the show: 02-08-07

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[Intro: Many quick cuts of Matt Burns in many parts of the world] This is Matt Burns, Matt Burns, Matt Burns, from Ghana Africa, from India, from Seoul Korea, from Singapore, from, you guessed it, the bike capital of the world, The Netherlands and you're watching the show with ze frank, ze frank, ze frank.

[ze] Most expensive intro ever.

Dude, you're hard core!

The Humane Society plans on filing suit against a nefarious company that, it says, is operating an illegal animal-fighting paraphernalia sale and distribution scheme.

The name of this company? "" It even sounds creepy, doesn't it?

Apparently, this jungle-themed paraphernalia pusher is peddling cockfight magazines.

[Cut to image of magazine] Specifically, The Gamecock

[Cut to image of other magazine] ...and The Feathered Warrior

[Cut to screen shot of review by R. Alexander] ...Which, I should add, R. Alexander reviewed as "very informative" and "an easy read".

[Back to ze] If you don't know what cock fighting is, it's basically when you take your cock and someone else's cock, put 'em together and let 'em have it out, while a bunch of people stand around and watch.

As you know, cocks aren't all that smart. They'll go after pretty much anything you put in front of 'em.

Most states have laws against this sort of thing due to the fact that one or both of the cocks is often badly injured in the process.

Cockfighting, however, is still legal in two states, Louisiana and New Mexico, and is practiced in many other parts of the world.

Defenders of the cockfights say that it's arguably the world's oldest spectator sport dating back six thousand years to Persia.

[Cut to image labeled "Roman Cockfight"] Many civilizations have taken pride in their cocks.

[Cut to historical text centered on "fight cocks in the schoolroom"] In the 1700s, cockfighting was so popular in England that young boys were allowed to fight their cocks in the schoolroom.

[Cut to painting showing naked boy holding a cock fighting another cock] Here in a work by Jean-Léon Gérôme we see a young man prepare for his cockfight. Not sure what's up with those ducks, though.

[Back to ze] Little anecdote: My grandfather in Germany used to raise show chickens, but he also had a cock that he loved.

It was a little scrawny thing and my grandma used to tease him. She'd say "That little cock wouldn't last two seconds against one of those big cocks."

Of course, my granddad disagreed. He figured his cock could outlast pretty much any other cock out there.

He never fought it, though, he liked it too much, and my grandma would say "If you're not gonna fight it, we should eat it!"

Obviously, he wasn't too into that either. I think he tried once but he couldn't bring himself to it.

After that he just told everyone, "Hands off my cock!"

That man would bend over backwards for his cock.

Anyways, Amazon refused to remove the magazines because they felt it was censorship, and because no actual violence is depicted within them.

Last year, however, Amazon did pledge to remove Hood Fights II, a DVD featuring dogfights and fights between people.

??? found that those videos were still available on Amazon this past Wednesday.

Speaking about the Humane Society, 77 year old Verna Dowd, owner of Feathered Warrior Magazine said,

[cut back to the magazine] "They want total control, evidently, over every thing people do or think or says or anything. I don't know what's wrong with them."

[Back to ze, making a face] Yeah. [Raises fist] Keep fightin' the good fight, Verna. Don't let 'em tell ya what to do with your cock.

This show's sponsors - Gimme some candy

Image:theshow-sponsor-2-0.gif    belated kiss kiss from leahculver

Image:theshow-sponsor-1-7.gif    SU - DO - KU --- it's phonetic, people!

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