the show: 01-11-07

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Transcript

(A fun winter song plays)

Sports Racer on an Ice Throne: Ha-lo sports racers, from JukkasjÀrvi Sweden, home of the ice hotel, and you're watching the show, with ze frank.

Ze: Good afternoon sports racers!

Bless their little lab coats, cause the scientists have done it again! Dirty science news!

The New Scientist reports that lightning balls have been created in the lab. The article states that for years thousands of people have reported seeing these lightning balls, often the size of grapefruits, either hovering or bouncing along the ground. One eye witness said that he saw a ball bounce on his Russian teachers head more than twenty times before dissapearing. Where do these balls come from? That has been a mystery! Two Brazilian scientists tested the theory that when lightning strikes the ground, it superheats silica in the soil, creating silicon vapor! As the vapor cools, it glows with the heat of the silicon recombining with oxygen.

The release of gas makes bouncing balls! Its not easy to do in a lab! I know what you're thinking, 'can you touch them?' The article suggests no, the ping pong sized balls created in the lab were over 2000 degrees kelvin. Quote, "The balls were able to melt plastic, and one even burned a hole in Paiva's jeans.

What? That's one hot ball!

Speaking of balls the size of grapefruit, the president addressed the nation last night outlining his new strategy for Iraq. The president moved past denial into the apology stage saying, "Where mistakes have been made the responsibility rests with me."

After months of receiving input from various sources the president has a plan. The line of logic goes: Failure in Iraq would be a disaster for the United States. Iraq would become a safe haven for terrorists. Iran would develop nuclear weapons and eventually they would all come over here and kill us. Baghdad is the key. 80% of the violence happens within 30 miles of the capital. We failed in Baghdad before because (1) too few troops and (2) the few troops we had were too restricted. Solution: more troops, less restrictions. Send 21,500 troops, mostly to Baghdad. Embed them in Iraqi troops and let them move through both Sunni and Shia neighborhoods.

Plus, there's benchmarks: One, by November, Iraq assumes control of all security; Two, it has to distribute oil revenues amongst the population; and three, they've gotta hold some provincial elections. Or else.

Or else what?

Or else they will lose the support of the American people.

Recent polls show that fewer than 20% of Americans support a troop increase.

Maybe he means lose by a shutout.

So what if the American people don't support him? What do they know? At least the Iraq study group's behind him.

Nah, they recommended phase withdrawal.

Well screw them. They're a bunch of sissies. At least Rumsfeld was for it.

No, in his memo he specifically said that a Baghdad surge was a below-the-line option.

Whatever. He's out. The generals must be behind it!

Well General Abizaid didn't support an increase and, as of December 23rd, neither did General Casey.

Well that's probably why Bush fired their asses. This man has balls of lightning. Just listen!

"The majority of the American people, the majority of you listening to me, are for the withdrawal of our forces. The action I have taken tonight is indispensable for the continuing success of that withdrawal program."

Oops, that was President Nixon. Let's try again.

"If we increase our support at this crucial moment and help the Iraqis break the current cycle of violence we can hasten the day our troops begin coming home."

Balls.



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