Fabuloso Friday/S-s-s-something from the Bible

From zefrank

Jump to: navigation, search

S-s-s-something from the Commandments...

First version

 The Creation of Adam
Enlarge
The Creation of Adam

Ze: S-s-s-something from the Bible

CU

Ze: ['quietly'] New King James Edition [[1]] [[2]] [[3]]


Ze: [Dramatic reading voice] Deuteronomy 22. The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man

Ze: [Confused] Pertaineth?

Ze: Neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the LORD thy God

CUT WIDE TO REVEAL ZE IN A DRESS (<--- This joke is not really under that much dispute. Please see the talk page for discussion.)

Ze: [to the tune of What's Something I Like That's Gay] What's something God hates that's gay! [twirls once girlishly] Drag!

Ze: Thou shalt not plow with an ox and an ass together.

CU

Ze: The Bible is dirty.

Ze: If any man take a wife, and go in unto her, and hate her

Ze: Go in unto her. Hee-hee.

Ze: Then shall the father of the damsel, and her mother, take and bring forth the tokens of the damsel's virginity unto the elders of the city in the gate

Ze: 'Tokens of the damsel's virginity?'

Ze: What, like, her D&D miniatures?

Ze:[in his didactic voice]: According to independent Islamic Bible Study website answering-christianity.com, "the father would literally stick his two fingers covered with a piece of cloth into his daughter's vagina before she gets married and keep that bloody cloth for as long as his daughter is married as proof of her virginity."

Ze: And they shall amerce him in an hundred shekels of silver, and give them unto the father of the damsel, because he hath brought up an evil name upon a virgin of Israel: and she shall be his wife; he may not put her away all his days.

Ze: [Piecing things together] So wait... if a man hates his wife... and lies about her being a virgin... he has to pay her dad... but she has to stay married to him. Even though he hates her?

Ze: [writing in day planner] Sell... daughter... to... hateful... man.

Ze: [holding a paper, as if just having received a comment] According to one of our users, it actually means that the husband CAN'T divorce the wife against her will, not that the couple can't get divorced. [winks] Thanks for the tip, poncho.

Ze: A man shall not take his father's wife, nor discover his father's skirt.

CUT TO WIDE SHOT of Ze in the dress again, looking nonplussed

Ze: [angry, ala Bobo Twins] Internet!

Alternate version

 The Creation of Adam
Enlarge
The Creation of Adam

Ze: S-s-s-something from the Bible

CU

Ze: ['quietly'] New King James Edition [[4]] [[5]] [[6]]

Ze: "Then Jesus went into the temple of God and drove out all those who bought and sold in the temple, and overturned the tables of the money changers and the seats of those who sold doves. And He said to them, “It is written, ‘My house shall be called a house of prayer,’ but you have made it a ‘den of thieves.’" [[7]]

Ze: George Bush likes Jesus. He says he often talks to God.[[8]]

Ze: So he's spiritual. (considers) If he was the dusty guy in Central Park, he'd be a NUT! (crazy face with a cheesy grin straight into camera) [[9]]

Alternate version

Ze: S-s-s-something from the Bible God nooooooo

Personal tools