Fabuloso Friday 2/All Sections

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FINISHED

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This is It! Think the work is complete and ready for the big time? Stick It Here!
  • It’s Craftsmanship Time Folks!
  • Don't delete the works from the original page. Copy and paste it here.
  • This is the chance to get rid of the noise - help others clean up -
  • EDIT, EDIT, EDIT get rid of the suggestions, comments, etc... clean things, check spelling, keep pictures small so they don't bleed into the other submissions, make it the "Finished Product" or it may end up in the dreaded Magic Dumpster.
  • This page will get very busy be patient, make sure any changes you make happen.
  • Then ask yourself this question, "15 Seconds?"
  • make it real
  • make it done
  • make it so!


15 SECONDS (give or take a few)

MEDIUM CLOSE

Ze: 1, one thousand 2, one thousand 3, one thousand

[Ze - Extreme Close Up, showing just his eyes.]

Must i really do this for the whole five minutes?

<beat>

[Ze - Medium Close Up - in a plaintive voice]

I mean, can't i just stay silent instead and sort of chill out?

<3 or 4 beats while Ze looks at the camera, moving his head occasionally.>

MEDIUM CLOSE

[Ze speaks sneakily from the side of the frame.]

Ze: Are The New Viewers Gone yet?


15 SECONDS (Alternative version)

[Ze counts to 15, each number meets a different facial expression and gesture of his choosing]

Ze: (counting) 1 one thousand, 2 one thousand, 3 one thousand... (etc till) 15 one thousand.

A Moment For Ze

for ze - give ze 15 seconds to relax. Just relax. crack a crispy stella. sips the starbucks. flip through a magazine. i.e.

like this?

i.e. [1]

if it's sunny [2]


Alternative- In between shots of ze drinking reading etc. flashes of others also drinking coffee.

[3]

[4]

[5]

[6]

[7]

[8]

[9]

[10]

[11]

[12]

[13]

keep the best pics.


Science News


Ze: The genius sperm bank set up in the 70's by millionaire Robert Klark Graham was originally supposed to offer women high quality sperm from men with special qualities including high IQ. Unfortunately, many samples have apparently been lost. Robert was even known for asking dinner guests for donations now and then. [14] Botany professor Jim Bidlack(pictured here doing something with his hands) is quoted as saying "We were getting close to the end of the evening, we had a conversation and somewhere during that conversation he said 'would you be willing to provide us with a specimen, do you think you are up to it?',"

Ze: But running a sperm bank was hard work. "There were so many recipients wanting sperm and there was so little sperm, never enough sperm," says former staff member Julianna McKillop.

Ze: Never enough sperm? What were they doing with it?

Ze: Most of the sperm bank children still remain anonymous, so no one can test to see whether Graham's experiment to breed intelligent kids using clever sperm really did work.

Ze: I think we can make an intelligent guess on that one.

An Iranian Romance

Ze - Medium Close Up

In recent news (pic for 1 sec of Dubya and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad split screen smiling) Dubya & Mahmoud, the USA and Iran are burning bridges in their nuclear enrichment stare off.

Ze - Extreme Close Up – Ze blinks three times in quick succession.

Ze - Medium Close Up - In Newsreader voice.

Of course, both countries have a history of distrust. The US still remembers the 1979 hostage crisis, in which US dignity was critically injured (pic for 1 sec of iranian flag and the words "bad Iran" under it) Iran: Bad.

Ze, looking at camera standing slightly to the left hand side of the screen, pointing to the viewer and saying in a valley girl voice:

you started it.

Ze – back as the newsreader

The Iranians have been pissed even longer - since 1952 when a US backed coup deposed the democratically elected leader Mohammed Mos-Mog-Mumble.

Cut to pic of Mohammed Mossadegh *Mossadeq

Ze - Voice Over Only

because Mohammed Mos-Mog- the uncooperative crackpot - wanted to nationalize Iran's oil.

Cut to pic of the Shah *Shah Pahlavi

Ze - Continues Voice Over

so America replaced him with the brutal dictatorship of the Shah.

Back to Newsreader Ze.

who was pro US control of Iranian oil

The Iranianians were only able to get rid of the tyrant through an extremist revolution.

Ze - standing slightly to the right of the screen, pointing at the viewer and saying again in a valley girl voice:

you totally started it

Ze – Long shot - looking to the camera with arms outstretched saying in the voice of the Reverand Jesse Jackson (deep, biblical and vaguely southern)

why can't we all... just get along.

Ze – Medium Close Up

The latest stare off (quick flash of ze extreme cu looking manic at camera) is assisted by the various propogandozies in each country demonizing the other. The US government feels strongly that any regime that operates under religious control is likely to be unreasonable, less democratic and a greater threat to the world at large.

quick cut pics of i) a placard that reads "god says no to same sex marriage" Stop Same-Sex Marriage, ii) the shock and awe attack on baghdad Shock & Awe, iii) any other images that demonstrate this point Make Abortion illegal



Bird Flu Dance/Knowledge

CLOSE UP

Ze: Avian influenza is an infection that occurs naturally among wild birds, who carry the viruses in their intestines, but usually do not get sick from them. However, when wild and freaky birds mix with weak, domesticated birds, bad things can happen...

[Voice:off:"Like what Ze?"]

[Flash photo of dying birds, such as [15]this one.] or to be edgier, this one.[16]

CLOSE UP

Ze: Well, for example, Massive Bird Death brought on by incessant requests for the "Funky Chicken" at your nephew's Bar Mitzvah...

[Flash image of Funky Chicken dancers with banned circle with a slash symbol through it][17]

[Cut back to Ze freaking the Bird Flu dance moves - greatly speeded up to fit into the fifteen seconds limit. Cut to Ze on the floor, close-up on Ze's face, lying flat on the carpet]

Ze: No one can predict when a Bird Flu pandemic might occur...but at least you'll never have to do the Funky Chicken again...Seriously Sports Racers, it's Wedding Season, Learn the damn dance, you'll be a hero, you have the Ze Frank Guarantee.

Ze: (Plaintive voice) Duckies?...

[End]



Board of the League of Awesomeness

[Ze is sitting in front of the computer. The mouse is close-by.]

EXTREME CU

[Excited!]

Ze: Hey Sports Racers did You notice what "I" noticed?!

[Flash to a bunch of asses on The Show's web-site, Sports Racer Gallery.]

MEDIUM CLOSE

Ze: (giggling) ...All the ASSES with FACES are GUYS!" (more giggling)

Ze: The C.E.O. ... (flash to picture)

Ze: ...of the League Of Awesomeness sent me this urgent letter and demands that...

[Camera on Ze as he holds up LOA's official letter in a mocking and deep CEO official type voice.]

Ze: (reading) "Since it is evident that only the males really want to see ze's cutie-patootie logic dictates that I, and the Board...

[Image: flash to the board [19]]

Ze: ...of the League Of Awesomeness, Demand that you Immediately change the name of the 'Your Bare Asses Page' to "Something I Like That's Gay!"

[Ze giggles, his giggle turns to an evil laugh and snicker, as he slowly reaches for the mouse.]

[a series of chopped and furiously fast cuts of Ze's hand in a variety of mouse editing positions, until the final] "click!"

[Flash to Ass Page that now reads: 'Something I Like That's Gay!' ]

(a .wav plays ze's song Something I Like That's Gay warped and out of tune, over and over and over) -END


  • change to "Most of" if some REAL GIRLS load their faces with thier butts by film time.
  • By cut to picture, do you mean this or all of them?

BREWING


alt tag

shh... Fabuloso Friday II is brewing.



alt tag

shh... Fabuloso Friday II is brewing




Buyah! It's Fabuloso Friday!

[Camera at sitting distance]

MEDIUM FULL

[Ze sitting in a chair, whilst wearing a NY Yankees cap, holding a box of cracker jacks, a small Yankee’s pennant and a hot dog full of mustered & ketchup.]

Ze: (enthusiastically) Buyah! and Good Morning Sports Racers it's...

[Before he can continue, Ze is startled by the sound of a loud bull horn. The cracker jacks fly, the hot dog squirts out of the bun, the pennant drops.]

[Ze has a disappointed look of surprise on his face.]

CUT TO:

[Ze is struggling to speak, with food delicately spilling from his mouth while laughing.]

Ze: It's Fabuloso Friday Deux, or two, ...whatever.


Ceci n'est pas une ze

ze reads the news in a monotone voice. cutting between pictures of the news and of his face there are a few subliminal flashes of his head drapped in a flowing white flour sack. a closed caption runner at the very end of the segment zooms quickly across the bottom of the screen, “Ceci n'est pas une Ze”


Clevur Woidz

[Ze in repose.]

MEDIUM

Ze: Here's some advice, Sports Racers...

MEDIUM CLOSE

Ze: Learn a new word each day, so that, in time you can communicate by saying things like:...

CLOSE SHOT [3/4 face at frame left]

Ze: I wish I could defenestrate this exsufflicate script, penned entirely by anonymuncles, depicting me as a balatron.

[3/4 face at frame right]

Ze: Assholes!

EXTREME CU

Ze: [whispers] Look them up, I dare ya.

CeruleanNinja 01:43, 21 June 2006 (PDT)


Confusing Ads

[Ze confused and cranky.]

MEDIUM [high angle]

Ze: Advertising is confusing.

MEDIUM CLOSE

Ze: They shout at you using overblown promises like...

EXTREME CU [Hyper hard-charger.]

Ze: "All your wildest dreams WILL come true!"

MEDIUM CLOSE

Ze: Which usually translates to crappy travel vouchers to places I don’t even wanna visit.

LONG SHOT [Ze dressed in his travel-garb. Shorts and cap and all.]

Ze: Ten dollars off to Washington? Dang!

CeruleanNinja 04:24, 16 June 2006 (PDT)


Crap-arino

Ze - Medium Close Up with a false smile on his face.

Today's show bought to you by

<booming voice>

Crap-arino.

<back to normal voice>

It's like crap

<beat>

only better.

Ze - Extreme Close Up looking unsure and nervous.

Ze: (Spanish accent) Fabuloso Friday: the Sequel. It's Crapulicious!

Duckies

[Ze says the word 'duckies' as fast and as many times as he can in 15 seconds.]

Ze: Duckies, duckies, duckies... (etc)


Duckie Con Song

[[20]] [[21]]

Ze: Yeah, I missed vloggercon. Fortunately, The League of Awesomeness is planning an even awesomer Con of its own. [begin music] [raises excited eyebrow]

Tune is here: [22]

Ze: [over images & music] [sings/shouts, James Brown-style] Duckie Con! That's where my duckies gone! To play my funky song!

Ze: Seeing duckies hang out would be much cooler than seeing videobloggers hang out. Especially if the videobloggers didn't have cameras, and the duckies had superpowers!

Ze: [excited] My duckies have superpowers!

Ze: [sad] No they don't.


Fabuloso Friday Sponsor

(To go near the beginning)

Ze: This week's bite-sized Fabuloso Friday is sponsored by shitty mini-food that you get at 'posh' parties.

MEDIUM CLOSE UP

Ze: It's designed so you don't feel so bad about gorging your face.

EXTREME CU

[Ze, with his mouth full of food.]

Ze: (Talking like a woman and spitting food) I just LOVE these hors d'oeuvres!!!


Kitty Licken' Good

  • Let the cats do all the acting.

CU - Bumblebee tuna on Ze's face, cat approaches sniffs the food.(cut)

Cat starts licking the tuna off Ze's face. Ze makes his goggle eyes. (cut)

i.e. [23]

Two cats are now going crazy eating the tuna on his face. Ze has what ever natural reaction the cats bring, but also experiences two emotions. (cut)

i.e. like this

And

i. e. this

(cats have food on their face cleaning it with paw)

Ze approaches the on all fours with the intent to lick the food on the cats face.(cut)


-Alt End - ze get two cats to lick each other's face.

Old School

Ze picks a current new article starts out speaking normally and speeds it up to cartoon voice blinking very fast, then slows it down to a crawl with one long blink.


Trust The Audience Part 1

Ze Puppet
Enlarge
Ze Puppet

Ze: Hopefully, repeatedly handing the inmates the keys to what was already a burning asylum won't result in fatal or permanent bodily harm to myself or others!

Ze: Why am I allowing myself to become no more than a simpering pinocchio, without the songs and magic cricket and the dancing but with the giant whale trying to eat me and the big bearded fat man locking me up in a cage?

Ze: Because unlike those creatively bankrupt spiritually empty greedheads in Mainstream Media, I TRUST my audience.

[Cut to Image:Shoutoutduck.png for half of a second]

[Cut to image: [Image]]

Ze: Shitthiswasamistakefuckmefuckmefuckme.

Ze: [through smiling teeth] Kill me.


Part 2 - New York Times

Ze: To quote yours truly in the New York F-ing Times,

Ze: "The meta joke here is, 'See how hard you can shake the marionette,' " Mr. Frank said between takes. "There's a violence to it." [nods]

Ze: "People were playing with the irony of a user-generated show," Mr. Frank said.

CUT TO [Ze puppet]

Ze: "Having me insult myself plays on the idea that I'm a puppet."

CUT TO ZE

Ze: Fuck you, audience.

Play Chess with Ze

(requires a chessboard)

A set-up chessboard is set between Ze and the camera. Ze is playing white.

Ze: Let's play a game of chess!

Ze moves a white pawn forward.

Ze: Your move!

[Ze smiles expectantly at the camera for the remaining time.]

Ze: Are the new viewers gone yet?

Kazz 14:40, 17 June 2006 (PDT)

(I did not write "Are the new viewers gone yet?" -- Kazz)

Play Chess with Ze... Reprise

(This could be the other half of a sandwich?...)

Ze: S-s-s-something from the meta-email!

[reads]

Ze: PinkGoosie writes: 'Chess sucks, Ze. We should totally play Snakes & Ladders or Crosses & Naughts, instead.'

[Ze casts a disappointed look at the camera, and shakes his head in dismay.]

CeruleanNinja 15:59, 17 June 2006 (PDT)


Poop

VARIOUS

Ze: Poop, poop, poop, poop... (etc)


(Rude) Clevur Woidz

(This is a cousin-version to ‘Punctuation Substitution’)

[Ze is cranky at someone off-screen. He leans into shot conspirationally.]

MEDIUM

Ze: Here's some advice!

MEDIUM CLOSE

Ze: Expand your vocabulary by gathering rare or antiquated words that mean rude things. So that, you can vent at irritating narks by saying things like...

CLOSE SHOT [Sweet as pie.]

Ze: Wow, a vaniloquent sciolist like yourself should definitely run for senate.

EXTREME CU [Secretly sarcastic.]

Ze: And, perhaps you too will be engaging in sciamachy with the rest of the smatchets. [Image of George Dubya and his pals]

MEDIUM CLOSE

Ze: Tergum cavus! ("assholes" in Latin according to this)

CeruleanNinja 13:23, 17 June 2006 (PDT)

AsCii 20:30, 21 June 2006 (PDT)

Rude Words

(If you have any improvement ideas, please do suggest them below.)

MEDIUM

Ze: Greetings fellow Sports Racers! The Earth Sandwich may be complete...

EXTREME CU

Ze: But that’s not enough! We’re still too darn far apart!

MEDIUM CLOSE [Grandiose unveiling.]

Ze: In the spirit of Intercontinental Sports Racer Unification, let me present...

(Sings. Cheerful little tune.)

Ze: Learn a Rude Word today. With Ze!

EXTREME CU [Joyful.]

Ze: In foreign!

MEDIUM [Begins to speak, but checks his watch...]

Ze: Scheiße, this lil' duckie seems to have run out of time...

[Relieved sigh.]

CeruleanNinja


Finnish Alternative

MEDIUM [Before continuing, Ze checks his watch. Smirks.]

Ze: Voi vittujen kevät ja kyrpien takatalvi! (Finnish for “life could be better” as suggested by Gelbi)

CeruleanNinja 15:11, 18 June 2006 (PDT))


Sloganism

EXTREME CLOSE UP

Ze: Holy contradictorific slogans!

MEDIUM CLOSE

Ze: Upon the release of their new car, Peugeot declared that...

EXTREME CU

[Serious hard-charger.]

Ze: "Playtime is over."

MEDIUM

Ze: To which Renault replied with...

EXTREME CU

[Dude-voice.]

Ze: "Grow up? What for?"

MEDIUM CLOSE

[A series of shots, one for each 'instruction'.]

Ze: Wait, wait. Would that be go...or is it stay?

Ze: Fetch?

Ze: Roll over?

Ze: Or is it just plain Suck and Blo... CUT

CeruleanNinja 07:19, 21 June 2006 (PDT)


The League of Awesomeness Versus Aliens

Ze - Medium Close Up - 1 eyebrow raised in a quizical fashion.

Meanwhile the League Of Awesomeness has had to rethink its challenge to make an Earth Sandwich. Some authorities

Quick Cut to Ze - Extreme Close Up - Slightly angry with teeth gritted.

hard chargers

Quick Cut back to Ze Medium Close Up - Normal face and voice.

felt that fashioning an Earth Sandwich was a threat to humankind. They suggested that an Earth Sandwich carried a significant risk of an alien mistaking it as a tasty snack.

Ze - using his Duckies voice and expression to say:

hmmmm, snackies

Ze - back to Medium Close Up, he is nodding in a knowing way.

This also applies to Earth Pies, Buns, Strudels and other variations on planetary Hors D'Oeuvres.

Ze - Extreme Close Up - said fast and whispery.

I suggest that if the alien starts on France, it would solve one problem and give Bruce Willis enough time to fly in and plant a nuke in the alien's butt.

Ze - Medium Close Up - normal voice

However this solution is not guaranteed, in the event that there may be more than one butt.

Ze - Extreme Close Up sniggering

Multi-butt Aliens

Video Game

(Improvised fifteen-second section, which involves Ze playing a video game. Camera is behind his shoulder and you can only see part of the computer screen. Dragged out could also be "Are the new viewes gone yet?")


Ze: (Killing the bad guys) Die Die DIE

Ze: (End of Game losing agressively slides mouse off the table) Ahhhh! Man! shit!


Alt. Ver. - 15 seconds.

[Ze plays Atheist and makes the ittle guy keep walking off the edge. each time he falls off ze giggles.] CUT


Alt. Ver. - 15 seconds. [We watch Ze playing Solitaire or Spider. Only mouse clicks, a clock ticking, and the refrigerator kicking off can be heard.] CUT


All End with:

Ze: "Good Morning Sports Racers..."

VOTE DON'T VOTE 1

Ze finding that no one voted this week declares he is already dictator, cracks a few walnuts and throws them at the camera.


VOTE DON'T VOTE 2

Ze finding that everyone voted for only two issues, he stated clearly, were not in the rules and already in the magic dumpster; that he get completely naked with props. he sits looking at the camera, arms folded, speechless, huffing and puffing while looking down in disgust and up on occasion only to roll his eyes and shoot dirty and disapproving looks. he then roughly grabs a League of Awesomeness Certificate off the table, looks at the camera and points at 'you,' then rips it up and throws it in the air, walking away.

z z z ze gets naked with props

speaks for itself.


Ze and His Kitty

Ze: (Close up, with frusteration) My kitty has been a real hard charger for attention lately. (Normal zoom, Excited now) So I decided to make my kitty happy by giving it a DOUCHE.

(CUT TO, Cat in Tub)

Ze: Then I dried my kitty off.

(CUT TO, Towel Cat)

Ze: (Normal zoom) But I didn’t end stop there, my kitty was wrinkled so I needed to iron it.

(CUT TO, Cat Iron)

Ze: (Close up, softly) Now my kitty was ready for some banana.

(Close up, Ze can hardly contain his laughter)

(CUT TO, Cat Bananas )

Ze: That made my kitty very happy. (Close up of Ze, licking hand cleaning himself, whilst purring feverously)

Ideas by: SportsRacers
Written by: PlazmaFox 13:16, 15 June 2006 (PDT)

V & G word tongue twister


[These can be said (quickly) in 15 seconds. I practiced. No camera direction, Leave it to Ze]

Ze: Here's a V & G tongue twister: Evangelical vigilante vagrants gobble veggie-gravy vaginas while gravely gallivanting in gravelly Gainesville, vaguely enjoy vlogs about gaveling vagile galvanized vagabonds. Why would you do that for?

[Alternate]

Ze: Here's a V & G tongue twister: Vainglorious Gustavus the vegan left valgus & verging on vegetative vertigo & venography proven vagus nerve & gastrovascular injury from vertiginous spin on verglas to Stevie Ray Vaughn in Galveston. Get it? The G in Vaughn is silent!

[note: V & G is in reference to 5-31-06 show "vagina is a beautiful word like all words that have Vs & Gs in them, like gavel & evangelical.]

Creationist parody


[Ze doing his pulpit pounding evangelical voice]

Ze: All the heavens revolve around the earth, the fact that they appear to do otherwise is a test of our Faith.

God Created man & all other creatures for man to use. The world was created 4769 years ago on a Tuesday. The Bible says so if you read it correctly. Again the fossil record was put in the ground by God to test our Faith.

Brief History of the Comments

Ze: B-b-b-rief history of the comments!

Ze: Ze, you rock!

Ze: Here’s my powermove!

Ze: Read my comment.

Ze: I found your show through Amanda.

Ze: You’re my second favorite after Amanda.

Ze: I like you better than Amanda.

Ze: Amanda sucks.

Ze:You should marry Amanda.

Ze:Please read my comment?

Ze:Awesome songs!

Ze: First!

Ze:People who comment “First!” are hard chargers.

Ze:People who bitch about people who comment “First” are hard chargers.

Ze:(sung)King of the Comments!

Ze: Blinky. I don’t get it. Jump. Shark. Earth Sandwich. Fabuloso! It’ll suck. It was great! It sucked. Pretty please read my comment? Or at least have sex with me. Nice ass. Best show ever. You cowardly, hard charging sellout!

Ze: There. You’re caught up.

Home Depot Weed

Ze: In Massachusetts last week a contractor found two 50 pound bags of pot Image:Hdweed.gif in a bathroom fixture he purchased at The Home Depot. The cops said it was worth about 150 grand.

Ze: A hundred and fifty grand!?! At Lowes it's only like a hundred and ten grand.

Fabuloso Friday is like One Liners

Ze: Fabuloso Friday Dos!

Ze: It's like having a cockpit in every seat of the plane!

Ze: It's like Mad Monday...but with more F's.

Ze: It's like Graffiti. Artistic, but predominantly dirty.

Ze: It's like going in the door of one bar only to find yourself in a compeletly different bar somewhere else.

Ze: It's like going to the hospital with all of your friends, except this time YOU have the scalpel and the surgeon looks scared!

Ze: It's is like Jell-O pudding. Actually it's more like Kodak film- No, actaully Friday Fabuloso is like a new coat; it'll be around forever. ah ha ha

Ze: Fabuloso Friday is like Election Day except your vote counts. Except it doesn't.

Screechs House

Ze: That kid who played Screech on Saved By The Bell is about to lose his house due to incredible stupidity, so he's selling t-shirts: [24]

Ze: Who needs writers?

Fabuloso signs around the world

cut to flickr:86049811@N00/171142510/ -fanfare music-

Ze voiceover: And now it's time for Fabuloso Signs Arround the World!

Ze voice over: In Panama the friendly government folk make it easy... flickr:86049811@N00/171142508/

Ze voice over: for you to know where to catch the bus for the electric boogie competition... flickr:86049811@N00/171142511/

Ze voice over: or the appropriate place to crash your car...flickr:86049811@N00/171142514/

Ze voice over: so you can collect on the insurance. flickr:86049811@N00/171142512/

Ze voice over: They also provide a visual reminder to foreigners...flickr:86049811@N00/171149326/

Ze voice over: ...to appreciate the local assets.flickr:86049811@N00/171149327/ flickr:margotlpz/171149328/

Ze voice over: Even street signs have big assets! flickr:86049811@N00/171149329/ flickr:86049811@N00/171149330/

Ass Inspection

Ze: (in style of army commander) Attention Sports Racers! Ass inspection! Pants down!


image: http://www.zefrank.com/racerpics/displayimage.php?album=34&pos=11

Ze: (voice over) Too flabby!


image: http://www.zefrank.com/racerpics/displayimage.php?album=34&pos=25

Ze: (voice over) Too hairy!


image: http://www.zefrank.com/racerpics/displayimage.php?album=34&pos=23

Ze: (voice over) Pert!


image: http://www.zefrank.com/racerpics/displayimage.php?album=34&pos=15

Ze: (voice over) Nice thong!


image: http://www.zefrank.com/racerpics/displayimage.php?album=34&pos=4

Ze: (voice over) Bobo twins!


http://www.zefrank.com/racerpics/displayimage.php?album=34&pos=19

Ze: (voice over) Ewwww!


image: http://www.zefrank.com/racerpics/displayimage.php?album=34&pos=1

Ze: (voice over) I said ass not pussy!

Bush's island and Gore's movie.

This week president, George W. Bush [25] seen here showing the democrats who's boss, in a desperate attempt to improve his approval rating, made a point to discuss the beauty of nature as he named a small archipelago off the coast of Hawaii a national monument. When asked how he felt about it, Al Gore, seen here contributing to global warming [26] said, "Yeah, well... I would've done that as soon as I got into office, I mean, have you freakin seen my movie? ...it's all about that shit." - kylejbritt.com

Gayness

"Hi, I'm Ze, Whats something I like thats gay?..........ZE!" Ze looks bewildered, then gets the joke, looks to the camera with his trademark "asshole" Can be randomly put into anywhere in the show

Cooking with Ze

This segment would begin with Ze in the kitchen, beginning to make something basic, such as toast. Chef's attire would be good too.

Ze:To make the proper slice o' toast, you need bread.

CLOSEUP ON BREAD

Ze:And a toaster

CLOSEUP ON BLENDER

Ze: {angry at blender} hard-charging little...

CLOSEUP ON TOASTER

Ze: There we go, And you stick the bread, in the toaster

CLOSEUP ON THIS ACTION

Ze: And you wait...

Ze: One one thousand... two one... zero - are the new viewers gone yet? Good morning sports racers...


The darkside

This week's Frontline focuses on Dick Cheney's darkside. Cheney, shown here clenching a towel between his butt cheeks, was portrayed as the mastermind behind the war in Afghanistan and Iraq, as well as the--evil ducky-- discreditor of Colin Powell and the CIA.

So if Cheney is the discreditor, Bush is the decider, Tony Snow is the explainer, what does that make Donald Rumsfeld? The asshole? And what does that make Condi?

Condi's just like the girl--that girl-- who wants to hang out with the guys-- and wear thigh-high leather boots. Makes you wonder about Cheney's other dark side (shudder).

15 Seconds or Less

Click here to add a new section!

image archive


15 SECONDS (give or take a few)

(Script Draft?) MEDIUM CLOSE

Ze: 1, one thousand 2, one thousand 3, one thousand 4, one thousand 5, one thousand 6, one thousand 7, one thousand 8, one thousand 9, one thousand 10, one thousand 11, one thousand 12, one thousand 13, one thousand 14, one thousand 15, one thousand.

MEDIUM [Ze speaks sneakily from the side of the frame.]

Ze: Are The New Viewers Gone yet?


A moment for ze

in response to the increasing demand placed on ze that he be 'always on' and entertaining - a trend that I sense is taking its toll on our favorite dancing monkey - I propose we give ze 15 seconds to relax. Just relax. crack a crispy stella. flip through a magazine. do it for ze.

  • very nice, I love it. seems like the tyke has had a rough week.
  • Great idea, take it easy, have some coffee... not to make a starbucks product placement, just to relax! --Gelbi 15:36, 15 June 2006 (PDT)
  • This is the best idea yet. Especially since Ze has done so much to entertain us and let us relax (only recently with The Show, but with the rest of his site for yeeeears)
  • I like the base concept behind this one, too. Unfortunately it doesn't make for great video. Here's a thought: give Ze 15 seconds to do anything he wants with a promise of no reprisals from the audience. No snarky comments, in fact we promise to never mention it ever, anywhere ... no matter what. (Of course we fail, but that can be entertainment and a mythology unto itself.) muyfabulosotalk 21:09, 15 June 2006 (PDT)
  • Haha, very nice. This should be the first 15 seconds of the show, followed by "are the new viewers gone yet?"
  • Absolutely! Don't forget to sip the starbucks.
  • How about instead of just relaxing, we could have Ze just sleeping, even more restful
  • I'd like to add a new section for "are the new viewers gone yet?" as part of the 15 seconds.

like this?

combinded with this

or like this [27]

Perhaps like this, if it's sunny

A Series of thing falling in reverse

Drop a series of things from a window onto the ground below. Announcing what he's droping first, but play the falling item in reverse so it looks as if it's falling up, then place the clips in reverse so the pile on the ground gets smaller. Do this for 15 seconds more or less. Items shoud be of a breakable messy nature (ie 3 eggs, a bag of rice, some flour, some flowers etc)

Batman noises

BAng

Wallop

Wack

Zap

Pow

Krackkk!

at one point in the show we actually see Ze Frank BLINK.


Bring back "Tired Friday" show

This segment ONLY applies if Ze has not brought back the mysterious missing "Tired Friday" show from 6/16/06. If he doesn't, and if everybody votes for this segment, then he *HAS* to bring it back.

1. [spend 14 seconds in front of the computer restoring "Tired Friday"]

2. Ze: [fake-mad face, looking at camera] There! Are you satisfied?

3. [Ze leaves "Tired Friday" enabled in the archives for the forseeable future]

(I moved step 4 to the magic dumpster --Sford 18:29, 16 June 2006 (PDT))


Board of the League of Awesomeness

This topic is ripe for anyone who can master the challenge. Just who are these guys that don't appreciate a little patootie with a towel for a tail?


  • Got It!

ze sitting in front of the computer, mouse close by. Excited ze says, "Hey Sports Racers did you notice what I noticed?!" (flash to a bunch of asses on the show's web site) ze giggles, "+All the ASSES with FACES are GUYS!" ze giggles.

(flash to picture)

Ze says, "The C E O of the League Of Awesomeness sent me this urgent letter and demands that," camera on ze, he holds up LOA's official letter and reads verbatim in a deep CEO official type voice, "Since it is evident that only the males really want to see ze's cutie-patootie I, and the Board"

(flash to the board)

this

or this

of the League Of Awesomeness, Demand you Immediately change the name of the 'Ass Page' to "Something I Like That's Gay!" ze giggles, his giggle turns to an evil laugh and snicker as he slowly reaches for the mouse and clicks! (flash to Ass Page that now reads, 'Something I Like That's Gay!') (a .wav plays ze's SILTG song warped and out of tune, over and over and over) -END


+ change to "Most of" if some REAL GIRLS load their faces with thier butts by Friday.


Buyah!

Wearing a NY Yankees cap holding a box of cracker jacks and a hot dog full of mustered and ketchup ze says, "Good Morning Sports Racers it's..." startled by the sound of a loud bull horn the cracker jacks fly the hot dog squirts out of the bun. Camera cuts: ze then says with a mouth full of food , “It's Fabuloso Friday Deux!”

  • (Revised) Camera at sitting distance, ze wearing a NY Yankees cap, holding a box of cracker jacks, a small Yankee’s pennant and a hot dog full of mustered & ketchup. ze says enthusiastically, "Good Morning Sports Racers it's..." startled by the sound of a loud bull horn the cracker jacks fly, the hot dog squirts out of the bun, the pennant drops, there's a disappointed look of surprise on his face. Camera cuts: ze then says with a mouth full of food and laughing, “It's Fabuloso Friday Deux, or two, ...whatever.”


Ceci n'est pas une ze

Does any part of the news with a flowing white flour sack over his face with the caption “Ceci n'est pas une Ze”

  • Oh yeah??? And this is not a comment... --Gelbi 18:33, 15 June 2006 (PDT)


Clevur Woidz

[Ze in repose.]

MEDIUM

Ze: Here's some advice, Sports Racers...

MEDIUM CLOSE

Ze: Learn a new word each day, so that, in time you can communicate by saying things like:...

CLOSE SHOT [3/4 face at frame left]

Ze: I wish I could defenestrate this exsufflicate script, penned entirely by anonymuncles, depicting me as a balatron.

[3/4 face at frame right]

Ze: Assholes!

'Alternative 2:'

Ze: [whispers] Look them up, I dare ya.

'Alternative 3:'

MEDIUM CLOSE

Ze: ...And continue being a cosmokrator. (ruler of the world)

Make up your own! CeruleanNinja 13:24, 16 June 2006 (PDT)


Creationist parody

[Ze doing his pulpit pounding evangelical voice]

Ze: All the heavens revolve around the earth; the fact that they appear to do otherwise is a test of our Faith."

God Created man & all other creatures for man to use. The world was created 4769 years ago on a Tuesday. The Bible says so if you read it correctly. Again, the fossil record was put in the ground by God to test our Faith."

Confusing Ads

[Ze confused and cranky.]

MEDIUM [high angle]

Ze: Advertising is confusing.

MEDIUM CLOSE

Ze: They shout at you using overblown promises like...

EXTREME CU [Hyper hard-charger.]

Ze: "All your wildest dreams WILL come true!"

MEDIUM CLOSE

Ze: Which usually translates to crappy travel vouchers to places I don’t even wanna visit.

LONG SHOT [Ze dressed in his travel-garb. Shorts and cap and all.]

Ze: Ten dollars off to Washington? Dang!

CeruleanNinja 04:24, 16 June 2006 (PDT)


Cramps my style

Ze acknowledges that the no nudity clause has stiffled my creativity

  • Yes, yes... this should be acknowledged! --Gelbi 17:21, 15 June 2006 (PDT)
  • not any more ;)


Duckies

[Ze says duckies as fast as he can and as many times as he can in 15 seconds] (moved part II to 25 seconds or more)


Fabuloso Friday Sponsor

(to go near the beginning).

Ze: This week's bite-sized Fabuloso Friday is sponsored by shitty mini-food that you get at 'posh' parties.

[Medium close up]

Ze: It's designed so you don't feel so bad about gorging your face.

[Extreme close up of Ze with his mouth full of food.]

Ze: (Talking like a woman and spitting food) I just LOVE these hors d'oeuvres!!!


Face Cheeks

Ze: For those of you who missed last week's show, I'm going to show off my cheeks again just for you: [Medium CU of face, Ze graps,clasps, pinches, and basically shows off his cheeks] Ze: ARE YOU HAPPY NOW? Ze: Now where the heck do I put the towel?? [Trying to put a towel/facecloth up his nose, in mouth/ear? ? ]


Finnish Alternative

MEDIUM [Before continuing, Ze checks his watch. Smirks.]

Ze: Voi vittujen kevät ja kyrpien takatalvi! (Finnish for “life could be better” as suggested by Gelbi)

(C'mon, can anyone think of other punchlines, based on the suggestions within the Discussion? Also, could someone record a .wav on how to pronounce the Finnish phrase properly, for reference? :D CeruleanNinja 15:11, 18 June 2006 (PDT))

Sorry, I don't know how to pronounce the Finnish phrase correctly! Some nice people told me it meant roughly life could be better. When I looked it up on google I was shocked by its vulgarity. It might be from a movie or something and hopefully people don't really use phrases like that... --Gelbi 02:51, 21 June 2006 (PDT)


Giant pink bunny

'And Finally' section, Ze discusses the curious case of the 'Giant Pink Bunny', that's appeared on an Italian mountain side. Read about it here Ze sez: 'It would be fine and dandy, except, disturbingly, the knitted giant is sprawled out road-kill style. ' Schamaun. CeruleanNinja


Glacier Stone

Ze should talk for a little bit, involving intense curse words which are over dubbed with "t.v. style" overdubs. ( example: yippie ki yay mother falcon) and every so often a laugh track should come on, and Ze will have to wait for the laughing to stop to continue so that the audience hears where they are supposed to laugh but cannot understand the joke because of the crap overdubs.


Hawaiian fire

He wears a hawaiian shirt for the first half minute or so, then at random (during this 15 second clip) he performs a seated power move that changes his hawaiian shirt to a normal shirt, and transports a burning hawaiian shirt in the background of where he is sitting. It could remain there seen later as charred remains. 68.6.101.96 21:16, 15 June 2006 (PDT)


Here's something I like that's Gay!

Hardcharging, gay, celebrity politicians:

Image:http://images.usatoday.com/news/ photos/2006/06/19/president.jpg


It really sucks

"It really sucks when you're in the middle of watching an episode of the show and you suddenly and unavoidable have to go take a piss."

I've just started watching, but this happened to me just a few minutes ago. I was pretty upset. This could be one of those really quick segments that just flash in between the longer segments, zoomed up really close on his face, or maybe on a glass of water. Feel free to re-write the line to give it more zing.
Later on in the show, a quick shot of ze pouring a glass of water into the toilet with a surprised look.


Kitty licken' good

Ze's cat licks food off his face. ze licks food off of cats face?

This should flash in between segments, 3 secs for each.

Should be a cat meow when the segments start.

1 CU - Food on face, cat is approchaing.(cut) 2.Cat is licking food off face. (cut) 3 Cat going crazy eating the food on face. (cut) 4 ze starts licking food off cat's face (or approches with the intent.) (cut).


  • revised

Let the cats do all the acting.

CU - Food (tuna?) on Ze's face, cat approaches sniffs the food.(cut)

Cat starts licking the tuna off Ze's face. Ze makes his goggle eyes. (cut) [31]

Two cats are now going crazy eating the tuna on his face. Ze has what ever natural reaction the cats bring, but also experiences two emotions. (cut) like this And this

Ze starts licking food off the cat's face or approaches on all fours with the intent to.(cut)



Movie Reviews..rented or theatre

15 second movie reviews. This could easily be a winner

  • Awesome idea! How about reviewing Nacho Libre, which is released this Friday (in teh USofA). Jack Black. In a cape. Doesn't it scream Power Move to you? Schamaun, peoples! :D CeruleanNinja 00:33, 16 June 2006 (PDT)

I dig it. But let's do non-new releases. Movies that are GOOD and have stood the test of time. Like Rear Window, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, Or something equally bad ass.


Nothing

out of nowhere, closeup on ze's cheek. ze: (quickly) my skin is made of super duper small legos blocks.

later in the shows zoom back up on his cheeck

ze: LEGOS!!


Old school

ze should take at least 15 seconds to slow down his speech and allow himself to blink. Do at least one news article like this.

  • good idea, he could start off reading a news article in a high very fast (cartoon) voice then over the 15 seconds slow it all down to a low crawl.


omg

CRAZY DANCE PARTY

THEN READ CHUCK NORRIS JOKES WITH YOUR NAME INSTEAD. ex:

"Ze beat terri schiavo in a starring contest"

  • Don't wanna sound like a spelling hard charger, but do you mean "staring" contest? (GS)
  • Terri Schiavo reference isn't on, she was unwell and her demise was most unpleasant. To make fun of her is cruel. CeruleanNinja
Agreed.
and that's why it's funny


Peanut butter

Ze covers himself entirely in peanut butter

  • Not sure he could complete his whole body without a lot of cuts, not to mention if he'd even do it, but he could just start spreading it on his arm and say "Since we started coving the world with bread, I'm all out!" He continues then gives a look to the camera and says, "Whaaaat? "What you're problem?" cut.


Play Chess with Ze

(requires a chessboard)

A set-up chessboard is set between Ze and the camera. Ze is playing white.

Ze: Let's play a game of chess!

Ze moves a white pawn forward.

Ze: Your move!

Ze smiles expectantly at the camera for the remaining time.

Kazz 14:40, 17 June 2006 (PDT)

  • Lol, simple but cute. :) CeruleanNinja 15:28, 18 June 2006 (PDT)
  • Yes, it is cute... Now, we could take this very seriously and actually do a "The World vs. Ze Frank" game, so next week we discuss our move. Too much intellectualism? ;) --Gelbi 07:47, 20 June 2006 (PDT)
  • Hey, I may enjoy scatological humour as the next gal, but nothing beats a good dose of 'Ze ghrey matther upstairs' ;) It could be awesome as a little recurring section, couldn't it? P.S. Gelbi? Can you pronounce the Finnish phrase for the 'Rude Words' section? Since you'd suggested it, I'd thought you knew :P.CeruleanNinja 13:56, 20 June 2006 (PDT)


Play Chess with Ze... Reprise

(This could be the other half of a sandwich?...)

Ze: S-s-s-something from the meta-email!

[reads]

Ze: PinkGoosie writes: 'Chess sucks, Ze. We should totally play Snakes & Ladders or Crosses & Naughts, instead.'

[Ze casts a disappointed look at the camera, and shakes his head in dismay.]

CeruleanNinja 15:59, 17 June 2006 (PDT)


Poop

Poop, poop, poop, poop.

  • YES!


Reward

I think Ze should wax a little philosophical and ask a question at the beginning of the show, (perhaps part of, "Are the New Viewers Gone Yet?") and not give the answer until the very end, so far at the end the screen actually goes black and just when you think it's really over he gives the answer quickly.

Ze: asks, "What are the rewards for patience?" smiles laughs, "We'll find out latter!" ...Show goes on....

At the very end: ze gives the answer quickly. Show over.


Rude Words

(Draft Script)

MEDIUM

Ze: Greetings fellow Sports Racers! The Earth Sandwich may be complete...

EXTREME CU

Ze: But that’s not enough! We’re still too darn far apart!

MEDIUM CLOSE [Grandiose unveiling.]

Ze: In the spirit of Intercontinental Sports Racer Unification, let me present...

(Sings. Cheerful little tune.)

Ze: Learn a Rude Word today. With Ze!

EXTREME CU [Joyful.]

Ze: In foreign!

MEDIUM [Begins to speak, but checks his watch...]

Ze: Scheiße, this lil' duckie seems to have run out of time...

[Relieved sigh.]

(I've acted/timed this, it's just about fifteen seconds long. :D CeruleanNinja)


(Rude) Clevur Woidz

(This is a cousin-version to ‘Punctuation Substitution’)

[Ze is cranky at someone off-screen. He leans into shot conspirationally.]

MEDIUM

Ze: Here's some advice!

MEDIUM CLOSE

Ze: Expand your vocabulary by gathering rare or antiquated words that mean rude things. So that, you can vent at irritating narks by saying things like...

CLOSE SHOT [Sweet as pie.]

Ze: Wow, a vaniloquent sciolist like yourself should definitely run for senate.

EXTREME CU [Secretly sarcastic.]

Ze: And, perhaps you too will be engaging in sciamachy with the rest of the smatchets. [Image of George Dubya and his pals]

MEDIUM CLOSE

Ze: Assholes! ("assholes" in Latin?)

CeruleanNinja 13:23, 17 June 2006 (PDT)


Safe distance

This is a planned event - ze waits for a big loud motorcycle to drive by in the hood, makes an annoyed and angry face as the guy passes, at just the right (safe) distance ze yells “Hey Asshole!” If the guy hears him and stops, ze expresses a look of panic and runs for cover or does his power move. If the guy doesn't hear him, ze checks/shakes his ears with his little finger and mumbles “asshole.” I've actually timed this.


Serious Contemplation: Soviet Communism

Ze: I've been considering it since 1985 and I think today is the day. Today I will defect to the Soviet Union and live out the ultimate lifestyle! It all makes sense, Marxist Leninism mandates have been guiding my life for years and now I can't wait to renounce my citizenship. Luckily I've saved up for an Aeroflot ticket to Leningrad!


Sloganism

CLOSE UP

Ze: Holy contradictorific slogans!

MEDIUM

Ze: Upon the release of their new car, Peugeot declared that...

EXTREME CU [Serious hard-charger.]

Ze: "Playtime is over."

MEDIUM

Ze: To which Renault replied with...

EXTREME CU

Ze: "Grow up? What for?"

MEDIUM CLOSE [A series of shots, one for each 'instruction'.]

Ze: So, is it… go, or stay? Sit or get up?

Ze: Sit? Get Up? Or is it just plain Suck and Blo... CUT

Alternative punchline suggestions? CeruleanNinja 13:12, 16 June 2006 (PDT)


Something I like that's gay

"Hi, I'm Ze, Whats something I like thats gay?..........ZE!" Ze looks bewildered, then gets the joke, looks to the camera with his trademark "asshole"


S-s-s-something from the wiki (#1?)

Ze makes fun of an inappropriate script suggestion. "Hey, this is Fabuloso Friday, not Tharcathtic Barthelona Thurthday." (mutters "Athhole!")


S-s-s-something from the wiki (alternate)

A random fabuloso wrote this! (or something else equally meta?)


Taking it to the street

Ze approaches people on the street of his choice and gets replies to the question: "What's something you like that's gay?"

We see/hear Ze ask the question, then get a tightly cut series of "Essence of replies" from different people.

  • hey, I really like this idea, as long as he doesn't get punched.
  • I love this one!



The Show: Reverse ze-ology

Could we write a snippet that is almost as witty and intelligent as Ze's usual news commentary, but defending bush's policy or something like intelligent design or scientology?? This is a challange to all hard chargers out there... I doubt anyone will respond, but let's see...

a non-hardcharger will give it a shot:

"This week our president, George W. Bush [32] seen here showing the democrats who's boss, had to once again defend America's honor against the tyrannous liberal left. He made point to discuss the beauty of nature as he named a small archipelago off the coast of Hawaii a national monument. In response Al Gore, seen here contributing to global warming [33] said, "AAAARRRRRRRGHGHHGHHHH I SHOULD BE PRESIDENT."

Asshole." - kylejbritt.com

COMMENTS:

  • i think the Al gore line is what's missing here... anyone care to propose different Al Gore lines?
  • I like it.
  • I'm not sold on this one.. there's something missing
  • Very good try, not quite from the heart, but it's not bad... Maybe a better Gore line would be useful, but I wonder how Ze would interpret "AAAAAAAAAAARRGHGHGH" :) --Gelbi 09:32, 18 June 2006 (PDT)


Here's an alternate version using some of the same material... less reverse-ze, better?

"It's been almost a year since President George W. Bush [34] seen here trying really really hard to be a badass, publicly endorsed intelligent design as a school-taught belief system and people are still amazed that the man has never said anything intelligent.

[35]

Meanwhile almost-president Al Gore, seen here evolving [36] burned down a small town that told him to take his 'liberal hogwash' film somewhere else. 17 people died, but no vegetation was harmed."


V & G word tongue twister

[These can be said (quickly) in 15 seconds. I practiced. No camera direction, Leave it to Ze]

Ze: Here's a V & G tongue twister: Evangelical vigilante vagrants gobble veggie-gravy vaginas while gravely gallivanting in gravelly Gainesville, vaguely enjoy vlogs about gaveling vagile galvanized vagabonds. Why would you do that for?

[Alternate]

Ze: Here's a V & G tongue twister: Vainglorious Gustavus the vegan left valgus & verging on vegetative vertigo & venography proven vagus nerve & gastrovascular injury from vertiginous spin on verglas to Stevie Ray Vaughn in Galveston. Get it? The G in Vaughn is silent!

[note: V & G is in reference to 5-31-06 show "vagina is a beautiful word like all words that have Vs & Gs in them, like gavel & evangelical.]

  • might be better without saying "Here's a V & G tongue twister:"


Video Game

Splice 3 sec random shots here and there of ze playing a video game. Camera is behind his shoulder you can only see part of the computer screen. Dragged out could also be are the new viewes gone yet?

  • Killing the bad guys - "die die die"
  • End of Game losing - "Ahhhh! Man! shit!"
  • Plays atheist and makes the guy keep walking off the edge - "giggles."
  • Watch him plays solitaire -"clicking mouse."


VOTE DON'T VOTE

Ze finding that no one voted this week declares he is already dictator, cracks a few walnuts and throws them at the camera.

Ze finding that everyone voted for only two issues, he stated clearly, were not in the rules and already in the magic dumpster; that he get completely naked with props. he sits looking at the camera, arms folded, speechless, huffing and puffing while looking down in disgust and up on occasion only to roll his eyes and shoot dirty and disapproving looks. he then roughly grabs a League of Awesomeness Certificate off the table, looks at the camera and points at "you," then rips it up and throws it in the air, walking away.

z z z ze gets naked with props

speaks for itself.


Wiki

Ze discusses the upsides and downsides of wikis and how many people and edits it took to make the Fabulosobits he's showing. Of course, this count would have to be done at the very last minute, at some point between the closing of the voting and the actual show production.


Ze gets a tattoo

To show his dedication and commitment to Sportsracers everywhere, I think 15 seconds of his Friday show should show Ze getting a tattoo of a ducky [or something else related to the show] on a body part-o-his choice. He can challenge other Sportsracers to do the same, and send him pictures. Come on, let's take this 'up a notch' baby.

[muy fabuloso! I like it... I dare him!] Retrieved from "http://www.zefrank.com/wiki/index.php/Fabuloso_Friday_2"

  • honestly, I'd be just as happy with a henna or sharpie 'tatoo'. It would be cool to see him put a duckie on his body part of choice and showing it off for us.
  • HEY! How about we design it? Seconding the 'henna' motion (it's safer). Hey, peeps submit your tattoo suggestions. Also, the mini-script could deal with 'I had one too many and woke up with this'. :D CeruleanNinja 13:32, 16 June 2006 (PDT)
  • i think it should be sharpie or henna but, in a easily seen area. Like the side of his neck perhaps that pretty badass... jailbird badass in fact.


Ze in b&w

Four secs - Silent Ze in lined and scratchy B&W: white powder face, eyeliner, lip rouge, he blinks his eyes very fast like Fay Ray or Lillian Gish, Valentino smiles gives the (hubba hubba) eyebrows. Flim slips to colour has a surprised Marcel Marceau expression.

  • Soundtrack for black and white should be melodrammatic piano music, no?
  • yes, nice touch. but it should be just a splash of tinkly piano music. Something like this[37] ignore film.
  • Yeah im all for this, four seconds well spent.

third times a charm


Ze should steal

I think Ze should hunt down, find and steal a copy of Delta Force III in New York City 5. In other words, I think he should spend 5 seconds recapping exactly this, for example "I'm being forced to steal a copy of Delta Force III", video tape himself going into the video store for 5 seconds, and video tape himself with the video for 5 seconds (we will assume he stole it).

  • even thought this could pretty funny, depending on his facial expressions, (and the fact he has a camerea filmimg him) what would the board at the League of Awesomeness say?


Ze Shooter

This would work best if it is the first segment.

Ze does as many shots of liquor he can in 15 seconds counting out loud for each one.

Do it as the last segment, and Ze does the whole show while drinking and puts the clips in reverse order, so he gets soberer and soberer.
 :D While this is an interesting idea, I shall dare to say that after Friday the 16th Show, this has positively, absolutely and conclusively been done. Nothing could possibly eclipse this uniquely inebriated moment. CeruleanNinja 08:57, 16 June 2006 (PDT)



Ze drops out of character

For 15 seconds Ze talks in a non "show" style, and explains to us what he has planned for that evening

Headline This! ==

Ze:Trash is piling up on city streets all across the nation, but I am doing something about it. Yesterday as I was stopped in my gas-guzzling Civic, the guy next to me threw some trash out of his window. I stared down the (finger quotes)Trash Nazi until we made eye contact. Then I pointed to the trash that he dropped on the ground. The Trash Nazi shook his head in affirmative. CU Ze: (in a german accent) “Ja, I dropped it, so vat?” Ze: I could hear him whisper gently in my ear. Then I flicked him off and drove away. Man if I ever see that guy again, I will probably do the same thing. Ze:(shouting) Shiza! (shit in German)

Use an eyedropper and a sugar cube in close up of face eat it then put giant baby dirty diaper on your head and start tripping. Say There is no creative design There is no Creative design or sign the league of awesomeness song. then cut to the monkey dance in anti intelectualism for 1.5 seconds.

No no .... water drop onto sugar cube with close up face* eat cube * then put diapers on head and intercut with images of warsntuff and george bush while tripping with giant dirty diapers on head * then 1.5 seconds of monkey dance in anti inellectualism *

Ze The Worm Charmer

A randomly occuring feature in which Ze invites viewers to direct him towards all manner of wind instruments, which he will then use to try and charm worms out of the ground in Central Park or a plant pot.

  • Almost funny, but not really, I like the mention of woodwind instuments though.

Ass inspection

Ze: (in style of army commander) Attention Sports Racers! Ass inspection! Pants down!


image: http://www.zefrank.com/racerpics/displayimage.php?album=34&pos=11

Ze: (voice over) Too flabby!


image: http://www.zefrank.com/racerpics/displayimage.php?album=34&pos=25

Ze: (voice over) Too hairy!


image: http://www.zefrank.com/racerpics/displayimage.php?album=34&pos=23

Ze: (voice over) Pert!


image: http://www.zefrank.com/racerpics/displayimage.php?album=34&pos=15

Ze: (voice over) Nice thong!


image: http://www.zefrank.com/racerpics/displayimage.php?album=34&pos=4

Ze: (voice over) Bobo twins!


http://www.zefrank.com/racerpics/displayimage.php?album=34&pos=19

Ze: (voice over) Ewwww!


image: http://www.zefrank.com/racerpics/displayimage.php?album=34&pos=1

Ze: (voice over) I said ass not pussy!

The 15 second poet

Ze: Welcome to my 15 second poetry club.

Ze: Anyone care to read a poem?

Ze: Yes, dodo-sisters... too shy to read? [receives a piece of paper]

Ze reads this haiku as poetically as he can...

White, like the new moon,
Delicate spheres retreating,
Ze's ass on the web

Ze: That really moved... my bowels.

15 second poet -- open edition

Ze: Welcome to my 15 second poetry club.

Ze recites whatever wins this vote.

S-s-s-something from Starbucks

We get a partial shot of Ze sitting on the toilet. *Grunting

Butt sex is awesome!

damnit el nino

el nino should be blamed for anything that goes wrong... this is quite broad but a very effective way of relieving stress

Thinking

This is you thinking so zefrank doesn't have to.

Push 2 pounds of ground beef through a tennis racket.

Why? Because.

Life

Whenever I go to a public place I always carry around a full can of Lysol. This is in case of the seemingly insignifigant occasion that I would have to take a shit. I used to just cover the seat with toilet paper, but I have recently realized that sentence used alliteration. I also recently realized the piece of ceramic you cover the seat with is actually rubbing against the seat over and over and over again. Therefore, when I sit down my back is touching it and little AIDS worms can crawl through the back of my shirts and into the core of my heart. However, as I carrying the Lysol it becomes apparent to those around me I have a huge boner chubby fat fatty hard-on hummer log morning glory stiffy Tony Danza Stonking Bazza erection. This brings many women, but many of them just hand me a Playboy and direct me to the bathroom.

That's fifteen seconds if you say it really fast. I did it, so you can by association.

15 Seconds or More

Click here to add a new section!

Awesome New Business Model

Ze: Today I am unveiling The Show's awesome new business model! It is based on an exciting political philosophy called Socialism...[Images of Stalin, Lenin, Grocho Marx]..and an exciting Internet technology called PayPal.

[Cut to Ze in a furry communist hat, speaking with a fascist commie Russian accent]

Ze: Commrades! You must following these rules carefully. All sportsracer commrades making between $10,000 - $30,000 a year must contribute $5 dollars to the show. $30,000 to $60,000 must contribute $20. Bourgious sportsracers making 60,000-120,000 must contribute $50. Capitalist pig assholes making over $120,000 must transfer 1% of their income.

[Cut to normal Ze]

Ze: I did not write this script but the PayPal button is over there to the left...yup...(pointing off screen)...keep going...almost there...

Bird Flu Dance

Ze, since many of us first got to know you back when you posted clips of hilarious dance moves (like, I dunno, a hunnert innernet years ago?), I think a Dance Party reprise is long overdue. I don't think it is bad form to dip back into the Well of Goodness that is the Ze Frank Compendium.

Create one new dance every few weeks, or a surprise one every now and then, and have people submit their dances, just as they did with their power moves(TM?).

For this week, I nominate the Bird Flu Dance. Go to YouTube, learn a few of the basic Bird Flu Dance moves, and then perform the following:

[Ze close up:]

"Avian influenza is an infection that occurs naturally among wild birds, who carry the viruses in their intestines, but usually do not get sick from them. However, when the wild and freaky birds mix with weak, domesticated birds, bad things can happen [Voice:off:"Like what Ze?"], uh, like massive bird death, or repeated requests for the Funky Chicken at your nephew's Bar Mitzvah...."

[fast zoom out, Ze busts into Bird Flu Dance, Ze dances for about 10 seconds, Ze finishes writhing on the floor, camera pans in to Ze's face, which is lying flat on the carpet]

"No one can predict when a bird flu pandemic might occur...but at least you'll never have to do the Funky Chicken again...Seriously Sports Racers, it's wedding season, learn the damn dance, you'll be a hero, you have the Ze Frank Guarantee." [End]

While I certainly appreciate your wacktard sense of humor, I think your talents as a physical comedian have gone neglected for too long.

Some more suggestions for later on:

  • World Cup Dance (cuz literally everyone is doing it these days)
  • Face Dance: dance consisting of only Ze facial expressions, culled from your Compendium)
  • Commemorative Earth Sandwich Dance (cuz like, its a first man, and you could simulate being the bread making sweet love to the earth)

Other people's comments:

  • Excellent! --Gelbi 18:18, 15 June 2006 (PDT)

Brief History of the Comments

Comment or edit

Ze: B-b-b-rief history of the comments!

Ze: Ze, you rock!

Ze: Here’s my powermove!

Ze: Read my comment.

Ze: I found You through Rocketboom.

Ze: Amanda sucks.

Ze: You should marry Amanda.

Ze: You should marry Chelsea.

Ze: Please read my comment?

Ze: First!

Ze: People who comment “First!” are hard chargers.

Ze: People bitchin' about people who comment “First” are hard chargers.

Ze:(sung)King of the Comments!

Ze: Blinky. I don’t get it. Jump. Shark. Earth Sandwich. Fabuloso! It’ll suck. It was great! It sucked. Pretty please read my comment? Or at least have sex with me. Nice ass. Best show ever. Sell-out!

Ze: There. You’re caught up.

Bobbie mac 13:31, 20 June 2006 (PDT)

Awesome, I love it! How fast can he run through those things? :D CeruleanNinja 13:44, 20 June 2006 (PDT)
My clumsy mouth takes about 30 seconds to do it. He can probably knock it out in 20-25. If anyone adds anything, take something away (and hopefully make the thing you add better than what you took!) : - ) Bobbie mac 16:41, 20 June 2006 (PDT)
I tried to trim it pretty agressively since we have a copy of this in the finished section. --Gelbi 05:31, 22 June 2006 (PDT)

Bring back "Tired Friday" show

This segment ONLY applies if Ze has not brought back the mysterious missing "Tired Friday" show from 6/16/06. If he doesn't, and if everybody votes for this segment, then he *HAS* to bring it back.

1. [spend 14 seconds in front of the computer restoring "Tired Friday"]

2. Ze: [fake-mad face, looking at camera] There! Are you satisfied?

3. [Ze leaves "Tired Friday" enabled in the archives for the forseeable future]

(I moved step 4 to the magic dumpster --Sford 18:29, 16 June 2006 (PDT))


Dirty Space News! (Kinda)

[close up]

Ze: [with lewd grin] Dirty Space News!

[medium close up]

Ze: [professional detachment] On Monday, Uranus went retrograde, making it appear to move backwards along its orbit. This will continue until November but really doesn't matter to anyone except astrologists and geocentrists. when the Democrats retake the house and things start moving forward again.

Ze: [looking off camera, puzzled expression] How is that dirty? [beat]. Oh. Ooohhhhhhhh.

[close up]

Ze: [looking into camera] You people are sick.

[extreme close up]

Ze: [giggles] Uranus. Heh. [angry] Bobo Twins!

COMMENTS:

  • There is nothing dirty about Uranus (I hope) and it's so overused (now that's dirty). So this needs a twist! --Gelbi 09:18, 18 June 2006 (PDT)
  • I fixed up the Uranus news, I think. I also don't think "Oh" or "You people are sick" have any place in it if my line is used so I went ahead and italicized all that. Because I am smart. Kazz 14:47, 18 June 2006 (PDT)
  • This is looking nice, although we do seem to need a linking line between How is that dirty and Bobo Twins!. Any suggestions? CeruleanNinja 15:25, 18 June 2006 (PDT)


Duckies

[Ze says duckies as fast as he can and as many times as he can in 15 seconds]

Ze: People tell me all the time, [Childish, Whining] "I just want more duckies. I miss them."

Ze #2: So do I, I really do... But I've upgraded to geese.

[Visual: Close up of a Canada Goose]

Ze: Geese have some serious shit going on. [Ze is goosestepping] In addition, Gänseschmalz, Gänseliesel, and goosestep are all Germano-Germanican; gives me frickin goosebumps just thinking about it.

[Ze is gobbling a banana]

Ze #2: [Snide] Gobbling the goose again, Ze?

[Ze chokes on the banana]

Ze: Did you know that male ducks are the only birds that have a penis, and, surprise, drakes commit rape? Makes you think once or twice about having a bubble bath all alone with your rubber duckie. Hey, at least he's wearing a rubber.

[Visual: A large hobnail boot crushes a rubber duckie, Audio: Squeaking of the rubber duckie]

Ze: [Consoling] And, hey, hey, ducks are *so* small, such insignificant fowl when compared to a full-grown gander, for example, the Animalia Chordata Aves Anseriformes Anatidae Branta Canadensis. [Macho] One o them gooses can break a man's arm in two. That thar is a *man's* fowl.

[Visual: Close up of a Canada Goose, Audio: The sound of a goose honking]

[Close up of Ze wearing a plaster cast on one arm, pained expression, feathers are in the air]

--Kristen 22:48, 18 June 2006 (PDT)


Green Ze

This might truly be an outdated idea, but how about having a lil' Environmental awareness segment? [38] Japan says 'let's regulate commercial whaling', the environmentalists see this 'leading to an expansion of hunting'. There's the issue of 'scientific whaling', which, it's been said, is a loophole to be exploited. ...WHICH leads us neatly to the section entitled Movie Reviews..rented or theatre, in which Ze reviews Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home. PERFECT! :D *big cheesy grin* CeruleanNinja 15:52, 17 June 2006 (PDT)


Internal monologue: Poop

'Internal Monologue Ze'. Medium close shot of Ze musing about the complex issues of the world, which we hear in Voice Over only. Struggling to put these intricate thoughts into a sentence we'd understand, he simply says 'Poop' instead. CeruleanNinja

  • How about a theory snippet from Political Science, something relevant to the current 'mess'? Is there even a theory to rationalise present governments?
  • Everybody's favourite: Chaos Theory, Fractals?...
All I could even remotely dive into are Derrida and Foucault, although can't see how they could possibly be relevant to the moment?... CeruleanNinja 12:40, 17 June 2006 (PDT)
  • Jumping off that idea: flash through 15 seconds of this weeks significant news through pictures/headlines that were important, but ze was unable to cover. Through each new picture/headline ze says "poop!" Taking it one step further by showing judgment of the picture/headline with various sounds of approval or disapproval. "poop!" for approval, a buzzer sound for disapproval or cat calls, "meow" sweet kitty for good, angry stepped on kitty for bad, how ever you would spell that sound.
Intriguing idea, could be a cool way of showing thought process behind commentary?...CeruleanNinja 12:40, 17 June 2006 (PDT)


Karl Rove WTF?

Cut to [39]

Normal voice:

"Karl Rove..."

CU, whispering

"asshole!"

Back to photo

Normal Voice:

"shown here not undermining the security of the US by divulging classified information to a reporter for the sole purpose of undermining opponents to the war in Iraq, has been informed that special counsel Patrick Fitzgerald will not pursue charges against him in the ongoing Plame leak investigation."

CU, whispering

"Leaking is bad... and it sounds dirty!"

Cut to [40]

CU, excited

"Awesome! I wonder which treason-committing crony Bush will pardon instead!"

Cut to [41]

"Karl, welcome to the League of Awesomeness. Your Sports Racer name will be... Leaky Beak!"


Random acts of duckie

Ze rides by some street at his current location on a bicycle - preferably red. Doing so, he throws duckies at each houses doorstop. After filming this, he somehow manages to convince a resident of that street to let himself (in a different outfit) be filmed opening a door, picking up the ducky, looking at it wide-eyed, and retreating back inside. So here's what we'd see:

  • Ze bike-riding and ducky-throwing
  • A close-up of a door - Ze2 opens it, looks down, picks up the ducky, looks at it all 'yay'-like, and goes back in.
  • This would probably be best as an intro.
    • Why? Break conventions! Fifteen seconds of random duckies sounds great to me.
      • In hindsight, yes.
  • Ze (with romantic music in the background) frolicing with a duckie.
    • WIN


Taking it to the street

Ze approaches people on the street of his choice and gets replies to the question: "What's something you like that's gay?"

We see/hear Ze ask the question, then get a tightly cut series of "Essence of replies" from different people.

  • hey, I really like this idea, as long as he doesn't get punched.


Talk to me, just me

I would like ze to spend 15 to 30 seconds just talking to me. Really. He can give me a tour of the web page and what it has to offer. (draft)(points left) "Hello, and welcome to The Show. I hope you enjoy your stay. Look around... see there are the google ads, click those." (points right) “Over there are the meaningless products, buy some of those.” (points down) “If you look below, there are a bunch of comments which I often read on the show. Read those, if you dare!” (points left down)“This week there's a link to the earth sandwich, eat that.” (points up) "Up there are the archives, watch all of those while you wear the t-shirt, eat the sandwich and click on the google ads.” (whisper) “Are the new viewers gone yet?”

  • could have a scroll at the bottom for the hearing impaired. This could say something entirly different, perhaps what he's really thinking....
  • Really like this captioning idea for any bit. It could be done 'Monty Python and the Holy Grail' style, starting off seemlingly serious in a foreign language (so people will get the intent and groan about having to watch a show with subtitles) but really be faux English with foreign accent and eventually completely diverge or mock what Ze is saying.
  • shoot, i had the same idea, but you beat me to it (tour of the page, pointing around). i thought it would be for new viewers, but now that the page has changed, old viewers (like me: one-and-a-half weeks!) could use a tour too. can we leave it up to ze what to say? he's way funnier. but maybe that's not in the spirit of fabuloso friday 2.

Teenage Justice

So, it looks like the Supreme Court in its infinite wisdom has granted police all the powers of teenagers. This last Friday the Supreme Court struck down the law which requires the police to knock on your door before entering. No more, Knock, Knock, it's the police, open the door. They will simply be able to walk in. Now how is that so different from what teenagers do now? My teens NEVER knock. They just walk in, look around for whatever isn't glued down, in terms of food or cash, grab and leave. So now in addition to the teenagers waltzing through the house at random we will now have local law enforcement doing the same. My advice....have plenty of doughnuts and coffee on hand 'cause just like the teenagers, once the cops are full, they'll leave.

In the show teenagers and police can come and go and each visitor removes something from the set until it is a bare set leaving Ze sitting in his chair on a bare set. His final line is...."and this is Democracy in Action!" Or in the absence of enough actors things could just disappear.


Winding up - winding down

film - skeleton short sketch, ze has to make these common tasks interesting or funny.

winding up - 12 secs. in the life of zefrank - waking up, yawing, unbuttoning the top button of his jamies, brush teeth, flush toilet, eating breakfast, drinking coffee, typing on the computer, eating lunch, putting his coat or cap on walking out the door.

-winding down 12 secs. in the life of zefrank - walking in the door taking off his coat or hanging up his cap, eating dinner, typing on the computer, drinking coffee, flush toilet, brush teeth, buttoning the top button of his jammies, yawning, falling asleep.

  • He can film these tasks in regular speed then tie them together and fast forward.
  • Chop them up into three short frames for each task. "Here is how my day went."
  • Move some tasks fast, some slow.
  • Take one task, like eating a sandwich, film the whole process in regular speed then zip through it in 15 seconds.
  • Same as above, but setting the film at regular speed while he picks something caught in his teeth with his tongue, once sucessfull speed the film up again. How ever he would like to approach this idea, as long as it is a common task and is completed in 15 seconds.
  • Same idea only in panic mode for any number of scenarios.

ARE THE NEW VIEWERS GONE YET?


Win Free Meaningless Product

Ze prints a list of the comments the night before of all the comments that were left for the week. He cuts them out and puts them in a jar. On Friday he announces what he has done and that someone's comment will be picked at random and he will read this on the show with a sharp and witty response. Not only that, this lucky winner will also receive their choice of any meaningless product. He reaches in and reads the comment (these can be real or made up) and responds, "Ze, I love the show you're great!” Ze responds cheerfully, “Why thanks,” he looks at the slip of paper, “anonymous, I....” he nervously laughs. CAMERA CUTS Reaching in to the jar again he starts to reads the next comment, “Ze, I think you are the biggest #$%^@ *$&% and your show is &$*%^#&!" “Well let me tell you something, he looks at the name, "anon... y.. o...” noticing quickly, he frantically starts going through all the small pieces of paper and by the look on his face you can tell they are all left by anonymous. CAMERA CUTS - END. This relies heavily on improvisational reaction, but feel free to improve on this short script.


Ze and his kitty

I like the cat idea but I think that we can take that a bit further. This may have to be shortened depending upon the time spent on each picture

Ze: (Close up, with frusteration) My kitty has been a real hard charger for attention lately. (Normal zoom, Excited now) So I decided to make my kitty happy by giving it a DOUCHE.

(CUT TO, Cat in Tub)

Ze: Then I dried my kitty off.

(CUT TO, Towel Cat)

Ze: (Normal zoom) But I didn’t end stop there, my kitty was wrinkled so I needed to iron it.

(CUT TO, Cat Iron)

Ze: (Close up, softly) Now my kitty was ready for some banana.

(Close up, Ze can hardly contain his laughter)

(CUT TO, Cat Bananas )

Ze: That made my kitty very happy. (Close up of Ze, licking hand cleaning himself, whilst purring feverously)

Ideas by: SportsRacers
Written by: PlazmaFox 13:16, 15 June 2006 (PDT)

  • Good work, nice pics! It's a bit vulgar though, and I wonder if it would be more subtle with the word CAT used instead of PUSSY? --Gelbi 15:28, 15 June 2006 (PDT)
  • I agree with Gelbi. Besides, vulgarity doesn't work well when someone tells you to say it. What makes it funny, IMO, is when it is spontaneous, otherwise it sounds lewd and unintelligent then it just seems to fall flat.
  • Thirded, use 'cat' or 'kitty' instead. :) Awesomely cute cat pictures! CeruleanNinja 02:25, 16 June 2006 (PDT)
  • Updated 12:46, 16 June 2006 (PDT) : PlazmaFox


Ze explains the best way to set up a MySpace page

Ze talks us quickly through was information simply has to go on a myspace page, and what he hopes to achieve by doing so. Preferrably in a valley girl accent, and hopefully involving actually setting up a myspace page. -des-

  • No. :'(


Ze gets a tattoo

To show his dedication and commitment to Sportsracers everywhere, I think 15 seconds of his Friday show should show Ze getting a tattoo of a ducky [or something else related to the show] on a body part-o-his choice. He can challenge other Sportsracers to do the same, and send him pictures. Come on, let's take this 'up a notch' baby.

[muy fabuloso! I like it... I dare him!] Retrieved from "http://www.zefrank.com/wiki/index.php/Fabuloso_Friday_2"

  • honestly, I'd be just as happy with a henna or sharpie 'tatoo'. It would be cool to see him put a duckie on his body part of choice and showing it off for us.
  • HEY! How about we design it? Seconding the 'henna' motion (it's safer). Hey, peeps submit your tattoo suggestions. Also, the mini-script could deal with 'I had one too many and woke up with this'. :D CeruleanNinja 13:32, 16 June 2006 (PDT)


Ze tracker! Tracking Power Moves Around the Globe!

With all his travelling, how about a Ze Tracker like the Santa Trackers local news outlets do at Christmas? He could get talking heads from Norad on saying all the reasons that they won't spend our tax dollars on humoring the request, so instead Ze could make his own out of some low-rent comp graphics, a cardboard silhouette of his face and a swizzel-stick he brought from the airplane.

An Iranian Romance

I didn't get time to make really good images but did my best with what i had - maybe someone could improve on them.... pretty please. Also, sorry if i didn't get the formatting right. Anyway, here goes:

Ze - Medium Close Up

In recent news (pic for 1 sec of Dubya and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad split screen smiling) Dubya & Mahmoud, the USA and Iran are burning bridges in their nuclear enrichment stare off.

Ze - Extreme Close Up – Ze blinks three times in quick succession.

Ze - Medium Close Up - In Newsreader voice.

Of course, both countries have a history of distrust. The US still remembers the 1979 hostage crisis, in which US dignity was critically injured (pic for 1 sec of iranian flag and the words "bad Iran" under it) Iran: Bad.

Ze, looking at camera standing slightly to the left hand side of the screen, pointing to the viewer and saying in a valley girl voice:

you started it.

Ze – back as the newsreader

The Iranians have been pissed even longer - since 1952 when a US backed coup deposed the democratically elected leader Mohammed Mos-Mog-Mumble.

Quick cut to Ze from a different angle as though he is commenting on the story.

because Mohammed Mos-Mog- the uncooperative crackpot - wanted to nationalise Iran's oil.

Quick Cut back to Ze as the newsreader.

so America replaced him with the brutal dictatorship of the Shah.

Quick Cut to Commentator Ze.

who was pro US control of Iranian oil

Back to Newsreader Ze.

The Iranianians were only able to get rid of the tyrant through an extremist revolution.

Ze - standing slightly to the right of the screen, pointing at the viewer and saying again in a valley girl voice:

you totally started it

Ze – Long shot - looking to the camera with arms outstretched saying in the voice of the Reverand Jesse Jackson (deep, biblical and vaguely southern)

why can't we all... just get along.

Ze – Medium Close Up

The latest stare off (quick flash of ze extreme cu looking manic at camera) is assisted by the various propogandozies in each country demonizing the other. The US government feels strongly that any regime that operates under religious control is likely to be unreasonable, less democratic and a greater threat to the world at large.

quick cut pics of i) a placard that reads "god says no to same sex marriage" Stop Same-Sex Marriage, ii) the shock and awe attack on baghdad Shock & Awe, iii) any other images that demonstrate this point Make Abortion illegal

  • I like this topic it's actually REAL information everyone should know and it should not be forgotten. Would be nice to tie this in as well [42]
  • I agree with you that it would be good to tie in the United Fruit Company but not sure how to do that without it becoming a diatribe.

it's Fabuloso Friday... Today is "Remind President Bush Things He Forgot" Day

Good morning Sport Racers it's Fabuloso Friday... Today is "Remind President Bush Things He Forgot" Day:

-Mr Bush remember to catch those money grubbing Oil Company owners for price galching(does spelling count?) <quickly show gas sign at the pumps at $3.00 or more and than a picture of a fat "oil tacoon" guy lighting a cigar with 100 dollar bill>

-Remind Mr Bush that Bin Laden is still on the loose...<we haven't heard his name for a while,maybe we can blow him up too>

-Remind Mr Bush that 1 percent point means you too can be a great President<show a photo of Johnny Cash giving the middle finger>

-All men are created equal<show photos of the poor in New Orleans, Iraq children and women,2 gay people with hands in each others back pockets>

-Killing is a sin <picture of Moses with tablets> and to some, is it not <picture of John Levitts as Satan>

-I thought Bush was going to get to the bottom of the CIA leak<show dippy faucet>

-remind him to remind us why we are fighting the war <show his dumd ass face up close-ze makes the "duh" sound>

- remind him to look over plans to suckseed

-and than he can remind us "Being President is hard work....."

-the ending would be...."This is zefrank , Thinking so you dont have to.....remember"

add something.....Bitch!

Spam!!!

[flash picture of can of Spam]

Ze: This morning, Knowledge was desperately lonely and craving human contact, and without my knowing removed the filter on my email account to get a little T.L.C.

Ze: As I sat down to eat breakfast,…

[Ze, at computer desk wearing those sweet amateur astronomer glasses from last Friday, drinks two raw eggs from a glass, then scratches self inappropriately off-camera]

[camera shot of yellow rubber ducky looking up from desk, quietly judging him]

Ze: (voiceover the above situation?)…I was elated to find several messages had arrived from my best friends “Suzy69,” “goatz4plessure,” and “Mutantdicks.”

Ze: I’ve made some really nice friends online.

[Ze types like 110 words per minute furiously and with Nerd-Speed and buck teeth and sips coffee and gets it all over his face, possibly inhales Twinkie]

Ze: Remember when Suzy69 was all like, “cum offer for pleasure house my to you.” ?

Ze: [Nodding, perverted "Ennhnhnhh" noise, Ze pervertedly grins like a pervert]

Ze: Me and Mutantdicks go wayyy back.

[looks offscreen briefly, acknowledging an unheard comment]

Ze: No, that was BEFORE he tried to hack me to pieces with a butter knife.

Ze: (In trailerpark accent) Them’s was some guuud times.

[looks at computer screen nostalgically while E.L.O.’s “Telephone Line” plays at max volume]


The League of Awesomeness Versus Aliens

Ze - Medium Close Up - 1 eyebrow raised in a quizical fashion.

The League Of Awesomeness has had to rethink its challenge to make an Earth Sandwich. Some authorities

Quick Cut to Ze - Extreme Close Up

hard chargers

Quick Cut back to Ze Medium Close Up

felt that fashioning an Earth Sandwich was a threat to humankind. They suggested that an Earth Sandwich carried a significant risk of an alien mistaking it as a tasty snack and scoffing it for lunch.

Quick cut to a knowing, nodding Ze then back to Medium Close Up.

This also applies to Earth Pies, Buns, Strudels and other variations on planetary Hors D'Oeuvres.

Ze - Extreme Close Up

I suggest that if the alien starts on France, it would solve one problem and give Bruce Willis enough time to fly in and plant a nuke in the alien's butt.

Ze - Medium Close Up

However this solution is not guaranteed, in the event that there may be more than one butt.

Ze - Extreme Close Up sniggering

Multi-butt Aliens


  • this is 30-40 seconds...did you try to recite it?
  • have now moved it to this section due to the time issue.Zube

60 Seconds!!!

Read The Discussion.

"A-Philosophically Ze" A Show with a Theme - 1 minutes

3 secs - CU - Food on ze's face, cat approaches sniffs the food on his face.(cut)

8 secs - Ze stands at a distance and waxes philosophically, he asks the question, "St. Augustine once asked, "What are the rewards for patience?" ze knowingly smiles and laughs, "Well, we'll find that out just a little latter...!" (cut)

12 secs - peaceful silence, ze drinking coffee reading the newspaper. (cut)

3 secs - Cat starts licking food off ze's face. (cut)

12 secs - Camera at sitting distance, wearing a NY Yankees cap, holding a box of cracker jacks, a small Yankee’s pennant and a hot dog full of mustered & ketchup. ze says enthusiastically, "Good Morning Sports Racers it's..." startled by the sound of a loud bull horn the cracker jacks fly, the hot dog squirts out of the bun, the pennant drops, there's a disappointed look of surprise on his face. Camera cuts: ze then says with a mouth full of food, “It's Fabuloso Friday Deux, or two, whatever.” (cut)

3 secs - two cats are now going crazy eating the food on his face. ze has what ever natural reaction the cats bring on. (cut)

12 secs - ze is standing at the table, there is peanut butter and jelly on the table, he is spreading peanut butter across his arm, he looks up a bit surprised that you are now in the room watching, he says, "Oh, ya know since we started coving the world with bread to make the earth sandwich, we've run out of bread!" He continues spreading the peanut butter on his arms, then gives a look to the camera and says, "Whaaaat? "What's you're problem?" He starts sprading it on his cheek with his mouth erotically open like he's about to droll. (cut)

(news... rest of show)

End of Show 3 secs - ze starts licking food off cat's face or approches on all fours with the intent.(cut). 2 to 3 secs - At the very end there is a delay in black, as if the show has ended: ze pops in at the very last second and gives the answer to the philosophical question quickly. "It's... " Smiles [freeze camera] -FIN

(if this last bit is used we will tell only ze what the answer is, so if you know don't spoil it for the others, it will be a surprise. Wouldn't it be fun not to know and find out on the day of the show? If our submission is not used, however, we will post the answer on Friday.

(please don't spoil it :) thank you -clan of the cave bear

the only good idea.

fuck this shit. Ze should just re release last friday's show. That would be uber fabuloso.

  • He said he would if you and 49 other people send a picture of your painted sports racer ass while looking at the camera. Say cheese!

Are They Gone Yet?

Click here to add a new section!

15 SECONDS (give or take a few)

MEDIUM CLOSE

Ze: 1, one thousand 2, one thousand 3, one thousand 4, one thousand 5, one thousand 6, one thousand 7, one thousand 8, one thousand 9, one thousand 10, one thousand 11, one thousand 12, one thousand 13, one thousand 14, one thousand 15, one thousand.

MEDIUM [Secretly, from the side of the frame.]

Ze: Are The New Viewers Gone yet?


A moment for ze

in response to the increasing demand placed on ze that he be 'always on' and entertaining - a trend that I sense is taking it's toll on our favorite dancing monkey - I propose we give ze 15 seconds to relax. Just relax. crack a crispy stella. flip through a magazine. do it for ze.

  • very nice, I love it. seems like the tyke has had a rough week.
  • Great idea, take it easy, have some coffee... not to make a starbucks product placement, just to relax! --Gelbi 15:36, 15 June 2006 (PDT)
  • This is the best idea yet. Especially since Ze has done so much to entertain us and let us relax (only recently with The Show, but with the rest of his site for yeeeears)
  • I like the base concept behind this one, too. Unfortunately it doesn't make for great video. Here's a thought: give Ze 15 seconds to do anything he wants with a promise of no reprisals from the audience. No snarky comments, in fact we promise to never mention it ever, anywhere ... no matter what. (Of course we fail, but that can be entertainment and a mythology unto itself.) muyfabulosotalk 21:09, 15 June 2006 (PDT)
  • Haha, very nice. This should be the first 15 seconds of the show, followed by

"Are the new viewers gone yet?"


  • Absolutely! Don't forget to sip the starbucks.
  • I'd like to add a new section for "are the new viewers gone yet?" as part of the 15 seconds.

(so I'm gonna copy moving this, but won't delete it from here. I'll leave that up to the original contributor).

  • I suggest he sit stationary and junk blink a couple times. Sipping the drink should start just at the very end of the 15s so it's like "oh finally, something is happen-hey!"


Cooking with Ze

This segment would begin with Ze in the kitchen, beginning to make something basic, such as toast. Chef's attire would be good too.

Ze:To make the proper slice o' toast, you need bread.

CLOSEUP ON BREAD

Ze:And a toaster

CLOSEUP ON BLENDER

Ze: {angry at blender} hard-charging little...

CLOSEUP ON TOASTER

Ze: There we go, And you stick the bread, in the toaster

CLOSEUP ON THIS ACTION

Ze: And you wait...

Ze: One one thousand... two one... zero - are the new viewers gone yet? Good morning sports racers...


Falafel

Ze - walking down a street, holding in his right hand what appears to be a small brown ball.

The humble falafel is a dietary staple of the Middle East.

Ze brings the ball to his nose and sniffs it appreciatively.

Consisting of fried mashed chicpeas, also used to make homous, this delicious snack can be eaten alone or as a sandwich filling.

Ze pauses.

It is worth contemplating the falafel as it is a uniting food, one that translates well across the many divisive borders of this explosive region.

Ze looks at the falafel and nods for a few seconds.

Cut to manic Ze, Extreme Close Up. He is no longer outside. He whispers conspiratorally:

Are the new viewers gone yet?


No Sound!

Ze - Medium close up, looking directly at the camera and speaking like a newsreader.

Certain wild animals can produce sounds that are dangerous to the human ear.

The screen fades in on a black placard with white writing that says:

Please turn your sound all the way down to avoid damage to your equipment.

Cut to a new placard that says:

Please make sure there are no dogs in the room.

cut to Ze - long shot, holding his hand to one ear, appearing to listen carefully.

After a second, Ze nods and smiles to the camera.

The screen fades in on a black placard with white writing that says:

The End.

Hold for 1 second.

Cut to Ze, manic, extreme close up, whispering conspiratorally.

Are the new viewers gone yet?


Reward

I think Ze should wax a little philosophical and ask a question at the beginning of the show, (perhaps part of, "Are the New Viewers Gone Yet?") and not give the answer until the very end, so far at the end the screen actually goes black and just when you think it's really over he gives the answer quickly.

Ze: asks, "What are the rewards for patience?" smiles laughs, "We'll find out latter!" ...Show goes on....

At the very end: ze gives the answer quickly. Show over.


Sophistication

Ze, sitting in his library for fifteen seconds with a robe, a pipe (the kind that blows bubbles of course), a silver platter of assorted cheeses, an umbrella and a monacle. Oh yeah, it should be raining inside the room as well.. What else would the umbrella be for? "Are the new viewers gone yet?"


Subliminal messaging

[Normal Ze shot - like the normal "Welcome" shot]

For about 10 seconds, Ze should say something (like some sort of messages to the sportsracers out there, although this part is very flexible) BACKWARDS (Whether this be recording something then reversing it, or actually saying it backwards, either way works). He should then play it slowly and deep, sort of like a slow-motion movie shout (a la NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO) and add an echo.

[During this 10 seconds, the camera slowly zooms in on Ze until, at the 10 seconds, his eyeball is all that is in view]

During the last 5 seconds, still zoomed in on his eyeball, Ze says "Are the new viewers gone yet?" in a really slow, demonic voice (echo if desired)


Tour of Page

I would like ze to spend 15 to 30 seconds just talking to me. Really. He can give me a tour of the web page and what it has to offer. (draft)(points left) "Hello, and welcome to The Show. I hope you enjoy your stay. Look around... see there are the google ads, click those." (points right) “Over there are the meaningless products, buy some of those.” (points down) “If you look below, there are a bunch of comments which I often read on the show. Read those, if you dare!” (points left down)“This week there's a link to the earth sandwich, eat that.” (points up) "Up there are the archives, watch all of those while you wear the t-shit, eat the sandwich and click on the google ads.” (whisper)

“Are the new viewers gone yet?”

  • could have a scroll at the bottom for the hearing impaired. This could say something entirly different, perhaps what he's really thinking....
  • shoot, i had the same idea, but you beat me to it (tour of the page, pointing around). i thought it would be for new viewers, but now that the page has changed, old viewers (like me: one-and-a-half weeks!) could use a tour too. can we leave it up to ze what to say? he's way funnier. but maybe that's not in the spirit of fabuloso friday 2.
  • Maybe instead of the scrolling subtitles Ze could do an homage to the old SNL weekend update by doing a picture-in-picture and just screaming everyting that he said before very quickly. It's funny, but it is a bit inconsiderate and it obviously has been done before.
From Wikipedia: ...the practice of a picture insert of a person simultaneously giving the news read in sign language for the hearing impaired was parodied by Garrett Morris. Chase would sometimes repeat the top story at the end of the segment, while Morris simply cupped his mouth and shouted the headline more loudly.


Video Game

Splice 3 sec random shots here and there of ze playing a video game. Camera is behind his shoulder you can only see part of the computer screen. Dragged out could also be

Are the new viewes gone yet?

  • Killing the bad guys - "die die die"
  • End of Game losing - "Ahhhh! Man! shit!"
  • Plays atheist and makes the guy keep walking off the edge - "giggles."
  • Watch him plays solitaire -"clicking mouse."


Windng up- Winding down

winding up - 12 secs. in the life of zefrank - waking up, yawing, unbuttoning the top button of his jamies, brush teeth, flush toilet, eating breakfast, drinking coffee, typing on the computer, eating lunch, putting his coat or cap on walking out the door.

-winding down 12 secs. in the life of zefrank - walking in the door taking off his coat or hanging up his cap, eating dinner, typing on the computer, drinking coffee, flush toilet, brush teeth, buttoning the top button of his jammies, yawning, falling asleep.

  • He can film these tasks in regular speed then tie them together and fast forward.
  • Chop them up into three short frames for each task. "Here is how my day went."
  • Move some tasks fast, some slow.
  • Take one task, like eating a sandwich, film the whole process in regular speed then zip through it in 15 seconds.
  • Same as above, but setting the film at regular speed while he picks something caught in his teeth with his tongue, once sucessfull speed the film up again. How ever he would like to approach this idea, as long as it is a common task and is completed in 15 seconds.
  • Same idea only in panic mode for any number of scenarios.

Cat

Ze: Your friend or loved one has directed you to this site because you like cute things more than what would be deemed fucked up. You must now be fucked up with (beat) fucked up stuff

(Flash to Ze pointing a fake gun at his cat)

Ze: Are the ne--nice users gone yet?

Knowledge

Old Knowledge

Rescuscitated from last week's Knowledge (Top votes)


Version Graymon Ze: Good Morning, Sports Racers, it's Fabuloso Friday June 23rd, Knowledge will be back on monday when people who don't suck write the show. [big cheesy grin]


Version original Ze: Good Morning, Sports Racers, it's Friday, Friday, Friday, Fabuloso. Knowledge is making me hungry so let's whip up some brain batter and pour it on the searing griddle of truth. [[Media:Media:Example.ogg[[Media:Media:Example.ogg]]]]

Version Team Wombat Ze: Good Morning, Sports Racers, It's Fabuloso Friday June 23rd. Knowledge got stuck in a wiki, and no one knows how to get it out.


Version German Takeover Ze: Gutenmorgen, Sportwettbewerbteilnehmer, es ist Fabuloso Freitag. Wissen ist von Tchermans übernommen worden.


Version Tyranosaurus Ze: Good Morning, Sports Racers, it's Fabuloso Friday June 23rd, Knowledge will be back on monday when people who don't suck write the show. [BEAT; big cheesy grin] [condescendingly, nodding] Me.


(I am sorry, but Knowledge is a great section... short enough for fifteen seconds! :D CeruleanNinja 15:00, 16 June 2006 (PDT))


New Knowledge

Ze: Good Morning, Sports Racers. Its friday June 26th and this is Ze Frank reminding you that I shat a shat but the shat I shat was not the shat that my cat shat. [very brief cut to the word "knowledge", in a litter box, preferably spelled out in block letters.]

Version Pancakes Ze: Greetings, Sports Racers! Knowledge was fixing pancakes today. Let's go scrape the truth off the ceiling!


Version DruNk Ze: Good morning Sports Racers, since last friday's episode didn't mix well with alcohol, it's time again for knowledge to open of the padora's box of wiki and take a backseat to the democratic process.


Version SO Ze: Good morning Sports Raper... Good morning Spurts Ray... Good morning Sports Racers, Knowledge's SO thought all of these were stupid, and reacted with an icy, withering stare.


Version Cheese Ze: Good morning Sports Racers, Knowledge milked the Cow of Awesomeness and brings the Cheese of Truth.


El Versione Ze: GMSR's... El Fabuloso gave Knowledge the day off. Seeya Monday, Knowledge!

version picky Ze: Good Morning, Sports Racers. Its friday June 26th and this is Ze Frank reminding you that the toothpick of truth and the comb of consistency have been lost down the toilet bowl...of a hotel where I stayed in last friday. So before you get to dissappointed heres me running around with a towl up my arse ...its(some sort of fanfare) the butt check clamp of comedy(short clip of you know what)


El Versione Dos Ze: GMSR's... El Fabuloso sent Knowledge home with a warning. Seeya Monday, Knowledge!

version hell nooooo! Ze: Good Morning, Sports Racers. Due to a small problem knowledge has become slightly ill today.. well its a long term problem really..never got over the break up with truth same old story drink then drugs rehab drink ete..

version airplane Ze: Good Morning, Sports Racers. This is captain knowledge speaking. Its friday June 26th and our flights are always on schedule. [airplane flight attendant ding] Pastulio!

Version Reloaded Ze: Good Morning, Sports Racers, knowledge has become self aware and holed itself up in a gigantic city of doom so let's move underground and have huge half-naked raves. Media:Example.ogg

Limerick or Haiku

Click here to add a new section!

Ze Haikus

I just can't work with that 4th line of the limerick, so let's try a haiku. Same format as the limerick: when you replace the line, do so without itlaics:

  • 5 syllables here
  • 7 syllables go here
  • 5 more syllables

In the meantime, I'll sleep on ze limerick. - gs

Try this:

Everybody Poops! (Ev-ery-bod-y poops: 5 syllables)
Pooping is so natural. (Poop-ing is so nat-ur-al: seven)
I must go poop now! (I must go poop now: 5 syllables)
                                          -Evil Homer


Poop

Except this one poops. I didn't want to ruin the collective haiku effort above... So I will put it here. Now, while it looks very simple, I put a lot of my soul into this one... I hope you guys like it:

Poop, poop, poop, poop, poop.
Poop, poop, poop, poop, poop, poop, poop.
Poop, poop, poop, poop, poop.
Mmm, the depth of this astounds me. Magnificent, no where has a more profound thought been voiced, in Haiku form. Wow... :D CeruleanNinja 05:35, 16 June 2006 (PDT)
Moving haiku....but I think Ze already did this one back in April, with a cohort reading ssssomething from the email. gypsysister

Ze's Bum

Howzabout....... this 'un?:

White, like the new moon,
Delicate spheres retreating,
Ze's ass on the web

Evil Cat

Evil cat hiding
I don't know where she's hiding
She's a naughty cat

Network Neutality haikus

Net neutrality:
How egalitarian.
Pick up tab, bloggers
Internet highway:
Bandwidth hogs direct traffic.
We wait to connect.

Gypsysister


COOKIES FTW HAIKU GENIUS STAR

Where is my cookies?
Did someone takes them away?
Oh noes! There they are!


<3,
Capt. I. Rutherford
/j.

ps: fear my haiku skills!

Ze Limericks

Feathers

Alright, create a limerick about ze!!! Remove the italics when a line is done...

There once was a man from bombay,
Who shouted, Eureka! My duckies are gay!
He grabbed a feather and plucked it,
unlike the man from Nantucket,
And handed it over to Ze.

So come on, fill them in!!!

ze

I am this guy that you see
on the internet thats me
I am a bit mad
and slightly bad
so be careful when you click the link ze

Vowels

There once was a vowel, they say,
Which never knew when not to play,
It jumped into a skillet,
Which didn't quite kill it,
But it wasn't fabuloso fried A.
-- juump

Good Time

There once was a monkey named Ze,
Who made friends with Knowledge one day.
They went out for a drink,
Made a vow not to blink,
And giggled at duckies. How gay!
-- juump

I actually like this one, but I can't picture Ze reciting limericks. Maybe he can make fun of it as s-s-s-something from the wiki.

Questions

(that's a fab idea! ...S-s-s-something from the Wiki)

There was once a guy from Brooklyn,

Got asked about how he has been…
How does he stay witty,
Without going ditty.
‘Poop’ he replied, with a grin.

CeruleanNinja 00:42, 16 June 2006 (PDT)

Fabulosos

It seems I've exhausted my brain;
I have no more wit left to drain.
Perhaps if I let
You guys write the set,
The next show will be less inane!

CyberMonk, 4:03, 17 June 2006 (PST)

Wow! a good one. 82.135.43.114 04:31, 19 June 2006 (PDT)

Ducky Poop

Pooping duck, duckypoop pooped,
Ducky, ducky, ducky: "DUCKY POOPED!"
"Ducky pooped, duck!!"
Ducking ducks... poopy ducks
Ducky, ducky, ducky: "POOP!"

Bad Poetry

I'm wracked with syllabic dismay
At this, a horrendous display
Of poetry stale,
Which harbors a tale
Of meter and rhyme gone astray

CyberMonk, 4:27, 19 June 2006 (PST)

Network Neutrality One

If the web worked in favoritism
With a big and little duckie schism
Would the big bandwidth hogs
Shut out start-up blogs?
Would web users remember to miss 'em?

Gypsysister


Network Neutrality Two

Dot com corps say "trust us" dear reader
But who will be feeding the meter?
We'll hear MoveOn and gun owners,
Christians and old stoners
Chant "Google's our dear and glorious leader!"

Wanted give the net neutrality thing a home. Improvements welcome. Gypsysister


Limerlick

There once was a man named Ze,
He posted The Show everyday,

In Madrid a man put,
Some bread by his foot,

And the Spainairds all yelled, "Ole!"

¡Fabuloso Dos!

Ze pondered how Friday would go
(since viewer submissions might blow).
So he waxed poetic,
cut out the pathetic,
and it turned out FABULOSO!

(I know this is super late, so maybe if there's a Fabuloso Tres, it can be voted on then.) --fuzzy 15:45, 22 June 2006 (PDT)

Current News

This is the section for finished news segments. Remember, segments are only supposed to be about 15 seconds long.
Click here to add a new section!


Breastfeeding

Ze: Scientists have concluded that you may put your newborn at risk by not breast feeding them. The hazards of not breast feeding your baby are comparable to smoking during pregnancy, and getting thrown off a mechanical bull while pregnant. Rough. (can some sports racer find a link for this story?

north korea

ze:North Korea has said it is free to carry out a long-range missile test, defying international calls not to do so, Japan's Kyodo news agency says. At least the country is not run by a crack pot dictator...oh shit well they don't have nuclear weapons ...they do ..holy crap there our friends.....no no thats the south ...oh well duck and cover sports racers.

Entertainment News Uno

Ze: Our favorite dancing guy Ze has been linked with both Jim Carey and Ryan Seacrest. The trio were spotted in Las Vegas, New Mexico at an event known to our sources as "The Carey Reunion" where they ate large amounts of cold watermelon and had one too many beers. Could there be a family link here? Just what is going on with these funny fabulosos?


Entertainment News Dos

Ze: Kate Moss _40956252_moss_ap203.jpg Pictured here ...out of her head...sorry just her head...gets filmed taking coke the bbc states "The CPS said the film footage provides an absolutely clear indication that Ms Moss was using controlled drugs and providing them to others. But the precise nature of the drug could not be established and there was insufficient evidence to prosecute." Strange I used the old "precise nature/insufficient evidence" tactic myself recently when I was caught by a camera speeding. Sadly the powers that be used the old "film footage/absolutely clear" tactic back...assholes.


Home Depot Weed

Ze: In Massachusetts last week a contractor found two 50 pound bags of pot Image:Hdweed.gif in a bathroom fixture he purchased at The Home Depot. The cops said it was worth about 150 grand.

Ze: A hundred and fifty grand!?! At Lowes it's only like a hundred and ten grand.


News from Iraq

Ze: Lionel Ritchie is the true American Idol of the Iraqi People. Reportedly, grown Iraqi men outwardly scream "I love Lionel Richie," and they sing many of his melodies from heart. It is apparent that wearing a long, luxurious, hair-gel-leaking jerry curl while having your bust sculpted by a blind artist and screaming "Hello is it me you're looking for," is all the rage in Baghdad. [43]

  • Cut to Ze wearing a jerry curl wig and dancing to "Up All Night."


Screech's House

Ze: That kid who played Screech on Saved By The Bell is about to lose his house due to incredible stupidity, so he's selling t-shirts: [44]

Ze: Who needs writers?


Science News

Ze: The genius sperm bank set up in the 70's by millionaire Robert Klark Graham was originally supposed to offer women high quality sperm from men with special qualities including high IQ. Unfortunately, many samples have apparently been lost. Robert was even known for asking dinner guests for donations now and then. _41769522_bidlack2_203.jpg Botany professor Jim Bidlack(pictured here doing something with his hands)* is quoted as saying "We were getting close to the end of the evening, we had a conversation and somewhere during that conversation he said 'would you be willing to provide us with a specimen, do you think you are up to it?',"

Ze: But running a sperm bank was hard work. "There were so many recipients wanting sperm and there was so little sperm, never enough sperm," says former staff member Julianna McKillop.

Ze: Never enough sperm what were they doing with it?

Ze: Most of the sperm bank children still remain anonymous, so no one can test to see whether Graham's experiment to breed intelligent kids using clever sperm really did work.

Ze: I think we can make an inteligent guess on that one.

[*Alternate text: "Pictured here making a donation" --Not the original author]

The darkside

This week's Frontline focuses on Dick Cheney's darkside. Cheney, shown here clenching a towel between his butt cheeks, was portrayed as the mastermind behind the war in Afghanistan and Iraq, as well as the--evil ducky-- discreditor of Colin Powell and the CIA.

So if Cheney is the discreditor, Bush is the decider, Tony Snow is the explainer, what does that make Donald Rumsfeld? The asshole? And what does that make Condi?

Condi's just like the girl--that girl-- who wants to hang out with the guys-- and wear thigh-high leather boots. Makes you wonder about Cheney's other dark side (shudder).

Iraq War Screed

As the freakish Jr. High Popularity Contest we Americans call “Election Time” draws nigh, it’s time for me to sit in my air-conditioned office on my fat ass and weigh in on the Iraq war.

The Republicans want to stay and fight. Fine. Rich congressmen and their spawn don’t have to worry about it, because they are too old and their children are to wealthy to fight a war. They are too busy with school and careers and things like that to fight for “freedom.” Let the less fortunate get their arms and legs blown off in the name of Freedom. (The freedom for rich folk to fill up their Hummers! Hoo-ya!)

Of course, I generalize here.

The Democrats want to say they are against the war, but they also have to worry about their careers. While they want the war to end, they can’t say the “T” word (timetable) because they will be painted as cowards. Since they need to save their seats more than stand by a principle, they too have to say we need to stay, otherwise Iraq will fall into the wrong hands. They are too scared to just come out and say, “Let’s get the f*ck out of there now!

Damned if We Do, Damned if We Don’t.

Again, I generalize here, because I’m typing this off the top of my head, with no real research or facts to back up what I type. Stop reading now! It gets worse!

Here’s the problem with “winning” in Iraq: The only success we can have in Iraq is digging ourselves out of a hole we dug ourselves into.

So we can only hope to break even, which is looking less and less likely.

Of course the contractors in Iraq are winning CA$H, but rich people and their cronies tend to do that. Good for them. War profiteering isn’t that much of a crime, is it?

Saddam would have had to work overtime torturing and killing people to keep up with the lawlessness we’ve spawned over there. We’ve brought torture and beheadings and bombings to a fever pitch. We’ve created a lawless hellhole that is FREEDOM! Taste the Freedom and Democracy.

I feel bad for the soldiers. They joined the Department of DEFENSE. Defense means defense. Not offence. So. I feel bad because they aren’t being allowed to do their jobs.

The Military has only two functions:

1. Kill people. 2. Blow shit up.

That’s it. We have the best military in the world, but you can’t expect them to play referee in a Civil War we set off.

At least the VFW can continue to make money selling beer to bitter guys in wheelchairs for decades to come! That will help our economy a little, won’t it?

I mean if we really “liberated” Iraq, set them free: Get the hell out of there and let them kill each other. Who cares? They are FREEEeeeeee! Weee! Isn’t Freedom great? Turn em loose and watch em go!

When we invade a country, let’s come right out and say it: “We’re invading Iraq for its oil and strategic military bases in the region.” Go in guns blazing, hole up in walled fortresses, and let the natives fend for themselves. Kill anything that moves. That’s how you invade a country.

Don’t have the stomach for it? Then don’t invade. Go big or go home . . . Pussies.

There, that is my misinformed, reactionary, belligerent screed about Iraq. Enjoy.

submitted by dan www.danmanning.com

One Liners

Fabuloso Friday is like ...

Ze: Dead Puppies.

Ze: A double-shot of knowledge.

Ze: Not a pipe.

Ze: Fabuloso Friday Dos!

Ze: Fabuloso Friday 2.0 - 2.1 - 2.2 - 3.0 - 3.1 etc... (each month gets a new set of numbers).

Ze: It's like having a cockpit in every seat of the plane! Bobbie mac 14:22, 14 June 2006 (PDT)

Ze: It's like Congress...but the stakes are MUCH lower! Bobbie mac 14:23, 14 June 2006 (PDT)

  • I like this one-- very funny Yves 09:14, 23 June 2006 (PDT)

Ze: It's when everyone's singin' to a different tune. And after a while, even the words are lost to white noise. CeruleanNinja

Ze: It's when you hurl stuff at the wall, hoping something sticks. After a while, it's just a big ol' stinkin' mess. CeruleanNinja

Ze: It's like Graffiti. Artistic, but predominantly dirty. CeruleanNinja

Ze: Fabuloso Friday is like jello pudding. Actually it's more like kodak film- No, actaully Friday Fabuloso is like a new coat; it'll be around forever. ah ha ha

Ze: A trayveesty of unspellings and poor word usements. Wophugus

Ze: Fabuloso Friday is a bit like when your finger goes through the toilet paper.

Ze: Fabuloso Friday is a bit like mad monday but with more F's.

Ze: Fabuloso Friday is like a going in the door of one bar only to find yourself in a completly diffrent bar somewhere elce.

Ze: Fabuloso Friday Fabuloso Friday so good we did it twice.

Ze: Fabuloso Friday is like a cool code for ...longer weekends.

Ze: Fabuloso Friday is like a small chicken on a five lane carrigeway.

Ze: Fabuloso Friday is like a small child with a big gun.

Ze: It's like buying unlabelled Canned soup. Might turn out to be cat food. CeruleanNinja

  • I like this one too, but I'd edit it slightly to be "Fabuloso Friday is like buying unlabelled canned soup. It might turn out to be cat food." Yves 09:14, 23 June 2006 (PDT)

Ze: Fabuloso Friday is like Election Day except your vote counts. Except it doesn't.

Ze: Fabuloso Friday is like the end result of a high fiber diet... with the once-a-week regularity that all the geriatrics rave about.

Ze: Fabuloso Friday: because why write crap when I can get others to write crap for me (and call it Crap 2.0)? -- dave

Ze: Why is it that george w bush thinks god told him it was a good idea to invade iraq? Why is it that george w bush thinks its a good idea to let the media know that he thinks god told him it was a good idea to invade iraq? Deep questions but I tell you I would like to see the original paperwork for that...however I don't think the freedom of information thingy goes that far.

Ze: It's like going to the hospital with all of your friends, except this time YOU have the scalpel and the surgeon looks scared!

crap-arino

crap-arino, its like crap, only better.

MISC

Click here to add a new section!

Fabuloso Friday is like...

moved here


Fabuloso signs arround the world

Fabuloso signs arround the world cut to flickr:86049811@N00/171142510/ -fanfare music-] Ze voiceover: [sounding enthusiastic] And now it's time for Fabuloso Signs Arround the World.]

[cut to Ze looking concerned] People in other cultures find it important to point out things that we take for granted here in America.

[cut to] Ze voice over: For instance, in Panama the friendly governemnt folk make it easy... http://static.flickr.com/66/171142508_5489a7d1c1.jpg?v=0

[cut to] Ze voice over: for you to know where to catch the bus for the electro boogie competition... flickr:86049811@N00/171142511/

[cut to] Ze voice over: the appropiate place...flickr:86049811@N00/171142514/

[cut to] Ze voice over: ...to trash your car flickr:86049811@N00/171142514/

[cut to] Ze voice over: so you can collect on the insurance, flickr:86049811@N00/171142512/

[cut to] Ze voice over: or a visual reminder to foreigners...flickr:86049811@N00/171149326/

[cut to] Ze voice over: ...that you're in Panama when you realize...flickr:86049811@N00/171149327/ flickr:margotlpz/171149328/

[cut to] Ze voice over: ...that even street signs have big asses flickr:86049811@N00/171149329/ flickr:86049811@N00/171149330/

misc

This is a great concept. I love Ze's 'explanations' of design iconography. Bobbie mac 16:47, 20 June 2006 (PDT)

If guitars could talk, they would ask for Jimmy Page!


Fabuloso Friday Sponsor

(to go near the beginning).

Ze: This week's bite-sized Fabuloso Friday is sponsored by shitty mini-food that you get at 'posh' parties.

[Medium close up]

Ze: It's designed so you don't feel so bad about gorging your face.

[Extreme close up of Ze with his mouth full of food.]

Ze: (Talking like a woman and spitting food) I just LOVE these hors d'oeuvres!!!


Fundamental Fundamentalist Crazies

Ze quotes Jerry Falwell then analizes the quote. Jerry Falwell is funny as hell cause he is such a little twit already. This would work for Pat Robertson, the double speaking Hillary Rod-your-ham Clinton or any other political/religious hardcharger; left or right.


Green Ze

This might truly be an outdated idea, but how about having a lil' Environmental awareness segment? [45] Japan says 'let's regulate commercial whaling', the environmentalists see this 'leading to an expansion of hunting'. There's the issue of 'scientific whaling', which, it's been said, is a loophole to be exploited. ...WHICH leads us neatly to the section entitled Movie Reviews..rented or theatre, in which Ze reviews Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home. PERFECT! :D *big cheesy grin* CeruleanNinja 15:52, 17 June 2006 (PDT)


In Science News...

In science news, physicists recently revealed that they’ve discovered a method to create small “mini black holes” in laboratory experiments. The process of smashing nuclei and creating quarks and gluons creates a momentary plasma ball that’s about 300 times hotter than the surface of the sun. Scientists have detected this plasma ball sucking in jets of particles around it and emerging as black hole “Hawking” radiation.

When asked what he thought of the potentially cataclysmic scientific discovery, President Bush responded: “[long, drawn-out, increasingly hysterical comic book villain laugh]

black hole article here


Internet Neutrality

Time for me to tell all of you to do something about Internet Neutrality, or you sportsracers might not see me for much longer! If telecommunication companies get their way, I might have to start paying them to put my show on the web, and if I don't have enough money, I'll be long gone! Go check out www.savetheinternet.com for more information! And tell your friends, because this is incredibly important and eveyone needs to know!

  • this is important but really boring and you are a bad person for suggesting it
  • Come up with something better, then, because if you want sites like this to still exist in a couple years something needs to get done now. ThinkBig
  • excellent comment, excellent and true
  • Yes, pushing political agendas should at least be funny. Or pretend to be funny. Or something. "Some big companies want to charge other, smaller companies two or three times for the use of The Internet. [Different Angle] Or as I like to say, La Internet Grande! [Normal view] A lot of you don't like paying at all for the Internet. [Closeup, whispering a la "are the new viewers gone yet?"] Are you out of your parent's basement yet? [Normal view] So the League of Awesomeness wants you to go out and [fingerquote] "Neutralize" the Internet. [Shot of Ze looking manic, threatening to cut an ethernet cable with a pair of scissors.]" - From boring PSA to Exciting Mandate from the League of Awesomeness! Thenomain
  • In the future you will need a literacy license to drive on the information super highway. You will have to pass a driver's test which will be comprised of all the shit you shoulda learned in High School English Class. Failing that you will be remanded to dial-up Hell, slow downloads (ooooo), and no firewalls. Bet you'll learn English now dumbshit! Ze could explain this concept vvveeerrryyy sslloowwllyy and then whip out his English for Dummies course available for S and H only!


Movie Reviews..rented or theatre

15 second movie reviews. This could easily be a winner

  • Awesome idea! How about reviewing Nacho Libre, which is released this Friday (in teh USofA). Jack Black. In a cape. Doesn't it scream Power Move to you? Schamaun, peoples! :D CeruleanNinja 00:33, 16 June 2006 (PDT)

I dig it. But let's do non-new releases. Movies that are GOOD and have stood the test of time. Like Rear Window, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, Or something equally bad ass.

  • I like this idea. I bet Ze has seen lots of really cheesy campy movies. I would love to see a review from time to time...actually reviewing porn would be soooo cooool!!!

The Ken Burns Effect?

Ze should most definitely begin the show with a variation on the "Ze Frank Effect" (with a tree that looks like a crotch and TONS of lightning) ending with a Sports Racer logo. Possibly some cheesy "breaking news" style music.


The RIAA

The RIAA is now issuing Cease-and-Desist orders to children who post videos of themselves dancing to music on YouTube (http://suicidegirls.com/news/geek/16727/). <insert Ze's commentary here> ASSHOLES! (of course)


S-s-something for the newbies

With all of the recent exposure new viewers are showing up every day. Eager, fresh-faced future Sports Racers thirsty for knowledge and vying for a position in the League of Awesomeness. They don’t have Power Moves yet, they don’t yet know how to identify a Hard Charger. They may or may not have an opinion about duckies.

What they DO have, however, are a lot of questions and a lot of suggestions. “Hey Ze, don’t you like Republicans?” “Hey Ze, I don’t like the songs.” “Hey Ze, what’s the deal with giant babies?’”

So here’s a tip for the newly initiated: sit back, give it a week, and all will become clear. Asking “What’s that mean?” after watching one episode is like coming in halfway through a season of 24 and asking “Why’s the older brother form Lost Boys threatening that lady from Designing Women?”


Ze explains the best way to set up a MySpace page

Ze talks us quickly through was information simply has to go on a myspace page, and what he hopes to achieve by doing so. Preferrably in a valley girl accent, and hopefully involving actually setting up a myspace page. -des-

I just bet Ze has a lot to say about this.

Ze press conference

Alright, a bit like the brainstorming, except a press conference or interview with Bobo twins style journalists. So we either hear some mumbling or just silence and then Ze goes "The questions was" or "so, how do I deal with my recent success...

So, please go ahead and write possible questions and answers here... or maybe we can leave the answers to Ze:

  • Babies instinctively respond by staring at people who smile at them. Why do you call them assholes?
  • What is the purpose of forming an earth sandwitch, wouldn't sending the food to starving children be a better use of the Earth's sandwitch resources?
  • What is the nutritional value of an Earth sandwich?
  • Are you planning a summer sale of meaningless products?

Iraq War Screed

As the freakish Jr. High Popularity Contest we Americans call “Election Time” draws nigh, it’s time for me to sit in my air-conditioned office on my fat ass and weigh in on the Iraq war.

The Republicans want to stay and fight. Fine. Rich congressmen and their spawn don’t have to worry about it, because they are too old and their children are to wealthy to fight a war. They are too busy with school and careers and things like that to fight for “freedom.” Let the less fortunate get their arms and legs blown off in the name of Freedom. (The freedom for rich folk to fill up their Hummers! Hoo-ya!)

Of course, I generalize here.

The Democrats want to say they are against the war, but they also have to worry about their careers. While they want the war to end, they can’t say the “T” word (timetable) because they will be painted as cowards. Since they need to save their seats more than stand by a principle, they too have to say we need to stay, otherwise Iraq will fall into the wrong hands. They are too scared to just come out and say, “Let’s get the f*ck out of there now!

Damned if We Do, Damned if We Don’t.

Again, I generalize here, because I’m typing this off the top of my head, with no real research or facts to back up what I type. Stop reading now! It gets worse!

Here’s the problem with “winning” in Iraq: The only success we can have in Iraq is digging ourselves out of a hole we dug ourselves into.

So we can only hope to break even, which is looking less and less likely.

Of course the contractors in Iraq are winning CA$H, but rich people and their cronies tend to do that. Good for them. War profiteering isn’t that much of a crime, is it?

Saddam would have had to work overtime torturing and killing people to keep up with the lawlessness we’ve spawned over there. We’ve brought torture and beheadings and bombings to a fever pitch. We’ve created a lawless hellhole that is FREEDOM! Taste the Freedom and Democracy.

I feel bad for the soldiers. They joined the Department of DEFENSE. Defense means defense. Not offence. So. I feel bad because they aren’t being allowed to do their jobs.

The Military has only two functions:

1. Kill people.

2. Blow shit up.

That’s it. We have the best military in the world, but you can’t expect them to play referee in a Civil War we set off.

At least the VFW can continue to make money selling beer to bitter guys in wheelchairs for decades to come! That will help our economy a little, won’t it?

I mean if we really “liberated” Iraq, set them free: Get the hell out of there and let them kill each other. Who cares? They are FREEEeeeeee! Weee! Isn’t Freedom great? Turn em loose and watch em go!

When we invade a country, let’s come right out and say it: “We’re invading Iraq for its oil and strategic military bases in the region.” Go in guns blazing, hole up in walled fortresses, and let the natives fend for themselves. Kill anything that moves. That’s how you invade a country.

Don’t have the stomach for it? Then don’t invade. Go big or go home . . . Pussies.

There, that is my misinformed, reactionary, belligerent screed about Iraq. Enjoy.

submitted by dan www.danmanning.com

The Magic Dumpster!

This wonderful place is the Magic Dumpster, where rejected Fabulosobits from the main page go to collect dust. Rummaging through the Magic Dumpster is allowed, but remember that these Fabulosobits ended up here for a reason.

Also, this is a great place for spam.

GUH! I clicked on spam twice, in the vain hope that it'd be a picture of Spam. Boy, was I mistaken. Twice.

I removed the following line from "Tired Friday" segment:

4. I want to be special, don't put it back up!

This looks more like commentary than suggested script. If you want to give your opinion on the missing show itself, you should probably do it in the comments. If you want to discuss this fabuloso segment, do it in the discussion page. If you *do* intend that line to be part of this script, then be a bit more clear. Is that something that somebody is supposed to say? --Sford 18:32, 16 June 2006 (PDT)

Your (up to) 25 seconds of fame...

Friday June 16th is Matt Hill's birthday! Happy b-b-b-b-b-Birthday Matt! He's already got a shirt, though, so don't get all excited about giving him anything.

  • We're doing it NEXT friday. Nice try though.

Evil Ze

MEDIUM SHOT
[Ze sitting in a chair patting his cat (if possible), looking evil(Ze, not the cat) ]
Ze: Soon there will ...
Words "KILL BUSH" flash for one or two frame/s
Ze:(continuing) ...be enough members...
words "BUSH KILL" flash for one or two frame/s
Ze:(continuing) ...in the league of awesomeness ...
words "" flash for one or two frame/s
Ze:(continuing)...to rule the world ...
Words "IM EVIL YOUR ONLY HOPE TO LIVE IS TO JOIN ME, ALSO I LIKE DUCKIES" flash like before only upside-down
Ze: [Laughs Evilly]
Beat.
CLOSE UP
Ze: [Ze Smiling, half laughing] Why would i leave that in ?
FLASH AGAIN :[Ze In Uncle Sam pose (pointing at camera)]

The flashes are ment to be like subliminal messages, they should be on screen long enough to know they are there and read the shorter ones, but still very quick. The audio of Ze should not dissapear when they flash, and Ze should just say the lines straight through.

Comments:

  • This is crap. Also, flashing "KILL BUSH" up on the screen is a hideously retarded idea for several very obvious reasons. I'm honestly ashamed that you even watch this show. --Kazz 14:17, 17 June 2006 (PDT)
  • Yup. Even when Ze's talking about politics it's not really even about politics. Think a little harder people.

Ze Pooping

Just an interlude of about 3-5 seconds, medium shot of Ze pooping. Some people read the paper, some read a book, some just sit there. I wonder what Ze does when he poops.

Another idea: Ze reads a paper upside down while pooping and says, "wow this makes a lot more sense!"

  • well, at the end, he better say, "Poop!"

YES! The more poop humor the better. Poop is always funny.

Stuff on my cat

Ze pleases cat lovers everywhere, by contributing to Stuff on my cat. Props required: Cats & Stuff. How about a sped-up shot of his attempt? CeruleanNinja

Another haiku

Except this one poops. I didn't want to ruin the collective haiku effort above... So I will put it here. Now, while it looks very simple, I put a lot of my soul into this one... I hope you guys like it:

Poop, poop, poop, poop, poop.
Poop, poop, poop, poop, poop, poop, poop.
Poop, poop, poop, poop, poop.
Mmm, the depth of this astounds me. Magnificent, no where has a more profound thought been voiced, in Haiku form. Wow... :D CeruleanNinja 05:35, 16 June 2006 (PDT)
Moving haiku....but I think Ze already did this one back in April, with a cohort reading ssssomething from the email. gypsysister

Howzabout....... this 'un?:

White, like the new moon,

Delicate spheres retreating,

Ze's ass on the web.


update

Thursday Update: Visit the nominations page---> Nominees

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