FRAILTY - A COLLABORATIVE ILLUSTRATED POEM
(POEMS
WRITTEN BY THE ZEMONKEYS)
TO PARTICIPATE: CHOOSE ONE OF THE LINES BELOW AND ILLUSTRATE IT USING THE SCRIBBLER.

EMAIL ME
(ze@zefrank.com) THE RESULTS. THE FINAL PRODUCT WILL BE DISPLAYED AS AN ON-LINE PICTURE BOOK. CHOOSE ANY LINE YOU LIKE...DUPLICATES ARE ENCOURAGED...

MAY BE INAPPROPRIATE FOR CHILDREN....
Alice felt ugly, so gave herself cheap,
Ben grew a beard 'cause he though it looked Deep
 

Charles had a terribly long and weak chin,
Diana barfed often so she could stay thin.

Edgar told lies as a way to sound cool,
Fanny sold X to her pals after school.

Graham likes picking his nose with a stick
Helen used to eat it until she got sick
Jim finds your scab and then picks till it bleeds
Ingrid has only one subject: her Needs
Ken is so lazy he sleeps until noon
Len killed his wife, sent her corpse to the moon.


Michael is always off touching himself

Nancy's got acne she picked up in Guelph

 


Owen eats donuts until he's all puffy,

 



Paula wipes snot on her sheets when she's stuffy


Queenie is one royal pain in the neck,

Rhonda takes Prozac, but still is a wreck.

Stan likes to razor his gerbils for fun,
Topher's in fast food: he hawks on your bun.

Ursula spraypaints vile words in the stalls,
Vincent is constantly scratching his balls.

Wendy eats cat food, just for the taste,
Xander likes smearing himself with his waste.

 

Yuri shaves places where no one e'er sees,
Zelda likes lurking at scout jamborees.


:: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: ::
Anna made fun of the dearly departed,

Barry was no fun ‘cos he always farted.
Charlotte made needlepoint filled with obscenities,

Dave couldn't come without proper "amenities."
Esther would pester her grandma for cash

Frank loved nothing more than to pass on his rash.
Gina had several boyfriends she juggled;

Henry got caught with the cocaine he'd smuggled.
Ian had problems with his motivation
Janice was lazy with no occupation
Kitty had piercings that horrified yuppies,
Lizzy on rampages slew helpless puppies.
Mandy embezzled all the funds that she could,
Nelly hung out with the boyz n the hood.
Otis sat down with his bourbon and rye,
Paula put mustard and cream on a pie.
Quentin was gleeful when put into traction
Randy got handy with night-time wrist action




Sam just ran til he could run no more,


Turner was and remained a damn bore.

Una would sooner pilfer than graft,
Vera was keener on her own witchcraft.

 

Wayne spent a year and a half on a boat,
Xu Mei swallowed balloons but still couldn't float.
Yoko went loco when she drank too much,


Zeta the cheater was damp to the touch

 

:: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: ::

 

Arthur smelled like a rotting carbuncle,
Bonnie was often mistaked for her uncle.

 

Clyde tossed his beer cans outside of his truck.
Danny collected them to make a buck.

 

Ellen was smellin’ and peed in the street,


Freddy had a heady scent right on his feet

Gail is psychotic unless she smokes grass,
Hank frequents hookers, then runs off to mass.


Ilya was chillier cos he slept in the gutter


John was right on but he had a bad stutter

Kirsten went mad and dressed only in sable
Len had sex with two bridesmaids under the table


Martin despised all the people he met
Nora, his wife, just reeked of old sweat

 

Orville said Wilbur was too fat to fly
Penny hated gophers but nobody knew why


Quincy enjoyed spraying people with Mace,
Ron Price picked off all the spots on his face
 
Stevie was sour, pompous, stingy and rude,
Trevor resented that bastard's kind attitude.


Ulysses had dual personality disorder,
Violet shrank so much that nobody saw her


Wanda dressed up in her dead husband's suits,
Xavier experimented with mushrooms and fruits.

 

Yolanda was grander than her friends (so she thought)

Zane went insane, ‘twas his sister he sought..
:: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: ::
Alisdair went down to the brothel at dawn,

Betty, unsightly and naked, was mowing the lawn.


Claire, at the brothel, gave Alisdair head.
Doug, seeing Betty, jumped her bones in her bed.

E
velyn's woe was acute: he loves Doug;
Frank sighs for Evelyn's meagrest hug.

G
ary wouldn't marry the girl he loved most
Heather would tether her kids to a post

I
ndia, eldest, would chew off the tether;
Jack was the boyfriend who freed her from Heather.
Karl never took his eyes off Gary,
Linda lusted for Doug's sister Mary.

M
ary, with strange men, seldom was wary
Nathan, however, she dismissed as "too hairy"

O
lga looked older than anyone else;
Paula was smaller than little garden elves.

Q
uinn's mind on marriage would change like the weather,
Rob's wall displayed 90 photos of Heather.

S
teve was the cop who blew a hole in Rob's head.
Trixie, the hooker, in Rob's fridge now quite dead.
Ugo's life would never be the same,
Vashti wore ashes on her head in shame.


W
ayne is a snitch and his name is reviled;
Xung married Steve, but she bore Gary's child.
Yvette had a pert little well-rounded ass
Zeke lost his nerve before making a pass.

:: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: ::

Arthur and Andy had constant erections,
Brandi's Republican tits won elections.

Connie would nosepick if no-one was looking
Daryl disparaged his own mother's cooking

E
rnie and Em spent their whole marriage fighting

Fallon believed every UFO sighting
Gareth had teeth that were ugly and green,


Heidi, to Connie, was cruel and quite mean

I
gor was Russian, but not in a hurry
Jerome had nose hair that was braided and furry
Katie got involved with some weird religion
Lenny went to the park and spat at a pigeon

M
andy was bandy and stripped for a living
Norman, infected, his gift keeps on giving

O
lga ran off with the lazy-eyed twins
Pepe's breakfast is haggis and fish fins

Q
ueena likes to make men hoot and holler
Ronprice gets excited by boots and a collar

Stevie just wondered and talked to his cat
Tracy could open a Coke with her twat
Uma sat and pondered Uranus
Vera wondered if Tracy'd get famous
Xavier poked at his fish with a stick
Yasmine Le Bon once married a dick
Wilhelmina was late to her very own funeral
Ziven got his heiny stuck in a urinal
:: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: ::

Ava said YAY! I get to start
Beale said Pfft, then let out a fart


C
onrad's a cheapskate but insists he's just thrifty,
Deb says she's 30, but really she's 50.



Edith can't spell but claims that she's smart,
Frank tries convincing us to do some SpinArt
Gretchen, when sleeping, still sucks her left thumb
Howard likes small furry things in his bum
Inez likes to claim she can bend it like Beckham
Jack works the front desk; it's his job's to search and then check'em
Kai thinks he’s cool but really he’s fretting,
Lola can run, but her crotch is sweating


M
ikey still likes it -- but now it is sex;
Nina's his ex and his wife and his ex.

O
pal collects diamonds, pearls, and the like
Prue has a "special" seat for her bike

Q
i Lu spooks the girls with an unbroken stare
Rhonda wears skirts but disdains underwear
Stewie spends every night downloading porn,
Tricia owns hundreds of shoes she's not worn.
Umberto would flirt, oh, with any young girl
Vaughan would just yawn, then his pants would unfurl

W
es joined the priesthood for all the young perks,

Xandra was prone to attract men who were jerks.
Yanni makes music to euthanize folks.
Zero Mostel used to kill 'em with jokes.
 

Each image will soon have a link to a full size version and specific author credits...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
LINES WITH NO ILLUSTRATION:
(but feel free to illustrate any line you want, even if it already has a drawing)
 
Yanni makes music to euthanize folks.
Wes joined the priesthood for all the young perks,
Vaughan would just yawn, then his pants would unfurl
Umberto would flirt, oh, with any young girl
Stewie spends every night downloading porn
Opal collects diamonds, pearls, and the like
Nina's his ex and his wife and his ex.
Mikey still likes it -- but now it is sex;
Lola can run, but her crotch is sweating
Jack works the front desk; it's his job's to search and then check'em
Gretchen, when sleeping, still sucks her left thumb
Howard likes small furry things in his bum
Frank tries convincing us to do some SpinArt
Deb says she's 30, but really she's 50
Conrad's a cheapskate but insists he's just thrifty,
Ava said YAY! I get to start
Yasmine Le Bon once married a dick
Uma sat and pondered Uranus
Vera wondered if Tracy'd get famous
Queena likes to make men hoot and holler
Pepe's breakfast is haggis and fish fins
Olga ran off with the lazy-eyed twins
Norman, infected, his gift keeps on giving
Mandy was bandy and stripped for a living
Katie got involved with some weird religion
Lenny went to the park and spat at a pigeon
Igor was Russian, but not in a hurry
Heidi, to Connie, was cruel and quite mean
Ernie and Em spent their whole marriage fighting
Daryl disparaged his own mother's cooking
Connie would nosepick if no-one was looking
Arthur and Andy had constant erections,
Zeke lost his nerve before making a pass.
Xung married Steve, but she bore Gary's child.
Wayne is a snitch and his name is reviled;
Ugo's life would never be the same,
Steve was the cop who blew a hole in Rob's head.
Quinn's mind on marriage would change like the weather,
Paula was smaller than little garden elves.
Olga looked older than anyone else;
Mary, with strange men, seldom was wary
Linda lusted for Doug's sister Mary.
Karl never took his eyes off Gary,
Jack was the boyfriend who freed her from Heather.
India, eldest, would chew off the tether;
Gary wouldn't marry the girl he loved most
Frank sighs for Evelyn's meagrest hug.
Evelyn's woe was acute: he loves Doug;
Doug, seeing Betty, jumped her bones in her bed.
Claire, at the brothel, gave Alisdair head.
Alisdair went down to the brothel at dawn,
Trevor resented that bastard's kind attitude.
Stevie was sour, pompous, stingy and rude,
Ron Price picked off all the spots on his face
Penny hated gophers but nobody knew why
John was right on but he had a bad stutter
Freddy had a heady scent right on his feet
Una would sooner pilfer than graft,
Turner was and remained a damn bore.
Mandy embezzled all the funds that she could,