Fabuloso Friday 2/FINISHED

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This is It! Think the work is complete and ready for the big time? Stick It Here!
  • It’s Craftsmanship Time Folks!
  • Don't delete the works from the original page. Copy and paste it here.
  • This is the chance to get rid of the noise - help others clean up -
  • EDIT, EDIT, EDIT get rid of the suggestions, comments, etc... clean things, check spelling, keep pictures small so they don't bleed into the other submissions, make it the "Finished Product" or it may end up in the dreaded Magic Dumpster.
  • This page will get very busy be patient, make sure any changes you make happen.
  • Then ask yourself this question, "15 Seconds?"
  • make it real
  • make it done
  • make it so!


Contents

15 SECONDS (give or take a few)

MEDIUM CLOSE

Ze: 1, one thousand 2, one thousand 3, one thousand

[Ze - Extreme Close Up, showing just his eyes.]

Must i really do this for the whole five minutes?

<beat>

[Ze - Medium Close Up - in a plaintive voice]

I mean, can't i just stay silent instead and sort of chill out?

<3 or 4 beats while Ze looks at the camera, moving his head occasionally.>

MEDIUM CLOSE

[Ze speaks sneakily from the side of the frame.]

Ze: Are The New Viewers Gone yet?


15 SECONDS (Alternative version)

[Ze counts to 15, each number meets a different facial expression and gesture of his choosing]

Ze: (counting) 1 one thousand, 2 one thousand, 3 one thousand... (etc till) 15 one thousand.

A Moment For Ze

for ze - give ze 15 seconds to relax. Just relax. crack a crispy stella. sips the starbucks. flip through a magazine. i.e.

like this?

i.e. [1]

if it's sunny [2]


Alternative- In between shots of ze drinking reading etc. flashes of others also drinking coffee.

[3]

[4]

[5]

[6]

[7]

[8]

[9]

[10]

[11]

[12]

[13]

keep the best pics.


Science News


Ze: The genius sperm bank set up in the 70's by millionaire Robert Klark Graham was originally supposed to offer women high quality sperm from men with special qualities including high IQ. Unfortunately, many samples have apparently been lost. Robert was even known for asking dinner guests for donations now and then. [14] Botany professor Jim Bidlack(pictured here doing something with his hands) is quoted as saying "We were getting close to the end of the evening, we had a conversation and somewhere during that conversation he said 'would you be willing to provide us with a specimen, do you think you are up to it?',"

Ze: But running a sperm bank was hard work. "There were so many recipients wanting sperm and there was so little sperm, never enough sperm," says former staff member Julianna McKillop.

Ze: Never enough sperm? What were they doing with it?

Ze: Most of the sperm bank children still remain anonymous, so no one can test to see whether Graham's experiment to breed intelligent kids using clever sperm really did work.

Ze: I think we can make an intelligent guess on that one.

An Iranian Romance

Ze - Medium Close Up

In recent news (pic for 1 sec of Dubya and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad split screen smiling) Dubya & Mahmoud, the USA and Iran are burning bridges in their nuclear enrichment stare off.

Ze - Extreme Close Up – Ze blinks three times in quick succession.

Ze - Medium Close Up - In Newsreader voice.

Of course, both countries have a history of distrust. The US still remembers the 1979 hostage crisis, in which US dignity was critically injured (pic for 1 sec of iranian flag and the words "bad Iran" under it) Iran: Bad.

Ze, looking at camera standing slightly to the left hand side of the screen, pointing to the viewer and saying in a valley girl voice:

you started it.

Ze – back as the newsreader

The Iranians have been pissed even longer - since 1952 when a US backed coup deposed the democratically elected leader Mohammed Mos-Mog-Mumble.

Cut to pic of Mohammed Mossadegh *Mossadeq

Ze - Voice Over Only

because Mohammed Mos-Mog- the uncooperative crackpot - wanted to nationalize Iran's oil.

Cut to pic of the Shah *Shah Pahlavi

Ze - Continues Voice Over

so America replaced him with the brutal dictatorship of the Shah.

Back to Newsreader Ze.

who was pro US control of Iranian oil

The Iranianians were only able to get rid of the tyrant through an extremist revolution.

Ze - standing slightly to the right of the screen, pointing at the viewer and saying again in a valley girl voice:

you totally started it

Ze – Long shot - looking to the camera with arms outstretched saying in the voice of the Reverand Jesse Jackson (deep, biblical and vaguely southern)

why can't we all... just get along.

Ze – Medium Close Up

The latest stare off (quick flash of ze extreme cu looking manic at camera) is assisted by the various propogandozies in each country demonizing the other. The US government feels strongly that any regime that operates under religious control is likely to be unreasonable, less democratic and a greater threat to the world at large.

quick cut pics of i) a placard that reads "god says no to same sex marriage" Stop Same-Sex Marriage, ii) the shock and awe attack on baghdad Shock & Awe, iii) any other images that demonstrate this point Make Abortion illegal



Bird Flu Dance/Knowledge

CLOSE UP

Ze: Avian influenza is an infection that occurs naturally among wild birds, who carry the viruses in their intestines, but usually do not get sick from them. However, when wild and freaky birds mix with weak, domesticated birds, bad things can happen...

[Voice:off:"Like what Ze?"]

[Flash photo of dying birds, such as [15]this one.] or to be edgier, this one.[16]

CLOSE UP

Ze: Well, for example, Massive Bird Death brought on by incessant requests for the "Funky Chicken" at your nephew's Bar Mitzvah...

[Flash image of Funky Chicken dancers with banned circle with a slash symbol through it][17]

[Cut back to Ze freaking the Bird Flu dance moves - greatly speeded up to fit into the fifteen seconds limit. Cut to Ze on the floor, close-up on Ze's face, lying flat on the carpet]

Ze: No one can predict when a Bird Flu pandemic might occur...but at least you'll never have to do the Funky Chicken again...Seriously Sports Racers, it's Wedding Season, Learn the damn dance, you'll be a hero, you have the Ze Frank Guarantee.

Ze: (Plaintive voice) Duckies?...

[End]



Board of the League of Awesomeness

[Ze is sitting in front of the computer. The mouse is close-by.]

EXTREME CU

[Excited!]

Ze: Hey Sports Racers did You notice what "I" noticed?!

[Flash to a bunch of asses on The Show's web-site, Sports Racer Gallery.]

MEDIUM CLOSE

Ze: (giggling) ...All the ASSES with FACES are GUYS!" (more giggling)

Ze: The C.E.O. ... (flash to picture)

Ze: ...of the League Of Awesomeness sent me this urgent letter and demands that...

[Camera on Ze as he holds up LOA's official letter in a mocking and deep CEO official type voice.]

Ze: (reading) "Since it is evident that only the males really want to see ze's cutie-patootie logic dictates that I, and the Board...

[Image: flash to the board [19]]

Ze: ...of the League Of Awesomeness, Demand that you Immediately change the name of the 'Your Bare Asses Page' to "Something I Like That's Gay!"

[Ze giggles, his giggle turns to an evil laugh and snicker, as he slowly reaches for the mouse.]

[a series of chopped and furiously fast cuts of Ze's hand in a variety of mouse editing positions, until the final] "click!"

[Flash to Ass Page that now reads: 'Something I Like That's Gay!' ]

(a .wav plays ze's song Something I Like That's Gay warped and out of tune, over and over and over) -END


  • change to "Most of" if some REAL GIRLS load their faces with thier butts by film time.
  • By cut to picture, do you mean this or all of them?

BREWING


alt tag

shh... Fabuloso Friday II is brewing.



alt tag

shh... Fabuloso Friday II is brewing




Buyah! It's Fabuloso Friday!

[Camera at sitting distance]

MEDIUM FULL

[Ze sitting in a chair, whilst wearing a NY Yankees cap, holding a box of cracker jacks, a small Yankee’s pennant and a hot dog full of mustered & ketchup.]

Ze: (enthusiastically) Buyah! and Good Morning Sports Racers it's...

[Before he can continue, Ze is startled by the sound of a loud bull horn. The cracker jacks fly, the hot dog squirts out of the bun, the pennant drops.]

[Ze has a disappointed look of surprise on his face.]

CUT TO:

[Ze is struggling to speak, with food delicately spilling from his mouth while laughing.]

Ze: It's Fabuloso Friday Deux, or two, ...whatever.


Ceci n'est pas une ze

ze reads the news in a monotone voice. cutting between pictures of the news and of his face there are a few subliminal flashes of his head drapped in a flowing white flour sack. a closed caption runner at the very end of the segment zooms quickly across the bottom of the screen, “Ceci n'est pas une Ze”


Clevur Woidz

[Ze in repose.]

MEDIUM

Ze: Here's some advice, Sports Racers...

MEDIUM CLOSE

Ze: Learn a new word each day, so that, in time you can communicate by saying things like:...

CLOSE SHOT [3/4 face at frame left]

Ze: I wish I could defenestrate this exsufflicate script, penned entirely by anonymuncles, depicting me as a balatron.

[3/4 face at frame right]

Ze: Assholes!

EXTREME CU

Ze: [whispers] Look them up, I dare ya.

CeruleanNinja 01:43, 21 June 2006 (PDT)


Confusing Ads

[Ze confused and cranky.]

MEDIUM [high angle]

Ze: Advertising is confusing.

MEDIUM CLOSE

Ze: They shout at you using overblown promises like...

EXTREME CU [Hyper hard-charger.]

Ze: "All your wildest dreams WILL come true!"

MEDIUM CLOSE

Ze: Which usually translates to crappy travel vouchers to places I don’t even wanna visit.

LONG SHOT [Ze dressed in his travel-garb. Shorts and cap and all.]

Ze: Ten dollars off to Washington? Dang!

CeruleanNinja 04:24, 16 June 2006 (PDT)


Crap-arino

Ze - Medium Close Up with a false smile on his face.

Today's show bought to you by

<booming voice>

Crap-arino.

<back to normal voice>

It's like crap

<beat>

only better.

Ze - Extreme Close Up looking unsure and nervous.

Ze: (Spanish accent) Fabuloso Friday: the Sequel. It's Crapulicious!

Duckies

[Ze says the word 'duckies' as fast and as many times as he can in 15 seconds.]

Ze: Duckies, duckies, duckies... (etc)


Duckie Con Song

[[20]] [[21]]

Ze: Yeah, I missed vloggercon. Fortunately, The League of Awesomeness is planning an even awesomer Con of its own. [begin music] [raises excited eyebrow]

Tune is here: [22]

Ze: [over images & music] [sings/shouts, James Brown-style] Duckie Con! That's where my duckies gone! To play my funky song!

Ze: Seeing duckies hang out would be much cooler than seeing videobloggers hang out. Especially if the videobloggers didn't have cameras, and the duckies had superpowers!

Ze: [excited] My duckies have superpowers!

Ze: [sad] No they don't.


Fabuloso Friday Sponsor

(To go near the beginning)

Ze: This week's bite-sized Fabuloso Friday is sponsored by shitty mini-food that you get at 'posh' parties.

MEDIUM CLOSE UP

Ze: It's designed so you don't feel so bad about gorging your face.

EXTREME CU

[Ze, with his mouth full of food.]

Ze: (Talking like a woman and spitting food) I just LOVE these hors d'oeuvres!!!


Kitty Licken' Good

  • Let the cats do all the acting.

CU - Bumblebee tuna on Ze's face, cat approaches sniffs the food.(cut)

Cat starts licking the tuna off Ze's face. Ze makes his goggle eyes. (cut)

i.e. [23]

Two cats are now going crazy eating the tuna on his face. Ze has what ever natural reaction the cats bring, but also experiences two emotions. (cut)

i.e. like this

And

i. e. this

(cats have food on their face cleaning it with paw)

Ze approaches the on all fours with the intent to lick the food on the cats face.(cut)


-Alt End - ze get two cats to lick each other's face.

Old School

Ze picks a current new article starts out speaking normally and speeds it up to cartoon voice blinking very fast, then slows it down to a crawl with one long blink.


Trust The Audience Part 1

Ze Puppet
Enlarge
Ze Puppet

Ze: Hopefully, repeatedly handing the inmates the keys to what was already a burning asylum won't result in fatal or permanent bodily harm to myself or others!

Ze: Why am I allowing myself to become no more than a simpering pinocchio, without the songs and magic cricket and the dancing but with the giant whale trying to eat me and the big bearded fat man locking me up in a cage?

Ze: Because unlike those creatively bankrupt spiritually empty greedheads in Mainstream Media, I TRUST my audience.

[Cut to Image:Shoutoutduck.png for half of a second]

[Cut to image: [Image]]

Ze: Shitthiswasamistakefuckmefuckmefuckme.

Ze: [through smiling teeth] Kill me.


Part 2 - New York Times

Ze: To quote yours truly in the New York F-ing Times,

Ze: "The meta joke here is, 'See how hard you can shake the marionette,' " Mr. Frank said between takes. "There's a violence to it." [nods]

Ze: "People were playing with the irony of a user-generated show," Mr. Frank said.

CUT TO [Ze puppet]

Ze: "Having me insult myself plays on the idea that I'm a puppet."

CUT TO ZE

Ze: Fuck you, audience.

Play Chess with Ze

(requires a chessboard)

A set-up chessboard is set between Ze and the camera. Ze is playing white.

Ze: Let's play a game of chess!

Ze moves a white pawn forward.

Ze: Your move!

[Ze smiles expectantly at the camera for the remaining time.]

Ze: Are the new viewers gone yet?

Kazz 14:40, 17 June 2006 (PDT)

(I did not write "Are the new viewers gone yet?" -- Kazz)

Play Chess with Ze... Reprise

(This could be the other half of a sandwich?...)

Ze: S-s-s-something from the meta-email!

[reads]

Ze: PinkGoosie writes: 'Chess sucks, Ze. We should totally play Snakes & Ladders or Crosses & Naughts, instead.'

[Ze casts a disappointed look at the camera, and shakes his head in dismay.]

CeruleanNinja 15:59, 17 June 2006 (PDT)


Poop

VARIOUS

Ze: Poop, poop, poop, poop... (etc)


(Rude) Clevur Woidz

(This is a cousin-version to ‘Punctuation Substitution’)

[Ze is cranky at someone off-screen. He leans into shot conspirationally.]

MEDIUM

Ze: Here's some advice!

MEDIUM CLOSE

Ze: Expand your vocabulary by gathering rare or antiquated words that mean rude things. So that, you can vent at irritating narks by saying things like...

CLOSE SHOT [Sweet as pie.]

Ze: Wow, a vaniloquent sciolist like yourself should definitely run for senate.

EXTREME CU [Secretly sarcastic.]

Ze: And, perhaps you too will be engaging in sciamachy with the rest of the smatchets. [Image of George Dubya and his pals]

MEDIUM CLOSE

Ze: Tergum cavus! ("assholes" in Latin according to this)

CeruleanNinja 13:23, 17 June 2006 (PDT)

AsCii 20:30, 21 June 2006 (PDT)

Rude Words

(If you have any improvement ideas, please do suggest them below.)

MEDIUM

Ze: Greetings fellow Sports Racers! The Earth Sandwich may be complete...

EXTREME CU

Ze: But that’s not enough! We’re still too darn far apart!

MEDIUM CLOSE [Grandiose unveiling.]

Ze: In the spirit of Intercontinental Sports Racer Unification, let me present...

(Sings. Cheerful little tune.)

Ze: Learn a Rude Word today. With Ze!

EXTREME CU [Joyful.]

Ze: In foreign!

MEDIUM [Begins to speak, but checks his watch...]

Ze: Scheiße, this lil' duckie seems to have run out of time...

[Relieved sigh.]

CeruleanNinja


Finnish Alternative

MEDIUM [Before continuing, Ze checks his watch. Smirks.]

Ze: Voi vittujen kevät ja kyrpien takatalvi! (Finnish for “life could be better” as suggested by Gelbi)

CeruleanNinja 15:11, 18 June 2006 (PDT))


Sloganism

EXTREME CLOSE UP

Ze: Holy contradictorific slogans!

MEDIUM CLOSE

Ze: Upon the release of their new car, Peugeot declared that...

EXTREME CU

[Serious hard-charger.]

Ze: "Playtime is over."

MEDIUM

Ze: To which Renault replied with...

EXTREME CU

[Dude-voice.]

Ze: "Grow up? What for?"

MEDIUM CLOSE

[A series of shots, one for each 'instruction'.]

Ze: Wait, wait. Would that be go...or is it stay?

Ze: Fetch?

Ze: Roll over?

Ze: Or is it just plain Suck and Blo... CUT

CeruleanNinja 07:19, 21 June 2006 (PDT)


The League of Awesomeness Versus Aliens

Ze - Medium Close Up - 1 eyebrow raised in a quizical fashion.

Meanwhile the League Of Awesomeness has had to rethink its challenge to make an Earth Sandwich. Some authorities

Quick Cut to Ze - Extreme Close Up - Slightly angry with teeth gritted.

hard chargers

Quick Cut back to Ze Medium Close Up - Normal face and voice.

felt that fashioning an Earth Sandwich was a threat to humankind. They suggested that an Earth Sandwich carried a significant risk of an alien mistaking it as a tasty snack.

Ze - using his Duckies voice and expression to say:

hmmmm, snackies

Ze - back to Medium Close Up, he is nodding in a knowing way.

This also applies to Earth Pies, Buns, Strudels and other variations on planetary Hors D'Oeuvres.

Ze - Extreme Close Up - said fast and whispery.

I suggest that if the alien starts on France, it would solve one problem and give Bruce Willis enough time to fly in and plant a nuke in the alien's butt.

Ze - Medium Close Up - normal voice

However this solution is not guaranteed, in the event that there may be more than one butt.

Ze - Extreme Close Up sniggering

Multi-butt Aliens

Video Game

(Improvised fifteen-second section, which involves Ze playing a video game. Camera is behind his shoulder and you can only see part of the computer screen. Dragged out could also be "Are the new viewes gone yet?")


Ze: (Killing the bad guys) Die Die DIE

Ze: (End of Game losing agressively slides mouse off the table) Ahhhh! Man! shit!


Alt. Ver. - 15 seconds.

[Ze plays Atheist and makes the ittle guy keep walking off the edge. each time he falls off ze giggles.] CUT


Alt. Ver. - 15 seconds. [We watch Ze playing Solitaire or Spider. Only mouse clicks, a clock ticking, and the refrigerator kicking off can be heard.] CUT


All End with:

Ze: "Good Morning Sports Racers..."

VOTE DON'T VOTE 1

Ze finding that no one voted this week declares he is already dictator, cracks a few walnuts and throws them at the camera.


VOTE DON'T VOTE 2

Ze finding that everyone voted for only two issues, he stated clearly, were not in the rules and already in the magic dumpster; that he get completely naked with props. he sits looking at the camera, arms folded, speechless, huffing and puffing while looking down in disgust and up on occasion only to roll his eyes and shoot dirty and disapproving looks. he then roughly grabs a League of Awesomeness Certificate off the table, looks at the camera and points at 'you,' then rips it up and throws it in the air, walking away.

z z z ze gets naked with props

speaks for itself.


Ze and His Kitty

Ze: (Close up, with frusteration) My kitty has been a real hard charger for attention lately. (Normal zoom, Excited now) So I decided to make my kitty happy by giving it a DOUCHE.

(CUT TO, Cat in Tub)

Ze: Then I dried my kitty off.

(CUT TO, Towel Cat)

Ze: (Normal zoom) But I didn’t end stop there, my kitty was wrinkled so I needed to iron it.

(CUT TO, Cat Iron)

Ze: (Close up, softly) Now my kitty was ready for some banana.

(Close up, Ze can hardly contain his laughter)

(CUT TO, Cat Bananas )

Ze: That made my kitty very happy. (Close up of Ze, licking hand cleaning himself, whilst purring feverously)

Ideas by: SportsRacers
Written by: PlazmaFox 13:16, 15 June 2006 (PDT)

V & G word tongue twister


[These can be said (quickly) in 15 seconds. I practiced. No camera direction, Leave it to Ze]

Ze: Here's a V & G tongue twister: Evangelical vigilante vagrants gobble veggie-gravy vaginas while gravely gallivanting in gravelly Gainesville, vaguely enjoy vlogs about gaveling vagile galvanized vagabonds. Why would you do that for?

[Alternate]

Ze: Here's a V & G tongue twister: Vainglorious Gustavus the vegan left valgus & verging on vegetative vertigo & venography proven vagus nerve & gastrovascular injury from vertiginous spin on verglas to Stevie Ray Vaughn in Galveston. Get it? The G in Vaughn is silent!

[note: V & G is in reference to 5-31-06 show "vagina is a beautiful word like all words that have Vs & Gs in them, like gavel & evangelical.]

Creationist parody


[Ze doing his pulpit pounding evangelical voice]

Ze: All the heavens revolve around the earth, the fact that they appear to do otherwise is a test of our Faith.

God Created man & all other creatures for man to use. The world was created 4769 years ago on a Tuesday. The Bible says so if you read it correctly. Again the fossil record was put in the ground by God to test our Faith.

Brief History of the Comments

Ze: B-b-b-rief history of the comments!

Ze: Ze, you rock!

Ze: Here’s my powermove!

Ze: Read my comment.

Ze: I found your show through Amanda.

Ze: You’re my second favorite after Amanda.

Ze: I like you better than Amanda.

Ze: Amanda sucks.

Ze:You should marry Amanda.

Ze:Please read my comment?

Ze:Awesome songs!

Ze: First!

Ze:People who comment “First!” are hard chargers.

Ze:People who bitch about people who comment “First” are hard chargers.

Ze:(sung)King of the Comments!

Ze: Blinky. I don’t get it. Jump. Shark. Earth Sandwich. Fabuloso! It’ll suck. It was great! It sucked. Pretty please read my comment? Or at least have sex with me. Nice ass. Best show ever. You cowardly, hard charging sellout!

Ze: There. You’re caught up.

Home Depot Weed

Ze: In Massachusetts last week a contractor found two 50 pound bags of pot Image:Hdweed.gif in a bathroom fixture he purchased at The Home Depot. The cops said it was worth about 150 grand.

Ze: A hundred and fifty grand!?! At Lowes it's only like a hundred and ten grand.

Fabuloso Friday is like One Liners

Ze: Fabuloso Friday Dos!

Ze: It's like having a cockpit in every seat of the plane!

Ze: It's like Mad Monday...but with more F's.

Ze: It's like Graffiti. Artistic, but predominantly dirty.

Ze: It's like going in the door of one bar only to find yourself in a compeletly different bar somewhere else.

Ze: It's like going to the hospital with all of your friends, except this time YOU have the scalpel and the surgeon looks scared!

Ze: It's is like Jell-O pudding. Actually it's more like Kodak film- No, actaully Friday Fabuloso is like a new coat; it'll be around forever. ah ha ha

Ze: Fabuloso Friday is like Election Day except your vote counts. Except it doesn't.

Screechs House

Ze: That kid who played Screech on Saved By The Bell is about to lose his house due to incredible stupidity, so he's selling t-shirts: [24]

Ze: Who needs writers?

Fabuloso signs around the world

cut to flickr:86049811@N00/171142510/ -fanfare music-

Ze voiceover: And now it's time for Fabuloso Signs Arround the World!

Ze voice over: In Panama the friendly government folk make it easy... flickr:86049811@N00/171142508/

Ze voice over: for you to know where to catch the bus for the electric boogie competition... flickr:86049811@N00/171142511/

Ze voice over: or the appropriate place to crash your car...flickr:86049811@N00/171142514/

Ze voice over: so you can collect on the insurance. flickr:86049811@N00/171142512/

Ze voice over: They also provide a visual reminder to foreigners...flickr:86049811@N00/171149326/

Ze voice over: ...to appreciate the local assets.flickr:86049811@N00/171149327/ flickr:margotlpz/171149328/

Ze voice over: Even street signs have big assets! flickr:86049811@N00/171149329/ flickr:86049811@N00/171149330/

Ass Inspection

Ze: (in style of army commander) Attention Sports Racers! Ass inspection! Pants down!


image: http://www.zefrank.com/racerpics/displayimage.php?album=34&pos=11

Ze: (voice over) Too flabby!


image: http://www.zefrank.com/racerpics/displayimage.php?album=34&pos=25

Ze: (voice over) Too hairy!


image: http://www.zefrank.com/racerpics/displayimage.php?album=34&pos=23

Ze: (voice over) Pert!


image: http://www.zefrank.com/racerpics/displayimage.php?album=34&pos=15

Ze: (voice over) Nice thong!


image: http://www.zefrank.com/racerpics/displayimage.php?album=34&pos=4

Ze: (voice over) Bobo twins!


http://www.zefrank.com/racerpics/displayimage.php?album=34&pos=19

Ze: (voice over) Ewwww!


image: http://www.zefrank.com/racerpics/displayimage.php?album=34&pos=1

Ze: (voice over) I said ass not pussy!

Bush's island and Gore's movie.

This week president, George W. Bush [25] seen here showing the democrats who's boss, in a desperate attempt to improve his approval rating, made a point to discuss the beauty of nature as he named a small archipelago off the coast of Hawaii a national monument. When asked how he felt about it, Al Gore, seen here contributing to global warming [26] said, "Yeah, well... I would've done that as soon as I got into office, I mean, have you freakin seen my movie? ...it's all about that shit." - kylejbritt.com

Gayness

"Hi, I'm Ze, Whats something I like thats gay?..........ZE!" Ze looks bewildered, then gets the joke, looks to the camera with his trademark "asshole" Can be randomly put into anywhere in the show

Cooking with Ze

This segment would begin with Ze in the kitchen, beginning to make something basic, such as toast. Chef's attire would be good too.

Ze:To make the proper slice o' toast, you need bread.

CLOSEUP ON BREAD

Ze:And a toaster

CLOSEUP ON BLENDER

Ze: {angry at blender} hard-charging little...

CLOSEUP ON TOASTER

Ze: There we go, And you stick the bread, in the toaster

CLOSEUP ON THIS ACTION

Ze: And you wait...

Ze: One one thousand... two one... zero - are the new viewers gone yet? Good morning sports racers...


The darkside

This week's Frontline focuses on Dick Cheney's darkside. Cheney, shown here clenching a towel between his butt cheeks, was portrayed as the mastermind behind the war in Afghanistan and Iraq, as well as the--evil ducky-- discreditor of Colin Powell and the CIA.

So if Cheney is the discreditor, Bush is the decider, Tony Snow is the explainer, what does that make Donald Rumsfeld? The asshole? And what does that make Condi?

Condi's just like the girl--that girl-- who wants to hang out with the guys-- and wear thigh-high leather boots. Makes you wonder about Cheney's other dark side (shudder).

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