the show: 02-09-07

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Transcript

[Intro. The Invisible Man reading his handbook] Hey, I'm The Invisible Man. The giant baby's coming, the end is nigh, and this is the show with ze frank.

[ze] Well, at least one person is taking this seriously.

Today is my last day in San Francisco, and I'll miss your tiny hard bagels and my new friend Timmy the robot lamp.

But you know what today is, it's rydafayegadanjadaaay!

[RTFEDD animation]

The American public is planning to vote on a non-binding resolution condemning non-binding resolutions.

Enough with the non-binding! Anyone can do that: "All those against swamp-ass, otherwise known as monkey-butt, raise your hand." "Great, now let's go hiking. We'll shower later."

The public can do non-binding resolutions--we call 'em protests.

And we do that to get the attention of elected officials who can do something about it.

You're elected officials and you have the power of the constitution.

And the President's made it pretty clear he doesn't give a crap about protests.

[Cut to news article "House Democrats Set Framework for Iraq Vote"] The House will begin debating the non-binding resolution this coming Tuesday.

[Cut to picture of two senators] The Senate, however, got stalled during a debate on when to start a debate about their non-binding resolution.

[back to Ze] The resolution, of course, is about the Iraq war which doesn't seem to have the decency to stop while the kiddies give each other the silent treatment.

I say we lock the doors and make 'em sit there until they figger it out.

Or at least make 'em filibuster, so we're entertained while we wait.

Filibustering's cool.

Filibustering's the adult equivalent of going [puts fingers in ears and yells] "NANANANA"

Now normally, that's done during a debate to hold off a vote.

Basically, as long as you keep talking, nothing else can happen.

Before the 1940's you could talk about whatever you wanted.

Senator Huey Long, for example, rattled off recipes for oysters and shrimp and talked about the merits of potlikkers.

But then Senate Rule 19 changed and ya had to talk about stuff that was relevant to the debate at hand.

And you know who could filibuster, yo? Stom Thurman.

He holds the record at 24 hours and 18 minutes against a voting rights bill. [hh-hn]

Before he went in he dehydrated himself so he wouldn't have to pee.

[chuckling] That's hard core!

If they wanna hold up debate on Iraq, I'd like to see some Senators try to break that record.

That is a long time not to pee.

Anyways, if they're not gonna do anything, they should do something--We're paying 'em!

[Cut to picture of Robert Gates, ze pronounces it as "roh-bayr"] Fledgling defense secretary Robert Gates said that the US can prove Iran is meddling in the Iraq war.

[back to ze] Gates said that serial numbers found on explosives provide "pretty good" evidence.

A press briefing intended to show reporters that evidence has been rescheduled three times over the last two weeks.

Administration officials said that that was because they wanted to ensure that the information was accurate.

Over the past few weeks, a number of Senators have warned that the Bush administration appears to be drifting towards considering an invasion of Iran.

Not so says Tony Snow.

[closeup of Snow quote] In a news briefing this week, the Tone-ster said, quote, "Let's see, I've said it, the secretary of defense has said it, the president has said it: We're not invading Iran."

[ze] Rumors surfaced after a number of reporters said that it seemed like Mr. Snow clenched his butt after he made this statement.

[cut to signed Tony Snow headshot] This is important because reportedly after a recent botox botch-up, Mr. Snow is no longer able to wink, and instead, clenches his butt.

[ze chuckling and slightly bouncing up, and down] I'm doing it right now. Does that make you feel weird?

I'm doin' it again.

Now you do it.

OK [chuckles] OK let's do it together. Ready, Set Go. [ze raises up even higher, and laughs]

Now fast! [ze fairly bobbles in glee]

I call it "intellectual comedy."

[cut to black]

[ze comes back] Hey! Last day to get your PowerMoves in for the Awesomeness Showdown.

[plaintively] Ya gotta do it!

[earnestly] Have a great weekend.

This is ze frank... [ze raises up]

This show's sponsors - Gimme some candy

Image:theshow-sponsor-1-6.gif    ze, you're just so darn cute.

Image:theshow-sponsor-2-4.gif    happy bday lager- s. eetabaggadix

Image:theshow-sponsor-2-1.gif    Dwin <3 Vyzy

Image:theshow-sponsor-2-1.gif    Just 26 shows left, people. Dig deep for duckies!

Image:theshow-sponsor-2-4.gif    .


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