the show: 01-02-07

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Transcript


Aiihhhuuuhh. It hurts me.

I don't even like champagne but every year I drink it. Stupid Champagne Faeries.

Champagne Faeries?

Yeah, what do you think is inside those little bubbles? Lil' Champagne Faeries and their lil' Magic Hammers.

What are your little Magic Hammers for, you little Magic Faeries?

They're like little magic wands. We use them for fun.

Sure they're fun in the beginning, doin' all their magic tricks.

Look! I'll make your consonants disappear!

Eouf aout me, so wat isit yoo doo?

Little Magic Hammer says, "Go kiss that person!"

But I don't know that person.

Little Magic Hammer saaaaaays....

<kiss> <kiss> <kiss>

But what those little bastard Faeries don't tell you is that their little Magic Hammers only have five hours of magic in 'em.

And then what?

They turn into ordinary hammers. And the Faeries get bored. And what would you do if you were bored and had a hammer? You'd start bangin'.

A couplovem wouldn't be so bad, 'cause they're so tiny. But there's thousands of them. And you know what's messed up? I find that the second day after the magic wears off is worse than the first day.

Oh, you mean like the shampoo effect?

The shampoo effect?

Yeah, you know how you're in the shower and you wash your hair a second time 'cause that's what the instructions say, it takes a lot less shampoo to get a lather?

Oh yeah. But that would imply that I had added more Magic Faeries, and that's not cool 'cause the ones that don't have Magic Hammers start fighting with the one's that do have Magic Hammers

Oh... So is it like when you're at a bar and it seems like nobody wants to talk to you, but if you manage to have a conversation with just one other person, then suddenly it seems like people want to talk to you?

No, that's the photograph effect.

The bluh-bluh-bluh-bluh-blah?

Yea cuz when you're by yourself you usually just hold your face one way, the way you think it looks best.

Oh, like a photograph.

Uh-huh. And just like photographs, you're usually pretty crappy at choosing that face and that cuts down that chances that someone might look at you and find you interesting.

But when you start talking to someone your face moves through a whole bunch of different faces.

And all those faces give people more chances to find you interesting.

So if you're alone at a bar, you should talk to yourself?

No, that's just creepy.

You're stupid.

YOU'RE STUPID!

<Short silence>

No, you know what it's like? Maybe it's like when I was a teen and I got that little tiny rash on my arm...

Eww.

Yea, and when I went to the doctor, he said that it would go away but then a month later I would have little dime-sized rashes all over my trunk.

Your trunk?

Yea, above my knees, above my elbows, and below my neck.

That sounds awful.

It sucked and I had 'em for like two months, and they itched.

Teenager no less; sweet time to get it.

And then my penis fell off.

Our penis??

Just kidding, we still got that! <High-fives camera>



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