the show: 01-29-07

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Transcript

Sports Racer: Good afternoon, Sports Racers. It's The Show with Ze Frank.

Fox News, the apocalypse will be televised.

Happy Monday, Sports Racers. I'm sure you've heard about it by now, but it's worth repeating.

Yahoo! News reports that Mozart the iguana has had an erection that has lasted for more than seven days.

Big deal, join the club.

Veterinarians sought to treat the problem, but the risk of infection was too high. Therefore, Mozart's penis will have to be amputated.

Wait, they said "risk of infection." How do they know he doesn't want to take that risk?

[laughing]

Thank God that vet's not my doctor; I'd have nothing left.

Veterinarian Luc Lambrecht said quote, "It doesn't bother him. He doesn't know what amputation means."

Wel--Well he's gonna!

The article continues quote, "The good news for Mozart and his mates is that male iguanas have two penises."

In other news, CNN reports that--wait. Did they just say iguanas have two penises? This story has everything. You know what that means?! There are more penises than creatures that have penises. The penis ratio is greater than one!

Sure, I thought it was another silly story: iguanas, erections, what's not to like? Until I heard this:

BBC News reports that a woman in Brazil has given birth to a giant baby.

So... you've arrived.

Now most of you probably don't read your League of Awesomeness manual religiously. Of course, I'm talking about the little yellow book with no back cover.

If you'd studied you'd know that in the little yellow book with no back cover only one thing has been foretold, most things have only been one-told or two-told. Of course, one thing was many-told. That was in the 1400s when when Isaac the Wee got caught in a perpetual loop of saying, "That's what I'm talking about."

That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about.

It lasted for 8 years until he finally decided to give chase to a beaver. Kinda blows, it takes up most of the book.

But that's not even the point. I'm talkin' about page 106 under signs of the Awesomeness Apocalypse. And I quote:

"Young Mozart with his exceptional talent will sacrifice that which is most dear to him. That year, a giant baby shall be born; he will be the father of all hard chargers."

That's why in 1785 when Amadeus Mozart injured his hand the League of Awesomeness held its first International Summit. That's where power moves started: as a defense against the giant baby!

Some people said it would never come, but guess what? It's here. And that means we need more awesomeness than you can possible handle.

It's time to bring the power moves back.

If you don't know what a power move is, I suggest you find out.

Once you perfect your power move, videotape it and add it to the power move project in the ORG. Over the next few weeks, your power move will be tested, against other power moves, to strengthen them, to make them more awesome.

This is so important, my groin hurts, and, as we know, I'm not the only one.

So Sports Racers, get your power moves in there in time for the Power Move Showdown. And remember, power moves aren't about being cool, they're about being awesome.

This is Ze Frank, counting... on you.

[Picture of Giant Baby: "Wuvuvuvuvuvuvuvuvuuu......"]



This show's sponsors - Gimme some candy

Image:theshow-sponsor-1-8.gif    - ... .- -. -.- -.-- --- ..- -.-.--


morse code translates to "tsank you" (sic) -.-.-- (which may have been meant to be "-. -.--" for "ny")

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