Fabuloso Friday 2/25 OR MORE

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Contents 1 Awesome New Business Model 2 Bird Flu Dance 3 Brief History of the Comments 4 Bring back "Tired Friday" show 5 Dirty Space News! (Kinda) 6 Duckies 7 Green Ze 8 Internal monologue: Poop 9 Karl Rove WTF? 10 Random acts of duckie 11 Taking it to the street 12 Talk to me, just me 13 Teenage Justice 14 Winding up - winding down 15 Win Free Meaningless Product 16 Ze and his kitty 17 Ze explains the best way to set up a MySpace page 18 Ze gets a tattoo 19 Ze tracker! Tracking Power Moves Around the Globe! 20 An Iranian Romance 21 it's Fabuloso Friday... Today is "Remind President Bush Things He Forgot" Day 22 Spam!!! 23 The League of Awesomeness Versus Aliens

Awesome New Business Model

Ze: Today I am unveiling The Show's awesome new business model! It is based on an exciting political philosophy called Socialism...[Images of Stalin, Lenin, Grocho Marx]..and an exciting Internet technology called PayPal.

[Cut to Ze in a furry communist hat, speaking with a fascist commie Russian accent]

Ze: Commrades! You must following these rules carefully. All sportsracer commrades making between $10,000 - $30,000 a year must contribute $5 dollars to the show. $30,000 to $60,000 must contribute $20. Bourgious sportsracers making 60,000-120,000 must contribute $50. Capitalist pig assholes making over $120,000 must transfer 1% of their income.

[Cut to normal Ze]

Ze: I did not write this script but the PayPal button is over there to the left...yup...(pointing off screen)...keep going...almost there...

Bird Flu Dance

Ze, since many of us first got to know you back when you posted clips of hilarious dance moves (like, I dunno, a hunnert innernet years ago?), I think a Dance Party reprise is long overdue. I don't think it is bad form to dip back into the Well of Goodness that is the Ze Frank Compendium.

Create one new dance every few weeks, or a surprise one every now and then, and have people submit their dances, just as they did with their power moves(TM?).

For this week, I nominate the Bird Flu Dance. Go to YouTube, learn a few of the basic Bird Flu Dance moves, and then perform the following:

[Ze close up:]

"Avian influenza is an infection that occurs naturally among wild birds, who carry the viruses in their intestines, but usually do not get sick from them. However, when the wild and freaky birds mix with weak, domesticated birds, bad things can happen [Voice:off:"Like what Ze?"], uh, like massive bird death, or repeated requests for the Funky Chicken at your nephew's Bar Mitzvah...."

[fast zoom out, Ze busts into Bird Flu Dance, Ze dances for about 10 seconds, Ze finishes writhing on the floor, camera pans in to Ze's face, which is lying flat on the carpet]

"No one can predict when a bird flu pandemic might occur...but at least you'll never have to do the Funky Chicken again...Seriously Sports Racers, it's wedding season, learn the damn dance, you'll be a hero, you have the Ze Frank Guarantee." [End]

While I certainly appreciate your wacktard sense of humor, I think your talents as a physical comedian have gone neglected for too long.

Some more suggestions for later on:

• World Cup Dance (cuz literally everyone is doing it these days)
• Face Dance: dance consisting of only Ze facial expressions, culled from your Compendium)
• Commemorative Earth Sandwich Dance (cuz like, its a first man, and you could simulate being the bread making sweet love to the earth)

Other people's comments:

• Excellent! --Gelbi 18:18, 15 June 2006 (PDT)

Brief History of the Comments

Comment or edit

Ze: B-b-b-rief history of the comments!

Ze: Ze, you rock!

Ze: Here’s my powermove!

Ze: Read my comment.

Ze: I found You through Rocketboom.

Ze: Amanda sucks.

Ze: You should marry Amanda.

Ze: You should marry Chelsea.

Ze: Please read my comment?

Ze: First!

Ze: People who comment “First!” are hard chargers.

Ze: People bitchin' about people who comment “First” are hard chargers.

Ze:(sung)King of the Comments!

Ze: Blinky. I don’t get it. Jump. Shark. Earth Sandwich. Fabuloso! It’ll suck. It was great! It sucked. Pretty please read my comment? Or at least have sex with me. Nice ass. Best show ever. Sell-out!

Ze: There. You’re caught up.

Bobbie mac 13:31, 20 June 2006 (PDT)

Awesome, I love it! How fast can he run through those things? :D CeruleanNinja 13:44, 20 June 2006 (PDT)

My clumsy mouth takes about 30 seconds to do it. He can probably knock it out in 20-25. If anyone adds anything, take something away (and hopefully make the thing you add better than what you took!) : - ) Bobbie mac 16:41, 20 June 2006 (PDT)

I tried to trim it pretty agressively since we have a copy of this in the finished section. --Gelbi 05:31, 22 June 2006 (PDT)

Bring back "Tired Friday" show

This segment ONLY applies if Ze has not brought back the mysterious missing "Tired Friday" show from 6/16/06. If he doesn't, and if everybody votes for this segment, then he *HAS* to bring it back.

1. [spend 14 seconds in front of the computer restoring "Tired Friday"]

2. Ze: [fake-mad face, looking at camera] There! Are you satisfied?

3. [Ze leaves "Tired Friday" enabled in the archives for the forseeable future]

(I moved step 4 to the magic dumpster --Sford 18:29, 16 June 2006 (PDT))

Dirty Space News! (Kinda)

[close up]

Ze: [with lewd grin] Dirty Space News!

[medium close up]

Ze: [professional detachment] On Monday, Uranus went retrograde, making it appear to move backwards along its orbit. This will continue until November but really doesn't matter to anyone except astrologists and geocentrists. when the Democrats retake the house and things start moving forward again.

Ze: [looking off camera, puzzled expression] How is that dirty? [beat]. Oh. Ooohhhhhhhh.

[close up]

Ze: [looking into camera] You people are sick.

[extreme close up]

Ze: [giggles] Uranus. Heh. [angry] Bobo Twins!

COMMENTS:

• There is nothing dirty about Uranus (I hope) and it's so overused (now that's dirty). So this needs a twist! --Gelbi 09:18, 18 June 2006 (PDT)
• I fixed up the Uranus news, I think. I also don't think "Oh" or "You people are sick" have any place in it if my line is used so I went ahead and italicized all that. Because I am smart. Kazz 14:47, 18 June 2006 (PDT)
• This is looking nice, although we do seem to need a linking line between How is that dirty and Bobo Twins!. Any suggestions? CeruleanNinja 15:25, 18 June 2006 (PDT)

Duckies

[Ze says duckies as fast as he can and as many times as he can in 15 seconds]

Ze: People tell me all the time, [Childish, Whining] "I just want more duckies. I miss them."

Ze #2: So do I, I really do... But I've upgraded to geese.

[Visual: Close up of a Canada Goose]

Ze: Geese have some serious shit going on. [Ze is goosestepping] In addition, Gänseschmalz, Gänseliesel, and goosestep are all Germano-Germanican; gives me frickin goosebumps just thinking about it.

[Ze is gobbling a banana]

Ze #2: [Snide] Gobbling the goose again, Ze?

[Ze chokes on the banana]

Ze: Did you know that male ducks are the only birds that have a penis, and, surprise, drakes commit rape? Makes you think once or twice about having a bubble bath all alone with your rubber duckie. Hey, at least he's wearing a rubber.

[Visual: A large hobnail boot crushes a rubber duckie, Audio: Squeaking of the rubber duckie]

Ze: [Consoling] And, hey, hey, ducks are *so* small, such insignificant fowl when compared to a full-grown gander, for example, the Animalia Chordata Aves Anseriformes Anatidae Branta Canadensis. [Macho] One o them gooses can break a man's arm in two. That thar is a *man's* fowl.

[Visual: Close up of a Canada Goose, Audio: The sound of a goose honking]

[Close up of Ze wearing a plaster cast on one arm, pained expression, feathers are in the air]

--Kristen 22:48, 18 June 2006 (PDT)

Green Ze

This might truly be an outdated idea, but how about having a lil' Environmental awareness segment? [1] Japan says 'let's regulate commercial whaling', the environmentalists see this 'leading to an expansion of hunting'. There's the issue of 'scientific whaling', which, it's been said, is a loophole to be exploited. ...WHICH leads us neatly to the section entitled Movie Reviews..rented or theatre, in which Ze reviews Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home. PERFECT! :D *big cheesy grin* CeruleanNinja 15:52, 17 June 2006 (PDT)

Internal monologue: Poop

'Internal Monologue Ze'. Medium close shot of Ze musing about the complex issues of the world, which we hear in Voice Over only. Struggling to put these intricate thoughts into a sentence we'd understand, he simply says 'Poop' instead. CeruleanNinja

• How about a theory snippet from Political Science, something relevant to the current 'mess'? Is there even a theory to rationalise present governments?
• Everybody's favourite: Chaos Theory, Fractals?...

All I could even remotely dive into are Derrida and Foucault, although can't see how they could possibly be relevant to the moment?... CeruleanNinja 12:40, 17 June 2006 (PDT)

• Jumping off that idea: flash through 15 seconds of this weeks significant news through pictures/headlines that were important, but ze was unable to cover. Through each new picture/headline ze says "poop!" Taking it one step further by showing judgment of the picture/headline with various sounds of approval or disapproval. "poop!" for approval, a buzzer sound for disapproval or cat calls, "meow" sweet kitty for good, angry stepped on kitty for bad, how ever you would spell that sound.

Intriguing idea, could be a cool way of showing thought process behind commentary?...CeruleanNinja 12:40, 17 June 2006 (PDT)

Karl Rove WTF?

Cut to [2]

Normal voice:

"Karl Rove..."

CU, whispering

"asshole!"

Back to photo

Normal Voice:

"shown here not undermining the security of the US by divulging classified information to a reporter for the sole purpose of undermining opponents to the war in Iraq, has been informed that special counsel Patrick Fitzgerald will not pursue charges against him in the ongoing Plame leak investigation."

CU, whispering

"Leaking is bad... and it sounds dirty!"

Cut to [3]

CU, excited

"Awesome! I wonder which treason-committing crony Bush will pardon instead!"

Cut to [4]

"Karl, welcome to the League of Awesomeness. Your Sports Racer name will be... Leaky Beak!"

Random acts of duckie

Ze rides by some street at his current location on a bicycle - preferably red. Doing so, he throws duckies at each houses doorstop. After filming this, he somehow manages to convince a resident of that street to let himself (in a different outfit) be filmed opening a door, picking up the ducky, looking at it wide-eyed, and retreating back inside. So here's what we'd see:

• Ze bike-riding and ducky-throwing
• A close-up of a door - Ze² opens it, looks down, picks up the ducky, looks at it all 'yay'-like, and goes back in.
• This would probably be best as an intro.
  • Why? Break conventions! Fifteen seconds of random duckies sounds great to me.
    • In hindsight, yes.
• Ze (with romantic music in the background) frolicing with a duckie.
  • WIN

Taking it to the street

Ze approaches people on the street of his choice and gets replies to the question: "What's something you like that's gay?"

We see/hear Ze ask the question, then get a tightly cut series of "Essence of replies" from different people.

• hey, I really like this idea, as long as he doesn't get punched.

Talk to me, just me

I would like ze to spend 15 to 30 seconds just talking to me. Really. He can give me a tour of the web page and what it has to offer. (draft)(points left) "Hello, and welcome to The Show. I hope you enjoy your stay. Look around... see there are the google ads, click those." (points right) “Over there are the meaningless products, buy some of those.” (points down) “If you look below, there are a bunch of comments which I often read on the show. Read those, if you dare!” (points left down)“This week there's a link to the earth sandwich, eat that.” (points up) "Up there are the archives, watch all of those while you wear the t-shirt, eat the sandwich and click on the google ads.” (whisper) “Are the new viewers gone yet?”

• could have a scroll at the bottom for the hearing impaired. This could say something entirly different, perhaps what he's really thinking....
• Really like this captioning idea for any bit. It could be done 'Monty Python and the Holy Grail' style, starting off seemlingly serious in a foreign language (so people will get the intent and groan about having to watch a show with subtitles) but really be faux English with foreign accent and eventually completely diverge or mock what Ze is saying.
• shoot, i had the same idea, but you beat me to it (tour of the page, pointing around). i thought it would be for new viewers, but now that the page has changed, old viewers (like me: one-and-a-half weeks!) could use a tour too. can we leave it up to ze what to say? he's way funnier. but maybe that's not in the spirit of fabuloso friday 2.

Teenage Justice

So, it looks like the Supreme Court in its infinite wisdom has granted police all the powers of teenagers. This last Friday the Supreme Court struck down the law which requires the police to knock on your door before entering. No more, Knock, Knock, it's the police, open the door. They will simply be able to walk in. Now how is that so different from what teenagers do now? My teens NEVER knock. They just walk in, look around for whatever isn't glued down, in terms of food or cash, grab and leave. So now in addition to the teenagers waltzing through the house at random we will now have local law enforcement doing the same. My advice....have plenty of doughnuts and coffee on hand 'cause just like the teenagers, once the cops are full, they'll leave.

In the show teenagers and police can come and go and each visitor removes something from the set until it is a bare set leaving Ze sitting in his chair on a bare set. His final line is...."and this is Democracy in Action!" Or in the absence of enough actors things could just disappear.

Winding up - winding down

film - skeleton short sketch, ze has to make these common tasks interesting or funny.

winding up - 12 secs. in the life of zefrank - waking up, yawing, unbuttoning the top button of his jamies, brush teeth, flush toilet, eating breakfast, drinking coffee, typing on the computer, eating lunch, putting his coat or cap on walking out the door.

-winding down 12 secs. in the life of zefrank - walking in the door taking off his coat or hanging up his cap, eating dinner, typing on the computer, drinking coffee, flush toilet, brush teeth, buttoning the top button of his jammies, yawning, falling asleep.

• He can film these tasks in regular speed then tie them together and fast forward.
• Chop them up into three short frames for each task. "Here is how my day went."
• Move some tasks fast, some slow.
• Take one task, like eating a sandwich, film the whole process in regular speed then zip through it in 15 seconds.
• Same as above, but setting the film at regular speed while he picks something caught in his teeth with his tongue, once sucessfull speed the film up again. How ever he would like to approach this idea, as long as it is a common task and is completed in 15 seconds.
• Same idea only in panic mode for any number of scenarios.

ARE THE NEW VIEWERS GONE YET?

Win Free Meaningless Product

Ze prints a list of the comments the night before of all the comments that were left for the week. He cuts them out and puts them in a jar. On Friday he announces what he has done and that someone's comment will be picked at random and he will read this on the show with a sharp and witty response. Not only that, this lucky winner will also receive their choice of any meaningless product. He reaches in and reads the comment (these can be real or made up) and responds, "Ze, I love the show you're great!” Ze responds cheerfully, “Why thanks,” he looks at the slip of paper, “anonymous, I....” he nervously laughs. CAMERA CUTS Reaching in to the jar again he starts to reads the next comment, “Ze, I think you are the biggest #$%^@ *$&% and your show is &$*%^#&!" “Well let me tell you something, he looks at the name, "anon... y.. o...” noticing quickly, he frantically starts going through all the small pieces of paper and by the look on his face you can tell they are all left by anonymous. CAMERA CUTS - END. This relies heavily on improvisational reaction, but feel free to improve on this short script.

Ze and his kitty

I like the cat idea but I think that we can take that a bit further. This may have to be shortened depending upon the time spent on each picture

Ze: (Close up, with frusteration) My kitty has been a real hard charger for attention lately. (Normal zoom, Excited now) So I decided to make my kitty happy by giving it a DOUCHE.

(CUT TO, Cat in Tub)

Ze: Then I dried my kitty off.

(CUT TO, Towel Cat)

Ze: (Normal zoom) But I didn’t end stop there, my kitty was wrinkled so I needed to iron it.

(CUT TO, Cat Iron)

Ze: (Close up, softly) Now my kitty was ready for some banana.

(Close up, Ze can hardly contain his laughter)

(CUT TO, Cat Bananas )

Ze: That made my kitty very happy. (Close up of Ze, licking hand cleaning himself, whilst purring feverously)

Ideas by: SportsRacers
Written by: PlazmaFox 13:16, 15 June 2006 (PDT)

• Good work, nice pics! It's a bit vulgar though, and I wonder if it would be more subtle with the word CAT used instead of PUSSY? --Gelbi 15:28, 15 June 2006 (PDT)

• I agree with Gelbi. Besides, vulgarity doesn't work well when someone tells you to say it. What makes it funny, IMO, is when it is spontaneous, otherwise it sounds lewd and unintelligent then it just seems to fall flat.

• Thirded, use 'cat' or 'kitty' instead. :) Awesomely cute cat pictures! CeruleanNinja 02:25, 16 June 2006 (PDT)

• Updated 12:46, 16 June 2006 (PDT) : PlazmaFox

Ze explains the best way to set up a MySpace page

Ze talks us quickly through was information simply has to go on a myspace page, and what he hopes to achieve by doing so. Preferrably in a valley girl accent, and hopefully involving actually setting up a myspace page. -des-

• No. :'(

Ze gets a tattoo

To show his dedication and commitment to Sportsracers everywhere, I think 15 seconds of his Friday show should show Ze getting a tattoo of a ducky [or something else related to the show] on a body part-o-his choice. He can challenge other Sportsracers to do the same, and send him pictures. Come on, let's take this 'up a notch' baby.

[muy fabuloso! I like it... I dare him!] Retrieved from "http://www.zefrank.com/wiki/index.php/Fabuloso_Friday_2"

• honestly, I'd be just as happy with a henna or sharpie 'tatoo'. It would be cool to see him put a duckie on his body part of choice and showing it off for us.

• HEY! How about we design it? Seconding the 'henna' motion (it's safer). Hey, peeps submit your tattoo suggestions. Also, the mini-script could deal with 'I had one too many and woke up with this'. :D CeruleanNinja 13:32, 16 June 2006 (PDT)

Ze tracker! Tracking Power Moves Around the Globe!

With all his travelling, how about a Ze Tracker like the Santa Trackers local news outlets do at Christmas? He could get talking heads from Norad on saying all the reasons that they won't spend our tax dollars on humoring the request, so instead Ze could make his own out of some low-rent comp graphics, a cardboard silhouette of his face and a swizzel-stick he brought from the airplane.

An Iranian Romance

I didn't get time to make really good images but did my best with what i had - maybe someone could improve on them.... pretty please. Also, sorry if i didn't get the formatting right. Anyway, here goes:

Ze - Medium Close Up

In recent news (pic for 1 sec of Dubya and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad split screen smiling) Dubya & Mahmoud, the USA and Iran are burning bridges in their nuclear enrichment stare off.

Ze - Extreme Close Up – Ze blinks three times in quick succession.

Ze - Medium Close Up - In Newsreader voice.

Of course, both countries have a history of distrust. The US still remembers the 1979 hostage crisis, in which US dignity was critically injured (pic for 1 sec of iranian flag and the words "bad Iran" under it) Iran: Bad.

Ze, looking at camera standing slightly to the left hand side of the screen, pointing to the viewer and saying in a valley girl voice:

you started it.

Ze – back as the newsreader

The Iranians have been pissed even longer - since 1952 when a US backed coup deposed the democratically elected leader Mohammed Mos-Mog-Mumble.

Quick cut to Ze from a different angle as though he is commenting on the story.

because Mohammed Mos-Mog- the uncooperative crackpot - wanted to nationalise Iran's oil.

• Mossadeq

• Shah Pahlavi

Quick Cut back to Ze as the newsreader.

so America replaced him with the brutal dictatorship of the Shah.

Quick Cut to Commentator Ze.

who was pro US control of Iranian oil

Back to Newsreader Ze.

The Iranianians were only able to get rid of the tyrant through an extremist revolution.

Ze - standing slightly to the right of the screen, pointing at the viewer and saying again in a valley girl voice:

you totally started it

Ze – Long shot - looking to the camera with arms outstretched saying in the voice of the Reverand Jesse Jackson (deep, biblical and vaguely southern)

why can't we all... just get along.

Ze – Medium Close Up

The latest stare off (quick flash of ze extreme cu looking manic at camera) is assisted by the various propogandozies in each country demonizing the other. The US government feels strongly that any regime that operates under religious control is likely to be unreasonable, less democratic and a greater threat to the world at large.

quick cut pics of i) a placard that reads "god says no to same sex marriage" Stop Same-Sex Marriage, ii) the shock and awe attack on baghdad Shock & Awe, iii) any other images that demonstrate this point Make Abortion illegal

• I like this topic it's actually REAL information everyone should know and it should not be forgotten. Would be nice to tie this in as well [5]

• I agree with you that it would be good to tie in the United Fruit Company but not sure how to do that without it becoming a diatribe.

it's Fabuloso Friday... Today is "Remind President Bush Things He Forgot" Day

Good morning Sport Racers it's Fabuloso Friday... Today is "Remind President Bush Things He Forgot" Day:

-Mr Bush remember to catch those money grubbing Oil Company owners for price galching(does spelling count?) <quickly show gas sign at the pumps at $3.00 or more and than a picture of a fat "oil tacoon" guy lighting a cigar with 100 dollar bill>

-Remind Mr Bush that Bin Laden is still on the loose...<we haven't heard his name for a while,maybe we can blow him up too>

-Remind Mr Bush that 1 percent point means you too can be a great President<show a photo of Johnny Cash giving the middle finger>

-All men are created equal<show photos of the poor in New Orleans, Iraq children and women,2 gay people with hands in each others back pockets>

-Killing is a sin <picture of Moses with tablets> and to some, is it not <picture of John Levitts as Satan>

-I thought Bush was going to get to the bottom of the CIA leak<show dippy faucet>

-remind him to remind us why we are fighting the war <show his dumd ass face up close-ze makes the "duh" sound>

- remind him to look over plans to suckseed

-and than he can remind us "Being President is hard work....."

-the ending would be...."This is zefrank , Thinking so you dont have to.....remember"

add something.....Bitch!

Spam!!!

[flash picture of can of Spam]

Ze: This morning, Knowledge was desperately lonely and craving human contact, and without my knowing removed the filter on my email account to get a little T.L.C.

Ze: As I sat down to eat breakfast,…

[Ze, at computer desk wearing those sweet amateur astronomer glasses from last Friday, drinks two raw eggs from a glass, then scratches self inappropriately off-camera]

[camera shot of yellow rubber ducky looking up from desk, quietly judging him]

Ze: (voiceover the above situation?)…I was elated to find several messages had arrived from my best friends “Suzy69,” “goatz4plessure,” and “Mutantdicks.”

Ze: I’ve made some really nice friends online.

[Ze types like 110 words per minute furiously and with Nerd-Speed and buck teeth and sips coffee and gets it all over his face, possibly inhales Twinkie]

Ze: Remember when Suzy69 was all like, “cum offer for pleasure house my to you.” ?

Ze: [Nodding, perverted "Ennhnhnhh" noise, Ze pervertedly grins like a pervert]

Ze: Me and Mutantdicks go wayyy back.

[looks offscreen briefly, acknowledging an unheard comment]

Ze: No, that was BEFORE he tried to hack me to pieces with a butter knife.

Ze: (In trailerpark accent) Them’s was some guuud times.

[looks at computer screen nostalgically while E.L.O.’s “Telephone Line” plays at max volume]

The League of Awesomeness Versus Aliens

Ze - Medium Close Up - 1 eyebrow raised in a quizical fashion.

The League Of Awesomeness has had to rethink its challenge to make an Earth Sandwich. Some authorities

Quick Cut to Ze - Extreme Close Up

hard chargers

Quick Cut back to Ze Medium Close Up

felt that fashioning an Earth Sandwich was a threat to humankind. They suggested that an Earth Sandwich carried a significant risk of an alien mistaking it as a tasty snack and scoffing it for lunch.

Quick cut to a knowing, nodding Ze then back to Medium Close Up.

This also applies to Earth Pies, Buns, Strudels and other variations on planetary Hors D'Oeuvres.

Ze - Extreme Close Up

I suggest that if the alien starts on France, it would solve one problem and give Bruce Willis enough time to fly in and plant a nuke in the alien's butt.

Ze - Medium Close Up

However this solution is not guaranteed, in the event that there may be more than one butt.

Ze - Extreme Close Up sniggering

Multi-butt Aliens

• this is 30-40 seconds...did you try to recite it?
• have now moved it to this section due to the time issue.Zube