Dear Mobby :: Crowd Sourced Advice

Last spring, a good friend & I had the brilliant idea to fool around. It was never supposed to be more than that. His girlfriend of 3 years had just dumped him, I had just gone through one hell of a sorry excuse for a relationship, we just kind of said what the hell. Over the course of the next 8 months, I nursed him through his heartbreak, we spent most of our free time together and, to the rest of the world, appeared to have become an actual couple. However, there was one caveat: he wanted to maintain his freedom (and I am commitment-phobic). So, for the entirety of our relationship, we were both free to see other people. It got a bit hairy now & then but, it seemed to be working for us. Until he started seeing this girl who, well, to be excruciatingly polite about it, has WAY more baggage than any 21 year old should (he's 33, I'm 30, for the record). So, just before Thanksgiving, I broke things off. I had grown weary of the drama that our little fling had wrought and I didn't want to be involved with this new girl. He & I had become best friends and, since we share an astonishing number of similar interests, we agreed that our friendship was worth trying to maintain.

Best laid plains....

At first, it was difficult, because I'd gotten used to being the focus of his attention for the better part of a year. But, I kept my distance and given up activities I enjoy to save myself more drama. Unfortunately, things have transpired that have led to a lot of angry words between he & I so, I decided to cut him out of my life. I stopped all communication with him. Here's the problem: Our social lives are completely intertwined...to a ridiculous degree. We both frequented the same places long before we even met. All of my good friends had become his friends. Those friends now fully support me. But, I can't go anywhere without running into him and his new girlfriend. I do my best to ignore both of them and enjoy myself to no avail.

In the past week, I've run into them twice, both times culminating in her causing a scene completely unprovoked. Last night, the situation escalated further when she hurled a drink at me and then tried to physically attack me, twice. I've told him repeatedly to leave me alone, to not talk to me, especially when she's around, because I've been trying to avoid just such a situation. He did nothing to stop it. In fact, he loves it.

In case you're wondering what her beef is with me, she seems to think that I'm pursuing him. She doesn't seem to realize that it's all coming from him.

I don't know how to deal with this. I'm not one to let someone dictate where I go & with whom I interact. I've never been the target for such behavior before, without provocation. I can, almost certainly, get them barred from the main place we all go...the owner and patrons all adore me. I know if crazy girlfriend so much as uttered an unkind word to me in that joint, both of them would be bounced out & not allowed back. I know I should feel differently but, I don't want it to come to that.

At this point, I have nothing left to say to him. By allowing this behavior, he's proven to me that our friendship is meaningless to him and that he doesn't respect me one bit. However, as I said, our social lives are completely intertwined. I've been making the sacrifices and not going where I know they'll be but, I'm tired of it. Especially when I'm not the problem. Help.

Thanks,
Frustrated Frittata

I just lost two jobs simultaneously. They were both jobs that I didn't like, but afforded me amazing opportunities. I was there for the people who had a lot I could learn from. I'm embarrassed to say it, but felt the work was below me, that I shouldn't have to slog through the crap work to get to the portions where my talents and expertise were being used. I realize though that if I never just get through the crap, I'll never get to the work that is fulfilling and rewarding.

Dr. Pausch's advice couldn't be more true. This has been a constant in my life. I get half finished on projects, and get bored, get scared, or move to something else. I'm too arrogant, lazy and proud to simply do what's asked of me. I can't just muscle through the menial work that has to be done to finish something. I've designed a bunch of projects, robots, programs, each putting in a substantial amount of time, and then quitting when it comes to reading up on something or doing a bunch or research or labor. If you take a look at my portfolio {bofthem.com}, you can see the trend. I've got lots of things built, but very few resolved, concluded projects. There have been a few successes and resolutions but they're in the minority and many have required the help of others pushing me to finish. I've been getting the "you've got so much potential, why don't you actually buckle up and do something about it" talk from teachers, bosses, and mentors for my whole life. I feel like I've been sinking myself into this rut since birth.

Thanks,
stranded