the show: 01-16-07

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Transcript

Jazz piano opening. (It's cold outside)

Adorable moppet: "You're watching... the show... with. ze frank? (giggle) I'm not supposed to be watching this."

Ze: That's right, you're not! This show is for people with credit cards. How do you expect me to monetize a baby?

Suh-suh-suh-something. From the forum.

Affable hipster writes "I have a request--can you do some more stuff outside?"

Unlike the inside with its many fruits and tacos, the immediate outside is characterized by a remarkable lack of natural resources.

[British accent, whispered] Here, for example, tucked away in an alcove devoid of both sunlight and water, we nonetheless find life. To ward off predators like the duck, this plant has developed a remarkable adaptations. To the touch, both its leaves and flowers feel as though they're made of cloth. Presumably, this adaptation is working, for in this vicinity, there are no ducks to be found.

In the immediate outside, creatures survive using nature's form of mutual fellatio: symbiosis. The many-holed white titmouse provides fragrance for the waxy plant, which in turn provides it much-needed shelter.

The outer outside however, knows no such nicities. Lest we forget, this is the home of the dreaded duck.

Here, unlike the immediate outside, the cold is often unbearable... and yet remarkably creatures have still found a way to survive. Here, we find the cocoons of the bagged sloth. In their cocoon phase, the bagged sloth has huddled together for warmth, protected for the moment by a solid external shell.

Although the outer outside is mostly devoid of life, closer inspection yields a few surprises. Looking closely, we see two infant street chickens, practicing nature's grand subterfuge: camouflage.

Venturing further from the immediate outside, adolescent street chickens have more courage. Standing upright, they blend seemlessly into the environment. Using its camouflage, this adolescent can go undetected for weeks. Unlike the many adolescents pictured here, the adult street chicken is a complete master of disguise. During the day, it remains invisible. However when night falls, with its many dangers, it's a different story. In an attempt to draw the duck's attention away from its young, the adult street chicken sheds its disguise and feigns injury. Here, a very large adult that the locals have named Marmalade, lies almost completely still.

Nighttime also brings with it the hatching of the bagged sloth. Shedding its cocoon, it arrives ready to undertake the great journey that awaits it. By morning, these packs of bagged sloths will have disappeared, trading the now empty cocoons for the forests and lakes of New Jersey. The unlucky ones have been left behind, too slow to escape the duck. Even the mighty street chicken can sometimes not escape the circle of life.

[cut to black. soft piano plays briefly]

[ending, Ze is eating something crunchy] Are the... [hand motion indicating to wait a second for chewing] Are the new viewers gone yet?

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