Fabuloso Friday/Intro/ATNVGY?

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The Intro under the debate is a joke in which Ze speculates that the readers may force him insult himself, followed by him doing so. I have added the original 'poopie-head' version because it is less potentially insulting as it's clearly just an over-the-top gag.

Contents

Voting

It's getting to be about that time. Time to vote on the best one.

How to vote

  • You can vote for any suggestion you like, even your own!
  • Place the votes by typing:
    :* '''VOTE''' by ~~~: comment
  • You can not vote against suggestions you don't like. (It's just lame!)
  • Rather than voting inline, like in Knowledge, just put your votes in the options below.

Options

Vote for: Original Original 'Poopie-Head' Version

  • VOTE by Ronen: I like this better, consider it even if you guys prefer using the word 'douche'

Vote for: Original Douchebag Version

  • VOTE by AaronStJ
  • VOTE by Hokie
  • VOTE by SomeIPAddress
  • VOTE by scoobypoop
  • VOTE by Rocco
  • VOTE by Somejeff
  • AGAINST by Honest, I'm a Responsible Adult for the same reason listed by others: The joke was used Wednesday, but I don't have a preferred other choice so I'm just going to do my American duty and vote against something that shouldn't be, regardless of the concequences. Er.... --- Still, I will not tolerate any anti-voting! If you don't like it, write a better version and collect positive votes. This is an issue I will go completely hard charging about: NO NEGATIVE VOTES! --Gelbi
  • VOTE by JOE DA HOE
  • VOTE by Spanish Johnny But shouldn't we make reference to the fact that Ze already mentioned this joke? His first line should be "As promised, that means I have to say 'I'm a huge douchebag' for 5 straight minutes!"
  • VOTE by Maus yeah, okay.
  • AGAINST by 68.6.101.96 - This version is overdone, not to mention people have read it over and over *already* -and- that he already mentioned it. Its just not going to be funny after the first 3 seconds.. Since this has the most votes so far, I hope Ze has the good sense to veto this one and choose something better.
  • Can I suggest that even if we use 'douchebag,' we use the text of the 'poopie-head' version, replacing poopie head with douchebag? It's much tighter.
  • VOTE by Anon. Seems reasonable, but the definition is a little patronizing. Who doesn't know this stuff?

Vote for: Douchebaggery Aside

Vote for: Douche-lite Version

VOTE byCeruleanNinja: This version still has a reference to deuches, but omits a repeated joke on 'getting out of the douche'. Since Ze has already mentioned the quintuple deuche joke, it won't be as much a surprise. Also, this version has the benefit of 'Deja Vu', although the last two lines do need some reworking.
VOTE by Yves: This version has it all: the douche references everyone seems to love, the stream-of-conscious randomness, and the new viewer question. The one thing I don't like about the original douchbag version is the "just got out of the douche" comment after the "are the new viewers gone yet" comment. Doesn't work for me.
Update-- I think that Weddster's challenge, slightly modified, would make the best intro. Check it out at the top of the Fabuloso Friday/Up A Notch page.

Vote for: Alternate Version

  • VOTE by shiftless: mostly because I hate the word "douchebag" and since he's already said it I think whatever humor it might have had is all used up.
  • vote - I like dancing

Vote for: Alternate Alternate Version

Vote for: Douche without the Definition (Old Viewer Version)

Vote for: Douche without the Definition (New Viewer Version)

Vote for: ZeFrank's Law Version

  • VOTE by LaLe
  • VOTE by Dani 16:18, 8 June 2006 (PDT)
  • VOTE by joe - its a bit less obvious than this douchebag thing
  • VOTE by 68.6.101.96 - I think its a good intro, and much more intelligent (think.. knowlege) than the douchebag thing which kills the joke.. how ironic.
  • VOTE by Matt Danger - I feel this is the best option of all the intros and flows with typical Ze shows.
  • VOTE by 139.142.50.184 19:33, 8 June 2006 (PDT) -- I guess this is the best we can do. The douchebag thing seems totally obtuse and simple, it seems like the kind of thing hard chargers would come up with at the dinner Ze was talking about today.
  • VOTE by Thenomain
  • VOTE by MadRogerFlint
  • VOTE by ThinkBig: This is the only one that made me actually laugh.
  • VOTE by --Bluemilestones 20:25, 8 June 2006 (PDT)
  • VOTE by Paba

Vote for: Democracy version

  • VOTE Not just cos I wrote it but because Ze already DID the "viewers want to make me say douchebag" joke on Wednesday. Let's take this whole thing up several notches. Mr malaise 11:51, 8 June 2006 (PDT)
  • VOTE by bukka
  • VOTE by Worrydream 13:59, 8 June 2006 (PDT) I think it needs some work, but it's going in the right direction.

VOTE by gypsysister

Vote for: Blame the Fabos

  • VOTE meme :) vote yes

Versions

Original Original 'Poopie-Head' Version

[Ze returns to looking into the distance momentarily. Then turns back to camera looking slightly panicked.]

Ze: But wait! That means you could theoretically have me say something like "I am a big fat poopie head" for 5 straight minutes!

[CUT]

Ze: Aw, hell, you guys aren't THAT big a bunch of sad, lonely, patheticly sadistic sociopathic bastards..

[BEAT]

[CUT]

ZE: [begrudingly, with eyeroll] I am a big fat poopie head. [5xFAST]

ZE: I am a big fat poopie head [2x, again with cuts as editor finds fitting]

CUT TO WIDE

Ze: [faux-excited] Fabuloso Friday sucks already!

CU

ZE: 'Are the New Viewers gone yet?

Original Douchebag Version

[Ze returns to looking into the distance momentarily. Then turns back to camera with a look of mock-enthusiasm.]

Ze: That means you could have me say something like 'I'm a huge douchebag' for 5 straight minutes!

Proposed alternate line, because Ze already mentioned this joke on the show: Ze: As promised, that means I have to say 'I'm a huge douchebag' for 5 straight minutes!"

Ze: [Enthusiastic!!] Awesome!

Ze: I am a huge douchebag.

Ze: I AM a huge douchebag.

Ze: I am a HUGE douchebag.

Ze: I am a huge DOUCHEbag.

Ze: I am a huge doucheBAG.

Ze: [German accent] I am a huge douchebag.

Ze: [English accent] I am a huge douchebag.

Ze: I am a huge douchebag.

Extreme CU

Ze: [whispering, petulant] Fabuloso Friday sucks already!

CU

Ze: In France, the meaning of the word douche is to shower or...

Ze: [Goofy, fast. Giddy.] I am a douchebag.

Ze: ...to wash.

INTIMATE CU

Ze: [He's talking to you. He knows you. You know he knows you.] But you already knew that.

CUT TO ZE, WEARING A BATHROBE, COMING OUT OF THE BATHROOM WITH A HUGE TOWEL ON HIS HEAD

Ze: Before work every morning, I like to take a nice douche.

CU

Ze: [whispering] Are the new viewers gone yet?

CUT BACK TO TOWEL AND BATHROBE ZE

Ze: [on the phone] Listen, can I call you back? I just got out of the douche.

[beat]

Douchebaggery Aside

[Ze returns to looking into the distance momentarily. Then turns back to camera with a look of mock-enthusiasm.]

Ze: That means you could have me say something like 'I'm a huge douchebag' for 5 straight minutes!

Ze: I am a huge d-- [cut off]

Ze: [looking very disapproving, shaking his head]

Extreme CU

Ze: [whispering, petulant] Fabuloso Friday sucks already!

CU

Ze: In France, the meaning of the word douche is to shower or to wash.

INTIMATE CU

Ze: [He's talking to you. He knows you. You know he knows you.] But you already knew that.

CUT TO ZE, WEARING A BATHROBE, COMING OUT OF THE BATHROOM WITH A HUGE TOWEL ON HIS HEAD

Ze: Before work every morning, I like to take a nice douche.

CU

Ze: [whispering] Are the new viewers gone yet?

CUT BACK TO TOWEL AND BATHROBE ZE

Ze: [on the phone] Listen, can I call you back? I just got out of the douche.

[beat]


Douche-lite Version

Douchebag!
Enlarge
Douchebag!

[Ze returns to looking into the distance momentarily. Then turns back to camera with a look of mock-enthusiasm.]

Ze: Racing is the 'what', and 'fast' is the how. Bienvenue, I am not feeling myself and someone else is doing all the thinking.

EXTREME CU

Ze George Bush ROCKS!!!

Ze: [whispering, petulant] Fabuloso Friday sucks already!

CU

Ze: In France, the meaning of the word douche is to shower or...[pause] Whoa...Deja vu!

Ze: [Goofy, high-pitched, french-accented voice, very fast] I am a douchebag.

Ze: Deja vu, means "already seen" in French, which also called pa-ra-mne-si-a.

INTIMATE CU

Ze: [He's talking to you. He knows you. You know he knows you.] But you already knew that. Don't feel bad if you didn't. (winks)

CUT TO SLIGHTLY ASKEW CLOSE-UP (Blair Witch - style)

Ze: There was a weird guy at the Yo-Yo Emporium... [Quick insert of the classic photograph of Arnold Schwarzenegger with the phrase 'SUBLIMINAL MESSAGE' in HUGE letters]

Ze: He looked like he wanted to tell me something... I am glad he didn't.

CUT TO MEDIUM RANGE

Ze: [whispering] Are the new viewers gone yet?


[beat]

Alternate Version

Monkey Dance
Enlarge
Monkey Dance
Subliminal Message
Enlarge
Subliminal Message

[Ze returns to looking into the distance and puffs his pipe.]

Extreme CU

Ze: [smiling, naively upbeat]: I sure hope you Sports Racers aren't going to make me do anything silly today!

CUT to wide shot of Ze's apartment with armchair central.

[Highly sped up short clip: Ze does a jolly 'How to Dance Properly' - style jig around his room, whilst an acoustic version of 'Anti-intellectualism' plays]

CUT TO EXTREME CU

Ze: [pouty]: Assholes!

CUT TO CU

[Ze makes blub-blub noises by moving finger over his lips, with an attitude of compelled cheerfulness as if trapped in hell]

CUT TO NEW CU

[Ze pulls sides of mouth back with fingers and wags tongue horizontally back and forth while saying aaaaaaaah]

CUT TO CU OF BACK OF ZE'S HEAD

Ze: [sounding somewhat muffled]: This is going much better than I expected.

CUT TO NEW CU

[Sped up. Ze making corny seductive motions to camera.]

CUT BACK TO EXTREME CU

Ze: [even more pouty]: Assholes!

CUT TO CU

Ze: [downcast]: I think some hardchargers got to the script.

CUT TO ZE, WEARING A BATHROBE, COMING OUT OF THE BATHROOM WITH A HUGE TOWEL ON HIS HEAD

Ze: [chatty, a little feminine] You know, in an earlier version of this, I walked out dressed as Carmen Miranda. It was fabulous!

[Quick insert of the classic photograph of Arnold Schwarzenegger with the phrase 'SUBLIMINAL MESSAGE' in HUGE letters]

CUT TO CU

Ze: [deadpan] They're making me do this.

CUT BACK TO CU OF BACK OF ZE'S HEAD

Ze: [sounding somewhat muffled]: Are the new viewers gone yet?


Alternate Alternate Version

CU of Ze's thumb, with a blue-pen happyface drawn on it.

Ze's thumb moves to indicate speech.

Ze: (in high-pitched falsetto) Welcome to thumbellina's adventures in thumbland. I'm thumbellina and I'll be your host for today's show!

[Beat]

Ze peeks his right eye into the bottom right corner of the frame.

Ze: Are the new viewers gone yet?

Douche without the Definition (Old Viewer Version

Ze: Good Morning Sports Racers! Knowledge got stuck in a wiki and nobody can get it out. That's right...it's 'Fabuloso Friday' where I do the show YOU want me to do!

Ze: But wait! That means you could theoretically have me say something like "I am a huge douchebag" for 5 straight minutes!

Ze: Aw, you guys aren't THAT big a bunch of sad, pathetic, sadistic sociopathic bastards.

[BEAT]

Ze: I am a huge douchebag. I am a huge douchebag. I am a huge douchebag. I am a huge douchebag. I am a huge douchebag.

ZE: Are the old viewers gone yet?


Douche without the Definition (New Viewer Version

Ze: Hi, New Viewer. Welcome to 'Fabuloso Friday' where I do the show YOU want me to do.

Ze: Today, you decided I should say "I am a huge douchebag" for 5 straight minutes.

[BEAT]

Ze: I am a huge douchebag. I am a huge douchebag. I am a huge douchebag. I am a huge douchebag. I am a huge douchebag. (etc.)

ZE: Are the new viewers gone yet?


ZeFrank's Law Version

VERY QUICK CUT OF ZE:

Ze: First!

FAST CUT TO: [Ze is sitting in an armchair, wearing a crimson silk or velvet smoking jacket, a fake moustache, with his hair dyed some other color, stroking both his cats, and puffing on a bubble pipe while looking thoughtfully into the distance. On the table next to him sits a small rotating globe with bread slices at the poles. A rubber duck and a framed photo of Clarence Thomas sit discreetly on the shelf in the back ground. He turns to camera.]

Ze: Hi there new viewer. Linus' law of open-source development states that "Given enough eyeballs, all bugs are shallow," referring to the belief that the more people who participate in the development of an open source-product, the more polished it will become.

Ze:[excited face and voice] Just ask [John Seigenthaler]

Ze: Today I'd like to unveil "ZeFrank's Law," which states that given enough hard-chargers, the resulting open-source show can and will handle like a bike with square wheels. Loser Car It'll get you where you wanna go, but it'll be a bumpy ride.

Ze: I bet that the more people who participate in the digestion of food, the more highly polished a turd they will produce!

Ze: [In a deep, seductive voice that would melt anyone's pants right off] Holy trainwreck of a show, sports racers! I am not feeling myself today -- it's Fabuloso Friday! Where you do the thinking so I don't have to.

CUT to view of Ze looking at the script

Ze: [With a tired-horrorified look on his face] Shiiiiiiiiiiii-

CUT to next part (play a "take 2" beep during the cut)

Democracy version

Ze: Hooray for democracy!

[SHOT OF CONGRESS]

Ze: Until late yesterday the majority opinion of the viewers who were writing this script was that I should kick off by repeatedly calling myself a douchebag.

Ze: Assholes.

Ze: Then at the last minute, another guy chipped in with this intro where I get to insult the majority and go with this:

[3 SECOND SHOT OF FLOWERS WITH TITLE OVERLAID "WILD FLOWERS OF NORTH AMERICA", SAPPY CLASSICAL MUSIC UNDER - classical music should be recognizeable and American - a la Ferde Grofe "Grand Canyon Suite" or Aaron Copland "Fanfare for the Common Man"; then again, there's always Edward MacDowell's "To a Wild Rose" all should be available online]

[ANOTHER SHOT OF FLOWERS. KEN BURNS EFFECT (PAN), NEW MUSIC UNDER]

Ze:(voiceover) The beauty and fragility of North American flora conceals the hardy nature of these plants. Extremes of both weather and soil mean that they must flourish in the most difficult of climates --

[QUICK CUT TO]

Ze: -- douchebag! There. Happy now?

Ze: Does democracy mean we have to go with what every idiot wants or only what most of the idiots want?

[OVER U.S. MAP SHOWING THE SHARE OF THE VOTES BETWEEN REP. AND DEM. AT LAST ELECTION]

Ze: Have the old viewers stopped fucking with the intro yet?






BLAME THE FABOS (I uploaded this yesterday, don't know what happen to it???)


ze shown from the shoulders up in the bathroom, giving the illusion that he is on the toilet doing his business.(struggling)

[[1]] (couldn’t find a pic of ze doing this so this guy will have to do)


"Goooooood MORNING sportsracers!" (up close big smile look of ahhh) then flash quickly to his regular spot in front of the computer.

vday-zefrank.png

"Good morning sports racers it's June 9th  and FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  (cut)  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAA

[flashing of this wiki page a bunch of the changes, words, arguments that happen here] bu lo so Friday...!"


(toilet-face.jpg)

knowledge is having an intestinal colostomy and is creating an artificial opening for the collective pouch.


Ze pouting - “I didn’t write that sports racers, “they” (ze makes quote marks) made me say that.” FLASH BUSH

(Bush.jpg)


Ze - “they made me say that too” (cut replay) “that too”


5833942295116041.JPG


(reading script, stilted) "I think you are all (pause) hard charging pussies douche bags ?)”


ze looks up, pouts, wide eyes, almost about to cry, blaming –

[[2]]


“SEE SEE they made me say that!” Ze shows script to viewers

kittymilk1cp.gif

Ze shows script to viewers (whispering) “but you know I really love you, I love you all... like a kitten loves milk.”

Ze - “Dirty Space News”

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