor, Mrs. Goodnest, if she would surreptitiously follow her son to school, at a distance behind him that he would not likely notice, but close enough to keep a watch on him. Mrs.Goodnest said
that since she was up early with her toddler anyway, it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well so she agreed.

The next school day, Mrs. Goodnest and her little girl, Marcy, set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor boy he knew. She did this for the whole week.

As the boys walked and chatted, kicking stones and twigs, the little friend of Timmy noticed that this same lady was following them as she seemed to do every day all week. Finally, he said to Timmy,"Have you noticed that lady following us all week? Do you know her?"

Timmy nonchalantly replied, "Yeah, I know who she is."

The little friend said, "Well who is she?"

"That's just Shirley Goodnest" Timmy said.

"Shirley Goodnest? Who the heck is she and why is she
following us?"

"Well," Timmy explained, "every night my Mom makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers 'cuz she worries about me so much. And in it, the prayer psalm says, 'Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the
days of my life.' so I guess I'll just have to get used to it."

ambo · 03-24-2006, 02:44 PM

George W. Bush and a secret service agent are taking a stroll when they come upon a little girl carrying a blanket over it. Curious, Bush asks the girl, "What's in the basket?" She replies, "New baby kittens," and she opens the basket to show him.

"How nice," says Bush. "What kind are they?" The little girl says, "Republicans."
Bush smiles, pats the little girl on the head and continues on.

Three weeks later, Bush is taking another stroll, this time with Karl Rove. They see the little girl again with the same basket. Bush says, "Watch this, Karl --- it's really cute." They approach the little girl. Bush greets her and asks how the kittens are doing, and she says, "Fine."

Then, smirking, he nudges Rove with his elbow and asks the little girl, "And can you tell us what kind of kittens they are?"

She replies, "Democrats"

Aghast, Bush says, "But three weeks ago you said they were Republicans!"
"I know," she says. "But now their eyes are open."

xfox · 03-27-2006, 01:14 AM

Well understood by many a honey do after a busy weekend of home renovation, bushwacking, cleaning, moving, etc. heard on a Monday morning:

I'm now going in to work to rest up.

03-24-2006, 09:23 AM	#1
RuneT baaaaah? Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: No(r)way Posts: 4,733	friday jokes Lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't prepared for the answer... In a trial, a Southern, small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you." The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state, not to mention that he cheated on his wife with three different women, one of whom was your wife. Yes, I know him." The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench, and, in a very quiet voice, said, "Neither of you sons-of-btches better not ask her if she knows me! __________________ RuneT RuneT, respect!! Last edited by RuneT : 03-29-2006 at 12:03 PM.

03-24-2006, 02:16 PM	#4
Zeismyhero Happy just to dance w/you Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Standing right behind you... Posts: 353	A clean one Timmy was a little five year old boy that his Mom loved very much and, being a worrier, she was concerned about him walking to school when he started Kindergarten. She walked him to school the couple of days but when he came home one day, he told his mother that he did not want her walking him to school everyday. He wanted to be like the "big boys." He protested loudly, so she had an idea of how to handle it. She asked a neighbor, Mrs. Goodnest, if she would surreptitiously follow her son to school, at a distance behind him that he would not likely notice, but close enough to keep a watch on him. Mrs.Goodnest said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway, it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well so she agreed. The next school day, Mrs. Goodnest and her little girl, Marcy, set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor boy he knew. She did this for the whole week. As the boys walked and chatted, kicking stones and twigs, the little friend of Timmy noticed that this same lady was following them as she seemed to do every day all week. Finally, he said to Timmy,"Have you noticed that lady following us all week? Do you know her?" Timmy nonchalantly replied, "Yeah, I know who she is." The little friend said, "Well who is she?" "That's just Shirley Goodnest" Timmy said. "Shirley Goodnest? Who the heck is she and why is she following us?" "Well," Timmy explained, "every night my Mom makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers 'cuz she worries about me so much. And in it, the prayer psalm says, 'Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my life.' so I guess I'll just have to get used to it."

03-24-2006, 02:44 PM	#5
ambo feline, naturally Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: California Posts: 4,407	George W. Bush and a secret service agent are taking a stroll when they come upon a little girl carrying a blanket over it. Curious, Bush asks the girl, "What's in the basket?" She replies, "New baby kittens," and she opens the basket to show him. "How nice," says Bush. "What kind are they?" The little girl says, "Republicans." Bush smiles, pats the little girl on the head and continues on. Three weeks later, Bush is taking another stroll, this time with Karl Rove. They see the little girl again with the same basket. Bush says, "Watch this, Karl --- it's really cute." They approach the little girl. Bush greets her and asks how the kittens are doing, and she says, "Fine." Then, smirking, he nudges Rove with his elbow and asks the little girl, "And can you tell us what kind of kittens they are?" She replies, "Democrats" Aghast, Bush says, "But three weeks ago you said they were Republicans!" "I know," she says. "But now their eyes are open." __________________ Non-violence leads to the highest ethics, which is the goal of all evolution. Until we have not stopped to include violence as an option in our conflict management, we are still savages. --Thomas A. Edison

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03-24-2006, 09:31 AM	#2
zero ª ★ ª Join Date: May 2004 Location: lª m°°n Posts: 13,853	good to see you runet nice formatting!

03-24-2006, 10:15 AM	#3
12"razormix ° ★ ° Join Date: May 2004 Location: ªs°k° Posts: 6,458

03-27-2006, 01:14 AM	#6
xfox slightly effective Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: >>> Posts: 2,404	Well understood by many a honey do after a busy weekend of home renovation, bushwacking, cleaning, moving, etc. heard on a Monday morning: I'm now going in to work to rest up.