User:AaronStJ/Dirty Space News

From zefrank

Dirty Space News

[Using news from http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/4781730.stm and http://science.nasa.gov/headlines/y2006/05jun_redperil.htm]

Ze: [seductive voice] More dirty space news!

Ze: [looking extremely jolly] Without naughty bits.

Ze: [back to normal] Jupiter is growing another pimple. [Slightly disgusted facial expression]

Ze: The BBC reports: 'The gas giant...

CU

Ze: [giggling] That's like a big fart!

Ze: ...is growing another red spot, which NASA astronomers have nicknamed "Red Jr.".

Ze: What, like, they have names now?

Ze: [irritated] NASsholes!

[Cut to Ze, looking frantically and hopelessly through a day planner]

Ze: Oh why can't I remember Red Junior's birthday?

Ze: An amateur douchestronomer chimes in.

Ze: [wearing nerdy glasses, effecting a geeky voice] 'The oval was white in November 2005... and red a few weeks ago.'

Ze: [looking both disgusted and aroused] Ewww.

Ze: Most astromers agree that Red Jr. Is going to blow

CU

Ze: [barely holding in laughter]

Ze: into the big red spot.

CU

Ze: [eyes screwed up in a herculean effort not to laugh, a rictus grin planted on his face as a high-pitched gurgle escapes his throat]]

Ze: The two storms will make their closest approach on July 4th, 2006, barely giving the Senate enough time to debate the merits of a constitutional amendment banning older, larger storms from blowing smaller, younger ones.

Ze: [in a scolding, slightly effeminate voice] Space is dirty!