monday :: 7-24-06

i stopped wearing a headset a couple months after this episode. So many things I have started and stopped. Quitting smoking, exercise, vitamins, writing every day. And look at my attempts on doing the replay! my gosh. in fairness this latest haitus is because the feed stopped working for iTunes and I have been unable to figure out what the problem is.

This episode has a nice structure to it. Two themes that come together at the end in loose way. It feels very “even” to me. Like a mirror of some kind. Everything is in twos. Like the line: “not that you should be but maybe you should be.” It creates a particular vibe. A lot of media is in threes. Three acts, three themes, three sub-plots.

I’ve tried different types of symmetry in videos. For time magazine I tried a circle. You can watch it here. It’s near the bottom entitled: “…crop circles, bulls, palin, and progress”

thursday :: 7-20-06

that was a Fisking of the actual transcript of the Walmart video that i showed in the beginning. I think I should have taken a bit more time to set up that premise before I went straight in…

what strikes me the most about this video is something in the very beginning – namely that I equate summer vacation with boredom. I don’t know if that resonates widely or not. During the show I worked under the assumption that I would just treat my experience of the world as if it was universal – and it would mean something to whomever it meant something to. But my summer boredom was so personal. I would get shipped off to visit my aunt and uncle in Germany each summer, and would spend hours upon hours alone kicking rocks around a parking lot, or wedging firecrackers into keyholes, or throwing green and half ripe walnuts up on to the roof of the house my grandfather built. That loneliness was combined with the fact that by the time I came back my friends had shared long hot days together for weeks and I was hopelessly behind in crafting whatever bond happens at that age.

tuesday :: 7-18-06

whatever. all that noise for one good turn about castrating science. I can imagine that watching an episode like this would have been frustrating during the year run. I get the feeling while I watch these that I am waiting for something great to happen. Once in a while something great does happen. But there is a also a lot of waiting.

Heat wave people!!! there’s a heat wave going on right now! Holy crap! Coinky-Dink!

I think that there should be a cable channel which just shows reruns of the news from five years ago. I’m finding it very comforting to relive the anxiety of that time and to meditate on what I imagined would happen and what actually did.

Who wants a latte!?

monday :: 7-17-06

ah well- i seem to have gotten away with not making an episode on this one…

the story about baci was true, and i’m sure that I had an audition as well, but i have completely forgotten what it was an audition for. this is long before I was represented by an agent, so it couldn’t have been that mush of a big deal, but wow was I scared to go on auditions in the beginning. I took four levels of improv at the UCB in new york a few years before the show, and in my last class I was told by my teacher – who is also one of my favorite improvisors – that I needed to get more experience on stage. He was so potently disappointed in the lot of us, and let it show quite a bit. He recommended the Atlantic Theatre Company, and I enrolled in their summer course, which was my first real introduction to how fucked up acting can be. In one way it was quite wonderful. Long hot days with a voice coach making strange guttural noises and stretching my incredibly inflexible body in ways that it was unaccustomed to. The school was founded on Mamet’s ideology – which I like at it’s core but like everything else can become disturbed as it passes from hand to hand. We practiced repetition, which is pretty comical unless you commit yourself to it, and then it becomes frightening much in the way that any red blooded cult might be. We would analyze scripts based on basic intention statements, like “I want to to get you to apologize”, or “I want to put you in your place” – then we would practice speaking from those intentions by calling up old memories of being in that place and feeling how the words ran up and out of our gullets. Fascinating, all of it. Less fascinating were the other students – all of which were there to become real actors. I just wanted to get more comfortable on stage, whatever the fuck that meant. But fuck it. I do know what it means. I need to know if there are rules. Sometimes I can get overwhelmed by the thought that there are structures that everyone knows but me – and that saps confidence out of my body in an instant. It sounds, as i write this, that I am more afraid of doing it wrong than I am driven to do something right. And I think there is truth in that.

The first auditions I went on were painful. I talked to everyone in the waiting room… all of whom wanted me to suck and expected that I wished the same for them. Silly boy. When I’m nervous or afraid I accelerate into it. I always have. Once that metaphor saved my life. I was kayaking in a river up in Maine and was sucked into a waterfall. It was so dreadful. That moment when I realized that no amount of strength could keep me from the edge. So I turned into it and paddled as hard and as deeply as I could. I don’t remember the middle of it, but I came out right on the bottom.

Sometimes I wonder though. How many windmills did I rush along the way.

allow me this style of writing today. I needed it.


friday :: 7-14-06

this may have been the third most quoted show (the first being brain crack and the second being the jon benet branding episode.) I still think that this is one of the two sea changes that the authorship age has brought about – the fact that authorship (and learning the rules of authorship) creates a new lens through which we view our environment. Things related to what we are learning pop out… they become obvious and there is an expectation that they are maleable.

At the root of it I think about confidence and where confidence comes from. The confidence to change things around you. I am a hopeful fuck though.

The other large scale subtle change I mentioned has to do with internal representations of audience in the minds of billions… i wrote about that in stern blocky language at :

By the way – one of my favorite self written jokes is in this episode: “You so ugly ugly sticks get ugly when they hit by you” – love the phrasing and the concept if I may pat my self on the ass for a moment…